


Welcome To The Underground

by Kamari333



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: And Then There's This Asshole, Angst, Burgerpants has a real name, Burgerpants is not his name, Burgerpants is the most relatable, Burgerpants smokes, Cinnamon Roll Papyrus, Doggo doesn't like Sans, Dying Hurts, Dying Hurts A Lot, Employer Grillby, F/F, F/M, Feels, Flowey Is A Dick, Fuck this shit i’m out, Gen, Guarddog Doggo, Guilt, Hotland (Undertale), Hotland is fucking hot, Intent is everything to Monsters, Intent is important, Jerry is a White Mage, M/M, Misunderstandings, Monster SOULs are made of love hope and compassion, Monsters are just better people in general, NaNoWriMo, Other, Papyrus Knows More Than He Lets On, Papyrus is Right: I hate Hotland, Point of no return, Protective Doggo, Protective Grillby, Protective Sans, Reader can sing, Reader gets scars, Reader is Undertale Garbage, Reader is a memelord, Reader is so done, Reader-Insert, References to Undertale Genocide Route, Sans Makes Puns, Sans likes socks, Snowdin, Snowdin is fucking cold, This generosity is canonical fite me, Token Sick-Love-Interest Episode, Undyne Has No Chill, Undyne is a thing, Vent-Chan Yamete, Wingman Papyrus, You take a lot of deep breaths because apparently that is your new favorite thing to do, geeettttttt dunked on!!! (Undertale), parody lyrics ahoy, you tell Sans everything
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-01-28 14:26:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 50
Words: 92,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12608644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kamari333/pseuds/Kamari333
Summary: You, a lazy, jobless young adult who was still bumming in their parent's house, woke up in a bed of golden flowers.That scenario was oddly familiar to you, and the reason for that became apparent when one of those flowers greeted you with an overly enthusiastic "Howdy!"Next thing you know, you see your SOUL, and you are made painfully aware that you are destined to die, because it wasn't red.A generic Reader-insert fandom-metta Undertale fanfiction piece.#NaNoWriMo2017





	1. A Predictable Welcome

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [You Are Sans Now (NSFW route)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5816623) by [Greyshi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greyshi/pseuds/Greyshi). 



> This is my work for NaNoWriMo 2017. I'll be going for that 50k word count and hopefully finish this by the end of the month.

You snuggled into the soft substance beneath you, groaning softly as your body made you aware of how sore you were. You didn't remember feeling this sore last night, and you hadn't done anything particularly strenuous. Even so, your bed was particularly soft and sweet smelling this morning. _Were your sheets always this nice?_ It was almost like you were laying on-

You opened your eyes slowly, blinking to adjust to the light. It was difficult, because while there was a blinding amount of it coming from directly above you, the surrounding area was incredibly dim. The first thing you noticed was that you were in a bed.

But it wasn't a sleeping bed, with a mattress.

It was a _flower_ bed.

*** You were laying in a bed of golden flowers.**

They were like buttercups, only tens of times bigger than any buttercup you had ever seen. Some of them were the size of your palm, while others were as big as a chair seat! They grew thickly together, their bright yellow petals overlapping, making you question how the sunlight even managed to hit the thick green leaves beneath. Somehow, with their combined power, they were able to support your full weight, suspending you a good foot and a half off the actual ground.

You sat bolt upright, coming to full consciousness faster than you ever have before in your life, looking around frantically. You were not in your bedroom. You weren't even in a _house_ from the look of it, the walls around you looking to be made of stone. Were you in a cave? The stone was grey, darker on the walls than on the floor, but that could have been an effect of the lighting. The area you were in was reasonably sized, and it looked like there was a narrow tunnel leading away, deeper into the darkness. Above you was the single source of light: a hole in the alarmingly distant ceiling of the cavern, from which the midday sun beamed down, illuminating you, the flowerbed, and a portion of the cavern around you.

You sat there, at a complete loss for words. The last thing you remember was pulling on your favorite comfortable pajamas and booting up your computer for another long night of online gaming. You distinctly remember pulling on your cheep headphones, fussing with it so your hair sat comfortably under them. Admittedly, you had never had the best memory in the world (most of your brain clung to useless information like various character dialogue, dungeon layouts, and the steps you had to go through to perfect your preferred character build), but even for you it was unusual to forget how you fell asleep the night before. Admittedly, it wasn't the first time, and knowing you, it probably wouldn't be the last, (and if you were honest with yourself, on a normal day you wouldn't think twice about it), but combining that with your current predicament, you were understandably alarmed.

Forcing yourself to remain calm, you curled up in a little ball and thought about all the things you knew about surviving. The first thing that came to mind was, 'if you get lost, stay where you are until someone finds you.' Admittedly, that advise was aimed more for children (and you hadn't been a child for some years, thank you very much), but as you eyed the dark passage warily, you decided that waiting was the best idea. There was no knowing what was waiting down there, and you didn't have a flashlight, or shoes to protect your bare feet. If you stepped on a jagged rock and cut yourself you were screwed, because you didn't have anything to disinfect an injury or wrap it up to minimize bleeding.

Nope, waiting for help sounded like a very good idea.

Sitting quietly, of course, wouldn't do you any good, so you started screaming. Cupping your hands around your mouth to try and project up to the only opening to the outside world you could see, hoping against hope that someone might hear you, you cried out, "Hello?! Is anyone there?! Hello?!?!"

*** You called for help.  
* But nobody came.**

At some point you couldn't bring yourself to shout anymore. You lay back down, fighting back a whimper. You got comfortable again on the soft surface of the flower tops, letting their silken texture sooth you. Panicking would get you nowhere, after all. As you lay supine on the flora, staring up at the brightness of the sky that peeked at you from the distant opening, you wondered if your aching body had something to do with falling down from a great height...

You couldn't help but think that this whole scenario was oddly familiar.

The thought did not sit well with you, so you closed your eyes and forced your mind to go blank. You don't know how long you lay there: perhaps it was minutes, perhaps it was hours. You started to feel the ache of hunger, but you didn't have anything to quell it with, so you just ignored it. The pessimist in you began to take hold of your errant thoughts, and you heard your voice whisper back to you that this was how you were going to die.

You ground your teeth. You didn't want to give up, not really. But you knew your limitations, you had no delusions about what you could and could not do. You were physically unfit, you were ignorant of most survival skills beyond the obvious and the self-evident, you had no supplies, and you were completely lost. What hope did you have?

Your spiral into self depreciation and nihilism was interrupted by a high pitched greeting of, "Howdy!"

You looked up, turning this way and that to find the speaker. The word nagged at the back of your mind, alarm bells and red flags going off that you couldn't quite understand as you pushed yourself into a sitting position. You ignored them (stupidly), too relieved about finally being found to pay them any heed. "Hello!! Oh, thank god, someone came by! I have _no_ idea where I am and- uh, where are you?" You turned this way and that, but you saw no sign of anyone.

"Down here!" The voice called again, from somewhere a little below your seat on the flowers. You looked down. At first all you saw was a sea of yellow and gold, but then one of those flowers _moved_ , pulling your eyes immediately. The plant in question grinned overly sweetly at you- yes, _grinned_ , it had a face on what looked like a large flat surface around which its six golden petals were attached.

All the blood rushed out of your face as the reality of what you were seeing hit you like a hammer to the face. It wasn't the fact that there was a ginning, talking flower now eyeing you with curiosity and deep interest that had your blood running cold and the hair on the back of your neck standing on end; no, it was the fact that you recognized this flower, it was the fact that you knew exactly what it was about to say.

"Howdy! I'm Flowey. Flowey the Flower!" The little plant said cheerfully. it hummed to itself as it regarded you more. "You're knew to the Underground, aren't you? Golly, you must be so confused."

But you weren't confused anymore. You knew where you were, although you had never been here before. You were in the Underground. You were in a video game. _You were in 'Undertale'._ And in front of you was a psychopathic magical flower that killed for shits and giggles. You _had been_ confused, yes, but now? No, you weren't confused, you were terrified.

"Someone ought to teach you how things work around here! I guess little old me will have to do." Flowey grinned incrementally wider at you. "Ready? Here we go!"

Frozen in fear, you couldn't bring yourself to move before you felt a strange tug at your chest. You started to panic, because you had a very good idea of what that feeling meant, and it wasn't good. Sure enough, that tugging feeling grew stronger until you felt something snap, and out popped a sizable cartoon heart, glowing brightly in a lovely shade of- not red.

It wasn't red. _It wasn't red!_ You felt your heart drop into your stomach and lodge there, making you so nauseous you were sure you'd get physically sick. You were intimately familiar with the meaning of color in the lore of this, one of your favorite games, and you knew the prehistory of the game like the back of your hand: long story short, you knew that of the seven traits human SOULs possessed, only red DETERMINATION had a snowball's chance in hell of surviving. It was written in stone that every other color to fall Underground would be killed. 

It was preordained. You were going to die.

You didn't even hear the spiel Flowey was giving you about SOULs and LOVE. You did, however, see his iconic 'friendliness pellets' coming for you. You felt your pulse quicken, and you rolled off the flowerbed and onto the cold stone floor of the cavern, dodging out of the way just in time. You knew better. You knew exactly what would happen to you if those hit you. If you were going to die, you were going to go down fighting.

"Hey buddy, you missed them," Flowey said flatly.

You didn't listen to him, sprinting towards the passageway you now knew led to the Ruins, one of the five major prefectures of the Underground. You were almost there when you smashed into an invisible wall. It thankfully didn't hurt, but try as you might you couldn't take even one more step forward.

"Let's try again, okay?" Flowey continued, and you spun around just in time to see the little white projectiles flying for you. You jumped to the side again, thankful that they didn't move particularly fast. Flowey started to get irritated for real now, as you knew he would. "Is this a joke? Are you braindead? RUN. INTO. THE. ~~BULLETS!!!~~ friendliness pellets." Flowey tried to correct himself as he sent another wave of white projectiles your way, but even if you hadn't already known what he was going to say, you would have heard him clearly enough anyway. Those were bullets. Those were _attacks._ You had known that, but hearing it confirmed just made it seem more real.

The irony wasn't lost on you as you ducked under this, the final wave of your bullet hell.

You looked at Flowey as you panted, panic and the sudden physical activity making you sweat. You saw his face morph and twist into something terrifying, fangs making themselves known as his eyes glowed brightly in sunken sockets. "You know what's going on here, don't you?" His voice took on a deeper, more sinister aspect, sending shivers down your spine. "You just wanted to see me suffer."

You were hit with a strange sense of claustrophobia as dozens of pellets surrounded you in a circle, tightly packed together in a ring so there were no openings to escape through. Flowey screamed at you, commanding you to die, and as if that were a signal, the circle around you began to constrict from all sides. You tried to make yourself as small as possible, but you knew it was no use. In the game, this attack was unavoidable without help, and nobody was here to save you...

Except...

You knew it was a long shot. This room was further away from the Ruins than the one you met up with Flowey in during gameplay, but you were out of options. You had to ACT if you were going to ever have a chance, even if it would only prolong the inevitable. So you took a deep breath, and screamed as loud as you could, "Toriel!"

Flowey's face changed to one of obvious confusion. You heard the pound of footsteps in the distance, getting progressively louder. You just caught sight of a figure in the dark, a flicker of fire and white fur and purple cloth, before the pellets struck you. You howled in agony, crumpling to the floor as you saw your useless, pathetic SOUL break in half. You heard a voice, distant and muted as though you were underwater, and saw something step in front of you right before your vision went black and you took your last, shuddering breath.

Then you were on a bed of golden flowers.


	2. A Warmer Welcome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you formally meet Toriel, Cartaker of the Ruins.  
> Or, perhaps its more accurate to say that she meets you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going rather slowly.  
> Not just the writing of it, but the story itself. A slow burn?  
> I don't know.  
> I hope this idea doesn't turn out to be a dud.

You sat up sharply, clutching at your chest, panting. Your heart was pounding so hard in your chest you thought you were having a heart attack. You had died. _You had died, and holy lemon sucking tit balls did it hurt!!_

You jumped up from the flower bed, patting yourself down. When you were certain you weren't bleeding, you started power walking deeper into the mountain, not wanting to stay in that room even one more moment. You couldn't understand it. You had died, but you were still here? How? You weren't a red SOUL, so you shouldn't have the power to SAVE or RESET...

Did Flowey-?

"Howdy!"

Speak of the devil. You looked down at the psychopathic flower that waited in the middle of this next room, illuminated by what you could only imagine was another hole in the mountain. Flowey was wearing a brilliant fake smile, his beady eyes gleaming at you in delight. You went around him, avoiding getting too close as you carefully made your way towards the door on the other side of the cavern, where the Ruins officially began. You were almost there when something caught on your ankle, almost tripping you. You looked down to see a thorny vine snaking up your leg, the brilliant red thorns scratching at your bare skin as it held you securely in place.

Flowey giggled. "You're different. I didn't expect you to be different!"

You scowled at him. Knowing what he was like, what he likely had in store for you, you returned to your last plan. "Toriel!! Help!!!" You preyed your call would reach her.

Flowey frowned. "How do you know Toriel? This is your first time down here: I know that. So how-?" he tightened his vines on your leg, tearing little holes in your pant leg. "How do you know?!"

You considered telling Flowey the truth, that he was a video game character, because he thought the world was a game anyway, but just as you were about to open your mouth, a fireball the size of a baseball flew through the doorway and struck Flowey in the side of the head. He let out a yelp, releasing his hold on you before retreating into the ground.

You lost your balance, landing hard on your rear with a cry of your own. You groaned, looking up to see that Toriel, was now looming over you. She was tall (incredibly tall), a long eared anthropomorphic goat-dragon monster, covered in silky white fur. Her long, royal purple robes swished softly as she knelt before you, checking you over with worry glittering in her large liquid eyes. "Are you alright, my child?" she asked, concern lacing her voice.

You looked up, smiling. "Yeah, thanks."

Toriel sighed in relief, offering a paw to help you stand. You hesitated, still a bit thrown off by the fact that there was a magical creature actually standing before you, but you took it anyway. Her paws were so soft you almost squealed, reminding you of cat paws. Toriel pulled you to your feet with seemingly no effort.

"I'm sorry, and I know this might seem less than cordial, but... how did you know my name? You called out for me, did you not?" Toriel asked as you dusted off your clothes as best you could.

You winced visibly. You should have expected that to happen: Toriel was not a fool. "I- uh- I heard about you... Figured if anyone was going to be able to help me out, you were..." You stood up straight, putting on a smile. "So, thanks for the help. I appreciate it. I'll get out of your hair now."

"No!" Toriel raised her voice, gripping your shoulder as you were heading towards the ruins. You froze, startled. Toriel coughed, blushing a bit, embarrassed by her outburst. "Excuse me, but... You are a human, correct?"

You nodded, eyeing her curiously. You knew Toriel was well aware of what a human looked like, so the question made you pause. Why would she ask unless – Then it hit you all at once: Toriel knew what human _children_ looked like. You were an adult. You were still significantly smaller than her, but you were also probably twice the size of any human she had seen here Underground. She must be having serious mixed feelings about letting you walk around.

"Yeah," you said softly, looking away from her.

Toriel softened into an inscrutable expression. "You are the first human to come through here in a long time. What is your name?"

You finally looked up into her eyes. "Y/n."

She smiled. "It is very nice to meet you, Y/n. Come. I will guide you through the catacombs." You watched her as she gracefully turned away from you, leading the way towards the Ruins. "This way," her sweet, soothing voice beckoned you.

You weren't certain about following her. _Maybe if you turned back, called out louder, someone from outside would come along and rescue you?_ You knew that was a foolish notion the instant it entered your mind: you were lost in a video game, not a real mountain. There would be no one to rescue you, because that wasn't how the game was played.

Although, for you, there really was no way out. You were going to die here, one way or another. It was inevitable. You weren't DETERMINED enough to survive, and you knew it. You had seen the proof of it.

But, maybe, just maybe, you could choose the method of your death? Maybe you could make your time last. Maybe you could, at the very least, make your last days as comfortable and enjoyable as possible, and if there was one way to do that, it was by staying with Toriel.

Assuming she would have you, that is: you weren't a child she could adopt. You were an adult. She might not want to have anything to do with you, she might simply be leading you through the Ruins, only to be shoved out the exit and into Snowdin beyond. Still, you couldn't stay here. You had no idea if (or more accurately _when_ ) Flowey was going to come back, and he was one of the biggest dangers you could come across.

You followed after Toriel.

The goat monster led you through the marble columns to the courtyard outside the twin staircase. Looking up at the great structure before you-

*** (The shadow of the ruins looms above, filling you with ~~determination~~.)**

-you remembered that this was the room in the game with the first SAVE point. It should have been right there, in the space between the staircases, a glimmering and shimmering golden star. Instead, you saw nothing. Only a scattering of crimson leaves cluttering the inexplicably purple colored stone floor. You tried to hide your disappointment, and thankfully, if Toriel noticed anything, she did not comment.

"Welcome to your new home, innocent one," Toriel began as you took your first steps into the Ruins. From there, it was both very similar and very different from the game. She showed you the dummy, but she did not encourage you to engage it in a FIGHT (and you, thinking if you ever saw your SOUL again it would be too soon, gave it a wide berth). You kept close to Toriel's side, engaging her in small talk. It didn't take much to get her started on her jokes and puns, and you found it easy to laugh along with her. Thankfully, keeping close to Toriel allowed you to largely ignore the majority of the Ruins, letting her guide you through the puzzles and ward away the other monsters, all while keeping you entertained with her incredible wit.

Before you knew it, you were in the inner courtyard, right outside her home.

*** (Seeing such a cute, tidy house in the RUINS gives you ~~determination~~.)**

You had not seen any sign of the SAVE points on your way, so you weren't surprised to find the one that was supposed to be here missing as well. You only gave the inconspicuous spot by the doorway a sideways glance as you followed Toriel inside.

"If I had known you were coming," the goat woman said as she spun to face you in the front room, "I would have had something special prepared. I never did get to ask, but, between butterscotch and cinnamon, which do you prefer?"

You grinned, remembering that question quite well. "I love cinnamon, but I've never actually tried butterscotch so I don't know how I feel about it."

Toriel grinned. "Would you turn your nose up at it if you found it on your plate?"

"No, I'm happy to try most anything once!" You answered, grinning back.

Toriel's face lit up in delight. "I want you to have a nice time living here, so I will hold off on snail pie for tonight," she teased.

You froze. "L-live here?"

"Why, of course," the goat affirmed. "You have nowhere to go, after all, I couldn't simply abandon you..." She looked to her left, a thoughtful look on her face. "There is so much room here now, it's silly to let it continue to go to waste..."

"You are truly kind..." You whispered, feeling hope start to swell inside you. _She was going to let you stay!_ It was better than you could have hoped for!

Toriel smiled, waving you to follow her as she walked towards the wing of the house where you knew the bedrooms were. She showed you to the room at the far end of the hall. The door had a sign which read, "Room under renovations." Toriel paused with her hand on the knob, looking at you sheepishly. "It's a little dusty, and the furniture is sparse, but there is a bed large enough to accommodate you. We can spruce it up to make it more to your liking."

You nodded, not the least bit put out by any of that. Toriel looked relieved, and then (hesitantly) opened the door.

Inside was a super-sized bed, larger than a king-size by a good foot on each side, along with a side-table, a wardrobe, and an old desk. The air was a bit stuffy, and there was a sheen of grey on every surface, signs that room had been left unused for some time. Toriel coughed as she took a few steps inside, throwing up small puffs of brown dust with each gentle footfall, tinting the fur of her feet and leaving footprints in her wake.

"Goodness, it's worse than I anticipated..." Toriel murmured more to herself than anyone.

You chuckled. "Don't worry about it. It's more than I could ever expect."

Toriel scratched at her muzzle, scrutinizing the room with a careful eye. "I think I can have it cleaned up by nightfall..."

You rolled up your pajama sleeves, a tingling thrill running through you. ~~The prospect of making this place feel like home filled you with DETERMINATION.~~ You were giddy with relief: you would have a sanctuary here. You could live out the last of your days comfortably, in pleasant company, surrounded by warmth and what you hoped was a budding friendship. "If you let me help, we'll get it done faster. A few damp rags and some elbow grease will have this place back in working order!"

Toriel smiled softly. "That is true enough. Shall we get started?"

You and Toriel got to work, and by the time Toriel had declared it nightfall (you yourself couldn't tell), the room was cleaned enough to be slept in. Toriel managed to scrounge up a few blankets and pillows, which you wasted no time utilizing on your new bed. You were mentally and physically exhausted.

You hadn't been laying down for more than a few moments before your eyes drifted shut and you fell right to sleep.


	3. Welcome and Unwelcome Guests

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you and Toriel come to an understanding... but you and Flowey do not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god this plot is so bad  
> so bad  
> all the bad  
> why am i writing this  
> this is so bad

You awoke the next morning (was it morning? it was difficult to tell time without the sun) to the smell of something absolutely divine permeating the house. You stretched, your empty stomach protesting loudly, making you acutely aware of the fact that you hadn't eaten all day yesterday. You got up, scratching at your greasy scalp (you would have to ask about a shower) as you made your way out of your new bedroom.

Following the heavenly aroma, you made your way across the house to the livingroom, where Toriel was setting up a lovely breakfast. Your mouth watered, but you swallowed hard, not wanting to appear rude. "Good morning?" You half greeted, half enquired.

Toriel chuckled. "Yes it is morning. I suppose it must be difficult for you to tell, is it not?"

You nodded, taking a seat at the table. "This smells amazing," you breathed, drinking in the sight and smell, you stomach once more making itself known.

Toriel beamed. "Do not hold back on my account! Help yourself!"

You didn't need to be told twice: you pulled over an empty plate and began stacking it with pancakes, waffles, potatoes, something that looked like sausage (but you had a feeling it was actually a typha), and even a slice of pie. You took your first bite and practically melted: the texture, the taste, they were perfect! And underneath it all, you felt a warm, tingling buzz, like an aftertaste of energy. You assumed that it was a result of fire magic (which you were aware Toriel cooked with).

For the record, you had been correct: it had indeed been a water sausage.

You ate through three plates before you couldn't take one more bite, settling back in the chair with a happy sigh. "I heard stories about your cooking, Tori, but they didn't do you justice at all! This is hands down the best food I've ever eaten in my entire life."

Toriel looked at you with a mixture of surprise and pride. "W-why thank you, Y/n!" She started picking up the now empty platters and plates, balancing them skillfully on her large paws. "After I do the dishes, we can get you cleaned up. I might have some old clothes that could fit you while we wash yours..."

You hummed approvingly, picking up the condiment bottles and following her into the kitchen. "You have no idea how good that sounds!"

Toriel giggled, her laugh twinkling like bells, contagious and joyful. You stayed in the kitchen with her, talking to her and keeping her company. In a stroke of genius, you pushed the conversation towards snails. Toriel became enthusiastic in response, rattling off fact after ridiculous fact. some of them seemed self evident (of course snails would make awful shoelaces!) while others were genuinely interesting.

Before you knew it, the dishes were done and the goat monster had ushered you across the house to find you a change of clothes. Soon you had a purple robe identical to hers, soft white trousers, a hairbrush, and a washcloth in your arms, and told in no uncertain terms that a sponge bath was in order. You, of course, couldn't agree more, and happily went to get yourself cleaned up.

You shouldn't have been surprised to find all your cuts and bruises were gone already (you _had_ eaten Toriel's cooking since you were attacked, after all), but it still amazed you when you ran your hand over your leg and found nothing but smooth skin under the dried blood. In all fairness, you had hardly felt those thorns pierce your skin, being amped up on adrenaline as you were, and without the itchy dark red stains on your leg as evidence, you might never have even known you were hurt at all, but it was still astounding to you.

The sponge bath you gave yourself in the kitchen was surprisingly refreshing. The new clothes were a bit baggy (but you liked them that way, so it worked out for you), and you thought you looked good in them. Coming back out of the kitchen, your dirty pajamas in hand, you grinned, feeling better already. It was amazing what a bath and some clean clothes could do to your mood.

Toriel immediately took your dirty clothes, which you didn't protest. The you two had a lunch of Spider Donuts, which Toriel had gone out to buy while you were cleaning up. You had hesitated to try them (after all, you remembered the slogan, _'by spiders, for spiders, of spiders!'_ ), but then you remembered that these were monster spiders, so they would be dust and not shards of spindly legs and furry thoraxes. You ended up enjoying the pastry, the tingling buzz of magic adding to the sticky sweetness of the sugar, coupled with a strange, grainy aftertaste you could only imagine was the dust of the spiders. It was sweet like sugar, but also speckled with bitterness and salt? The combo was interesting.

After that, your days fell into a routine. You would wake up, enjoy a lovely breakfast with Toriel, then you would help her with the dishes. It took about a week, but you eventually managed to convince her to let you do all the dishes. It was the least you could do, after she cooked and let you stay in her house (and although you were lazy, and hated work, you didn't mind because nine times out of ten the dishes were clean enough anyway, just needing a good rinse and a light scrub).

After that, you two would enjoy some light reading in the common room. Toriel had a sizable collection of books, even if most of them were Monster History, joke books, cookbooks, and books on snail facts. You found a few interesting ones on the higher shelves, non-fictions that hooked your interest. You enjoyed these quiet mornings, finding it was easy to get comfortable on the floor by the fireplace.

After morning readings, Toriel and you had a light lunch, then she would take you on her daily patrol of the Ruins. You always kept close, not wanting to chance an Encounter. This was a somewhat stressful part of the day for you. You could feel eyes on you. Every time you let your eyes wander, there was a Whimsum, or a Loox, or a Vegetoid watching you from the corner of the room. It made a shiver run down your spine -- you knew in your head that they weren't bad people, but you also knew it would be all too easy for them to break you into pieces...

Even so, those walks weren't entirely awful. Toriel sometimes stopped to talk to a few of the residents, and you learned a little bit about them. It was neat to know that one of the Froggits was learning to make monster candy at home, or that one of the Vegetoids had learned how to make onions for the first time.

By the time you and Toriel were done with the patrol, it was dinner time. Toriel again cooked an exquisite meal, and you two played a few card games before going to bed.

As time passed, though, you noticed that during morning reading time, Toriel's eyes would occasionally flicker to the front room, where you knew the stairs to the basement were. At those times, you swore you could here the distant echo of two crisp taps. It took you a few days to realize what you were hearing: someone was knocking on the door to the Underground, every day like clockwork. Whoever it was (though you had a pretty good idea of exactly who) would knock in pairs, two quick raps, then wait a few minutes. Then they would knock again, just like before, and repeat the process for about half an hour before, presumably, leaving. As the days passed, the sadness on Toriel's face when those distant echoes broke through the silence of the largely empty house grew stronger.

You decided that you had to get Toriel to go back to visiting the door. She was such a sweet person, it hurt your heart to see her suffer, to see her miss her friend. Not to mention how the other person must be feeling, wondering what happened to the woman beyond the door.

You started by bringing up puns during one post-dinner card game. You segued into knock knock jokes. You two passed them back and forth (your weren't the best, but you tried). Then, as if it just occurred to you, you asked, "You're so good at these! Did you practice with someone?"

Toriel paused, blushing. "Why, yes, actually. I would be visited by someone, and we would exchange jokes... Before you came, I was rather lonely, and he was so clever..."

You tried to make yourself look surprised. "Was? What happened to him?"

Toriel coughed. "Well, child, with you here, I haven't thought to go meet with him-"

"That won't do, Toriel!" You exclaimed, mimicking her intonation. "You have a wonderful friend, and just because you found a new one, you start to ignore him? For shame!" You smiled softly to soften the scolding. "I think I'll start reading under that tree in the front yard. You'll have to find someone else to spend time with after breakfast, okay?"

Toriel stared at you, then realization struck her, and she smiled warmly. "Clever, clever child..."

You certainly felt clever. You felt downright smug the next day as you pulled out a book and walked out the front door, settling under the tree. Your grin was plastered on your face all morning, and only got wider when hours later a cheerful Toriel came out to call you in for lunch.

"So, how was your visit with your friend?" you asked, munching happily on todays lunch of french fries. You made gratuitous use of the ketchup, thinking it fitting, considering the subject of your impending conversation.

Toriel giggled girlishly, picking up a fry daintily with her one paw. "It was as entertaining as ever. He sounded so relieved to hear from me! If I didn't know any better, I'd have thought he was worried about me!"

"Well, it's a good thing you set his mind at ease, then, isn't it?" You purred. It was so nice to see your friend so happy. You had a good idea of what her mysterious friend was like, but you could only imagine what it was like to talk to him in person. "Any good jokes?"

And so she told you (possibly word for word) about her conversation with the man beyond the door. You laughed so hard your sides hurt. As you two left the house to go on her patrol, you made a few jokes of your own, playing off what she had told you. Toriel beamed, expressing how she wished she could share your jokes with him too. You pointed out that she could, all she had to do was write them down and read them out to him.

So when the two of you returned from patrol, Toriel pulled out a notebook and a pen and you two threw out jokes for hours, writing them down for Toriel to share with her mysterious friend in the morning.

And that became your new routine: breakfast; reading alone under the tree; lunch and jokes; patrol; dinner and jokes.

A few weeks after the start of this new routine, you had gone out to read under the tree, but found you were strangely lethargic. You leaned back against the smooth bark of the tree, closing your eyes as you started to doze. Unfortunately, you were prevented from actually falling asleep by a familiar high pitched voice.

"Howdy!" Flowey greeted you from somewhere alarmingly close.

You jumped, bristling like a cat and dropping the book you had been clutching weakly in your lap. A quick glance revealed that the psycho plant was a mere foot away from you, grinning at you as cheerfully as you could ask for. You shot him what you hoped was a dirty look that didn't show any of your fear. "Toriel is a shout away. Touch me and I'll scream my head off."

Flowey snickered. "Thats quite the visual! Say, you've been here for a while now... why aren't you trying to leave?"

You eyed him. "What's it matter to you?"

Flowey scowled. "Because watching you play house is boring. Do something interesting. You know..." his creepy-sweet grin returned. "The goat is lying to you. There _is_ a way out of the Underground. Why don't you ask her about it?"

"Don't wanna," you said, not caring in the least if you sounded petulant as you leaned back and went to open you book. If Flowey was going to attack, you weren't going to be able to stop him anyway, so stressing about it wasn't going to help. "It's pretty nice here, I don't have any reason to want to leave."

Flowey frowned again. "Why not? It's small, it's cramped, it's boring, and everyone here wants to kill you. What more reason do you need?!"

You rolled your eyes. "Go away, weed."

Flowey tried to convince you a little harder, but for the most part you tuned him out. Most of what he said didn't even apply to you: this wasn't even your world, so there wasn't anyone waiting for you on the outside; you were pretty much guaranteed to die if you left the Ruins, which dampened your prospects of making a happy life on the surface anyway. When it becomes apparent that you aren't listening to him, he huffs and leaves.

You sigh, feeling mentally drained. You closed the book again and leaned back against the tree, closing your eyes in the hopes of sleeping until lunch.


	4. Slip of the Tongue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you say something you shouldn't have and it isn't good for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short, but I'm hungry today and can't focus so take it.

A month passed in relative ease. You started learning to cook from Toriel, although you had to use the stove, since you lacked fire magic. You didn't think you did too badly, but it still didn't hold a candle to Toriel's cooking (that joke ended up in the book for Tori to share later).

It was one night when you were making new entries in said joke book when you made your first big mistake.

"Oh, man, Sans is going to love these!" You blurted out, excited at all the new jokes you two had thought of together.

Toriel paused. "Sans? Who is Sans?"

You immediately sobered. You had been doing so well! Playing dumb was hard! You scrambled to think of an excuse. "I- uh- well- You know this guy behind the door, but you don't know his name right? But we talk about him all the time! So, since 'sans' means 'without' and he is currently _without_ a name, I kinda started thinking about him as 'Sans' to make it less confusing for me? Its- uh- its kinda dumb, I know..." The excuse seemed weak when you heard it out loud, and you cringed, waiting for the goat monster to call you out on your bullshit.

Toriel, however, grinned broadly and clapped. "That is a most clever idea! I bet he'll even get a kick out of it! I might start calling him 'Sans' myself!"

You sighed inwardly with relief. You knew Toriel would think it a strange coincidence when she found out that Sans' name really was Sans (because Sans the Skeleton was most definitely the man behind the door that Toriel always talked to), but that was a distant issue as far as you were concerned, and one you most likely wouldn't even live to see. You were going to die long before the two ever met in person, after all.

Toriel dragged you out of your depressing thoughts with another joke, and you two fell back into your usual rhythm.

Unfortunately for you, someone had been listening in on your conversation...

The next morning when you went out, you didn't even make it three feet from the door before you were knocked to the ground, vines coiling over your limbs with terrifying speed. You went to scream, but a vine coiled around your throat, and you could feel the (thankfully thornless) tendril tighten threateningly, a silent warning to keep quiet.

"You know a lot of things you shouldn't, don't you?" Flowey asked rhetorically. "That was quite a good lie you twisted for the goat lady. Too bad _I'm_ not an idiot! I know that was a load of crap!"

You struggled in his hold, trying to shake off the vines. The red thorns stung, ripping through your clothes and digging into your skin. You thrashed more out of reflex than anything at this point, self preservation screaming at you to get away, to fight, to escape, even as your rational mind realized the futility of the gesture (and thats all it amounted to, a gesture -- you could strain until your muscles tore in half and still get nowhere).

Watching your futile efforts seemed to amuse the flower. He snickered, looming his head over you by elongating his stem. "So, how about you tell me the truth? How do you know so much, hmm? How do you know about Sans?"

You ground your teeth. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you, which is funny, because you already know."

Flowey scowled. "If I knew, I wouldn't be wasting my time asking you!! Tell me already!!!" He shook you violently.

You winced, the jostling making the thorns dig at your tender flesh painfully. When the shaking stopped though, and you once more got a good look at Flowey, you couldn't help but laugh. He looked so _frustrated!_ "Oh, my, god, it's driving you absolutely crazy isn't it?!" You thought out loud.

Flowey growled at you. "Yes!" He hissed. "So you'd better start talking before I decide you aren't worth keeping alive anymore!" He constricted his vines, and you felt like you were going to break apart. The thorns dug deeper into you, piercing your abdomen and chest and the fat of your arms and legs, sending lances of fire though your nerves as the pressure made your bones bend. The pain pervaded the deepest corners of your mind, chasing out reason and rationality. Your vision blurred, whites and blacks making everything indecipherable.

"IT'S A GAME!!" You finally sobbed, preying that he would either stop his assault or end you quickly. At this point you didn't care which, you just wanted the pain to end. "It's a game, it's a game, it's a game, it's-" you kept repeating the answer over and over, too shaken to elaborate.

At some point the pain stopped. You were somehow set back on your feet, your book back in your hands. You crumpled to your knees, dropping the book and hugging yourself, patting yourself down where you could still feel the aching burn where you knew those knife like thorns had sliced into you. "-a game, it's a game, it's a game," you kept mumbling, eyes squeezed shut as you rocked back and forth.

"You remember?!" Flowey gasped from somewhere to your right.

You looked up. You were just outside the doorway again, quivering in the oddly colored dirt. You looked over at Flowey. He was (standing? planted?) a few feet away from the house, in front of the spot you were certain the SAVE star was supposed to be. You bit your lip. _Shit._

"I _knew_ you were different!!" Flowey howled in delight. "So _thats_ what you meant by calling it a game!! Well," his grin grew wider. "How about we play?"

You shrank back a bit, not liking that gleam in his eyes. "Uh, no thanks. I'll just resume my life as an inconspicuous NPC, thank you very much. No players here, nope!" You scooped up the book, going to hide back in the house on shaky legs.

Flowey giggled, that high pitched, insane giggle that never meant anything good for anyone (except maybe Flowey). "Oh, this will be fun!" he practically purred as you scrambled through the door and slammed it shut. You knew that wouldn't stop him, but it at least gave you the illusion of safety, and right now you would take what you could get.


	5. History Repeats Itself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you try to do something nice, there are a lot of feels, and you reach the Point of No Return™.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This feels so short but god damn it I wanted to end it here.

After that second, and arguably more traumatic, encounter with Flowey, you decided that you were never going to leave the house again. You went to your bedroom during the 'morning alone time' you had, because at least you could still pretend Floewy couldn't get you while you were inside (even if you knew that wasn't true, that Flowey had proven canonically that mundane things like floorboards or solid stone didn't impede his ability to appear _anywhere he fucking wanted like some kind of overpowered teleporting super weed_ , which, okay, he kind of was, but that was not the point and you didn't want to think about it). At first all you did was curl up in your bed and sleep, but after a few days you went back to your reading.

Of course, your 'never leaving the house again' also meant you stayed behind when Toriel went on her patrol. You could tell that the goat monster was incredibly hesitant about leaving you alone in the house (likely worried that you would try to sneak out through the exit while her back was turned, thinking you were that kind of crazy), but you managed to persuade her to trust you. The look of utter relief on her face when she returned to find you setting the table for dinner almost brought you to tears -- even if you had been planing to leave, the idea would have been out the window after that. You could never abandon Toriel to her loneliness.

When you had played the game, you had always thought of Toriel as 'Goat Mom'. And while she did have a strong, maternal instinct, as well as a caring nature, you couldn't see her as a parental figure now. To you, Toriel was a lonely spinster who you had become close friends with, who had done you a great kindness you could never hope to repay, although you were ~~determined~~ committed to try.

And the first step you decided to take in that direction was to bake her a snail pie. You spent your free time (now that you had so much more of it) combing through the many cookbooks in the house, looking for the recipe you were certain had to be here. You ended up getting sidetracked, other recipes pulling your attention (as well as the naps you could now indulge in, boy did you love naps), so it took you the better part of two weeks to find it, sequestered somewhere in the middle of an inconspicuous paperback.

You hid the book in your room, wanting to make this a surprise, and slowly, carefully, gathered the ingredients you needed. You were thankful that Toriel had most everything in her stores, although you had to sneakily ask for other ingredients by suggesting other recipes that included them. Toriel didn't seem to be any the wiser to your plan, and you felt a tickling of pride.

The day you finally found the courage to try the recipe, your nerves were all over the place. You wanted this to be perfect, you wanted to surprise her, you wanted her to like it. Still, you pressed on, following the instructions as best you could, soon looking down at a thick creamy batter.

You were about to pour the batter into the crust lined pan when you heard a knock on the door. The front door. You set the bowl down and quickly rushed out to answer it, thinking maybe Toriel had come home early with groceries (it had happened once or twice before) and needed a little help opening the door. You found, however, that nobody was there. The complete lack of any sign of the source of the knock unnerved you, the tiny hairs on the back of your neck standing on end as you stared into the empty front yard from the doorway. You carefully closed the door again and went back to your baking.

You didn't notice the slight difference in color your batter now had. You didn't notice it was slightly more yellow than cream now.

You read through a joke book while you waited for the pie to bake. When the timer went off, you pulled out your very first snail pie. It smelled... like a pie, only greasy and earthy. You hoped you had gotten it right as you set it on the table to cool.

When Toriel came back from her patrol, you had dinner waiting on the table, surrounding the pie in the best presentation that your unpracticed self could manage. Toriel stood unnaturally still as she took in the sight, her expression unreadable. You wrung your hands, looking at the floor. "Um... surprise?"

Still, Toriel was quiet.

You coughed a little to clear your throat. "I wanted to thank you for, well, everything. You'd been an incredibly gracious host... and I would like to think friend? I heard you liked snail pie so I tried to make one, but I'm not sure how well it turned out, and I also made dinner but the water sausages might have gotten a little burned, and-"

Then Toriel was on top of you, hugging you tightly as she shook with repressed emotions. "This is... this is beautiful... I don't even know what to say..."

You smiled, hugging the monster back as best you could, although your arms couldn't encircle her entirely. You felt something damp against your cheek, where her muzzle nuzzled against you, and you pulled a hand up to wipe away the tears getting caught in her snowy white fur. "You don't have to say anything, Tori. Just be gentle when you critique my cooking," you teased.

Toriel giggled, pulling back to dab daintily at her eyes with one paw. "I'll be sure to keep it _tasteful_!"

An undignified snort escaped you as you guided Toriel to her seat. Toriel wasted no time sampling your dishes, smiling at you and complimenting you on your efforts. You sat down and dug into your portion, and while you enjoyed the fare better than you expected to, it still wasn't nearly half as good as what Toriel made. You resigned yourself to never being able to cook as good as her, making the excuse that it was physically impossible for a talentless human to compete with a magical creature in order to sooth your fragile ego.

After the two of you polished off the main course, Toriel reverently took hold of the snail pie and set it in front of her. She was grinning, a moist aspect to her eyes as she basked in the happiness of having a friend thoughtful enough to go to such lengths (she knew that you were not a fan of snail pie, that you would never eat any of it, that it had been wholly for her sake). The goat woman breathed in the scent that had her nose twitching in delight, then cut herself a piece.

The pie slice was the perfect size for Toriel to hold in one hand. She slid it into her maw whole, purring contentedly at the taste, licking her paw clean of the crumbs. Her pleased expression, however, slowly morphed into one of shock. "This is-" Toriel swayed in her seat, the fur of her face tinging green as her eyes glazed over in pain.

You jumped from your seat, rushing to her side. "Whats wrong?! Are you okay? Oh god, were you allergic?! Tori? Tori, please, talk to me?" You were on the verge of tears. You had been prepared for a lot of reactions to your first snail pie. _This. Was. Not. One of them!_

You continued to whisper apology after apology as Toriel eased herself to the floor, her head swimming and her body hot. She was salivating an alarming amount, but to Toriel there was only pain, inside and out. A weak groan escaped her, like a whimper, only mixed with a sort of wordless plea.

You rushed to the kitchen, bringing back the trash can just in time for her to snatch it and bury her face in it before heaving. You rubbed her back, continuing your mantra of apologies. Toriel eventually stopped getting sick, but her sweat drenched fur and pained whimpers told you she was nowhere near being well. You got her some water, which she took gratefully, but it was only a minor balm to whatever malignance was plaguing her.

Still, Toriel pulled herself to her feet, panting and salivating. She laughed weakly, though what humor could be found in this situation eluded you. You pushed yourself under her arm, encouraging her to use you as a human crutch as you two made your way steadily to her bedroom. You could tell each step was painful, and it was difficult to sustain her weight (even though she was remarkably lighter than you expected a creature of her size to be, she was still heavy), but you were ~~determined~~ stubborn, and didn't stop until she was safely laying in her bed.

"Tori, please, tell me what I can do," You pleaded softly, shaking from more than just physical exhaustion.

Toriel opened her mouth to say something, but she ended up coughing, and you quickly got the nearest trash can so she could get sick with minimal mess. You put your hands over her paws (were they bigger than before? Was that swelling?!?!). The noises she was making broke your heart. When she pulled away, closing her watery eyes, you knew immediately that she was going to pass out, so you took the trashcan away and set it aside.

You spent the rest of the night and well into the next morning doing your best, using a wet cloth to wipe her face, a dry cloth to clean the excessive saliva. Your worry continued to mount as the hours passed, and you wished there were at least one book on monster sickness somewhere in this house!!

But most of all, you wallowed in your own self hatred and guilt. _Had she been allergic to something in the pie? Had you mixed up one of the ingredients? This was all your fault! This is what happens when you try to do new things, when you step out of your lane: you fuck it up. And now you've fucked up so bad that Toriel-_

Two faint cracks broke through the silence of the house.

You jerked your head up, shaking yourself out of the doze you had fallen into, kneeling at Toriel's bedside. You straightened yourself, looking over the goat monster, worry and guilt squeezing your insides relentlessly. She was still asleep, her breathing shallow and ragged, brows creased in agony. Your one consolation was you didn't see any sign of Dust. You wiped down her face again, as gentle as possible.

Two faint cracks again broke through the silence, echoing faintly in the empty air.

You bristled. _Oh god, if Sans was here, then it had been almost half a day and Toriel was still not up and she wasn't looking any better and oh god what have you done what have you done what have you done what have you done what have you done what have you done what have you done what have you-_ Another echo of those crisp knocks broke you from your downward spiral. You stood up, giving Toriel one last concerned look before dashing out of the room.

You skid hard across the wood floor, your white socks slipping as you made a hard turn, and you almost crashed into the wall as you made a beeline for the basement. You took the stone stairs two at a time, running as fast as your legs would carry you down the frustratingly long hallway. The next set of knocks spurned you on faster, although your muscles were already protesting. You crashed into the first set of doors, the stone cold as judgement under your bare hands. You dug in your heals and pushed them open, straining against the weight and the ancient hinges. You heard another set of knocks before you managed to get the door open wide enough to squeeze through, and dashed at top speed through the open cavern, just to crash into the final, true door out of the ruins.

You leaned against the unyielding stone, panting, trying to catch your breath enough to speak.

"geeze, lady, whats the rush? just can't get enough of me, can ya?" a deep, gentle baritone voice, muffled by the thick stone, teased you.

"Please-" you gulp out, cursing your lack of physical fitness now more than ever.

"who are- you're not-"

"Please, Sans, I need your help!" You practically sobbed. "She's sick- she's so sick and I- I don't- what do I do? Please, what do I do?" You knew you sounded hysterical.

"slow down, who's sick? and why are ya asking me?" There was an edge in his voice. You couldn't tell if it was from worry or mistrust, but at the moment you didn't care.

"I can't ask anyone else," you choked out, and in that moment you knew that was true: it you went to ask anyone in the Ruins, you ran the risk of an Encounter, and if you got hurt, who would help Toriel then? Everyone would confront you on sight without Toriel to protect you, and you weren't even certain you would be able to understand them if they did offer you help... In hindsight it was stupid to isolate yourself as you had, stupid and selfish. But you couldn't change that now. "Please, Sans, help me. Help me help her. Tell me what to do, please."

Sans was quiet for a moment. "what are the symptoms?"

You rattled off everything you had noticed, your voice catching a little as you fought off breaking down into tears.

"sounds like... golden flower poisoning..." Sans said carefully. "if the dosages wasn't fatal, she'll come out of it on her own after a while..."

You froze, your emotions swelling with such speed and strength that it made you temporarily numb. _Now you knew what Toriel found so funny earlier, but it sure as hell wasn't funny to you!_ You turned around to run back upstairs, to go and comfort Toriel, to spend the rest of your days making this up to her, even though you couldn't understand for the life of you how _those motherfucking buttercups_ got anywhere near your pie-

-Only to be hit square in the stomach hard enough to knock the wind out of you. You hit the door hard, making a strangled yelp before you hit the floor.

An (unfortunately) familiar laugh filled the room, and realization hit you as hard as the vine (because _of fucking course_ it was a vine that had hit you):

Flowey was intimately familiar with what buttercups could do.

Flowey had knocked on the door, and in that brief window of time you were away from the kitchen, had snuck in and poisoned your pie.

The pie he knew was meant for Toriel.

Flowey had poisoned Toriel to force you to make a move in his sick, twisted little game of 'what if'.

You felt the chill of a winter wind hit your back. You pushed yourself to your feet, glaring daggers at the hateful flower. Flowey grinned maliciously, swinging another vine at you. You jumped over it, only to be hit by another one, and sent flying out into the snow outside. You pushed yourself to your feet, tears stinging your eyes (from the cold, the pain, or from your mind shattering rage, you weren't certain). You lunged forward, all thoughts on ripping that overgrown houseplant up by the roots and ripping his petals out-

Only for the Ruin Doors to slam shut before you could get through them.

You stared at the sturdy stone doors, adrenaline surging through you even as your mind went blank. It took you a moment to really grasp the significance of what had happened. _The Ruin Doors are now closed._ In the game, this was a Point of No Return. Once those doors closed behind you, they would never open again unless you beat the game.

_Those doors would never open._

Tears welled up in your eyes.

" _ **Toriel!!**_ " Later on you would wonder at the unholy scream that ripped itself from your throat. You threw yourself at the door, pounding on it, scratching at it, trying to pry it open with all the strength you had. "Toriel!! No, no no no no no!!!"

The gentle gust of the inexplicable winter wind was your only answer as you curled up against the unforgiving barrier between you and what you had come to call home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be emotional and moving and low key SOUL crushing but I don't think I managed to make it like that... Fuck.


	6. Cold Welcome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you spend most of the day being unreasonably cold and scared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna fall behind in my word count at this rate. fuck.

You don't know how long you sat there, quivering and sobbing against the unyielding stone doors of the Ruins exit. You had managed to break a few nails trying to get the door open (your nails were kinda long, so you didn't draw blood, just snapped off the white ends), and you'd scratched up the tender skin of your hands, leaving raw red lines in a bumpy gracel pattern across your fingers and palms, the top most layer of skin sanded off against the stone. Your sensitive flesh was also being buffeted by the unforgiving winter wind, slicing through your clothes, draining the warmth from your body and tinting your slowly numbing extremities a concerning shade of blue.

You didn't care. You were beyond caring at this point. All you could think about as you sat there, crying your eyes raw, was what would happen to Toriel. She might die, disintegrating to dust, alone in that empty house that should have been filled with warmth and life and laughter; she might wake up, realize you were gone, and think you had poisoned her on purpose to run away from her, think you had abandoned her at her _most vulnerable moment_. You didn't know which outcome made your ~~SOUL~~ heart ache more.

It had been emotionally draining to leave her behind in the video game, but this, this was infinitely worse.

_You weren't even capable of registering that you were now in enemy territory, in the war zone that would eventually take your life, ripping your very SOUL from your chest without mercy._

You made one final, pitiful, weak strike against the frozen stone surface, your fist half formed as your numb, frozen fingers failed to curl properly. The hand stayed there, lacking the motivation to move it.

That was when you heard the _crack_ of something breaking behind you. You jumped, the loud noise piercing the quiet of the winter woods and your own thoughts. You shivered, finally noticing the cold as you pushed yourself to your feet. Your soft trousers and cloth shoes were soaked through, the gelid air raking though you like knives, like needles.

It took you a moment, wiping your face on the back of your hand, to pull your scrambled sense of self back together and resume coherent, sentient thought. You couldn't just stay there forever. If you didn't freeze to death (which you were pretty sure you would by the end of the day-cycle), you would eventually starve. Nobody was going to let you back in, you were certain of that. You were stuck out here.

You tried to square your shoulders, but all you managed to do was roll them a few times, reminding you that you were sore _everywhere_ underneath all the cold. You let out a pathetic whine, biting your lip, as you started walking. The snow was thankfully not that deep right now, soft and powdery, giving nicely under your feet as you followed the only path available to you. You paused, for a moment, to look at the branch left in the middle of the walkway, broken into three pieces, like someone had stomped on it with both feet at the same time. That wouldn't have been so alarming if this particular branch wasn't as thick around as your fatty thighs, solid right through and only sporting the first vestiges of decay (not nearly enough to compromise it's structure).

You stepped over the remains of the branch Sans had broken, walking faster down the path to help keep warm. You reach the bridge with the too-wide gate faster than you anticipated, but you don't stop. You made your way across, even though you could hear Sans' footsteps behind you. You couldn't deal with Sans right now. Sans could read people, and you didn't want to be read. You didn't want to be inspected like some new display at the museum, or worse, killed, because the lore of the game was pretty vague on when Sans made his promise to keep an eye socket on the human, and you didn't want to chance that promise not pertaining to you.

You shuffled through the snow, passed the conveniently shaped lamp and Sans' sentry stations before you came to a halt at the crossroads. You leaned against a tree to the left of the path, breathing hard. You could see there was a box in the snow across the way, next to a sign that, if you recalled correctly, was written by a box lover. That meant you were probably right next to the first SAVE point in Snowdin.

*** (The convenience of that lamp still fills you with ~~determination~~.)**

You also recalled that, if you looked in that box, you might find something that would be of serious use to you right about now. You weren't certain if it would actually be there, since you had no idea how many humans had fallen before you, but it was certainly worth a shot.

You flexed your fingers as you approached the box, kneeling down in the snow next to it. You opened it, hesitantly, and peered inside...

*** A worn pink leather glove. For five fingered folk.**

You yanked out the gloves, pulling them onto you freezing hands as best you could. They were a bit of a tight fit, but your hands were on the small side, and these thankfully were the larger one-size-fits-all type, stretching at the joints to accommodate you. You rubbed your now gloved hands together, shivering as you continued onward. You were shaking like a leaf, your teeth chattering.

You were halfway between the crossroads and what you knew was Doggo's station when you heard footsteps. Panicking, you dived into the trees, hiding behind one of them.

You were too scared to peak, to see who (or what) was coming down the path, so you stayed as still as you could, waiting until the footsteps faded into the distance. Then you made a break for it, heading for Snowdin. If you could make it to the town proper, there was a chance you could maybe survive. All you had to do was get passed the Canine Unit.

Getting passed Doggo was easy -- you crawled on the ground, keeping out of his line of sight as you moved carefully under the counter of his station. He growled a few times, hearing you but not seeing you. You got by with little issue.

You slid on your hands and knees across the huge patch of ice, then ran around the invisible electricity maze (you didn't want your footprints ruining it, even if you had no intention of solving it). You pointedly ignored the poor Nicecream Guy (you didn't have any Gold to buy his treats with, and looking at his dejected expression when you couldn't help was more than you could bear).

You hid behind one of the pine trees near the Ball Game, and waited for Dog Marriage to return to their posts. It took a while, and when they finally did pass you were so cold you almost couldn't bring yourself to move... a part of you was terrified that you were already too far gone, that you were going to freeze to death...

You finally stumbled to your feet, and made your way as fast as your frozen body would carry you, passed the empty space where Sans would leave his impossible crossword, passed the frozen spaghetti (and the SAVE point you still couldn't see). You made your way to the hidden switch, fumbling in the snow until you could press it and disarm the wall of spikes that you knew blocked your way. You had to solve both of the Xs-to-Os puzzles to make any further progress. The colored tiles puzzle was thankfully deactivated as you passed, and Lesser Dog was asleep at his post, letting you sneak by again without much issue.

The ice puzzle was harder. You scooted inch by careful inch on your hands and knees, not daring to risk falling. This wasn't a video game anymore. If you fell from that kind of height, you were definitely going to get hurt, maybe even die. You struggled carefully across the ice, carefully changing the switches until you had solved the puzzle. Then you even more carefully made your way over the tiny bridge back onto solid ground.

You made your way to Greater Dog's post/doghouse. Greater Dog was quietly snoring in a nearby snow poff, but thankfully it wasn't the one that blocked your progress. You made your way carefully through the snow, your feet starting to feel numb. You stumbled almost deliriously across the long bridge, thanking all your lucky stars that Papyrus wasn't here to set off his Gauntlet of Deadly Terror as you made your first few haggard, frozen steps into town.

*** (The sight of such a friendly town fills you with ~~determination~~.)**

You stumbled passed the shop, almost tripping over the special box in your haste to get into the inn... where you promptly fell into the wall inside the door and slid to the floor, closing your eyes and letting the warmth of the building lull you into a well deserved sleep.

You didn't even care if you woke up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sans ditched you.  
> Then you ditched Sans (or did you?)  
> Also Snowdin is fucking cold.


	7. Welcome to Snowdin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you are a shy, blushing mess thanks to the generosity of the residents of this beautiful, friendly town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, look, you're alive... (deadpan)  
> Geeze I have no idea where I'm going with this story~  
> This plot is shit~  
> FML~

You don't know how long you were out, but the next thing you know, you were laying in a large, comfortable bed. The plush comforter was warm, swallowing you in its soft embrace, the pillow beneath your head inviting you to remain. You turned on your side and curled up tighter, thinking maybe you had finally woken up from this crazy dream. _You, in a video game? Of course it was a dream!_ You snuggled into the pillow, clinging to it and willing yourself to doze off again, since you didn't have anything better to do and you were still a bit shaken.

Thats when you realized something was wrong. The pillow was soft, sure, but it was _too_ soft. Your pillows were not this soft. And they smelled wrong, not like your sweaty, slightly soapy self. You blinked your eyes open slowly, realizing the white noise you had thought was your overly enthusiastic AC was in fact snoring (very loud, almost musical snoring). The room you were in was a burnished brown gold, with a tall lamp giving off orange light in the corner. The comforter was a rusted red color. The warm hues around the room made it feel welcoming, but impersonal. The most homey touch was the book set on the side table.

You recognized this room.

This wasn't your room.

This was the guest room at the Snowed Inn.

It wasn't a dream. You were still in a video game, surrounded by magical creatures who wanted to kill you and use your SOUL to free themselves from the inside of a mountain. Because _why the fuck not?!_ You groaned, burying your face in the pillow you now knew smelled faintly of rabbit fur.

You didn't want to get up. You didn't even want to think about getting up. Not when you had so few prospects to look forward to. But you also knew that this was a business, and there weren't that many rooms to begin with, so keeping it occupied would be answering the kindness of the sweet rabbit who owned the inn with cruelty. You forced yourself up and out of bed. You looked down at your rumpled purple robe and white trousers. You were dry again, and the soft fabric once more held some warmth to it. Your shoes were missing, but you found them at the foot of the bed, dry and warm and waiting for you. You pulled them on, thankful and highly appreciative, but also wondering how long it must have been, how long you had been snuggly tucked away up in this room, for you and your clothes to have dried and warmed up.

You hoped, for the kind monster's sake, that it hadn't been too long.

You made your way out the door and downstairs, to the lobby. As you moved, you realized just how weak and useless you felt. Hunger, you supposed, was the next pressing matter to attend to.

After you thanked the rabbit monster of course.

You turned around the corner of the stairwell, smiling back at the cheerful innkeeper who practically bounced in her seat. "Hiya," she said, smiling. The smaller bunny at her side gave an adorable squeak as you rounded to the front of the counter. "Do you feel better? You were somewhat out of it when you came in!"

You blushed, looking away. "I- uh.. yeah... I'm a bit sensitive to the cold so..."

"Oh, I understand. Your fur is so thin, so of course you would get cold!" She gave you a knowing, sympathetic look.

You wrung your hands. "How much do I owe-"

"One night is 80G," the friendly innkeeper answered.

You looked away, fumbling in your pockets uselessly, already knowing you didn't have the money for it. "I- is there some way I can work it off, maybe?" You asked, hopefully.

"...You don't even have 80G?" The lapine asked, dumbfounded. When you shook your head, she let out an appalled gasp. "Oh! You poor thing. I can only imagine what you've been through." She reached out, taking your hand in her paws, her pinkish-cream colored fur soft and warm against your skin. "Don't think about the price for another minute!"

"But-" You argued, already knowing it was useless.

"And feel free to come back any time," she insisted, still smiling that sweet, knowing smile.

You couldn't help but feel gratitude swell inside you. "I'm sorry to say I might take you up on that," you murmured, squeezing lightly back. If you hadn't already known that monsters were made of compassion, mercy, and love... well, you'd believe it anyway. You pulled away, fumbling over a polite but heartfelt farewell before stepping out once more into the snow.

Either it was your imagination, or it was warmer out today. The cold didn't dig into you like it had yesterday. You made your way through the snow, looking around with a certain level of childlike wonder.

If any place could be described as a christmas town, it was Snowdin. The snow was a pristine white, except in high traffic areas, caking the rooftops with fluffy white, making them glitter as though the buildings were covered in icing or whip cream. The thick pine trees that surrounded the town were dusted almost artistically, sparkling in the dim light as though coated in sugar. The atmosphere was cheerful but not overly energetic. You could practically hear the theme song from the game echo over the snow.

You passed by the western 'fast travel' igloo, contemplating going inside to see if and how it worked, before ultimately deciding it would be more useful to explore town on foot. You passed by the yellow-cream colored rabbit monster (you think her name was BunBun? but you couldn't recall) who was walking her little brother Cinnamon on a lead. You gave them a hesitant, shy wave, getting a friendly nod in return. The cautious, skeptical white rabbit that watched the goings on from his doorway gave you the stink eye, but you ignored it, continuing passed where the Present Bear was setting down another colorfully wrapped box beneath the beautifully decorated Giftmas tree.

You walked around the tree, passing an armless lizard-like monster kid (you knew they were a child because they were wearing stripes) that had been eyeing the tree and the presents gleefully. You gave the Politics Bear, an intimidatingly large brown bear monster in a bright orange coat, a friendly wave as you skirted by them. You would have kept on walking, but the smell of food hit you in the face hard, and you couldn't stop yourself from ducking into the building from whence it came: Grillby's.

You had enjoyed the atmosphere of the the homey little pub in the game, but stepping into the true Grillby's was another experience altogether. The warm cherry wood floor and redwood furniture complimented the inviting orange glow of the bartender in a way that hit all of your aesthetics. You took a deep breath, letting yourself be enveloped by the smell of wood, campfire smoke, greasy food, and beer. You practically floated to the bar proper, passing the dogs playing cards as you swayed happily from side to side.

You flopped onto the barstool, moaning softly just from the amazing aroma wafering from the back room where you assume the grill was. You looked at the proprietor, smiling sheepishly. "I don't have any money, but would you mind if I just sat here and pretended that I was able to eat your delicious food?"

Grillby seemed to regard you thoughtfully. Your stomach growled, prompting you to blush. Grillby nodded (whether to you or himself, you couldn't be certain), then headed through the back door you could only presume lead to the kitchen (even if the game did label it a fire exit). You sighed in relief. At least for now, you had somewhere to just relax while you thought about what to do.

You didn't have anyone to mooch off of now. You did, theoretically, have a place to sleep, but that didn't help you with food. But even in a world of magical talking animals (and vegetables), food wasn't free. So, logic dictated that you needed to find a job.

Which was terrifying, because you hadn't even been able to land a job back home in the real world. Not a lot of people were hiring graphic artists, and the video game industry was a niche market. And you had never been good at the whole networking thing, so you hadn't been able to even come across a possible opportunity until long after the position had already been filled. It had been frustrating and a little humiliating.

Not that any of that mattered down here. The one place you might have a chance to use your actual skills was Alphys' lab, but you were pretty sure that even if she were hiring, you wouldn't fit her criteria. And you were sure as hell not working for Mettaton (even if you weren't terrified he would come after you with a chainsaw, you knew better than to expect him to be a good employer after learning about Burgerpants' story). Not that you could have gotten to either of them anyway, since (unless you were lucky enough to get the Riverperson to help you) the only way to get to Hotland, where both Alphys and MTT were, was to cross through Waterfall, which for you would be suicide-on-a-stick because Undyne is a thing.

All of this pointed to one solution: finding employment in Snowdin. It would have to be menial labor, given what you'd seen. You could ask those nice rabbits if they needed help, though you doubted it. You could also ask Grillby if he needed any help, though you doubted that too.

Just then, your thoughts were derailed by the much stronger scent of food. Grillby, returned from his epic journey, had placed a burger and fries in front of you. You looked up at him, uncertainty written on your face. His flames cracked in what you could have sworn was amusement.

Red Bird, a large, sleepy looking bird monster who was actually more mauve in coloration, chuckled. "Grillby says that you look burnt out, and he should know! So eat up, and he'll start a tab for you."

You felt that warmth in your chest, and you open your mouth to say thank you, when a familiar voice spoke from just to your right:

"naw, grillbz," Sans said in that jovial manner that all the same sent a shiver of fear down your spine, "put it on my tab."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's not creepy at all.


	8. Welcome to Grillby's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you sing an ironic song and may or may not have made an impression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like such an unoriginal tool right now.  
> Fuck it, this works and I'm keeping it.

You felt the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. If there was one monster you didn't want to fuck with, it was Sans. No, he wasn't as violent as Undyne. No, his stats weren't as high as Asgore's. No, he didn't have the resources of Mettaton or the precision control of Papyrus, and no, he wasn't as batshit crazy as Flowey. But there was one thing that Sans _was_ that no other monster of the Underground could claim:

Sans was the only monster you had fought in the game, and failed to defeat.

Sans was a **b a d t i m e** just waiting to happen.

And worst yet, Sans was good at reading people. Even if you yourself weren't garbage at keeping secrets, Sans was the guy who would figure you out like a cheesy children's puzzle and then throw your deepest, darkest secrets back in your face, like a newspaper in a New York wind, in a New York minute.

He might have been your favorite character, but Sans was not someone you were ready to deal with right now. Not that it mattered since _here he was!_

The other patrons must not have noticed Sans come in either, because suddenly the room irrupted with cheers of "Sans!" "Heya Sans!" and "Hiya Sansy~!" as well as a few yips and howls from the dogs. Sans gave everyone a wave and a greeting, his lazy grin on his face, but you just somehow knew he was still focused on you.

Sans proved your paranoia correct when your eyes flickered to the ketchup bottle and he slid it over to you without even looking. You took it gratefully, starting to shake a little with nerves, and liberally applied it to both your burger and your fries. You started to eat, keeping your eyes on your food, even as you felt Sans shift his body to face you.

"so, how do you like snowdin so far?" Sans' voice was low, but it wasn't coarse or gravelly. The smooth tone might have set you at ease, being soothing to your ears, and maybe if you didn't know better, you'd say his words were an attempt to make nice with you... but you did know better. There was no way that Sans, the Judge™ of the Underground, the human-hunter who only ever held back for Frisk because of a promise to the Lady Behind the Door, would show mercy to _you_ , an unknown human. More damning yet, you had basically admitted to being involved with hurting his friend, as unwilling an accomplice as you might have been.

No, Sans was only being nice to you now because you were in Grillby's, and he didn't want to cause a scene. You were certain of it.

You shrugged, hoping that would be enough of an answer for him without making you talk.

Sans just raised a bone brow at you, scratching idly at his coccyx. "ya know, its pretty rare to see someone new out here in the boonies," he said absently, looking you up and down. "what are ya doing all the way out here?"

He was playing dumb. You weren't sure whether to be thankful or annoyed. You laughed nervously. "I- uh- I'm lost... sort of... I'm looking for a job," you finished lamely, biting into your burger and practically melting from the flavor. Holy hell were you bad at this, you could not lie to save your fucking life (which was a shame because you kind of needed to to do just that).

A look of surprise flashed across Sans' face before being replaced with his usual casual grin. "job hunting, huh? thought you had one, from your clothes. welp, ya know what they say about making assumptions."

You looked down at your clothes, at the purple robe with the soft off-white trousers and undershirt. You weren't quite certain what would have- no, wait, shit, you _did_ know: your clothes were emblazoned with the royal crest, in that same off white color. You had been walking around wearing something that probably screamed _hey, look at me, I'm affiliated with you're king and queen!_ It was probably why no one had tried to start an Encounter with you yesterday!

Wow, you felt like an idiot.

Sans snickered at your expression. "don't sweat it, buddy. no one's gonna think less of you for having friends in high places. assuming, of course, that you really were friends."

**~~if we're really friends... you won't come back.~~ **

*** You felt your sins crawling on your back.**

Sans must have caught a sign of the thoughts that flashed through your mind, memories of your many, many attempts at completing the Genocide Run, because his expression went dark again before he schooled it back to normal. You flinched, looking away. "Of course we were friends... I hope we still are..."

You weren't sure if you were talking about Toriel this time or not, but it didn't matter. The sentiment was the same.

Sans eyed you, though you went back to eating. Your shaking had died down somewhat, and your stomach no longer ached, but that only meant there was less to distract you from the skeleton at your side.

Sans was taller than you had expected him to be. He was as tall as you, maybe even more so, placing him solidly above 5 feet. His skull was wider than what you would call a normal human skull, the orbital cavities larger and more elongated. His cervical vertebrae (the neck bones -- wow did your anatomy lingo get better after you joined this fandom) were thicker than a humans, the joints cushioned by what looked like small disks of cartilage. You couldn't see anything passed the very top of his thick clavicle, where his stained off-white shirt hung loosely. His ratty blue jacket moved as though it were filled with more than bones, so either there was some magic buffer bullshit going on in there, or his arm bones were significantly thicker than any humans. You couldn't see his hands either, since he was wearing fuzzy off-white mittens (or were those socks on his hands? maybe they were mittens made out of socks?)

"see something you like?" the skeleton monster asked, sounding amused. You looked away again, muttering an apology before finishing up your food.

"Thank you again, sir," you said softly to Grillby, too afraid to raise your voice with Sans so close. _Fuck he just gets under your skin, how does he do that?!_

Grillby made a crackling noise, and you were going to write it off as a generic polite response to your expression of gratitude, but the sound of Red Bird clearing their thought made you pause in your motion of sliding off the barstool.

"Grillby wants to know what kind of work you're looking for," Red Bird translated.

You looked at the bird, thinking that they was just asking to sate their own curiosity. "Um... well... I'm an artist, an entertainer... but I don't really expect to find a job like that here. I'd pretty much settle for anything-"

"Do you do music?" A voice came from the other side of the room. It was the horse/hamster monster, the grey one with the bright green-blond hair and black sunglasses.

You bit your lip. "I like singing, and I can play a few instruments, but-"

Grillby placed a hand on your shoulder. You tensed, worried about maybe hurting him (he was a fire elemental, and you were covered in nervous sweat, plus humans were always drenched in oils and you had no idea how that might affect him). He made a soft noise, which almost sounded like wood splintering in the base of a campfire.

Red Bird translated, "The jukebox is broken, so if you're any good, you can work here as the entertainment!"

You looked around, uncertain. This was starting to feel less like the game and more like those xReader fan-fictions which were your absolute guilty pleasure. You bit your lip. It wasn't like you had anything to lose, and even though you didn't think you were skilled enough to sing professionally, if the trope held, they would like your voice enough to let you get away with this.

Or there would be some bullshit about music being an extension of the SOUL (oh please dear god don't let that be a thing, you don't want anyone, especially not these kind, generous people, having to bear witness to the horrible disgusting thing you had for a SOUL).

Okay, maybe you _did_ have something to lose.

Well, might as well be poetic about it. It wasn't like you had a better idea, anyway.

And let's not forget, you were going to die. You weren't a red DETERMINATION SOUL either, so... YOLO!

You took a deep breath, tapping the four-four time of the most ironic song you could think of in this situation, letting the guitar intro play out in your head as you bobbed along to the background music that only you could hear.

Let me know that I've done wrong,  
When I've known this all along  
I go around a time or two,  
Just to waste my time with you

You pointedly looked at Sans for the first few lines, then closed your eyes as you got really into the song. You didn't notice the whole bar shifting it's focus onto you, but right now you didn't care. You were in the zone.

Tell me all that you've thrown away~  
Find out games you don't wanna play  
YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT NEEDS TO KNOW~

You pulled away from the bar, spinning around and looking right at Sans and Grillby, because god damn it, if you were gonna get dunked on today, you were at least going to go down in style.

I'll Keep You My Dirty Little Secret~  
Don't tell anyone, or you'll be just another regret~  
Hope that you can keep it, my Dirty Little Secret  
WHO HAS TO KNOW?

Sans had that lightless socket look on his face. You didn't think you wanted to see it coming when he attacked you, so you spun back to face the front of the bar. You took a few steps to get around the table of dogs playing cards, keeping your body moving, your head bouncing, for Doggo's benefit (you knew he couldn't see things that weren't moving).

You started clapping in half time to the beat, keeping yourself grounded and steady.

When we live such fragile lives,  
It's the best way we survive  
I go around a time or two,  
Just to waste my time with you

DogMarriage pounded the butts of their axes on the ground in time with you, and you heard someone pound the bartop with you too. You spun around to see who it was, to find it was the grey horse-hamster monster, grinning as he seemed to jam out to your a capella.

Tell me all that you've thrown away~  
Find out games you don't wanna play  
YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT NEEDS TO KNOW~

Sans still had that voided socket expression you had come to associate with Bad Times™, but he hadn't left his seat.

I'll Keep You My Dirty Little Secret~  
Don't tell anyone, or you'll be just another regret~  
Hope that you can keep it, my Dirty Little Secret  
WHO HAS TO KNOW?

You spun around again, getting louder by a few clicks to help drown out your nerves. You locked eyes with Doggo across the room, at least pleased to see that one of your captive audience wasn't disliking your impromptu performance that much: his tail was wagging and his ears were up in that way to indicate interest.

The was we feel inside~  
Those thoughts we can't deny~  
These sleeping dogs won't lie~  
And now I've TRIED TO HARD  
It's eating me apart~  
Trace this light heart~~

You held that last note out as long as you dared, ceasing your clapping. After the cleanest cutoff you could muster with your last remaining reserves of air, you paused to really catch your breath. You swallowed built up saliva, squeezing your eyes shut, wondering if this was when that strike would come.

Then you noticed the bar was deathly silent.

You tentatively turned to face Grillby again. He was very still, even the crackling of his flames died down to the faintest whisper.

Then the room erupted in hoots and howls and clapping. The only two still and silent figures in the room were yourself and Sans.

Grillby waved you closer. You approached, hesitant, not really wanting to get closer when Sans had that look, that look that in the game always meant that you had royally fucked up. Grillby took hold of one of your wrists, and with a pen, wrote down a time duration on your palm: 12PM - 1AM.

Looks like you got the job.

Huh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song, in case you didn't know, is "Dirty Little Secret" by "All American Rejects"  
> A few of the lyrics may be off, because I typed them out from memory. Also thats how I sing them when I spout off into spontaneous musical bullshitery.
> 
> God this trope is so overdone but I don't even care.
> 
> ...Sans is 5ft 3in of pure intimidation and he isn't even trying rn


	9. Welcome to Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You start to get into working at Grillby's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This plot is so BAD~~~~~~~~~~~

Once again you found yourself starting a new routine.

You stayed at the inn at night. The innkeeper just smiled at you when you explained the situation, how you would do your best to pay her back for her kindness when you could. She waved you off, telling you she knew someone who could help you find a house of your own. It turns out there were a few empty, one-bedroom houses for sale out in the woods, and the slimes were looking to sell them. You silently questioned why slimes would be into real estate, before realizing how ridiculous that question was to begin with.

In the meantime, the nice rabbits were happy to let you stay nights in their hotel while you saved up your earnings at the bar to pay for your new house.

Your days started at 10AM (or so the rabbit told you, since you asked to be woken up by then). You cleaned yourself up as best you could, shook the drowsiness off, and made your way to the bar. You always arrive early, but nervous and unsure as you approach the bar proper.

For the most part, you help Grillby out by waiting tables, letting him spend more time behind the bar. You did some bussing, poured some simple drinks, and mopped up the snow that got tracked into the build.

You also performed upon request. At first, you sing at 1G a song, and Grillby lets you keep all of your earnings from that. Nobody really knows what songs you know, so you make a deal that if they don't like the first one you sing, you'll sing a second for free. Whenever you sing a new song, you add it to the 'playlist,' a big blackboard Grillby installed on the wall just for that purpose.

The Canine unit were your biggest commissioners, asking for three or four songs apiece. Doggo payed for even more.

You and Doggo really hit it off, actually.

It was your second week working there, and most of the bar was packed. The canine unit was once again at their usual table, playing poker (with the exception of Lesser Dog, who was once again playing by itself and losing). Drunk Bunny was half asleep in their usual booth, drooling on the table again. The monster that looked like a venus fly trap with teeth (apparently called Big Mouth) was enjoying their usual, and the horse-hamster (apparently called Punk Hamster) was ranting to Grillby again about the pros and cons (especially the cons) of 'city folk' moving to Snowdin (from New Home). You had heard it plenty of times before since it was his favorite topic and you let the conversation wash over you as you bussed the table Lesser Dog had vacated a few minutes ago.

"If they come, it'll only ruin our culture!" Punk Hamster insisted. Then he caught sight of you behind Grillby, and coughed. "Uh, present company excluded, of course," he amended.

You hummed in acceptance of the misdirected exception (you weren't from New Home, although everyone in town seemed to think you were -- well, everyone except Sans -- because you always wore the purple robes Toriel gave you), smiling sweetly at the monster. "Glad to know you don't want to see me falling on my butt," you teased, prompting a crackling noise from Grillby you had come to think of as his laugh.

"Y/n?" You heard the gruff, coarse voice of Doggo from across the room.

"Yes?" You answered back, spinning to great the dog monster with a smile. You swayed gently from side to side, making it easy for Doggo to see you. You tried to keep yourself moving at least a little whenever you knew Doggo was in the room.

"I'd like a few songs," he muttered, pulling out a few gold and handing them to you. "Got anything about missing someone?"

You racked your brain, and a few songs came to mind, but as you were racking your brain for the perfect song, you realized what Doggo was probably thinking about -- everyone in the canine unit had lost a family member. It was true that those loved ones hadn't died in the traditional sense (they were probably safe in the True Lab, living as Endogeny the Amalgamate), but none of _them_ knew that.

All of the songs you knew about loss were about _romantic_ loss, not familial... Still, you could at least try...

You decided on 'What Hurts the Most' since the melody was cathartic, sweet, and easy, letting you sway from side to side naturally. You made sure to replace the word 'heart' with 'SOUL,' (because you weren't sure if monsters had hearts, and you would rather avoid making anyone suspicious), but other than that it was a smooth, sweet rendition which you performed as soulfully as possible.

You got so into it you didn't notice when Sans entered the bar during the second verse. You didn't notice how his movements slowed to as stop, how he snapped his attention to you like he had been electrocuted, how his eye lights went out as the words sank into him.

You didn't notice anything until after the last repeat of the last line of the last chorus, holding out the low note with a soft trill before making the cutoff and opening your eyes. You went to smile at Doggo and ask him what he wanted next, but your eyes fell on Sans, on his empty socket expression, and you felt again like you were being _judged for your every action._ You trembled, taking a half step back, masking your instinctual retreat by sliding to the side, as though making room for him to get to his usual bar stool.

You had managed so far to avoid dealing with Sans directly, leaving him to Grillby. Your eyes flickered to the bar, to where you had seen Grillby last, but the fire elemental was missing. He had apparently gotten an order he needed to go into the back to fill out. Which, unfortunately, left you in the awkward (and low key terrifying) position of serving Sans yourself.

"what's up, buddy?" Sans asked as he shuffled lazily passed you, grin plastered on his face. His eye lights returned after a moment, and you let out a breath you hadn't realized you had been holding. "couldn't help but _note_ -ice the look you're giving me. is there something on my face?"

You shook your head. "No, I was just surprised to see you, is all!" You lied as sweetly as possible, because what else were you supposed to say? _No, sorry, it's just that I have intimate knowledge of just how terrifying you can be, and now every time I see you I have flash backs of pixilated bone-themed bullet hells!_ Yeah, that would go over well. "Welcome to Grillby's! The usual?" You put on the best smile you could manage, already reaching for the ketchup behind the bar to pass to him.

When you held out the bottle though, Sans gripped your wrist and pulled you closer with a quick yank. You bristled, your cloth shoes skidding over the smooth wood floor as you came to a stop right in front of Sans where he sat at the bar. You could feel the individual bones of his phalanges through the thin material of his mittens, cool and sturdy and strong. "gotta say, i'm starting to feel _sing_ led out. ya don't look so tense when ya talk to anyone else..." His piercing eye lights bore into you, as though they could see right into your soul (which, given who and what Sans was, you wouldn't doubt was an objective fact). You shook, the sheer power hidden in his eyeless gaze making you feel small and insignificant.

"Lay off, Sans," a gruff voice said from behind you, right before a strong furry hand came to rest on your shoulder. "You're holding up the pup, and I still have two more songs today."

Sans finally tore his eyes away from you, looking at Doggo over your shoulder. "heh, sorry about that, pal. just making conversation with our resident songbird." He let go of your wrist, sliding his hand to grip the ketchup bottle and take it gently from your fingers. You let go of the bottle, pulling your arm back slow and careful, doing your best not to offend him. it took a lot of self control on your part not to grab hold of the spot on your wrist where you could still feel the cold of his grip.

Doggo snorted, eyeing Sans suspiciously before pulling you back towards the dog's table and setting you on his lap. You felt his hot breath, smelling of smoke and dog treats, on the back of your neck. "Don't worry, I don't like him either," Doggo muttered in your ear. "He loves to appear without moving."

You finally turned to look up at Doggo. He was a good head taller than you, his broad shoulders lean yet strong under all that fur. His pink muscle shirt was a little rumpled, and his leopard print cargo pants were doubly so. His sharp eyes squinted every which way behind his black eye mask, giving him a raccoon effect (although you got the impression that was unintentional), but they always came back to rest on you.

You smiled up at him, remembering to sway a bit so he could see you. "It isn't that I dislike him..." you argued.

Doggo snorted. "You always move when he's around, and not the nice kind of moving, the nervous kind of moving. I like the moving you do when I'm around better," he growled. "So, can you sing my next song? A happier one, if you don't mind."

You grinned wider. "My pleasure."

You and Doggo got pretty close after that, him insisting you sit with him when you weren't servicing other patrons, and always paying for more songs than anyone else.

You didn't notice the smug looks Doggo would shoot Sans, or the dark looks Sans would send back to the dog monster in reply. You didn't notice the amused shaking fits that Grillby sometimes fell into whenever he noticed the exchange either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pffffft I wonder what the hell is wrong with Sans?  
> Doggo likes that you move for him.
> 
> There are a lot of things you are missing here... :3c


	10. Sans a Welcome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans buys his first song from you  
> (A Sans POV Chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't planning on doing one of these so soon, but this particular scene had been dying to get written, so I wrote it.

The human was driving him crazy.

Sans didn't even understand it himself, and that fact gnawed at him as he sat at the bar of his favorite restaurant, nursing his fifth bottle of ketchup to keep from breaking down and ordering any of the whisky that had been taunting him from its place on the shelf against the back wall.

Just like _you_ were taunting him.

He couldn't figure you out: one of the first things your ~~intoxicating~~ voice had ever said to him had been a declaration of trust! But the moment you had laid eyes on him, he could practically smell the fear that swept over your SOUL, like the sound of his voice had flipped a switch inside you. And, okay, to be fair, when he had talked about you with his friend in the Ruins, he hadn't expected you to turn out to be human, and that (coupled with the whole Incident™ that ended with your forcible expulsion from the Ruins) might have been a bit much for him to handle at first. He might have needed a moment to himself. He might have needed to break something.

But then Sans went to greet you properly, and you _ran away from him_. Sans had tailed you, although after that first attempt to approach, he kept his distance (and his presence masked). He had been surprised at how you handled making your way to town, like you knew the way. He had been especially surprised when you knew just how to get passed all the other sentries, even waiting for Dogamy and Dogaressa to get back from their break _like you knew they were coming_ , which was impossible (wasn't it?), since you had never been to Snowdin. The speed and accuracy with which you solved all of his little brother's switch puzzles was surprising as well, almost as if you had seen them before.

(He might have found the way you crawled across the ice a little funny, but he would never admit it... to your face, at least.)

The way you ran across the bridge into town, like you were afraid something was going to pop out at you, like you knew Papyrus' Gauntlet of Deadly Terror was rigged there... well, suffice to say that that, coupled with the rest of your behavior, had made him very, very suspicious...

Even so, Sans had never done or said anything to you, had never really even met you properly (even though you already knew his name, and that was either a creepy coincidence or suspicious and alarming). And while you were indeed human, you hadn't done anything hostile... And anyone who could make horrible jokes and enjoy them couldn't be all bad, right?

So he offered to buy you breakfast, and... your relaxed posture had gone rigid, your body had begun to shake, and the nervous trill in your voice had been so obvious it had taken every ounce of his self control not to wince. You had been so utterly terrified of him, and Sans couldn't figure out _why_.

He also couldn't figure out why you weren't trying to bite and claw your way out of this mountain. From the looks of it, you were doing everything in your power to dig in your heels and settle down! The humans before you had been _desperate_ to leave! Why weren't you?

And why were you so stars damned interesting to him?

And why were you so stars damned terrified of him?

And why did you feel so stars damned guilty? What was it that you had done to weigh on your SOUL so heavily? What was it you were so desperate to hide?

How did you know he would Judge you?

You were driving Sans absolutely crazy.

And Sans _knew_ that you knew he would Judge you. He didn't know how you knew it (and you _shouldn't_ know, because _nobody_ was supposed to know), but he knew you knew it. The lyrics of that first song could not possibly be that coincidental.

Speaking of which: that first song had been utterly beautiful. You may not have been objectively the best singer Sans had ever heard (Shyren held that position), but your voice had this strange, hypnotic aspect to it that drew him (and apparently damn near anyone else who heard you) in and didn't let go until the last echoes of your last note had died in the air.

And your musical choices were always made to fit your unique limited range.

There was actually a bit of bragging rights going on in the bar now, a month and a half after your arrival in Snowdin -- apparently the patrons were taking pride in what new songs they could get you to sing, and whichever new song you sang first for them was their song. Your first song belongs to everyone, ~~even if you had been singing it to _him_~~.

Most of your songs were considered Doggo's, although Grillby had one, along with Dog Marriage, Punk Hamster, and Drunk Bunny. Sans hadn't yet bought a song, although he'd considered it many times. It was difficult to catch you unoccupied though. One of the Dogi was usually taking up your time, especially Doggo.

And Doggo was sitting there now, smirking smugly at Sans over your shoulder. You had just finished singing another round of 'Can't Help Falling in Love,' a favorite of Doggo's ever since you had sung it for Dog Marriage on their anniversary last week. The little jerk had requested it every day since, having you sit beside him as you sang it. The guy was making you _serenade_ him and you were _doing_ it with a fucking _smile on your face_ like it didn't bother you that you were singing blatant devotions of affection to a near stranger in a bar in front of a crowd.

It was like you didn't understand how that was a bad thing.

It was driving Sans crazy.

Now you were drinking a glass of water to sooth your throat. You said something to Greater Dog on your other side, who made an affirmative borf. You laughed, that crazy, infectious laugh that made the SOUL of everyone around you light up with that much more happiness. Sans found himself relaxing, watching you from the corner of his eye as he listened to you giggle until you were wheezing.

And then Doggo licked you.

He licked a fucking line from the base of your throat to the bottom of your ear, right there, in the middle of the bar, with _everyone watching_.

Sans' grip tightened so much on his ketchup bottle the top busted off and the ketchup exploded all over his hand (it would have made a much bigger mess if it hadn't been mostly empty). He trembled with outrage on your behalf.

You just laughed harder, shoving Doggo playfully and _joking_ about it, like it _didn't mean anything_. All the Dogi at the table laughed. Doggo even had the gall to shoot Sans a look across the bar, grinning toothily, wiggling his bushy eyebrows as Dogaressa passed you a napkin to wipe off Doggo's saliva.

Not that it would matter, because you were still going to smell like him for _days_ , the faint residual imprint of the dog's magic staining your skin invisibly.

Sans ground his teeth so hard they ached. He carefully set down the broken ketchup bottle, wiping his hand (mostly) clean on a napkin before getting up and making is way over to the table, behind you.

"heya, y/n," Sans greeted cheerfully.

Just like always when he got close, you went rigid, a shiver raking up and down your spine. You turned to face him, forcing a smile on your face. "How can I help you, Sans?" You asked pleasantly enough, although Sans could read it in your face that you didn't mean any of it, that you were struggling not to bolt like a frightened animal.

It made Sans' SOUL ache to see that.

He grinned wider, if only to keep his grin from falling all together, as he fished out a few gold from is pocket. "i'd like a song. got anything new for us?"

You took the money without hesitation, your brows furrowing ever so slightly in that way Sans found endearing. You took another drink, and while you were looking away, Doggo shot him a dirty look. He shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets and letting his shoulders go loose in his usual lazy posture.

You then turned back around, and started to sing in a quiet, gentle voice:

Hope it's not the last time~  
'Cause I'll never say no to you  
This conversation's been  
Dead. On. Arrival~  
And there's no way to talk to you~  
This conversation's been  
Dead. On.  
A rivalry goes so deep~  
between me and this loss of sleep over you

This is Side One~  
Flip me over~  
I know I'm not your favorite record~  
But the songs you grow to like never stick at first  
So I'm writing you a chorus  
and here is your verse~

The lyrics seemed to be trying to send a message to him, but the two parts of the song seemed to convey a contradictory message, and he wasn't certain which one was the one you meant. The sweet, slow, gentle flow of the melody lulled him into a false sense of security, so when you changed your intonation, getting louder, faster, more energetic as you stomped the beat with your foot, it took Sans by surprise.

No it's not the last time~  
'Cause I'll never say no to you  
This conversation's still  
Dead. On. Arrival~  
And there's no way to talk to you~  
This conversation's still  
Dead. On.  
A rivalry goes so deep~  
between me and this loss of sleep over you

This is Side One~  
Flip me over~  
I know I'm not your favorite record~  
But the songs you grow to like never stick at first  
So I'm writing you a chorus  
and here is your verse~

Sans felt your energy take over the room, and all eyes were on the two of you, as you, for once, were looking him in the eyes as you kept singing, gesticulating with your hands in time with the melody.

A melody that almost made Sans feel as if he were the one being Judged.

This is Side One~  
Flip me over~  
I know I'm not your favorite record~

So-oh-ooh~-ooh~

This is Side One~  
Flip me over~  
I know I'm not your favorite record~  
But the songs you grow to like never stick at first  
So I'm writing you a chorus  
and here is your VERSE~~

and here is your-!

You stomped your foot twice, signaling the end of the song, and then sat down (when had you stood up? He hadn't even noticed). Sans watched as you drank more water, blushing under the praises of the Dogi and the cheers from the other patrons around the bar. You were the strangest enigma, exuding confidence while simultaneously showing signs of terrible self esteem. It was just one more thing that made you interesting.

As Sans shuffled his way back to the bar, to where Grillby had another ketchup waiting for him, he thought about the meaning of your song.

Maybe there was HOPE yet?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent at least 2 hours singing 'Dead on Arrival' by Fall Out Boy to figure out how it would sound best sung A Capella.
> 
> I kinda wanna record myself singing it like that and put it on Soundcloud now because it sounds cool to me, but idk if i can pull that shit off well enough, or if anyone else would want to listen lol
> 
> ....
> 
> Who gets jealous of a dog?  
> Apparently a skeleton.
> 
> holy shit this plot is so bad~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	11. You May Need a Welcome Mat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get a house.  
> And your house gets it's first visitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS. STORY. IS. AWFUL.

You had finally done it.

It had taken you three months, but you had finally saved up enough gold to put a down payment on a house! It was a small, one room thing with a cozy, wood-burning fireplace that made you a little nervous, but it was the only house in town with a human-style bathroom and that was one amenity you desperately, _desperately_ wanted. It had apparently been built based off of information from some movies that had fallen into the dump, back during a huge human-culture craze.

After eating monster food for so long, you didn't really need a toilet (but having one was still reassuring).

It was well built, with smooth stone floors and walls, a quaint little cabin just beyond the tree line south of town. It wasn't more than a 5 minute walk from Grillby's and it only took that long because there wasn't an actual path.

The best part was the shower.

You sat in that thing for three hours and just reveled in the long lost sensation of blistering water pounding over your skin and burning away the feeling of dirt and defilement. You sang wordless praises, outright moaning at the superb water pressure that worked out tension in your back and shoulders you had long come to terms with.

The house had come mostly furnished, including a bed, table with four chairs, a stove, and a hot fridge (yes a hot fridge, to keep things hot instead of cold). It had a modest amount of cupboard space, but you planned on stocking it with ramen anyway. The one thing you did plan on getting was a microwave (you knew they existed here Underground, and even if you had to somehow barter with Papyrus for the one he used in his trap, you were getting a fucking microwave).

You were also going to pay back the rabbit monsters -- you had done the math: you owed them 7,360G for all the nights you had stayed with them. You didn't know how long it would take you to pay them back, but you had the rest of your life to try.

However long that may be, considering how much harder it was getting to hide from Papyrus.

And you had definitely been avoiding Papyrus.

It hadn't been easy. Papyrus seemed to always know when Sans had come to Grillby's (which, you supposed, wasn't hard to do, because Sans came in _every day_ without fail). If Sans hadn't _left_ the bar by a certain time (which you had come to find was 7:45 on the dot), Papyrus would march into the establishment, screaming Sans' name in the most shrill, irritated tenor you had ever heard. You had thankfully been able to stand in a distant corner, hiding behind Lesser Dog, when he came in the first time.

And the second.

And the third.

And okay, you had been hiding there at 7:45 every night like fucking clockwork, except the times when Lesser Dog wasn't there. Then you hid behind the bar itself, kneeling on the floor and drinking a glass of water, taking that time as a break and pretending it wasn't utterly ridiculous that you were on your butt at the feet of your flaming employer, who, by the way, shook with silent laughter each and every time.

The taller skeleton had (to the best of your knowledge) not seen, noticed, or heard of you.

At least, that was what you thought.

You had been horribly, horribly wrong.

The first night of getting your house, you were home rather early. Usually you worked until 1 in the morning, but in celebration of getting your official residence in Snowdin, your wonderful, amazing, fabulous boss had cut your hours for the next three days (he had actually tried to give you those days off, but you insisted on coming in for at least the lunch rush, not only for him, but for your own income). Now here it was, 6AM, and you were in your very own house, curled up in an oversized white t-shirt you had found on sale at the shop (and nothing else -- holy hell is it hard to find underwear!! you were starting to think you'd have to settle for buying some big shorts and wearing them as boxers), a small book you had borrowed from the Librarby in your lap as you read by the light of your fireplace. You had never lived on your own before, and while you quite enjoyed the quiet and the way you could let your smell settle on everything, you were a bit on edge.

So when three loud knocks cracked on the outside of your door, you jumped like a startled cat. Dropping your book, you flailed your arms a bit before you could gather your wits about you. _It was just someone at the door, nothing to worry about._

You ground your teeth, an embarrassed flush warming your cheeks as you went to answer the door.

At first when you opened it, all you saw was shiny white plating and a plastic container of food held in red mittens.

You looked up.

You looked up and saw a long, slender skull, with handsome, pronounced, angular features. You saw tall, narrow slits for orbital sockets, situated above a tiny nasal passage, and huge, blinding white teeth.

You saw a bright red scarf, a warm bright scarlet color.

You saw a cheerful skeleton monster in white plate armor and blue booty shorts, a black body suit, red combat boots and gloves, looming above you by at least a head and a half.

You saw Sans' little brother, Papyrus.

"HELLO, NEW NEIGHBOR!!" Papyrus greeted you with his mega-watt smile. His tenor voice, while full and powerful, wasn't as loud as you expected it to be, given that he always spoke in all caps. He was boisterous, and energetic, but not _loud_. After hearing him scream at Sans in the bar, you had worried that was his usual volume. Either it was, and he was taking great pains to be softer for your sake, or it wasn't... either way, you were immensely grateful.

"WE HAVE NOT BEEN FORMERLY INTRODUCED! I AM PAPYRUS! THE GREAT PAPYRUS!! SOON-TO-BE-ROYAL-GUARD!! IT IS A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU!!" He said this with such heartfelt sincerity that you barely noticed when you instinctively reaching out to shake his outstretched hand.

"I'm Y/n, and your reputation precedes you, Great Papyrus," you said with more honesty than you expected. "It is an absolute honor to meet you in person! Could I.." You smiled, because how could you possible _not_ go where you were about to go? "...possibly have your autograph?"

You weren't sure exactly what reaction you were expecting, but you were not disappointed. Papyrus's eyes, glowing translucent spheres that looked just a little too big for his sockets, appeared (as if by magic) and bugged out of his head, sparkling with glitters of orange and deep blue. At the same time, he rose his hands to his face, clutching at the sides of his jaw like he was squeezing cheeks he didn't have. Somehow, in that same motion, he managed to get the plastic container of food into your hands.

"WOWWIE!! I WAS NOT EXPECTING TO MEET MY VERY FIRST FAN!! OF COURSE YOU CAN HAVE MY AUTOGRAPH!!"

You beckoned Papyrus inside, setting the tupperware on the table as you looked for something he could autograph for you. A part of you was relieved beyond words: he hadn't recognized you as a human, and that had been your biggest concern. You rummaged through your empty house, realizing just how many little things you didn't have, like pens and paper.

Papyrus made a throat clearing noise, and when you turned around, he was holding a signed, framed photo of himself wearing sunglasses... on his arms. You beamed, reaching out to take it. "I should have known the Great Papyrus was prepared for any situation."

Papyrus seemed to smile wider, and after he handed you your gift, he posed, his scarf billowing heroically in a nonexistent draft. "OF COURSE!! I AM VERY GREAT, AFTER ALL!!" He wasn't saying that narcissistically, as strange as that sounded. Proud, yes, but not narcissistic.

It was... strangely adorable.

Not that Papyrus hadn't been adorable in the game (because he had), but meeting him in person was a whole new experience (that seemed to be a recurring theme). He was bright, cheerful, his manner of speaking was crisp and clear and articulate, even if his linguistic habits were unusual.

"ALSO! THAT IS NEW NEIGHBOR SPAGHETTI!! TO WELCOME YOU TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD!!" The friendly skeleton gestured to where you had set the tupperware down. "I KNOW YOU WORK IN THAT GREASE TRAP, SO I THOUGHT MAYBE SOME FRESH, HEALTHY, NOT GREASY FOOD WOULD BE A NICE CHANGE OF PACE!"

You smiled. "That was quite thoughtful of you! I'm sure I'll enjoy it."

Papyrus seemed to preen under your praise. "SO, PERHAPS NEXT TIME I COME TO DRAG MY LAZYBONES BROTHER HOME, YOU WILL BE LESS INTIMIDATED BY MY GREATNESS?" He asked hopefully.

You blushed. "Um... yeah... you saw that huh? Of course you saw that, it was stupidly obvious..."

"NYEH HEH HEH!! WORRY NOT, NEIGHBOR!! IT IS PERFECTLY UNDERSTANDABLE TO BE INTIMIDATED BY SOMEONE AS GREAT AS I!! BUT NOW THAT YOU HAVE BEEN ACCLIMATED TO THE GREAT PAPYRUS, YOU CAN ENJOY MY PRESENCE FROM UP CLOSE AS WELL AS AFAR!! AND MAYBE- WELL..." He paused, looking down at you sheepishly. "MAYBE I CAN GET A SONG?? I HAVE HEARD YOU ARE RATHER GOOD AT THEM!"

You smiled wider. "Come by anytime I'm working, and the first song will be on the house."

The smile you got for that was worth a thousand songs. You might just give Papyrus a lifetime free pass. He lunged faster than you could anticipate, pulling you clear off the floor in a warm, soft skeleton hug. "A GIFT SONG!! WE MUST BE FRIENDS NOW!! NYEH HEH HEH!! VICTORY FOR THE GREAT PAPYRUS!!"

It was in this moment you wondered just how much of Papyrus' sweet cinnamon-roll persona was genuine, and how much was calculated to manipulate you into unsuspecting complacency, because surely nobody could be this innocent at his age without an ulterior motive. Right?

Not that it mattered, because you were relatively certain he now had you wrapped around his slender phalanges.

 _Victory for the Great Papyrus_ , indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Papyrus used Housewarming Gift  
> * It was super effective


	12. Forgot the Welcome Mat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your 2nd day as a homeowner.  
> You at least get some shopping done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story refuses to get written.  
> it's like pulling teeth.  
> and the story is so bad~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grillby shooed you out after the lunch rush that second day of your pseudo vacation, crackling with amusement at your long suffering face. You sighed, dawdling just long enough to drink the last of your water before heading for the door.

Doggo bounded off after you, tail wagging excitedly behind him. "Where are you going? Cutting out early again? Did you change your hours??"

You shook your head. "No, just cutting back for a few days while I settle in my new house! I just bought it, and i didn't have much, so there are a lot of things I need to get my hands on."

"Like what?" The dog monster asked, falling in step beside you.

You thought about it, holding up your hand and counting. "boots, a sturdy coat, some socks," you didn't notice the way Doggo's cheeks seemed to tinge a faint pink at the word, "pens, paper, a few extra blankets, more pillows... and food. Lots of food. Ramen, if I can find it."

Doggo listened to you, ears perked up attentively as he his shifted back and forth, wary of his surroundings. He followed close to you, his footsteps cautious and unsure. "Ramen? I think they might have that in Hotland and new Home, or they used to, anyway, but not around here. Not much call for it..."

You sighed. "Maybe the shop can special order it..?" you thought out loud, the hope already fading from you. As nice as the monster food around here was (you were a sucker for a good cinnamon bunny, and Grillby's french fries were criminally good), you had been hoping to enjoy the nostalgia of familiar fares from home.

 _Home._ That word made a lump catch in your throat. You swallowed, shoving it down for the umpteenth time. You had been here, in this magical video game world, for months. _Months._ Your family had probably filed a police report by now. The police had probably dropped your file into a stack of cold cases already, another name to be forgotten. You were, honestly, okay with that. What you weren't okay with was the image of your family, your parents and your sibling, tearing themselves apart wondering what happened to you. And then there was Toriel... You didn't have to try too hard to imagine the look of betrayal on her face, when she found you missing from her home (you had seen it in all it's pixilated glory the moment you killed her in the game ~~and you had laughed, like it was the funniest thing in the world, you sick freak~~. As much as it hurt, you had come to hope she felt bitterly towards you, because that meant she wouldn't be hurting as badly, wondering what happened to you too. ~~You staunchly refused to acknowledge the very real possibility that Toriel was nothing but dust in that empty house.~~

As fast as the heart-wrenching weight of your guilt came, it was gone, stomped down under the boot of your apathy. It was times like this you were thankful for your ability to not give a damn. It wasn't like you could do anything about it. You were stuck here. You were stuck in a video game. You were stuck outside the Ruins.

But you were alive, and that had to count for something, right?

Right.

You shook yourself out of your self-loathing, opening the shop door and holding it open for Doggo (since for some reason he had decided to join you on your shopping trip). Doggo cautiously entered the shop, his eyes darting back and forth wildly.

You waved to the shopkeeper, smiling your best smile as you approached the counter. You greeted the friendly familiar rabbit monster, taking a small sort of comfort in her gentle voice and southern drawl (why she had a southern drawl you didn't know, but you didn't care enough to ask, especially given it might be perceived as rude and the last thing you wanted to do was offend one of the few monsters you were confident you were friends with).

Doggo sniffed around the store while you gathered the things you needed. The shopkeeper was immensely helpful, patiently going through your mental list and helping you find prices that made it all work in your limited budget. You were going to be broke for a while, but you weren't worried.

The one thing that did perplex you was how you were going to carry everything. The box of cinnamon bunnies, pens, and papers fit snuggly between the folds of one of the blankets, but the blankets and pillows were bulky by themselves, and it was difficult to see over them when they were stacked in your arms.

You were just about to turn around and ask the shopkeeper if you could make two trips when Doggo takes the top half of your burden, flashing you a toothy grin. You smiled back gratefully, leading the way out of the shop, oblivious to the shocked (and amused) look on the shopkeeper's face behind you.

Doggo followed you back to your house, sniffing the air. He almost ran into a couple of trees, so you had to stay close, talking to him and guiding him through the safe path.

"Sorry," you said for the fifth time, as you just barely managed to keep Doggo from crashing into another tree. "There isn't an actual path... i know this is very inconvenient..."

"Don't worry about me," Doggo reassured you, growling at the tree as he made his way around it. "I'll need a dog treat after this, but it's not so bad... maybe later you can invest in an actual path, though..."

You chuckled. "I've been thinking about that, actually. I'd need to clear a few trees away, and i could use the wood to make planks or something..."

Doggo sniffed the air. "Lots of ways to use wood around here..." he observed.

You made an affirmative noise, spinning around to look at Doggo as he finally made it through the trees into the little clearing where your house was. "Here we are: my house. It's kind of small, but it's mine all the same!" You opened the door (you hadn't bothered to lock it, since it was so out of the way and you didn't have anything in there worth taking).

You bumped the door open with your hip, stumbling inside and dumping the blankets on the bed. You then fished out the food and pens and paper from their confines, relocating them to the kitchen area and putting them away.

Doggo stepped into the house carefully, setting the blankets and pillows in his arms down on the table (which was closer to the door), his shifty eyes taking in the room. "Nice place...i think," he said, sitting down.

You laughed. "Yeah, it's nice enough. Seems to suit my needs, although in all fairness I've only had it a few days."

"It smells like you already," Doggo said absently, sniffing the air.

You grinned. "I know, right? Already starting to feel like a home."

Doggo gave you a toothy grin. "Glad to see you're settling in. It's good to have you here, you know? You move. Not a lot of people move..."

You turned to him, your grin faltering. You hadn't really thought about it, but he was right. Even if it was a jape, you knew that sometimes the other Dogi held still on purpose to prank Doggo. You also knew that Doggo was self-conscious and easily startled because of his sight issue, that he was constantly questioning his own perception of the world, worried about making a mistake. You knew he used BLUE attacks, which made it so he couldn't hurt things that weren't moving -- _things he couldn't see_...

You sat down next to him, putting your hand on his arm. You could feel his toned muscles under the soft white fur, tensing and relaxing in bursts, as though he wasn't sure if he wanted to move it or not. "I can only imagine how hard it is for you... can you see anything that isn't moving?" You had been meaning to ask.

Doggo huffed softly in thought. "If I dart my eyes around fast enough... sometimes I _think_ i can see something... like shapes, and colors... moving lights, when the light bounces off things, i can get the rough shape of what it's bouncing on... i think." He smirked. "Nobody else ever asks about it."

You smile. "Is it easier to see me if I make long, slow motions, or short, fast ones?"

"It doesn't really matter, any motion works," Doggo answered, almost sounding relieved.

You sigh in relief. "That's good to know!"

You and Doggo talked for a little while longer, then you walked him back through the trees to Snowdin proper, before parting ways for the evening.

Two small, silent figures watched from afar, one from the branches above, and one from under the snow.

The one in the snow disappeared, only to reappear in front of you, blocking your path back into the house.

"Howdy!" Flowey grinned, his face cast in ominous shadow thanks to the dim light. "Remember me?"

"How could I forget?!" You snapped. "I can't believe you did that!! How could you?!"

You couldn't say it, though, your body trembling with rage and fear.

Flowey quirked an eyebrow. "You saw me do it. I took a vine, and I smacked you into the door, and then I opened the door, and then I-"

He was mocking you.

"NO!" You shouted, cutting him off. "How could you do that to Toriel?!"

The flower giggled. "I didn't do _anything_ to the old lady! _You_ did!"

"You poisoned that pie!! I KNOW it was you!! Don't you dare lie to me!!" You clutched at your clothes, fuming. If you weren't legitimately afraid for your life, you would have jumped the flower by now and started ripping him apart. _Where had all of you ~~determination~~ gone? You had been so ready to fight him during your last encounter._ Just goes to show how much of a coward and a failure you really were.

Flowey's giggling turned to cackling. "So? I still wasn't the one who gave her a poisoned pie! That was all you!"

"Is she even still alive?" You demanded to know. "Is she-?"

Flowey's grin turned sadistic. "The not knowing is killing you, isn't it? Driving you crazy, hmm?"

You could tell by his face that he had no intention of telling you anything.

Flowey laughed at the look on your face. "Whats the matter? Not so funny when the shoe is on the other foot, is it, human?"

"My name is Y/n," you said through gritted teeth.

"And I should care why?" Flowey flicked his petals, throwing off a thin layer of frost and snow. "So, now that that's out of the way, how about I get to the important part? You've been playing house again," he said slowly, as though talking to a child, "and as amusing as it is to watch you confound that smiley trash bag, it's starting to get boring. So move on already."

"I told you," you snapped, "I'm not playing your stupid game!! I'm not suicidal, thank you!"

"It isn't any fun if you don't play along," Flowey whined.

"What's fun for you isn't necessarily fun for me," you growl. "And I'm going to have a lot of fun _not dying_ right here, thank you very much."

Flowey made a 'pfft' sound. "It isn't like it's permanent."

"Do I look dumb enough to trust my life in the leaves of a psychopathic demon flower?" You deadpanned.

"Do you want an honest answer?"

"You're an insufferable child."

"Name-calling is the first sign of a losing argument, idiot," Flowey smirked.

You groaned, running your hands through your hair. It was freezing again, the light almost all gone for the night, taking what semblance of warmth with it. "Unless you want me to die a boring death of hypothermia," you hissed. "Let me go inside and warm up."

Flowey huffed. "This isn't over. You can make this as hard as you want, but I'll always win." He smiled wider, fangs gleaming bright in the void-like darkness of his impossible mouth. "Eventually, your luck will run out, and you'll die. And then, then we'll play again, and I'll win again. And again, and again, and again, until I get bored of you."

With that, the flower was gone, leaving you alone in the silence of your cold, snow covered front yard.

Above you, unbeknownst to you, a figure stood poised on a tree branch, fists clenched in a white knuckled grip in the pockets of his ratty blue jacket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp  
> uh  
> still no idea if tori's okay or not  
> but flowey still has our number  
> i feel like we're about to get rekt'd


	13. You are Welcome to Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You tell a skeleton to come see you on your next day off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This plot is sO BAD WHY OH WHY ISN'T THIS BEING A GOOD PLOT

Your third day of homeownership was thankfully uneventful, save for the five minutes Papyrus was able to spare to come visit you at work. You had not hidden from him like a frightened fawn, and the way his face lit up at your warm welcome was enough to make your day right then and there. Just like you promised, you had sung him a song, free of charge (you chose that song, 'Innocence,' by that one chick you couldn't pronounce the name of -- Avel? Ariel? Eh, whatever).

Papyrus had taken it exactly how you had hoped he would - as flattery. You had then done your job as Grillby's employee (and as a self indulgent fan) and suggested that Papyrus try the milkshake on the menu. Papyrus had been skeptical ("WHY WOULD SHAKEN MILK BE MORE ENJOYABLE THAN UNSHAKEN MILK?") but had relented and sat down to order one.

The look on his face, the way his eyes manifested, sparkling and liquid, when he registered the taste, was even more adorable than that one comic by that z-person. It made you want to wrap this skeleton, who was a good two-three feet taller than you, in a blanket burrito and feed him milkshakes all day while you pet his head, just to see that delighted look on his face.

You might have a problem with cute things.

Papyrus had indulged in his milkshake, complimented Grillby for it, and declared that he would be ordering one frequently in the future, whenever he came in. And he would also be ordering more songs.

You and Grillby were both pleased with this, waving goodby as the cheerful, friendly, eccentric skeleton left, the echoes of his iconic laughter left in his wake.

It wasn't long after that that you had gone home and enjoyed a lazy, roll-around-in-bed day just basking in the fact that you _had_ a bed of your own now.

You slept for most of that day, oblivious of the monster who kept coming to watch from the trees.

The next day you were back to the grind stone, working long hours and well into the night. And by the end of the week, everything was normal. You sang and bussed tables, enjoying the generosity of Grillby letting you munch on his leftovers. It wasn't an easy life, and you sometimes had trouble getting out of bed in the morning, but you scraped by. Even though you only charged 1G per song, your patrons always gave you more for them. You assumed they were tips, which you were fine with. Everyone always specified how many songs they wanted (and in many cases nowadays, _which_ song) so you were never confused about how much they were paying for.

As time passed, you had started to notice the usual crowd was larger than when you first started working. The change had been gradual, but one day you stepped in for work and found the building so jam packed with so many people it was hard to even get to the bar to clock in. Grillby looked a little frazzled, but immensely satisfied.

"Maybe you might want to start thinking of expanding, if you're going to keep getting so many customers," you teased, pulling your apron out from under the bar and slipping it on. Grillby gave you crackling noise, and coupled with the way he tilted his head at you, you interpreted his response as being, _'I might just have to consider that, given the circumstances.'_

Sometimes talking to Grillby felt like talking to a pet -- you got these little inarticulate nosies and body language that you could interpret as you saw fit, and it was a fun game to see how accurate you were in doing that. Of course, you knew that was ridiculous, as Grillby was significantly older than you ( ~~if you ignored the nagging reminder in your mind that the video game you were in was no more than two years old, and that made everyone in it, in a strange and kind of creepy way, children, only they weren't children, and thinking about it seriously messed with your existential worldview so you staunchly refused to dwell too long on it~~ ), and far more worldly. You had the feeling that Grillby was the kind of guy who could outwit you in a game of chess long before you knew what your first move was going to be.

And his poker face was impenetrable.

Grillby quirked an eyebrow at you (or his analog for an eyebrow anyway, where the coloration of the flames of his face shifted just over where his glasses sat on his face), and you realized you had been standing there staring (either at him or into the middle distance, neither of which were any better). You felt yourself flush, and you rushed to make your rounds.

You hadn't seen him since you had gotten your house (which was actually weird, now that you think about it) nearly a month ago, so you were a bit startled when Sans just popped into his usual seat, with no warning.

"welp, aren't you a sight for sore eyes," the skeleton chirped cheerfully ( ~~was it just you, or was his smile more strained than usual?~~ )

You took a deep breath to calm your nerves. You had to stop getting freaked out every time Sans used one of his shortcuts. It wasn't even novel anymore, he took them damn near everywhere. _You legitimately wondered how he managed to keep them a secret, when it seemed so obvious to you. Or perhaps, it only seemed obvious to you because you already knew about them?_ "Sans, you don't even _have_ eyes," you tried to joke.

A measure of tension seemed to leave Sans, and he leaned on the bar looking at you. "heh, thats true." You turned to go back to your work, when he caught your arm. "hey, can ya spare a few moments? wanted to have a talk with you."

You hesitated. You'd been walking on eggshells around Sans for months (for good reason!), but so far he's been nothing but patient and understanding with you. You were still incredibly nervous about talking to him (you had a big mouth, and a big secret, and adding a guy as observant as Sans to the mix was just asking for trouble), but maybe it was time you tried to be more friendly?

**~~some good food, some bad laughs, some nice friends~~ **

You tried to shrug off the fragments of words that clung to your heart, text that, until you had fallen down here, had not had a voice to speak them.

Sans started to tense again, probably because of how long you've taken to answer him. "look, i know you've been busy-"

*** ~~you've been busy, huh?~~**

"-and if i gotta wait until your next day off, or something, i get it. you gotta work. but, i'd really like a chance to talk to ya. c'mon buddy,"

**~~c'mon buddy. do you remember me?~~ **

"give a guy a break?"

You took another deep breath. It wasn't fair. Sans was- well, he was _Sans_ , and he had always been your favorite. You knew you were a tool for that, but you couldn't help it: the guy was a walking meme post blog with good taste in bad food and a sense of humor that never failed to have you smiling. You had been dying inside wanting to get to know him better, the real him, and the terror that engulfed you whenever he had gotten close had been the bane of your existence. You had to do something about it.

Maybe you should just come clean about everything.

_Maybe you were a fucking suicidal idiot who was literally willing to die for five good minutes with their idol._

~~Maybe you just couldn't handle the sins crawling on your back anymore.~~

And hey, maybe he wouldn't even believe you? Maybe he'd write you off as crazy? He didn't believe Papyrus about Flowey, after all, so maybe he won't believe you either?

You aren't sure whether you like that thought or not.

Regardless, you've decided you'll talk to Sans like he wants.

"Whats this? Is someone there? Who are you talking to?" Doggo asked from behind you. His fluffy paw came to rest on your shoulder.

"Oh, it's Sans," you let him know as you turned your head to look at him, patting his hand reassuringly. You knew he got anxious and excited so easily.

Doggo let out a growl, pressing closer to you (to try and look over your head?) He must have been trying to see Sans, and having difficulty, considering how tightly he was clutching you in frustration.

You looked back at Sans, and you couldn't help flinching because he was once again regarding you with that vacant-socket look that sent your adrenaline pumping. You gulped, fighting down that all-too-familiar instinct to run as far away as possible.

"Uh, I have the day-after-tomorrow off... So maybe, if you wanted, you could visit me then?" You said, your voice sounding pathetic and uncertain to your critical ears.

"heh. sounds great. it's a date," Sans answered pleasantly.

Doggo growled again, keeping his paw on your shoulder as you went back to work. Poor thing, he must have been having trouble navigating in the thick crowd, because he just couldn't bring himself to let you go. You guided him back to his usual seat at the dogi's regular table, setting him down gently. He payed you for another song (wow he really liked Elvis! you wished you knew more than the silly love ballad), and after you finished that you fell back into your normal routine.

There were customers from waterfall in today (which explained the crowd). Aaron flexed at you, winking and play flirting. You giggled, trying to flex back at him, but you didn't have much in the way of muscle. He bought a few songs, which surprised you, since you had been certain he was only interested in Shyren (was that ship canon or fanon? it was hard to remember anymore).

You could have sworn you saw a pale shape flit through the room, but when you looked to see what it was, it was gone.

* * *

The next day was just as busy as the last. You had been singing more and more, and had taken to just keeping a water bottle on hand, sloshing in your apron pocket. You had just delivered another order of fries to Jerry, who thankfully sat in the far corner of the building and didn't interact with any of the other patrons. It seemed like such a nice guy, if a little weird and self centered. You were the only one who could stand talking to it for more than five minutes, which you thought was a shame. Jerry bought your songs too, but it only ever requested 'The Song that Never Ends,' which you had to charge for by the minute. You were almost done with its request (which had been for 12 minutes) when you heard the little bell go off declaring yet another patron.

"HELLO AGAIN FELLOWS!! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE COME TO BARTER FOR THE EXPERIENCE OF SHAKEN MILK AND MUSICAL ACCOMPANIMENT!!"

You grinned mid song, counting down the seconds. Your time actually ran out halfway though a verse, but you finished that verse anyway before dusting yourself off and bidding Jerry a farewell.

Papyrus had just gotten his milkshake when you made it to his side. You grinned. "Good afternoon Papyrus! How have you been today?"

"I HAVE BEEN EXCELLENT!!" He declared, although there was a flicker in his eye lights that made you want to press.

So you did. "Nothing different happened?"

Papyrus made a deadpan face (which was an achievement given he had a constantly smiling skull). "NOTHING. DIFFERENT. AT ALL. THAT IS THE WHOLE PROBLEM." He said. He looked at you. "NEIGHBOR, THIS IS A BAR CORRECT? AND BARS ARE PLACES WHERE YOU CAN GO TO TELL YOUR TALES OF WOE, ARE THEY NOT?"

You sat next to him, clasping your hands in your lap. "They certainly are. I'm always happy to listen, if you need an ear."

"WAS THAT A PUN?"

You covered your mouth. "Unintentional, I swear." You wish that was intentional (that was funny)!

Papyrus smiled softly, clasping you on the shoulder with his thin red mittens. "WELL THEN, NEIGHBOR, I WILL TELL YOU OF MY WOES!! THEY ARE NOT MANY, MIND YOU, BUT THEY ARE CERTAINLY WOEFUL!!"

You leaned in, loving this.

"I FOUND. A SOCK. ON THE FLOOR." Papyrus said with emphasis, the scandalous nature of the accusation audible in his stage whispered voice. "A DIRTY SOCK. ON MY KITCHEN FLOOR. THE OUTRAGE!!! SANS HAS GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME!!!"

You bit your lip. A thought came to your mind. "Well, why don't you get back at him? I wouldn't mind helping you with a little jape... maybe we could instill in him some shame?"

"YOU HAVE AN IDEA THAT I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE NOT THOUGHT OF??" He asked incredulously. Then his grin widened, and he leaned forward so your head was level with his skull. "DO TELL!!"

You leaned in, whispering your crazy, silly idea into his acoustic meatus. You watched as orange and blue sparkles began gleaming in Papyrus' eye sockets. "NYEH HEH HEH!! THAT IS A WONDERFUL IDEA!! WE WILL HAVE TO GET TOGETHER AND PRACTICE BEFORE EXECUTING IT!! WHEN DO YOU THINK YOU WILL HAVE IT READY??"

You snickered. "By tomorrow? I already have some ideas..."

"THEN WE START TOMORROW!!!" Papyrus declared, picking up his milkshake and toasting the air with it before throwing the whole thing back like a shot. A few bits of whip scream clung to his teeth, which he whipped away neatly with a napkin. "SEE YOU TOMORROW, NEIGHBOR!!"

You felt a giddy excitement as you watched the mischievous cinnamon roll leave.

You were playing with fire, you knew, but the thought of getting Sans even the tiniest bit flustered ~~filled you with determination~~.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader is worse at real-people names than I am. Pfft.
> 
> The song is "Innocence" by Avril Lavigne.
> 
> The comic referenced to here is by [Zarla](http://zarla-s.tumblr.com/) I can't find a link to the comic itself rn, but there is the tumblr.
> 
> Reader x Jerry best brOTP
> 
> I think Reader forgot something important.  
> Actually two important things


	14. Sometimes it Feels Good to Tell the Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have a talk with Sans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS SO BAD~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
> No really, this is bad. SO bad. I had no idea how to write this scene and i think i fucked it up so bad~~~~~~~~~

You stayed up late that night (meaning well into the morning) finishing the little project that you were going do with Papyrus. You crossed out and rewrote word after word, singing quietly in the solitude of your little house, surrounded by colorful paper with your neat handwriting on it. It had taken you a few tries to get it right (or did you mean _write_ , hehehe), but by 5AM, you had done it.

You had completed the parody song that you hoped would knock Sans down a peg, for Papyrus' sake at least. Honestly, you thought it was kind of cute how those two brothers argued over a sock with sticky notes, but you could also see why Papyrus didn't want Sans leaving dirty laundry in the kitchen.

Those were the sum of your last thoughts before you had passed out face down in your paper covered bed, pen still clutched in one hand.

You were woken up by the sound of two crisp, clear knocks on your door.

You shot awake with a start, blinking in the light that streamed from your window. "Who's there?" you asked, still half asleep.

"carmen," came a muffled voice that your sleep addled mind couldn't identify.

"Carmen who?" you asked, rubbing your eyes. Did you know a Carmen?

"carmen let me in, won't you?"

You paused. The joke clicked. And then the identity of your guest clicked. _Sans was here_. You quickly gathered up the papers still strewn on your bed and stuffed them under your pillow (because that is totally where functioning adults hide things they don't want guests to see, yup, totally), and scrambled off the mattress. You were halfway to the door when you realized you weren't wearing any pants, and did a one-eighty to snatch a pair of sky blue boxers you had gotten from the store last week out of your dresser and pulled them on. You were still half asleep, so it didn't register to you that maybe boxers and a baggy t-shirt might not make the best impression on a guest, so you stumbled back to the front door and undid the locks before opening the door.

Sans stared at you, that empty socket-look on his face. You didn't notice that the bones of his face seemed to tint a bit blue. All you saw was the empty lightless cavities of his orbital sockets. Those sobered you up real fast, adrenaline thrusting you to full alertness. You flinched back, still clutching the door in one hand. You wouldn't have thought Sans would get so mad just from you being a little late, or slothful!

"S-sorry!" you squeak out, too loud for your dry throat, making your voice crack. "I didn't mean to make you wait!"

Sans makes a noise like he's clearing his throat (which he doesn't have?), averting his gaze bodily by turning his head to one side. "it's alright. not a big deal."

Sans carefully stepped over the threshold, entering your house for the first time. He seemed to let out a breath, his eye lights coming back, though that did little to set your mind at ease.

You ran your fingers through your hair, scratching at your skull as the adrenaline rush died down and left you feeling sluggish and off kilter. At this point, you had come to the conclusion that you had fucked up already, and were probably going to die, so you might as well die with a full stomach. You stumbled over to your kitchen area, digging out a couple cinnamon bunnies and stuffing your face with them. You licked your fingers clean of the sticky brown sugar frosting, then remembered you had a guest.

"You, uh, want one?"

Sans made that coughing noise, his low voice sounding slightly strangled. "naw, i'm good."

You shrugged, sitting down in one of the chairs at the table. "So... you wanted to talk to me?"

Sans seemed to get his bearings, making himself comfortable in a chair across from you. "yeah. uh, look. i'm pretty sure you're scared of me... and, i've racked my brain over it for months, but i can't figure out why. and you..." He looked at you, a his eye lights focused and steady on you, piercing into you. "you seem to know things that you shouldn't be able to know."

You clutched at the table, tension clawing up and down your body. This was it, the moment of truth. Do you tell him? Do you spill your guts about everything? Do you trust Sans to help you, knowing the truth of who you are and what you've done?

Or do you take the safe road, and run away again?

You took a deep breath (you do that a lot around Sans, apparently), and smiled. "Well, in all fairness, so you do. I wanted to thank you, by the way, for, you know... not telling anyone I'm human."

Sans huffed, leaning back in his chair in mild amusement. "doing nothing is kind of my specialty."

**~~all right. that's it. it's time for my _special attack_. are you ready? here goes nothing.~~ **

You doubled over, pounding on the table laughing, because you _knew_ that that was a _fact_! Sans' special attack _was literally nothing_ and just hearing him say it took all of your tension and turned it into near hysterical laughter.

Although you didn't see it, Sans's grin faltered (he thought it was funny, but he couldn't understand how you would get the joke). "uh, thanks for the laugh, but you don't need to _humor_ me quite that much."

You wiped the moisture from your eyes. "I'm- I'm not humoring you I just- 'it's literally nothing' and- I'm sorry, it shouldn't be so funny but it IS and you KNOW but you DON'T know and-" you clutched your sore ribs, panting a little to try and get your breathless laughter under control. "i'm sorry. uh. so. what, you want me to tell you all my dirty secrets? Show you the skeletons in my closet?"

Sans grinned. "well, can't expect you to tell me everything, but-"

"Okay."

"...what?"

"I said, okay," you said, more to convince yourself than Sans. "It's driving me crazy keeping it all bottled up, anyway. I have to tell someone, and no matter how much I think about it, the fact of the matter is that you're the best person to confide in. For better or worse."

Sans regarded you with that piercing gaze. "Is that so? And why is that?"

"Because, if anyone is going to remember, besides Flowey, it'll be you," you said honestly.

Sans' face went rigid. "Remember what?"

You waved your hand. "Either you know or you don't. I have no idea to be honest, there was never any real canonical evidence one way or another, just little hints that could have meant any number of things."

"okay, now you've lost me."

You sighed. "I'll start from the beginning. Hi, my name is Y/n, and I'm from another dimension where your world is a video game."

Sans just stared at you.

You looked back at him, quirking an eyebrow.

"uh... what?"

"Did I stutter?"

Sans seemed to struggle for a moment. "you're telling me you're from another dimension where i'm some kind of fictional character?"

You smiled. "Yup. A popular one too, if that makes you feel better. Although I'd understand if it didn't, with rule 34 and all."

"what's rule 34?" Sans seemed to ask mechanically, like he was grasping for something to keep him grounded. He gripped his skull with one hand, covering his eye sockets as he seemed to massage his frontal bone, obscuring most of his face from you.

You bit your lip. "It might be better if you don't know. It isn't pertinent to the topic at hand." You snickered quietly to yourself: using a word like _pertinent_ in the same breath as talking about rule 34 was amusing to you.

You let Sans have a moment. You were honestly surprised he was taking you as seriously as he was, although, in hindsight, it shouldn't have been surprising at all. He could probably read it in your face just how serious, how honest you were being. The concept had probably thrown him into a small existential crisis (to which you could totally relate, given the circumstances). The fact he was managing to stay so calm was a testament to his own internal strength, a trait that you could respect and admire.

Sans eventually collected himself, and you could tell from the set of his shoulders that he was in for the long haul. You allowed yourself to indulge in the fantasy that you were catching a glimpse of the 'Science Sans' in him, buried beneath years and years of depression.

"tell me about this game. what does it show you?"

You paused. "Well... I learned a lot about everyone."

"mind if i quiz you then?" Sans asked. Starting to think you were making this up, because honestly this was the craziest thing he's ever heard. "i can ask about anyone i want and you'll know something?"

You chuckled. "Well, I'll know a bit about most of the main characters, meaning Toriel, Asgore, Flowey, Mettaton, Alphys, Undyne, Papyrus, and you, plus little bits about some of the second tier characters: Grillby, Gerson, Muffet, Napstablook, Temmie, Aaron, Shyren, Annoying Dog, the canine unit and RG 01 and RG 02..."

"alright, then: what is papyrus' favorite food?" Sans asked teasingly.

You chuckled. "Well, everyone thinks that it's spaghetti, but thats a red herring. The truth is that Papyrus likes that oatmeal with the little dinosaurs in it best. Although, considering how much he enjoys those milkshakes, that might have changed!"

Sans blinked at you. He couldn't believe it, and not just because even _he_ didn't know the right answer to that question. "welp, okay... what do i do for a living?"

"You're a sentry," you say, "but you also do comedy routines at both Grillby's and that MTT resort in Hotland. On top of that, you have an illegal hotdog stand, rent out your telescope in Waterfall, and sell fried snow to compete with the Nicecream Guy. Although, those last three might have just been jokes you were playing... its hard to tell with you. There were easter eggs in the game that implied you were also a scientist, like your lab, but whether that is a current occupation or a previous one has never been confirmed."

Sans swallowed. "heh. okay... that's... i'm a little creeped out that you- wait, you went into my lab?"

You smiled. "The one with an unfixable machine hidden under a tarp? Yeah. Told you your secret secret triple secret codeword, got the key to your bedroom, then stole the backroom key from there."

"you were in my room??" Sans asked, incredulously.

"Yup! I saw all your scandalous socks on the floor, and that self-sustaining trash tornado that Annoying Dog sleeps in sometimes, and your trombone, and that wad you made of your bedsheets!!" You smirked at the look on his face. "Don't worry so much. I only got a look at it as pixel art and flavor text. I've never seen it for real, if you know what I mean. And, well, there is a big difference between the game's experience and the real experience. Snowdin wasn't half as beautiful in the game..."

Sans regarded you thoughtfully. "you aren't kidding, are you? thats how you know all these things you shouldn't..."

You nodded.

"and thats why you aren't trying to leave: the surface isn't your home," Sans said definitively, as if he had finally figured out the answer to a puzzle he had been working on for ages.

You laughed nervously. "Well, in all fairness, knowing what I know now, I probably wouldn't have the guts to try escaping anyway..."

Sans produced a ketchup bottle out of nowhere (you suspected he had a cellphone and was using the Dimension Box in it, because that is so what you would do with that kind of tech), taking a few drinks before speaking again. "so you played this game a lot?"

You shook your head. "Only thirty hours or so. The game was pretty short. The average playtime for a True Pacifist run is four hours or so, unless you goof off with the cell phone or the Ball Game."

Sans quirked a bone brow. "You _only_ played it for thirty hours??"

You snorted. "I'm going to assume that that is your understandable ignorance on gamer culture, and not a personal jab at me. Most of the time I'd spend hundreds, _hundreds_ of hours into a good game. The main reason I didn't spend so much on Undertale -- uh, thats the name of the game -- is because I got immersed in the fandom." _'Also I kept getting my ass kicked up and down the judgement hall by a certain skeleton,'_ you thought silently, ruefully.

"the fandom? did you say this thing has a fandom?" Sans asked incredulously. "does... paps have fans?"

You grinned. You grinned so hard it hurt. "He has thousands of them. Papyrus is the second most popular character, nearly everyone in the fandom loves him to a certain degree."

Sans scowled. Outright scowled. "second? who is more popular than paps??"

"Uh, that would be you," you replied.

Sans blinked. " _why?!_ "

You snickered. "I'd guess it was your theme song, for starters. Catchy stuff. Lots of players work really hard just to hear it."

"i have a theme song?"

"Well, yeah, just about all the main characters have at least one, although some have multiple." You smiled. The soundtrack for Undertale had been one of the reasons the game had enchanted you in the first place. "They're all electronic or piano, but there have been remixes done, and some of the songs have had lyrics written for them. I have a few memorized from listening to them so much."

"you realize you sound... insane, right?" Sans finally said. "it is absolutely crazy what it is you're telling me."

" _You_ think it's crazy? I _fell into a video game._ I've been living in a fantasy world, where magic is a thing, and talking to real live monsters!" This was the most relaxed you'd felt around Sans since getting here. Finally, some of that defensiveness that drained all of your emotional energy was fading. "Do you have any idea how crazy that is for me?"

"about as crazy as my life," Sans said absently. "so you have no intention of even trying to leave?"

"Where am I going to go, Sans?" you asked. "Even if I make it to the surface, which I won't, because Undyne is a thing, what would I do there? I wouldn't know anyone, or have anywhere to return to. I would have no identification or even citizenship. It would be asking to get arrested. Assuming, of course, they didn't put me in a loony bin."

"is human society really that complicated?"

"You don't even know the half of it. Humans are awful." You deadpanned. "Besides the death penalty for existing down here, the underground is a thousand times better. You aren't missing much. Nature is overrated."

Sans was about to ask something else, when a loud barking noise irrupted from just outside.

You blinked, because you recognized that bark. It was Doggo. You went to the door, thinking maybe he had gotten lost again and needed help (it wouldn't be the first time).

However, it wasn't just Doggo who was in front of your house.

"HELLO NEIGHBOR!!" Papyrus greeted cheerfully. "I HAVE COME TO PRACTICE FOR OUR JAPE, AND I BROUGHT A- NEIGHBOR?? YOU SEEM TO HAVE LOST COLOR IN YOUR FACE. IS THAT HEALTHY??"

You weren't even looking at Papyrus though.

"Get back inside, and close the door!!" Doggo growled, putting himself between you and the third monster in the yard.

The monster that stood a head taller than Papyrus.

The monster covered in shimmering iridescent scales.

The monster whose one good eye, glowing burnt gold with rage, was locked onto you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *You hear the 30th track of the Undertale OST*  
> Well. Fuck.


	15. Welcome Captain Undyne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you meet Undyne for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so bad. so bad. why the hell am i so bad at this?

Time seemed to stand still as you took in the formidable visage of Undyne, Captain of the Royal Guard. She wasn't wearing her armor (presumably since this was supposed to be a friendly visit), instead sporting her casual clothes (a black wife beater, dark blue skinny jeans, and red ankle boots with a gold trim) despite the chilling temperature. Undyne stood a head taller than Papyrus, making her loom more than two feet above you.

Undyne was built. She was lean, sure, but she was _built_. The way the ambient light shimmered on her iridescent blue scales made it difficult to overlook, the dips and bulges emphasized by the change of the sheen the new angles reflected. You had to admit, she was beautiful: the blues and greens of her scales were nicely contrasted by the vibrant blood-red of her fins and hair, which were complimented by the luminescent gold of her one functioning eye. Her large sharp teeth, yellowed either by design or circumstance, only further added to her intimidating image.

As if the hatred in her eyes wasn't enough.

Undyne tossed the device she had been carrying under arm to the side, letting it crash forgotten into the snow as she summoned a spear to her hand. "Prepare to DIE!!!" She screamed, her voice robust and clear, yet entirely feminine. She chucked the spear at you. It sped through the air, and you were certain it was going to pierce through you, where you stood frozen in terror...

But there was a light blue blur in the air, knocking the spear to the snow harmlessly. Doggo's glowing light blue short swords gleamed dimly, poised where they had struck Undyne's weapon from the air.

Undyne balked. "What are you doing?! Don't protect the enemy!!"

"Y/n is not the enemy!" Doggo growled.

"UNDYNE, WHAT ARE YOU GOING ON ABOUT??" Papyrus asked, his own bony brows furrowed in concern and confusion.

"There is a human RIGHT THERE!!" Undyne snarled, summoning another spear and pointing it at you accusingly.

Papyrus looked at you, as though he weren't certain. "I ADMIT THAT THE NEIGHBOR HAS MANY SIMILARITIES TO THE IMAGES OF HUMANS WE'VE SEEN... BUT THEY HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT FRIENDLY! AND YOU SAID HUMANS WERE TERRIBLE THINGS WHO WERE NEVER FRIENDLY TO MONSTERS!"

"That is definitely a human, Papyrus, and it's been tricking all of you!!" Undyne stepped forward, baring her teeth at you in a way that made your heart quiver in dread. "And I'll show you." She flung that second spear at you. This time you had the sense to jump out of the way, rolling in the snow and getting more securely behind doggo, like the coward you were.

*** You're just a coward!**

You shook, the cold ripping through your thin shirt and shorts, the snow biting and stinging at your bare skin where it clung. Your bare feet were freezing, but you weren't about to go back into the house. Sans was in there. Sans only had 1 HP, and Undyne was throwing a hell of a lot of killing intent into those attacks. You weren't going to risk the skeleton getting hurt in the crossfire.

Undyne snarled in rage. "FIGHT ME!!"

"Stay behind me," Doggo huffed at you. "Undyne moves a lot, so I'll see her. Although I'm going to need a dog treat after this..." He made his usual stance, one sword poised behind his back, the other poised in front of him in a reversed grip, the blade pointed down.

Papyrus backed away, wringing his hands nervously. He had clearly not been prepared for this. You felt bad. If you hadn't been such a coward, you wouldn't be putting Papyrus through this now. And Doggo wouldn't be putting himself in harms way for you either.

Undyne tightened her grip on her spear. "Are you really going to defend a HUMAN?!"

"Y/n is MY human!!" Doggo growled. "And I like it when my human moves!!"

You felt like that was an important sentiment, that you should take time to let those words soak in. However, Undyne had other ideas, because suddenly there we spears everywhere, glowing ominously from all sides, effectively distracting you from anything beyond the looming threat to your mortality.

Undyne let out a war cry, and the spears rushed towards you and your monster guard, one at a time in blinding fast patterns.

Doggo, however, was now in his element, surrounded by movement. His blades arched through the air faster than you thought possible, colliding with the approaching spears, knocking them harmlessly aside. You watched him take on the spears from the front, left and right, and even behind, bouncing them away like he had done it a hundred times before (which, now that you think about it, he probably has: he was a member of the Royal Guard, after all, and they probably all practiced with Undyne on a regular basis). When he blocked the rear attacks, you could feel the chilling electric energy of his BLUE magic sword around your lower back, sending a strange thrill up your spine. You were impressed to say the least: right now, Doggo was looking incredibly badass, and you never thought you would ever say that about him.

The fish monster was understandably upset. "This is insubordination! This is treason! This is insane!! Doggo, how could this thing possibly be worth everything you're throwing away? You know they're worth more to us dead!!!"

*** You know what would be more valuable to everyone?  
* IF YOU WERE DEAD!!!**

You hugged yourself, eyes stinging from more then the chilling wind. You knew Undyne was right. You might have thought this was a game, but you still toyed with lives. You still killed (nearly) everyone. And you were still the only way these wonderful people were ever going to get to see the surface. You knew you were more valuable dead than alive, and yet you selfishly continued to try prolonging your life.

"That is where you're wrong!!" Doggo growled. "My human is better off alive!!"

Undyne growled. "The human is EVERYONE'S by right! We need them to break the Barrier!! You know that!!"

"Not. This. One." Doggo said curtly.

Undyne howled with outrage, before taking a large spear in hand and lunging forward. She was done playing, apparently, ready to take this to the next level. Doggo spun around, snatching you up in his arms and rolling to the side, allowing you both to narrowly escape the strike Undyne brought down on the spot you both had been standing. Snow and dirt were thrown up every which way, leaving behind a massive crater. The fish monster abandoned the spear she had imbedded halfway into the ground, summoning another one and lunging for you (and by association Doggo) again. Doggo was quick on his feet, jumping again out of the way.

If you hadn't been genuinely terrified for your life, you might have found the whole scenario ridiculously funny: a giant dog was carting you around like a child, running away from a fish.

As it was, you were too busy fighting off the cold and the fear to find the humor in anything.

Undyne was looking more and more triumphant as she chased you two around the clearing. At first, you couldn't understand why, since Doggo had been dodging her every attack flawlessly...

But then Doggo smashed the both of you hard into a tree. He let out a yelp, then a whine, slumping to the ground as he tried to shake off the shock. You had been jostled, but quickly recovered.

Undyne loomed over you, grinning maliciously. "End of the line, human." She raised her spear, and with a merciless motion, plunged it through your chest. You felt the bite of the bladed tip cut through flesh and bone, followed closely by a burning, searing pain, like acid and fire were eating away at you. Undyne yanked the spear out, only to stab you again, and again, and again.

You saw Papyrus running towards the three of you, Sans close on his heels. Papyrus was crying. Sans's sockets was once again lightless.

The last thing you saw before you blacked out was Undyne taking your SOUL as Doggo howled mournfully at your side.

Then you were sitting at your table, the corrosive pain of Undyne's attacks lacing through you, echoing in your SOUL, as someone spoke to you.

"you realize you sound... insane, right?" Sans was saying ~~again~~. "it is absolutely crazy what- are you alright? hey, what's wrong??"

You clutched at your chest, slumping forward to rest your head on the table as you hyperventilated, tears streaming down your face. _Holy fucking hell, that hurt. That hurt so goddamn bad._

_Dying hurt so goddamn bad._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Round One goes to Undyne.  
> Geeze, wow, she has no chill. and no mercy.
> 
> and next up is round two.


	16. Welcome Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Three-Parter with 3 different POVs.  
> Because I wanted to clarify a plot point, or two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also because I needed to buff out my word count because jfc I'm behind.

Doggo hadn't been certain about you, when you first showed up in town. A strange creature, dressed in a robe emblazoned with the delta rune, with nothing but your name and the clothes on your back, struck him as very very suspicious.

But then he had caught your scent. He recognized it (he had smelled it at his post one day, though he hadn't seen anything). It was heady, but sweet, with something earthy about it. Doggo immediately loved it.

But what he loved even more was your voice.

It was heavenly.

He knew right then and there, as he watched you sway to the beat of that first song, that he wanted you to take him for a walk. Every day. For the rest of his life.

But you both had work, so Doggo was happy to settle for walking to the bar and listening to you sing.

He could almost always see you, too, swaying there with your fleshy body only partially covered in fur, bright thoughtful eyes, and that smile always ready to greet him. He knew you were doing it on purpose for him, because sometimes he would come in and he wouldn't see you, but then a split second later you would be there.

The way you would patiently guide him around the trees, help him whenever he got lost... Everything you did and said just made Doggo want to curl up at your feet, or your side, or (given your tiny stature compared to him) maybe even around you. He knew if he ever did he would end up dozing in blissful contentedness.

Then he began to realize how your behavior changed when Sans was around. Doggo didn't like that. He didn't like that unpleasant powdery scent that wafered off of you when Sans looked at you the wrong way, or how your contented swaying turned to nervous tremors. He also didn't like how Sans seemed to draw your attention so easily. Doggo wanted all of your attention for himself.

So he had licked you. Licked you, and declared you his.

Lesser Dog and Greater Dog had been a little disappointed (they had been thinking about claiming you) but that was tough chew toys. You were Doggo's now.

So when he heard you invite Sans to your home (you were so brave, so kind, so generous), he couldn't very well leave you alone with him!!

Sans was not to be trusted, no matter what anyone else said.

Unfortunately, Doggo had in fact gotten a little lost, making his way to your house. He only managed to find it at all by following the scent you left behind over the last month or so. He was actually pretty proud of himself, and was in a decent mood when he approached your front door, only to catch the sound of your voice talking to someone else.

"I wanted to thank you, by the way, for, you know... not telling anyone I'm human."

Human.

 _Human_.

 **H u m a n** .

Doggo heard Sans' voice from inside, although he couldn't make out what he said. It was confirmation enough though. _Sans had known you were human._ How, Doggo couldn't be certain. Humans weren't all that easy to distinguish from monsters, other than that they had upside down SOULs. Had Sans gotten you into an Encounter? Had he attacked you?! That was why you were so afraid of him, wasn't it?! He'd attacked you and-

You were human. You were the enemy. You were one of the things Doggo was sworn to capture and kill.

But if he killed you... you wouldn't move anymore.

Doggo's SOUL twisted painfully at the thought.

No. You weren't human. You were _his_ human. His. He licked you. That made you his now.

He liked the ring of that - _his human_. It fit you.

That was when he heard two new voices. Doggo pulled himself from his musings, ears perked to catch the noise, scanning the area. He caught sight of them (because they were moving towards the house): Papyrus and the Captain.

Doggo barked a warning: a warning for his human, that there was danger; a warning to his captain, that she should come no closer.

If it was going to be a choice between his captain and his human, then Doggo knew it wasn't a choice at all.

* * *

Back when the Lady Behind the Door had stopped coming to visit with him, Sans had gotten very, very nervous. He couldn't quite place the feeling at first, like there was a looming, cloying dread hanging in the air, and every day that he knocked on the Ruins Door and got no answer, that background terror had grown in size. It was like his very SOUL was screaming that something was wrong, but couldn't tell him what or why. Needless to say, it had been a less than comfortable few weeks.

Sans had started to think that there was no point, that the Lady was never going to come back. So when he knocked on that door again, he was surprised to hear that delightfully familiar, "Who is there?"

Sans had felt his grin stretch so hard his mouth hurt. "miss."

"Miss who?"

"aww, i missed you too!"

That melodic giggle had taken a weight off of Sans' shoulders he hadn't even realized had been there. And just like that, his and the Lady's daily routine had resumed... with one, minor, difference: after that first day, she had started reading jokes to him. She said they were jokes her new friend had thought of.

Those jokes were amazing.

There were puns, knock-knock jokes, situational humor, even a few fart jokes (which nobody else Sans had ever met seemed to appreciate)! Sans could feel his eye lights blow out into little stars in his sockets. He had always enjoyed the old lady's humor, her sweet, gentle, mature voice, but there was something... different, about these new jokes. Sans couldn't place it, he just knew he liked it.

Then one day the lady had come down, giggling.

"whats so funny? gonna share with the class?" Sans had asked, his grin sitting naturally on his face. Her laugh had always made it easy to smile.

"Just something my friend told me last night," she had answered cheerfully, settling down on the other side of the door, the gentle swish of cloth just making it through the cracks in the stone.

"and? don't leave me hanging, lady," Sans jokingly pleaded.

Again the giggle had lilted through the stone barrier. "Well, we haven't exactly exchanged names, correct? It hadn't seemed like such a bother before, since our little meetings were only ever between you and me... but ever since I began to share your existence with a companion, it became difficult to make reference to you. I had been thinking about some way to refer to you, something more concise than 'that gentleman beyond the door,' you know?"

Sans had snickered. "yeah, i can see how that might get annoying. so, what did you come up with? 'door guy'?"

The lady had giggled again. "As fitting as that is, no. My companion stumbled upon what I think is a perfect pseudonym! They said, since the word means 'without,' and you are currently 'without a name' to us, that they had taken to thinking of you as _Sans!_ "

As soon as the lady had said his name, a dam broke in his mind and his SOUL all at once, and Sans felt a heady rush as memories flooded him unbidden:

**~~"hey guys... what's up?"~~**  
**~~"That voice...!! Hello, I think we may... Know each other?"~~**  
**~~"I CAN'T BELIEVE ASGORE'S CLONE KNOWS WHO I AM!!! THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!"~~**  
**~~"There are plenty of fish in the sea..."~~**  
**~~"Undyne's totally right about the fish thing!"~~**  
**~~"OH MY GOD! WILL YOU TWO JUST SMOOCH ALREADY!?"~~**  
**~~"oh hey... i recognize your voice, too."~~**  
**~~"Don't you get it? This is all just a GAME."~~**  
**~~"I am TORIEL. So nice to meet you."~~**

_Toriel._ That was her name. She was the former Queen of the Underground, and a dear friend. A dear friend who had beautiful eyes and an amazing giggle and the most generous SOUL he had ever come across yet. _Toriel,_ who had helped stave off his loneliness ~~over and over and over, _Toriel,_ who had told his brother a horrible skeleton pun the first time she had met him, _Toriel,_ who had died at the hand of a child she had loved unconditionally,~~ was the Lady Behind the Door.

_And oh stars, holy hell, he had forgotten, he had actually forgotten! He had forgotten so much! So many timelines, so many precious moments, so many horrors, so many sunrises, so many last words._

The way his memory had come back to him with such a simple trigger was mind boggling. Sans hadn't been certain what to do about it, because he knew distinctly that until he had heard Toriel say his name, he had been oblivious to everything. And he could tell, from the nature of his memories, that there were large pieces of it missing. Huge strings of events were still lost to him. Sans wondered if those were lost permanently, or if something else would bring them back.

But that was not the most pressing matter now.

Now, here Sans was, trying to wrap his head around a proverbial bomb you just dropped on him, and then all of a sudden you go white as a ghost (and Sans should know, he's met at least three), make this strangled sound, and slump over as you collapse into tears.

He asked you if you were okay, getting up to check on you. As soon as his hands landed on your arm, it hit him like a truck: _~~Doggo barking, Undyne outside, the Encounter between Doggo and Undyne, you dead in the snow, your SOUL glimmering in Undyne's hand~~..._

Sans felt sick. You had died. He had let you die. He hadn't even tried to defend you, letting Doggo do it because he would rather just watch and see. And boy, did he see. He saw you die, he saw you die because he was too stars damned lazy to do anything about it.

"so thats what ya meant by if i remember or not," Sans murmured, catching his own unnecessary breath. "it must be a smooth transition for you... or a jarring one depending on perspective... heh.." Sans couldn't just leave you like this, so he did what he remembered someone once doing for him when he woke up from a bad dream: he rubbed your shoulders and head, telling you it would be okay, that you were here right now.

The words might have been more for his own benefit.

Because Sans didn't like the idea of you _not_ being there.

* * *

You felt hands on you, running over your scalp and shoulders, a low calming voice telling you to breath. At first, the pain was all consuming, and you could barely hear it at all, but soon enough that voice pulled you out of your shock. You had thought it had hurt when Flowey had killed you, but _hot genital walnuts on a piss drenched bleacher_ this was so much worse!!

You distantly heard Doggo barking as you finally pulled your head up to blink away the tears of agony. Your vision was still blurry, the light from the fireplace refracting through your tears in a way that made the whole room look like it was painted in watercolors. You wiped your eyes with the back of your hand, trying to think fast. You finally noticed Sans was right on top of you, eye lights small and trembling in his sockets. You might have jumped in alarm if you hadn't wrung yourself empty getting over the shock of being stabbed to death.

"do you feel better?" Sans asked. You could almost hear it in his voice how helpless he felt.

You nodded a little. "I'm fine now," you said, your voice a little weak. "but, uh, i have to cut this short because I really need to go-"

"i remember," Sans cut you off.

"You remember??"

"yeah. took a little to jog my memory, but it came back pretty clear."

You gulped. Well, that answered your question. You supposed Sans needed some kind of trigger to remember LOADs (and possibly actual RESETs? you would ask later). That was understandable. You vaguely wondered if he had _all_ of his memories, or just some of them.

You didn't have the time or the energy to dwell on it now, though. Now, you had to try and survive _mother fucking Undyne_. You got up, forcing your legs to carry you to your dresser, and threw on thicker layers over your pajamas: a plush yellow-and-red sweater that you were convinced used to be an Ugly-Christmas-Sweater™ before it was repurposed from the dump; oversized green sweatpants with two purple stripes on the side, that you had to pull up halfway over your stomach and tie the drawstring tight to keep from falling down; baby-pink fluffy socks (you didn't notice Sans turning a vibrant shade of blue as he watched you put those on); and a beanie that would have made a great Charlie Brown cosplay accessory, if it hadn't been a birds-egg-blue. You then stuffed your feet into big orange rain-boots, completing the rainbow mess that was your mismatched outfit.

You took a deep breath (wow you did that a lot, it was like your new favorite thing), then you opened the door, once more greeted to the standoff between Undyne and Doggo.

Strangely, Papyrus was much closer to Undyne this time than you recall, a grip on one of her arms, lightly tugging, as though trying to persuade her to leave.

"HELLO NEIGHBOR!!" Papyrus greeted cheerfully, although this time there was a bit of tension in his voice. "I HAVE COME TO PRACTICE FOR OUR JAPE, AND I BROUGHT A FRIEND TO HELP!! HOWEVER, IT SEEMS YOU ALREADY HAVE A GUEST SO WE HAD BEST RESCHEDULE!! COME ALONG UNDYNE!!"

Undyne, however, wasn't having any of it. She was locked onto you as firmly as you were locked onto her.

"Get back inside, and close the door!!" Doggo growled, putting himself between you and the fish monster in your yard.

But this time, you weren't going to let him protect you.

This time, you were going to keep everyone safe.

Undyne tossed the device she had been carrying under arm to the side, letting it crash forgotten into the snow as she summoned a spear to her hand. "Prepare to DIE!!!" She screamed, her voice robust and clear, yet entirely feminine. She chucked the spear at you, and it sped through the air, but even if Doggo hadn't ~~again~~ knocked it to the ground, it never would have hit you.

Because you bolted, running in the opposite direction of town, through the trees.

Away from everyone else.

Behind you, you could hear the conversation playing out ~~again~~

"What are you doing?! Don't protect the enemy!!"

"Y/n is not the enemy!"

"UNDYNE, WHAT ARE YOU GOING ON ABOUT??"

"The human is GETTING AWAY!!" Undyne snarled, and you didn't have to look to know she had summoned another spear.

You were nowhere near the rocky crags of Waterfall, nowhere near the cavern that bridged the marshland with Hotland. But even so, as you ducked around a tree just in time to avoid an etherial blue spear, thrown with enough force to embed into the thick oak wood a good foot deep, you could hear it:

*** (The wind is howling.  
* You're filled with ~~determination~~...)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing for Doggo was fun. I hope I captured him alright... his characterization is difficult to pin down (being serious one moment and a little goofy the next)
> 
> You can kind of see where these two are in their perception of how they feel for you...


	17. Welcome Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you gain an unlikely ally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was not sure how to write this scene, but damn it... its written and there is no changing it now.
> 
> I want to dedicate this chapter to [WannaBuyAHotCat](http://archiveofourown.org/users/wannabuyahotcat/pseuds/wannabuyahotcat), for inside joke reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with discord *cough*

"STOP RUNNING AWAY!!!" You heard Undyne shrieking behind you. She was getting closer.

Of course she was. She had longer legs than you. She was more physically fit than you. This was a bad idea. Your head start wasn't going to amount to much and you were going to end up dead again just like before. It wasn't like you could hide either: the snow would announce any move you made.

You weaved through the trees as best you could, but you were not exactly an athlete. You slipped and fell a number of times, although one of those had been fortuitous, letting you drop just in time to avoid a well thrown spear, sending it flying over your head instead of through your chest.

You might have shit yourself in fear at that moment if you hadn't been on a strict diet of monster food for the past few months.

Come to think of it, you might have done it a few times over the last five minutes, if it had been otherwise. Who wouldn't with _mother fucking Undyne_ hot on their trail, harbinger of a very real (and tested) painful death.

You scrambled back to your feet, just in time to dodge another spear, as well as what looked like a wave of green air.

Green air.

GREEN.

_Oh shit, that's not good._

Although your legs and lungs were both burning, you pushed yourself to run just a little bit faster. You could NOT get caught in GREEN magic. Not _that_ kind of GREEN magic. That was the BAD green! That was the _oops you can't move anymore_ GREEN. That was the _bitch you gonna die_ GREEN. And you were not a fan.

_Okay, that was a blatant lie. You were totally a fan of Undyne. You thought she was one of the coolest characters. Her fight in the game had been the perfect blend of difficulty and fun, her theme songs were both badass and beautiful, and she had the kind of in-you-face personality that made her motivation easy to understand, despite the complexity of her feelings. Not to mention her magic was impressive, even if it was direct (just like her)._

You just weren't a fan of being killed by it.

You weren't a fan of being killed period.

Which was exactly what Undyne ~~had done and was ~~again~~~~ trying to do.

You rounded another tree, only to come to a halt just in time to avoid falling over the edge of a cliff into a seemingly bottomless chasm. You had never been this far south of town, and the game never showed this area... but you should have known based on the map alone that the town was surrounded on three sides by a giant pit of death. You gulped, the little bit of color still left in your face draining away. _You had nowhere to run._

"Awkwarrrd."

You looked up, startled by the new (and familiar) voice. "Jerry?!"

Jerry was wandering around near the ledge a little to one side of you, waving its phone in that universal way that meant it was looking for reception. "The wi-fi here sucks, why do you live out here?"

*** Jerry sneezes without covering its nose.**

You were taken aback by the sudden lax in tension. "I- uh- I don't have a cellphone anymore, so it wasn't a concern..?"

"That sucks. You should get one," Jerry said bluntly, walking backward and then over to one side, putting itself between you and the treeline. "Then you can give me your number and stuff."

You heard the rush of something flying through the air, and rolled over in the snow on instinct, you heart pounding so hard in your chest you worried it would break a rib. "That sounds great, Jerry, but I-"

"Ow. Rude."

You looked up. One of Undyne's spears was lodged in the fat of Jerry's greasy hip. It looked at the weapon ruefully before yanking it out. Then it turned and looked at Undyne, who had stopped to catch her own breath.

"Get lost, Jerry. This is official Guard business," Undyne said, summoning another spear.

"You gonna give me a ride home then?" Jerry deadpanned, discarding the spear in the snow.

The spear was covered a little in grease, but you didn't care. This was the first spear that wasn't stuck impossibly deep in the ground or a tree. You snatched it up, holding it out in front of you.

"I said, BUZZ OFF, nerd!!" Undyne growled, swinging her own weapon. "I have a human to DESTROY!!"

Jerry looked at you, then back at Undyne. "Y/n's been in town for, like, months? The Guard must really SUCK if you're just noticing now. What a fail."

Undyne sputtered. "SHUT UP AND GET LOST!!!"

Taking Undyne's words to heart, you bolted, dashing off to the side to try and lure Undyne away from Jerry (sure he had poor hygiene and he smelled funny, but he wasn't as bad as everyone said he was... either that or you just had lower standards for other people). The soiled spear was still clutched in your freezing hands, the warmth of the magic that thrummed through it was a welcome reprieve from the cold.

You actually managed to get a little ways before you felt a similar warmth overtake your body...

And then the area around you was bathed in a leaf-green light, your freshly summoned SOUL pulsing with the color of Undyne's GREEN attack.

And your SOUL froze in place in midair, right where it had been summoned. You tried to keep running, but there was some kind of tether you couldn't see between your SOUL and the area in your chest near your heart, acting as a pivot around which you could move. You tried just facing away from your SOUL and found the give that you had wouldn't even allow that much.

*** Undyne attacks!**

**~~As long as you're _GREEN_ you _CAN'T ESCAPE_!~~**  
**~~Unless you learn to _face danger head-on_...~~**  
**~~You won't last a SECOND against ME!~~**

Undyne grinned maliciously at you. "No more running away!" Then you felt the static charge of magic thick in the air around you. Spears surrounded you, and for a split second you had flashbacks of when Flowey had killed you (as if his dinky ass friendliness pellets were even a fraction as terrifying as Undyne's spears).

The first three attacks came from the direction of where Undyne was standing (the front?). You instinctively swung the spear in your hand, clumsily at first, but a little bit from those two years you took Tae Kwon Do in high school came back to you, and your grip shifted to hold the overly long spear (which was longer than you were tall) like you would a staff. One of your hands ended up getting covered in Jerry's grease, sending your body into an involuntary shudder, but you didn't drop the weapon and the grease didn't try to climb up your arm like a sentient being. You could live with this if it meant living at all.

The next volley came almost without pause or preamble. Two more from the front, then two from the left, then two from the right. _You recognized that attack pattern._ Your reflexes were shit, but if Undyne held to the same pattern as in the game, your selective memory might actually save your ass!

Undyne growled. "Just DIE already!!" The next volley charged at you. You kept your eyes on Undyne, because she was the 'front' of the encounter ( _oh god you were in an encounter_ ), and you couldn't afford to get turned around. The pattern held: _Left. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left. Back._ You almost didn't make it in time, the speed pushing your limits. Your success, regardless of how difficult it was to achieve, still enraged the fish monster.

Jerry waddled nearby, settling on a rock a few feet away from you. At some point it had procured a powdered snack, because it was noisily licking the powder from his fingers. It was glowing slightly, a faint white light, although you didn't notice. "Guys, it's COLD. Does ANYONE care?"

Undyne had sped up her attacks, making it too difficult to answer Jerry one way or another. _Front. Right. Back. Left. Front. Right. Back. Left. Front. Front. Front. Front._ You wished these encounters were more like the game, where you had a 'turn' so you could at least rest your limbs... but, maybe the reason the monsters gave Frisk a turn was because they were a child. Maybe this, right now, this merciless, relentless assault, was how monsters truly fought, how they fought when they saw no ambiguity in the morality of their actions.

 _Left. Front. Front. Right. Front. Front. Left. Front. Ba-._ You let out a scream as the spear lanced through you from behind. The weapon grazed through your right shoulder, the burning magical energy cauterizing the wound before more than a few drops of blood could stain your ripped clothes, and empaled your SOUL...

But it didn't hurt. Well, yes, you felt it, it stung, but it was more like a paper-cut then the _crippling white hot agony_ you remembered it being before. From the look on Undyne's face, you could tell it wasn't her lack of killing intent...

Jerry yawned loudly. "Wow, you REALLY suck at this."

You looked up, having almost forgotten he was there. He was glowing slightly brighter now. Undyne snarled in frustration. "WHY ARE ALL OF YOU HELPING THE ENEMY?!?!" She ripped up a nearby tree and suplexed it (probably just because she could).

You didn't quite get it at first, but you thought to look yourself over while Undyne was distracted. When you looked down to inspect your injury, you found that you (along with your SOUL) were surrounded in a faint white glow, like Jerry's, barely noticeable in the light of Undyne's GREEN magic.

_Jerry was 'in your party'. Jerry was being your BUFF, your White Mage._

You didn't think a guy like Jerry would care enough to bother doing that.

"I can't allow a manipulative freak like you to stand between everybody's hopes and dreams!!"

 *** ~~Manipulating people to make them like you...~~**  
*** ~~What a Grade-A FREAK!~~**

You bit your lip. Undyne's words stung almost as much as her blade. You never intended to manipulate anyone. All you wanted was to live out your last days in peace. _What was so wrong with that?!_ Your SOUL would be just as useful to them no matter how you died, right? So why couldn't you die of natural causes?! Why did it have to be violent?!

It was bad enough you had fallen into _a goddamn video game_ and got stuck in the underground. Why did you have to lose your life as well as your home?!

 *** ~~But what will you do if you meet a relentless killer?~~**  
*** ~~You'll die and you'll die and you'll die.~~**  
*** ~~Until you tire of trying.~~**  
*** ~~What will you do then?~~**  
*** ~~Will you kill out of frustration?~~**  
*** ~~Or will you give up entirely on this world...~~**

You ground your teeth. Bitterness was exactly what Flowey wanted. You were sure he was watching you right now, wiggling in glee at the drama you were certain he helped to unfold (probably dropped a few innocuous hints in Papyrus' ear about introducing new friends to old ones, the dick). If you gave in and attacked, not only would you be compromising your morals ~~even more~~ , but you'd be teaching that soulless husk of a child that he was right, that it was KILL or BE KILLED. And that wasn't something you were okay with.

You never wanted to hear him say-

*** ~~Somebody is dead because of you.~~**

-with that smug grin and condescending voice. You don't think you'd be able to take it. You don't know how you'd taken it when it was just a game.

Undyne's spears flew at you, faster still. _Left. Front. Ba-_

You weren't fast enough. The spear sliced through your left shoulder, making a mirrored cut before striking your SOUL. Jerry's help dulled the pain, for which you were terribly grateful. _-ck. Right. Left. Front. Ba-_

Shit, another nick was cut along your right side, this time on the outside of your shoulder. _-ck. Right. Back. Fr-_

And now you were symmetrical again. (Wow, you really gave no shits when you weren't in pain or dying, huh?) _-ont._

There was a whooshing sound, and the heat (the grip) on your SOUL fell away, the GREEN light fading from your SOUL to be replaced by the decidedly not red color. The sudden rush of reverse pressure knocked the wind from you, and your knees buckled, sending you crumpling to the snow. You leaned on your knuckles where you were still gripping the spear, feeling like you had been wrung out of every ounce of energy you had.

You had never regretted your sedentary lifestyle more than you did right now.

Undyne gripped the weapon in her hand tighter, malicious grin widening, right before she charged at you.

You raised your one line of defense, the spear, cursing your aching shoulders which gave out before Undyne even reached you.

You looked up, intending to at least face your unavoidable death.

Only to see a wall of ivory and cyan columns lined up between you and a very confused fish monster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops my hand slipped.  
> Looks like there might be someone else vying for your affections..?
> 
> * smells like... Jerry
> 
> I'm awful. This is a horrible story. And not even in the fun way. X-X


	18. Getting Your Ass Kicked is Less Traumatizing with Painkillers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Undyne is the heroine who never gives up...  
> So you might be screwed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHO WANTS TO DIE?!

The ivory white and etherial cyan of the structure that had sprung up in front of you were humming with an energy you could just barely hear at the fringes of your range.

Undyne skidded to a halt, gripping her spear so tight it snapped in half. "WHAT THE HELL?!"

You couldn't quite believe it either. Those were _bone attacks_ , right? Only Sans and Papyrus had those, right? But neither one of them would ever go against Undyne directly.

Right?

"hey, i thought you were all about playing fair, 'dyne," you heard Sans voice from off to one side. You looked over, seeing him sitting on a tree branch, his left eye flashing blue and gold. "aren't you supposed to wait your turn?"

Undyne glared daggers at Sans. "And I thought YOU were too LAZY to even USE magic!!"

Sans shrugged. "what can i say? being lazy is hard work. i needed a vacation from it."

You pushed yourself to your feet, using the spear in your hands for leverage. Either you were starting to get used to the gross Jerry smell (which was somewhat concerning) or the stench was being blown away from you by the wind. All of your muscles ached, and the gashes (they were a little too deep to be called cuts) in your shoulders burned with the slightest movement.

But you couldn't waste this chance. Sans had bought you a little time, but you knew his attacks were weak compared to Undyne's: she would bust through them in a matter of moments. Besides which, you knew her spears could _pop from the fucking ground_ and if you stayed in one place too long you were likely to be skewered.

You bolted the instant your feet would hold you, your SOUL retreating back into your chest as you rushed back through the trees. You needed to find a place to hide, somewhere Undyne wouldn't think to look for you.

There weren't too many places in Snowdin that fit that description.

Sans' lab would work wonders (presumably nobody even knew it was there), however you couldn't get in there without a key, and to get the key you needed to get into Sans' bedroom, for which you needed another key. And even if you _had_ that key (which you were pretty sure you didn't), going up there was a good way to get trapped.

You could try the skelebro's shed, since it locked from the inside, but if you did you would just be entrapping yourself. There was no guarantee that the structure would hold under an assault by Undyne.

Then there was that secret door hidden in that cave by where you encountered Gyftrot in the game (the one that only opened if you got a No-Hit run through the game credits), where, presumably, Annoying Dog lived. You hadn't seen Annoying Dog the whole time you had been here, and you had no idea if that door would open for you or not.

The secret room was outside of town, though...

But it was also a dead end...

You were still debating when a spear sprung out from the ground at your feet. You jumped in the opposite direction, looking behind you to see Undyne barreling after you, gaze intense. You booked it as fast as you could, weaving and bobbing through the trees to try and keep out of her line of sight, hoping to make it more difficult for her to aim. You started to notice the way the ground would glow right before a spear popped up, although it was significantly harder to find in the snow than you imagined it would be in a darker place like Waterfall.

You didn't quite notice one in time and felt it impale your left foot. Jerry must have been out of range, because _dick-sounding shit-flavored popsicle sticks that hurt!!!_ You instinctively tried to scream, but nothing came out but a strangled whimper. You fell forward, spinning to the side in an attempt to change your balance to your right side, which only resulted in you hitting the ground with your hips and shoulders instead of your face. Later on you would be grateful, but right now all you could think was that _it hurt_ and you were already hurting on your shoulders enough.

Then you felt that warmth (grip?) that meant Undyne again had you in her GREEN magic.

"You won't get away from me THIS time!" The fish monster growled, approaching you at a slow, confident pace. Her spears once again surrounded you. You pushed yourself back onto your feet, making a pained noise when you tried to put weight on your left foot and had to sink to one knee.

*** Undyne towers threateningly.**

You looked up at her, biting the inside of your cheek to try and keep it together. You tasted blood, and you could feel the slight texture change with your tongue where the flesh had begun to pinch and bruise. You raised your weapon defensively, breathing hard with how much it hurt to move in the way you needed to from this stance.

 _Front. Back. Front. Back. Back. Front. Back. Front._ You seesawed the spear back and forth over your head, flinching with the recoil of each deflection.

"Honestly, I'm doing you a favor..." Undyne growled as she prepared for her next attack. "You're so WEAK, you'll NEVER beat me!"

 ** ~~But even if you could beat me...~~**  
**~~No human has EVER made it past ASGORE!~~**  
**~~Honestly, killing you now is an act of mercy...!~~**

A spear approached you from the left slowly, but you knew it was a fake out. _Front. Right. Back. Front. Right. Back. Left._ Fuck, your shoulders hurt. FUCK, your foot hurt. You hurt. It hurt. You wanted to go home. You wanted the pain to stop. You wanted to live.

"Man, I can't believe you tried to ditch me," Jerry's voice came from a little behind Undyne.

*** Return of Jerry.**

_Left-Left-Left. Right-Right-Right. Back. Front. Back. Front._ You groaned as a spear ripped its way through your left bicep, but at least with Jerry's stat buffs it didn't send you into crippling shock.

The problem was that even if you outlasted this second barrage of spears, you weren't going anywhere with your foot the way it was. So, running was no longer an option. Which means you had to somehow _reason with Undyne_. You had to talk your way out of a confrontation with the single most canonically determined monster in the underground.

You were screwed.

Undyne didn't see you as a person, or at least, not a person worth listening to.

 *** ~~Your continued existence is a crime!~~**  
*** ~~You're standing in the way of everybody's hopes and dreams!~~**

You were going to have to play dirty. You didn't want to, and there was a chance you were going to fail anyway, but you didn't have any more options left ~~besides dying and hoping Flowey gave you another chance~~.

Before Undyne could start the next wave, you took a deep breath and screamed. "I'M A TIME TRAVELER FROM THE FUTURE!!"

You thought you sounded absolutely ridiculous. You honestly didn't expect anything to come of it, so your spear was poised to deflect the next wave of attacks.

 _Front. Back. Back. Right. Front. Left. Front. Left. Right. Right. Back. Right._ Your arms didn't move quite fast enough, and you got sliced open on your right arm this time. You then felt the GREEN magic dissolve.

"Like hell I believe that bullshit!" Undyne snarled, hefting her weapon to attack you up close and personal.

"Alphys is going to die if you don't trust me," you said quickly, going for the low blow.

You braced for the pain, squeezing your eyes shut.

It never came.

You looked up.

Undyne's spear was a mere inch from your chest, quivering like her arm. The look on her face was easy to read: her worry for Alphys was battling with her desire to kill you.

"You're lying," Undyne hissed.

"Do you want to risk it?" You countered, sounding way more confident than you had any right to: on the one had, you weren't lying. There was a distinct possibility Alphys would die (neutral endings were a bitch like that). On the other, Undyne was Undyne, and she could gut you like a fish without breaking a sweat.

...You didn't mean to smile but the fish pun you just made in your head was too good (or bad, depending on your perspective), and your lips curled upward.

Undyne tossed her spear aside. "We're going to have a long, long talk, human. And if you don't tell me what I want to hear, you. Are. Dead."

Technically, you were going to die anyway, but you would take all the borrowed time you could get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The answer is "NOT YOU!"
> 
> Its a good thing 'Anime is Real' and you have inside knowledge about Undyne's personal life (and potential future life)
> 
> Thats it, Y/n, bullshit your way out of this by manipulating Undyne through her feelings for her crush and future girlfriend. that isn't dishonorable or anything. nope. totally fair. *sarcasm*
> 
> god this is an awful story. the plot is so bad. WHY CANT I PLOT BETTER NGAAAAAAHHHH


	19. The Aftermath of Getting You Ass Kicked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So... Undyne isn't going to kill you...  
> but she still kicked your ass pretty hard.  
> You might need some ice or something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you guys, all of you who left kudos and comments, (especially the comments) for staying with me this far.
> 
> Your words and sentiments mean a lot and I am truly grateful.
> 
> I wish i had a more interesting chapter to give you in return, but I don't. I only have this hot garbage.

You couldn't believe that ploy worked. You just stared at Undyne, the adrenaline pumping through you, waiting for a sign that she was jerking your proverbial chain. However, that moment never came, and your not-red SOUL returned to your body, signalling the end of the Encounter.

Jerry made a "ka-SIGH" noise, playing with his phone. 'Time-Traveler? Lame."

Undyne shot Jerry a disgusted look. "Why are you even here?!"

Jerry looked up from his phone. "Why are YOU even here?"

Undyne growled, but so did someone else.

Doggo carefully made his way through the trees, nose in the air as he sniffed. "Y/n??"

You went to turn and look at him, wincing when your left leg was assaulted with the pain from your damaged foot. "Over here, Doggo! Are you okay?"

Doggo turned to look at you. You wiggled your arms a little, not really up for your usual full body movements. Doggo locked on to you anyway, zooming through the trees to skid to a halt at your side. "Y/n!! Are you okay?? You smell-" he growled low, eyes darting between Undyne and Jerry. Then, without warning, he scooped you up, holding you ~~again~~ like a child against his chest. He took the spear from your hand and flung it away, careful not to touch the end with Jerry's grease on it.

You thought his behavior was odd, but you hurt too much to think on it just now. You considered lying, but you didn't think you could get away with it. "I'm better than I expected to be? Won't be walking for a while, but I think I'll live," you said honestly.

Doggo gave Undyne a dirty look, growling low.

"Uh, Doggo? You can put me down now? If I use the spear I should be able to hobble myself home alri-"

Doggo, however, had decided that your opinion on your mobility was irrelevant, because he turned right around and started carrying you back home.

"Uh, Doggo?" You asked, very confused.

"You smell like Jerry and what happens when Grillby holds one of his burgers too tight." Doggo growled softly.

"Okay, thats fair. I might need a bath," you admitted, trying not to blush. This was humiliating. You were aching and your left leg was basically useless and you did smell like Jerry grease and burnt flesh...

_But at least you were alive._

Behind you, you could hear Undyne and Jerry following after. You briefly wondered where Sans had gone off to (and if he was okay), before your mind was forcibly reminded of just how hurt you were when Doggo tripped over a branch, jostling you a bit and sending lances of pain up and down your left side.

After that, you gave Doggo careful directions, warning him when there was an unmoving obstacle. Undyne was (alarmingly) quiet during the walk, keeping her distance from Jerry as your group made the trek back to your house.

Sans was leaning against the front door, smiling (with relief?), until he looked up and saw you. His eyelights went out again, and even though you felt like you two were on better terms, the sight still sent a shudder of fear through you.

_You still hadn't told him everything, after all. He didn't know what you had done._

You shook your head, although that made the headache which had been building up without your notice more prominent, drawing a groan from you.

"heya, pal, gonna put y/n down anytime soon?" Sans asked.

"None of your business," Doggo growled back, eyes darting.

"It's still COLD, so can we get inside, already?!" Jerry complained.

Sans stepped away from the door. "put the human down, puppo."

"Make me, chew toy," Doggo barked.

You had had enough. You shook, pushing out of Doggo's arms and landing on your good foot, falling forward to brace yourself against the door. "I can manage from here! Thanks guys, but if you don't mind, I'd like to call it a day."

Doggo and Sans both looked like they wanted to argue, but you worked the door open and hobbled your way inside.

Papyrus was already there, with a bunch of cinnamon bunnies warmed and waiting on the table. "NEIGHBOR!! GOOD! I'M SO GLAD TO SEE YOU AND UNDYNE BECAME FRIENDS!!"

You smiled weakly. "Yeah. Friends."

"NEIGHBOR?? YOUR LIMB SEEMS TO BE INJURED. WILL YOU BE WELL??"

You hopped across the room, heading towards your glorious bathroom, swiping a cinnabunny up in your Jerry-Grease-Free hand and scarfing it. Many of your aches were immediately dispelled, and you tested your bad foot tentatively. The near immediate surge of pain made you quickly pull it back up, grabbing the plate and continuing towards the bathroom. "I hope so, Papyrus. Right now I think I need some rest, so we'll have to postpone our practice together. Is that alright?"

"OF COURSE NEIGHBOR!!" Papyrus reassured.

"You're the coolest, Paps," you sighed in relief, heading for the bathroom.

"HOLD UP, HUMAN!!" Undyne screamed, kicking in your door. "I didn't say I was done with you!!"

You kept hobbling to the bathroom. "Please, I promise we'll talk tomorrow. But you got me good, I need to rest."

Undyne opened her mouth to argue, but Papyrus stepped in front of her. "I THINK MY NEIGHBOR HAS HAD A VERY EXCITING DAY AND NEEDS TO RELAX A LITTLE!! WE CAN COME BACK TOMORROW!! RIGHT, UNDYNE??" How Papyrus managed to sound equal parts hopeful, innocent, and threatening, you would never know.

* * *

The bath had been both a good idea and a bad idea. You managed to get your clothes off, despite the way your body protested bending and stretching.

You then got to see the damage: six deep, cauterized gashes, three on each side of your body, spaced out almost perfectly symmetrically. You had the two on the outside of your biceps, the two on the outer curve of your shoulder, and the two that sat on your shoulder near your neck. They were each shaped like crescent marks, thicker in the middle and tapering off to points, and when you had your arms down at your sides, those points all curled inward to point to the spot in front of you where your SOUL would be summoned. You had to admit, they looked pretty badass, and you were probably going to love them once they healed, scarred, and stopped hurting like hell.

Your left foot, on the other hand, was another story. It had been incredibly painful just getting your boot off (you had ended up cutting the poor boot open and letting it fall off). You could see that the spear had gone right through your sole, slicing through bone and muscle tissue. Had the spear not cauterized the wound, you would have probably bled out from it. The spear had sliced longways, and if it hadn't have been so thick it might have slipped right between your metatarsals, avoiding bone damage completely. However, the spear HAD been thick, and two of your metatarsals had been sliced in half.

Looking at it made you feel a bit faint.

So did thinking about it for that matter.

If you had been home, and not in a video game, you would have been calling 911 and getting yourself admitted for some serious surgery. As it was, you just had to hope that the healing magic in the monster food (and you were going to be eating a lot of it, so much, all the food ever) would be enough to undo the damage enough to use your foot again.

While you let the tub fill, you started scarfing down the plate of cinnabunnies Papyrus had warmed up for you (somehow?). You practically moaned as, bun by bun, your pain was washed away. Your foot still hurt like hell, but when you looked down at it, you could see the holes had closed up.

You took what you could get, grabbing the (MTT Brand) soap and sliding into the tub to scrub away at yourself.

It took two hours, three soap bars, and two bottles of liquid soap to get the Jerry-smell to go away.

You were out of soap, but you didn't care. You felt clean again and the heat from the water had eased the tension in your overworked muscles.

You ended up leaning back and closing your eyes, drifting off into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

You woke up sneezing.

You woke up sneezing in cold bath water.

You groaned. Your aches and pains were largely gone, save for your foot and your pounding skull. You felt like your heart was beating a little too fast, and your blood was laced with electricity. You were simultaneously filled with energy and exhausted, as well as a little congested.

You were sick.

Perfect. Just what you needed.

Well, it was your own fault for falling asleep in the bathtub (although running through a forest trapped in eternal winter without a coat might have also been a contributing factor). That being said, for all you know, the ass kicking and subsequent magical-food healing you had gone through might have compromised your immune system (you don't know, it isn't like there is a precedence for this sort of thing)!

Regardless, you were now sick. And you also had a meeting with _mother fucking Undyne_ today to worry about. You pushed yourself out of the bath, limping your naked butt back to the main room and rummaging for something loose and comfortable.

You settled for the robes Toriel had given you. You had long since sewn up the tears in the trousers, but you didn't wear them much anymore now that you had other clothes. As you pulled them out of the drawer, you were hit with the sense (scent? no, not quite, but close; maybe a magical imprint?) of Toriel. Your eyes burned for the briefest moment as the nostalgic comfort of your friend hit you. You again wondered if she was okay.

You pulled the soft fabric on, the warmth of it helping with the chill your body seemed to be going through. You also grabbed a pair of fluffy white socks. You sat down on your bed, carefully easing the sock over your hurt foot, ignoring the cross shaped scar.

You had to lay down for a while after that, your headache getting to you. Your throat was sore now too, and you wished very much for some soothing tea or hot chocolate. You were just thinking about getting up for some water, hot or not, when someone knocked on your door. You pushed yourself up and limped over.

Outside was Undyne, Papyrus, and Sans.

Guess, sick or not, you were doing this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eating nothing but cinnamon bunnies and spare french fries for a month might have also contributed to your poor health, you unhealthy lazy person you.
> 
> those scars are badass tho. i kinda want fanart of reader showing those off. pffft lol like thats gonna happen XD i have no time to draw and my art is bad~


	20. When You Feel Like Shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You feel like shit, but Undyne isn't waiting any longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being sick sucks.  
> Being hurt sucks.  
> Both at once means twice the suckery.
> 
> And then there is HAVING GUESTS while you feel like shit.

You let the three monsters into your house, backing away (and wincing because _god damn_ it hurt to use your left foot) until they were safely inside, then closing the door.

"how are ya feeling?" Sans asked, looking you up and down.

You opened your mouth to say you were fine, but ended up coughing. Papyrus turned to you in alarm. "NEIGHBOR ARE YOU SICK?!?!"

You held up one hand while you coughed into the elbow of your other arm. You were trying to stand like a peacock, keeping your left foot elevated, but with your head swimming and your body convulsing with each cough, you couldn't quite keep your balance. You almost fell over, except Sans grabbed you by the hips and steadied you. "i-" your throat felt scratchy and dry, making it difficult to talk. "-yeah."

Undyne looked at you, her one good eye taking you in with ominous silence. You ignored it, slumping into the nearest chair and panting through your mouth.

"YOU SOUND LIKE YOU NEED SOMETHING TO DRINK!!" Papyrus said, stating what you thought was probably obvious. "I SHALL MAKE SOME TEA!!"

You briefly wondered if you even had any tea as Papyrus rummaged in your pantry. "YOU SEEM TO BE OUT OF TEA!!" the tall skeleton announced, then bounded for the door. "I SHALL FETCH SOME!! I WILL NOT BE LONG!!" And then he left, his "NYEH HEH HEH"s growing more distant.

You looked up to see Sans still hovering over you. You grit your teeth and smiled. Sans looked less than impressed, so you suspected you looked like shit. Which was fine, because you kind of felt like shit.

"I'm not putting this off just because you woke up on the wrong side of the bed," Undyne growled, turning to ransack your house. "Where's your paper?! You can just write your answers out!!" She started pulling out random drawers, sticking her hand inside and pulling something out to see what it was.

You pushed yourself up, letting out a groan that was meant to be a noise of outrage. You watched as Undyne ripped open your clothes drawers, scattering your small accumulation of clothes all over the floor. First your shirts, then your pants, then your collection of boxer shorts and night shirts, then your socks (Sans turned bright blue, looking at your socks scattered all over the floor). You stumbled to the other side of the room, reaching under your pillow and pulling out the notebook you had been using the night before. You flipped to a clean page, scribbled out _[PLEASE STOP]_ and threw the notebook at her.

You then flopped on your bed and panted, racked with another bout of coughing.

Undyne froze, turning her head to look at the projectile that had dared to strike her. She snatched up the notebook, going to sit down at the table like she didn't just trash half of your house. Sans sat down beside her, putting his back to where all your socks were scattered about.

You decided not to rock the proverbial boat, pushing yourself back up and hobbling back to sit down across from them. You groaned softly, your headache punishing you for the extra movement.

Undyne slid the notebook back to you. "Until Papyrus gets back with that tea, which I still think you don't deserve," she growled at you, "I'll start with yes-or-no questions. First, are you really a time traveler?"

You quickly wrote _[YES]_ and _[NO]_ in big letters on another page, and then pointed to the _[YES]_ option.

Undyne snorted. "Can you prove it?"

You glanced at Sans briefly, before writing a _[MAYBE]_ option and pointing to that.

"What do you mean, 'MAYBE'?!" Undyne demanded to know. "Can't you go back in time and like, undo something?! Like, undo whatever it was that got you sick?!"

You sighed, coughing a little. You knew this 'yes' or 'no' thing wouldn't last very long with Undyne. She wasn't exactly the most clever at word games.

**~~SHE HATES PUZZLES. BUT SHE LOVES JAPES~~ **

You suppose Papyrus was right about her. Undyne was not the cleverest, even if she did give it her all in everything she did. That didn't make it any less inconvenient. You almost wished Sans would take over the questioning, but you weren't sure if you could handle the kinds of questions he might throw at you. Sans was a clever bastard, when he bothered to try at all.

You began writing out your answer to Undyne, scribbling as quickly as you could, feeling her impatience in the air, like a thick substance that made it hard to breath (or maybe that was just you being sick). When you were done, you slid the notebook to her to read. Sans leaned over to read for himself, curious.

_[i DID go bacK in time & change someThing. You killed me & Took my SOUL. i'm only heRe now b/c i managed To go bacK & undo ThaT.]_

Undyne looked it over twice, smirking. "You know what, I can actually believe that." She slid the notebook back to you. "But that isn't proof. Tell me something you couldn't know unless you really had traveled through time."

You had to think about it. Then you wrote out. _[i know sans's secReT secReT Triple secReT codewoRd if ThaT means anyThing]_

Undyne raised an eyebrow. "Sans has a secret codeword??" She looked at him. "You have a secret codeword??"

Sans shrugged. "i dunno. its a secret to me." He was giving you another look now, although you couldn't tell what it meant.

"Not good enough!!" Undyne declared, pounding the table (thankfully not hard enough to break it).

"uh, maybe you should ask the human a question? maybe one they shouldn't know the answer to unless they really could time travel??" Sans suggested helpfully. Either he wanted to speed this along, or he was taking pity on you. Either way you were grateful.

Undyne ground her teeth, thinking. It looked like the more she thought about it, the more upset she got. Finally, she let out a snarl of irritation. "SCREW THIS!! Just tell me why Alphys is gonna die so I can go BREAK IT!!"

"alphys is going to die?!" Sans exclaimed, truly startled, looking at you with alarm.

You sighed, which turned into another bout of coughing. You pointed to the _[YES]_ option for Sans, then went about writing your answer. _[alphys has a secReT. she did someThing she RegReTs deeply, & The guilT is eaTing her up inside. she now believes ThaT if anyone finds out whaT she did, she will be haTed foR iT. if This keeps up, she will eiTher commiT suicide or Fall Down. you gotta go inTo her TRue Lab & see heR secReT, Then Tell heR you sTill love & respect heR.]_

You were about to show your message like that, but then you thought of an addendum: _[alphys is esp. woRRied abouT youR opinion of heR, Undyne. cuz she has a BIG GAY CRUSH on you!]_ You dotted the exclamation point with a cheesy little heart, to make your point

Undyne read your message, scowling, until she read your addendum, and then she turned bright scarlet in the face. "What?! No way!! She does? Seriously??"

Sans raised a bone brow at you. He seemed to be silently asking, 'really?'. You smiled, tapping your _[YES]_ option.

Undyne seemed to go through various stages of excitement and elation, then she schooled her face and turned back to you.

"Alright. I'll go check this out. One last question, human." She paused, looking you over. "Where did you get those robes? Those are robes for the royal family."

You paused, coughing again into your arm. You felt another stab of grief wash over you as you wrote out _[Toriel]_.

You didn't know if Undyne would recognized the name or not as you pushed over the notebook.

Just then, Papyrus came rushing in, a box of tea and a kettle in hand. "I HAVE RETURNED WITH THE T- WHAT HAPPENED HERE?!?!"

You tried to stand up, but you got a bout of light headedness and sank back into your seat with another groan. You did not do well sick, and you had already overtaxed yourself as it was. Papyrus shoved the tea and kettle into Undyne's hands, muttering about, "SUCH A MESS," and started cleaning up the clothes Undyne had thrown all over the floor. You were a little embarrassed that someone else was cleaning up after you (even though you had not been the one to make the mess), but you were too sick to care enough to argue. Undyne took one look at the can of tea (leaves? shit, you didn't know what to do with leaves, you were a tea bag person!) and went into your kitchen area. You heard the rush of water and the click of your stove turning on.

It must have been Golden Flower Tea, then. That was one surefire way to make Undyne intersted.

Papyrus cleaned up in record time, then took the seat next to you, rubbing your back soothingly. "SO WHAT HAPPENED AFTER I LEFT??"

"nothing much, bro," Sans offered, "just played a question game with y/n."

"OH! I LOVE GAMES!! HOW DO WE PLAY??"

Sans chuckled, familial affection softening his features. "just ask them a yes or no question, and they answer you. but the goal is to ask questions to figure out if y/n is telling the truth."

"THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT??"

"The human claims to be a time traveler," Undyne said, sitting back down. Her energy seemed to have waned in the last few minutes. Perhaps it was the nostalgia of the tea, or perhaps it was her own shame for making a mess that Papyrus cleaned up, or perhaps it was just the shock of everything now finally settling down on her. You weren't certain, but you were grateful.

"OH!! I KNOW!!!" Papyrus exclaimed after a moment. "NEIGHBOR, YOU HAVE NEVER GONE PASSED SNOWDIN!! SO UNLESS YOU DID IT IN A PREVIOUS LINE OF TIME, YOU COULDN'T POSSIBLY KNOW WHAT WAS IN, SAY, WATERFALL, CORRECT??"

You tapped _[YES]_.

"SO," Papyrus continued with what could only be described as a shit-eating grin, "DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE PUZZLE UNDYNE MADE??"

Undyne looked between Papyrus and you. You again tapped _[YES]_ , grinning, then wrote out, _[undyne made This music puzzle wiTh a piano. The answeR is The base melody of a pretty song i'm Told is called "His Theme". i would play it on The piano foR you if i had one.]_.

"Prove it!" Undyne hissed. "I'll go grab a keyboard and you can put your money where your mouth is!"

With that, Undyne was off.

Did Undyne even _have_ a keyboard? You supposed you were going to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus is just so considerate~
> 
> Undyne has no chill. None. She just has levels of no chill.
> 
> Sans does not know what to do with a sick human.


	21. His Theme in the Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You play a little music, and feel a little better, before you feel worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is so bad, i cannot do anybody's personalities for shit. i'm so mad. so mad~~!!!

Papyrus was nice enough to pour you a cup of tea when the kettle whistled. You had to blow on it a bit, but when you finally drank it, you almost moaned with relief. The tea was bitter, and floral (as you expected), but there was a tingling, almost carbonated attribute to it. Your throat almost instantly felt better, the pressure that had been building up in your skull draining away little by little with each sip.

You were sure there was a kind of irony to be found in being soothed by golden flower tea, but at the moment you couldn't think of anything.

Papyrus, the little cinnamon roll, had continued to ask you questions. You, unable to deny him, continued to point to your answers on the paper.

"IN OTHER LINES OF TIME, WERE WE FRIENDS??" _[YES]_

"WERE YOU FRIENDS WITH UNDYNE??" _[YES]_

"DO YOU LIKE PUZZLES??" _[YES]_

"IS JUNIOR JUMBLE MORE DIFFICULT THAN THOSE SILLY CROSSWORDS??" _[YES]_ Sans smiled at that one, giving you a wink when Papyrus wasn't looking.

"ARE YOU REALLY HUMAN??" _[YES]_

"WOWWIE!! WELL, HUMAN FRIEND!! HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A CAR??" _[YES]_

This prompted Papyrus to go into a long rant (which from Sans' expression you gathered was one he had heard many times before) about everything he knew about cars, which was a surprising amount, all things considered. You yourself knew very little about cars, other than the most basic information, so most of what the tall skeleton said went right over your head. Even so, his enthusiasm was infectious, and despite every other word sounding like gibberish to you, you listened attentively.

Papyrus had apparently gotten a hold of a few manuals and magazines from the dump about cars, and had managed to puzzle out how they worked. It was times like this that you were reminded of just how ingenious Papyrus really was. He must have been talking for a good ten minutes, because he only stopped when you all heard the distant echo of Undyne's screaming.

It turns out that Undyne's idea of a keyboard was a Grand Piano.

Specifically, her 800 pound Grand Piano, which she hauled to your house all the way from her house in Waterfall, bare handed, on her back.

Undyne couldn't quite fit it through your door, so she set it up outside in the snow. She tested out a few notes, making sure the thing was still properly tuned after its travel. She apparently hadn't thought about how the cold would affect the sound, because you could hear her frustrated snarling as she was forced to re-tune every single one of the 88 strings.

You weren't sure which part you were more impressed with: the fact that Undyne had carried an 800 pound piano over a mile and wasn't showing signs of fatigue, or the fact she actually knew how to tune said piano.

Papyrus grinned, getting up and rummaging carefully around your house until he found your blankets. He then wrapped one around you, picked you up, and carried you outside to the piano.

You were getting carried around a lot lately. If your face hadn't been flushed from your fever, it would be now anyway because how embarrassing was it to be carted around like a toy?

Still, Papyrus meant well, you knew. He probably gathered it was hard to walk for you. You couldn't be angry with him for trying to do something nice. Besides, you had to admit, as much as you disliked it, the setup was incredibly convenient.

Sans followed close behind, hands in his jacket pockets.

It took a few minutes for Undyne to be satisfied with her work, closing the top so snow didn't get into the inside of the piano. She then leaned on it, smirking at you. "Alright, human, show me!"

You were feeling much better thanks to the three cups of tea you had been able to get down. You had no idea how LONG you would be feeling better, but you were feeling better now and maybe you would feel better just long enough to be able to show off.

Papyrus set you on the stool that Undyne had also brought (because of course she did, Undyne never does things by halves), and you allowed yourself to appreciate the instrument. The keys were damp with a few flakes of snow, and showed significant use. You tentatively played a middle C, grinning a little.

You happened to be a percussionist, someone who played the keyboard. You had played the marimba, xylophone, and vibraphone in high school, although that was years ago. You couldn't really play the piano well (you never practiced because you got frustrated with the fingers of your non-dominant hand disobeying you) but you knew it well enough to get a single melody going. Furthermore, you minored in Music Theory, so you were pretty confident in your ability to do this much.

It was then you realized you didn't remember what _key_ the song in Undyne's puzzle was played in.

You started to panic, because Undyne would surely count you as a lier if you didn't play the fucking song in the correct key. Undyne was a piano teacher for fucks sake, she would know that sort of thing!!

But you couldn't very well back out. You DID know the melody. You started to fumble along the keys. You made a few mistakes, wincing at the wrong notes, but soon you had the basic melody in C-Major: _{C G F C E E F, C F C E E F, C G F C E E F, C F A G F G}_.

You couldn't remember if that was the correct key or not, so you shifted up, starting the next try with a C# (what key was that? you couldn't remember the name, but you knew it was a lot of sharps and/or flats): _{C# G# F# C# E# E# F#, C# F# C# E# E# F#, C# G# F# C# E# E# F#, C# F# A# G# F# G#}_. That didn't sound quite right. It definitely wasn't that one.

You shifted up again (to D-Major? Fuck, you were rusty, you were just glad you still remembered the notes at all): _{D A G D F# F# G, D G D F# F# G, D A G D F# F# G, D G B A G A}_. That one sounded about right, but you weren't certain.

You shifted up again, playing it out. Then again, and again, and again, moving a half step sharper each time until you came right around back to C-Major. As you did the monsters around you stared in amazement, Undyne especially (she honestly hadn't thought you would know the song, but here you were, not only playing it, but playing it in _every key_ as if to taunt her).

You, meanwhile, had become engrossed in your playing. You zoned into it, forgetting most everything else. You shifted back to the key your voice felt most comfortable with, and began to sing along softly as you played, not willing to put much force behind it.

It's not fair to be alone  
After all you've been though  
So let me just ease your pain  
Please let me stay with you

I'll continue to reach out  
I won't abandon you  
Deter-

You started coughing, the fingers of your dominant hand pressing down on the keys and creating a dissonant chord while your non-dominant hand came up to stifle your coughing. _So much for that,_ you thought bitterly.

"Y/n?!" You heard Doggo's voice. Had he gotten lost again? You couldn't call out, so you tapped a few notes, hoping he would hear them and be able to find his way.

"OVER HERE, DOGGO!!" Papyrus, ever the helpful one, called out, waving.

Doggo bounded over, zoning in on you and your body shuddered through more coughing. "Y/n?! That is not healthy moving..! Are you sick?!"

You nodded a little, and then were promptly pulled from your seat and into Doggo's arms. He felt incredibly warm compared to the open air, and as he held you to his chest you realized how cold you actually were. You felt Doggo growl more than you heard it. "What is wrong with you guys?!?!? You don't make sick people sit in the snow and entertain you!!"

"It wasn't for entertainment!!" Undyne shot back. "It was them proving themselves!!"

"It could have waited!!" Doggo insisted, growling louder.

Papyrus looked a little taken aback. "BUT NEIGHBOR DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT!! WE DIDN'T MAKE IT WORSE, DID WE??"

You shook your head, and immediately regretted it as the headache came back in full force. Whatever relief that tea had given you had definitely worn off. You made a pathetic noise, blinking to try and focus. You had really overextended yourself. Now you were paying for it. The sudden warmth coupled with your headache was making it hard to keep your eyes open.

That steady rumbling against your head wasn't helping matters either. The steady soothing low note was in that perfect range to make you want to relax, even if you hadn't felt like crap.

Doggo turned around and tried to make for your house, almost crashing into the outer wall. Sans snagged him by his pants, stopping him just in time. "you aren't gonna do them any favors by smashing them into buildings," he said low. Then he opened the door, and waved to show Doggo where it was.

Doggo snarled at Sans (or his hand anyway), but he went inside.

The last thing you remember before passing out was hearing Papyrus and Undyne's voices get more distant, and Sans directing Doggo to your bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playing His Theme in each sequential key is actually pretty fun -- i made a lot of mistakes when i did it but it wasn't hard to correct them (except this one key which i loathed).
> 
> Also don't you hate it when you think you feel better and try to do things, and then your body is like "HAHA lol NO"
> 
> Doggo takes illness very seriously, for good reason.


	22. The Token Sick-Love-Interest Episode

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's basically the token "sick love interest" episode.  
> viv' la anime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another day, another awful chapter

The next few... well, you aren't quite sure if they are hours or days... but for a while afterwards you can't perceive the world as anything but a blur. Whatever you have must have been showing you mercy before, because now you are a mess inside and out. Your whole world is the electricity running through your veins telling you to do _something_ , and the pain in your skull and chest telling you that you weren't going to be doing _anything_. What little breathing you could do hurt, talking hurt, just opening your eyes hurt, and you swear you were leaking from all three orifices in your face.

Even so, every time you faded back into agonizing consciousness, you felt a soothing buzz at your side. Sometimes there were two soothing buzzes, and while it was hard to tell them apart, you were sure they were switching off. Low rumbling and soothing whispers were usually followed by either a cold touch or a warm touch, each one a welcome relief.

Gradually, the pressure in your body waned, draining from you slowly, like you were radiating heat. Your head hurt less, your chest ached less, and when you tried to open your eyes, you could see a few more details. You could hear more than just indiscernible noises too.

Doggo and Sans were in your house.

"They aren't moving.... They aren't moving, is that a good thing or a bad thing..?!" Doggo muttered frantically, feeling around until his paw found your cheek.

"are they breathing?" Sans asked, coming closer to peer at you. "humans gotta breath, right? that's a thing they do..." He reached out, laying his hand on your chest to feel if it was rising and falling. He seemed relieved by the little movements, although that could have been your still semi-blurry vision playing tricks on you. Then Sans looked up at your face, saw your eyes cracked open, and smirked. "you awake, buddy?"

You nodded a little, a bit confused as to why the two monsters were still in your house.

"You moved!!" Doggo sighed in relief, nuzzling his muzzle against your neck. You were hit with the smell of dog treats and fur, and while that would have been oddly comforting under most circumstances, you were still having trouble breathing, so the strong smell felt suffocating.You had to turn your head away, panting a bit.

Doggo, oblivious, nuzzled further into your neck. With your face turned away, and your breathing easier, you thought it was oddly endearing, reminding your of non-monster dogs and how they showed affection. You had always been more of a cat person, with your sedentary life style, but dogs were still awesome.

Just not so much when they were in your face while you were struggling to breath.

You couldn't see it, but Sans was giving you and Doggo a lightless socket stare as he withdrew his hand from your chest.

Doggo pressed his cold nose to your cheek, then pulled away, letting you turn your head back to face them. "Are you warm enough? Do you need anything? Tea? Water? Dogtreats? Soup?"

You chuckled, coughing a few times. "T-tea?" You asked. You didn't want to inconvenience them with something like soup, although at the moment it sounded amazing. You felt like you hadn't eaten in days, even though energy still thrummed in your veins.

"soup it is, then," Sans said, as if reading your mind. You flushed, averting your eyes.

Doggo got up, going over to the fridge and pulling out a few things you couldn't see, wiggling them carefully to check what they were before putting them back, searching through the fridge semi-blindly. You, still not quite at 100, didn't think to wonder what could be in your fridge, even though the last time you checked it was largely empty.

You looked back at Sans, still confused. "Why..?" _Why are you guys here?_ you wanted to know.

Sans winked. "this is the most lucid you've been in three days, pal. last time i checked, humans needed to eat a lot more regularly than that, right?"

 _THREE DAYS?!?!_ You made to sit up. You still had work! Grillby must think you skipped out on him!! Wait, Undyne had blown your cover. You bet the whole town knew you were human now. You probably didn't even have a job anymore. Dysphoria settled on you. This was just one step closer to your inevitable end.

Maybe it would have been better to have let it end with Undyne... not that Flowey would have allowed that.

Sans let you sit up a little ways, propping you up with pillows at your back (that you don't remember having) and then making you recline into them with a gentle but firm push. "relax, grillbz already knows you're sick. even sent soup over. low magic content, perfect for ya."

You were simultaneously creeped out and immensely grateful that Sans could read you so well at the moment. It meant you didn't have to strain yourself trying to talk.

Doggo finally found the container he had been looking for, and after fumbling for a spoon, brought them both over for you. Sans helped you get the grip you needed. The bowl was the perfect temperature in your hand, warm but not so hot it hurt to hold. The soup inside was an orange color that reminded you of paprika, smelling faintly of onions. You looked blearily at the two monsters, torn between gratitude and embarrassment.

Then you ate the soup, slow and careful. The warm liquid did wonders for your throat, and made your stomach settle, although you hadn't noticed until now that there had been anything wrong there. It was light, and went down smooth, somehow helping to quell the buzzing in your blood.

You ended up finishing the bowl (to the delight of both monsters, although you were unaware of it). Doggo took the dish and spoon away, letting you lay back with a contented sigh as the canine monster demonstrated just how familiar he had made himself with your house over the last three days, making it across the room and placing his burden in the sink without bumping into anything or even using the wall as a reference.

Sans grinned at you, his eye lights bright and full (to your relief -- the last thing you needed was him being pissed at you). "should i send your compliments to the chief, or let ya do it yourself later?" he asked, winking again (he really was in a good mood, he was even winking with his ~~judgement~~ left eye).

You shook your head. Your throat felt a little better, so you tried talking again. "Does Grillby know..?"

"that you're a human?" Sans finished, snickering. "everyone in snowdin knows, buddy. undyne isn't exactly easy to ignore when she's screaming."

"so... he must not want me back, then," you deadpanned, trying to hold back the emotions your body was not in any condition to process right now. "i'll have to move..."

"nope." Sans said at the same time as Doggo bounded back to you, speaking more excitedly:

"You do not have to move anywhere except a little bit so I can see you."

You looked at them, uncomprehending. "But... I'm a human. You know, the thing you guys need to break the barrier? Don't monsters kind of, I don't know, hate humans as a general rule?"

"But you are not a general human! You are Y/n, and everyone is very worried about you!!" Doggo insisted, nuzzling into your neck again with his muzzle. It was a little easier to breath when he did it this time, so you didn't have to turn away. "Grillby sent you soups, the big guy wrote you a real nice get-well card, that rabbit sent some more pillows which she said you could keep! You are a snowdin monster now."

You didn't know how to feel about that. You just lay there, clutching at the comforter you were snuggled under, trying to fathom the meaning behind the words you were sure you were hallucinating. You had never been one to belong to a community (unless you counted the fandoms you'd fallen into, the online forums you had lurked in), and you had every reason to believe that the monsters would turn on you if they found out the truth.

Hearing that one of your fears had been largely unfounded was... both irritating and liberating. Irritating, because you could have just come clean a lot sooner and saved yourself a heap of stress. Liberating, because it meant you could save yourself stress now.

The fact that it sounded cliche and cheesy didn't help you process it.

"paps sent his get well spaghetti... but it disappeared, _orzo_ it seems" Sans added, smirking. " _fusilli_ to get upset about it tho, don't ya think?"

You laughed softly at that, coughing a bit. "Sounds _pici_ ," you wheezed out.

You didn't notice, but Sans' eye lights sparked brighter, his face tinting blue. Doggo shot Sans a dirty look, baring his teeth in a sneer.

"well, even if your health _farfalle_ earlier, ya seem to be feeling _butter_ now," Sans continued, ( ~~on a roll now that he finally, finally got you laughing at his puns, like he had laughed at yours all those months ago, before he even knew your name~~ ). "glad to see your sickness in the _pastina_! _ziti_ 's good to see ya smiling again! _rigate_ lot of gossip to catch up on, though. There is plenty to _cavatelli_ you. i'll spare you the _ditalini_ , but it turns out someone is spreading rumors that you and jerry are an item. can't _cappelletti_ everyone think that! i set the record straight, but i think you'll have to _tortellini_ them yourself later."

You had been able to keep from snickering at Sans' horrible humor for months by hiding behind your fear. Now that most of that fear was gone, and your nerves were shot, you couldn't stop the little giggles and breathy laughs that escaped you. It hurt to laugh in the condition you were in, but it also felt good, like a weight was lifting. You coughed, and shuddered, and when you looked up Sans had a cup of tea for you to take, looking only mildly repentant.

~~What you didn't know was that, despite the way you coughed and shuddered, your laughter was still the most amazing thing to the two monsters in the house.~~

Well, laughter was supposedly the best medicine.

You were halfway done with your tea when there was a knock on your door. Sans reluctantly got up to answer it, only to say the two words that sent your fear meter right back up to critical levels.

"heya, undyne."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cheesy fucking cliche bullshitery
> 
> wow boys, way to be creepy and sweet at the same time
> 
> fucking jerry, now instead of "my girlfriend who lives in canada" it's "my human who lives just outside of town"


	23. Welcome Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone gives you a gift, and then you feel sad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is another bad, lazy ass chapter~~~ god this fucking fic is going so slow~~~ so bad~~~ at this rate it won't end by the end of the month~~~ no~~~~~
> 
> i'm so mad.

You clutched a little tighter to the half gone cup of tea, tension you didn't need right now taking over every muscle you had even the slightest bit of conscious control over. You couldn't outrun or outfight Undyne even when you weren't lame and debilitated. If she decided that you were still better off dead, you weren't going to be able to do anything about it.

"Is the human awake yet?" You heard Undyne ask.

 _Please lie,_ you silently begged in your head. _Please lie, you're so good at it, just please, don't make me-_

"sure is," Sans said, ~~relief and pride in his voice for anyone to hear if they listened for it,~~ opening the door a bit wider to let the fish monster in. Doggo growled low, his paw landing on your shoulder as he watched the ~~intruding~~ new house guest.

Undyne's burnt gold eye trained onto you, holding your gaze with a power you felt well within your rights to fear. She approached slowly, arms hanging loosely at her sides, ignoring the warning noises Doggo was making and the way Sans sat himself a little too casually at the foot of your bed, his grin lazy but his eye lights dark in unspoken threat. _Since when did Sans threaten Undyne?_

Undyne, however, merely stepped up to your bedside, continuing to hold your gaze with her own. "Human... I found Alphys' True Lab."

A part of you questioned whether she actually 'found' it, instead of busted into the lab and demanded Alphys show her loudly. Or maybe she did find it... by breaking open the walls and doors, ripping up tile and other things until she stumbled upon the elevator shaft. Either way, you knew it hadn't been subtle.

"I found the lab and... those things," Undyne continued.

"They have names," you interjected. "Endogeny, Lemon Bread, MemoryHead, Reaper Bird, and... uh..." you scratch your cheek. "I don't know the last one's name... just know it's Snowy's..."

Even you, sick and oblivious as you were, felt the oppressing, depressing silence that trailed after your unfinished thought.

"You were right... Alph was... she was real messed up about it." Undyne clenched her fists tight. "How did you know? How did- how did I not see..?"

You got the feeling that Undyne was more upset with herself for not realizing Alphys needed help sooner. That certainly fit with her character, from what you understood.

"I told you. Time Traveler." You tried to smile, but it felt forced and you were sure it looked it. "So, uh... how did it go with her other than... that?"

Undyne snorted. "You know damn well how it went..." then she smirked. "It went great! You were right again, she's- she likes me as much as I- uh..." Undyne finally broke eye contact with you, scratching the back of her neck.

You nodded in a way you hoped appeared sagely, and not like you couldn't think of anything smart to say (which was much closer to the truth).

Undyne coughed. "Anyway, it turns out your story checks out, human. I'll believe you."

The tension in your body eased, and you took another drink of your tea.

"BUT!" The fish monster suddenly raised her voice, making you jump. "Now you have to go see Alphys! She wants to see you in person!! And I'm not taking no for an answer, human!!"

Doggo growled. "No way! Y/n isn't going anywhere!"

"not right now, anyway, they're still sick," Sans said a bit more calmly, but you could just hear the faintest hint of a threat underneath his usual cantor.

Undyne opened her mouth to argue, but you coughed (an on-purpose cough, although it devolved into the real thing because you put too much force behind it, and you had to take a drink before you could say anything). The fact of the matter was that you did NOT want to go to Hotland. Even if Alphys was on your side now (which, given her scientific curiosity, love for Undyne, and probable relief at having the weight of her secret lifted, you guessed she was), Mettaton was still not your friend. You would rather not become the next guest star on 'Attack of the Killer Robot'. That being said, you couldn't just ignore Alphys either (not with Undyne still posing a threat, and not with your conscience telling you that the lovable weeb needed as many friends as she could get).

"I'll be happy to meet with Alphys... but maybe that meeting could be in Waterfall? At, maybe, your house, Undyne?" Undyne, Doggo, and Sans all looked at you funny. "Uh... after I'm feeling better? My next day off after I go back to work?"

Sans and Doggo seemed to relax at that, although Undyne wasn't as pleased. Her frustrated noise grated at her ears until she took a deep breath, saying, "Fine. I'll talk to her about it. Also, whats your number, human? I want to be able to keep tabs on you..."

You smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, I don't have a phone..."

The fish monster eyed you, like she wasn't sure she believed you, but let the matter drop.

* * *

You found out why she let the matter drop the next day, when Undyne returned with a brand new, state-of-the-art, magitech cell phone, with undernet connectivity and texting capabilities. The sheer number of apps and bells and whistles (was that a jetpack button?! of course it was) screamed of Alphys, who, naturally, was already added into your contacts.

Undyne smirked. "Now there is NO escaping me, punk!" She rumbled victoriously. You found that Undyne was in your contacts too.

You quickly changed the names of your two new phone friends to, 'Weebasaur' and 'Undyne the Undying', because you could. So you did.

"so... got room in your contacts for one more?" Sans asked, grinning from his spot at the foot of the bed, one hand resting on your right ankle for support (so he didn't fall, you guessed). "don't want you getting _phone_ ly."

You snickered and nodded, passing him the phone to add to your contacts. You figured he'd feel better with a fast and easy way to get in touch with you.

"Hey!! What about me??" Doggo demanded to know.

"do ya even have a phone, puppo?" the skeleton asked without looking up, carefully, lazily, ~~tauntingly~~ inputting both his and his brother's numbers.

Doggo barred his teeth, but his shoulders slumped. "No..."

You reached out, patting the canine's arm, taking the opportunity to appreciate the fluffiness of his fur. "Well, if you ever need to make a call, just ask." Wow, Doggo really was soft. You wondered what he did to take care of it, if anything: did he use shampoo or conditioner? Did he brush himself? How often? The mental image of Doggo using a long handled brush to get the fur on his back made you smile even wider. You figured the real answer was 'magic', but you could have your little fantasies.

~~You didn't see it, but Sans flinched at that, while Doggo flashed a shit eating grin at the skeleton. Sans returned that grin with a scowl, right before sending himself a quick text so he had your number in his own phone.~~

Doggo smiled down at you. "You're so nice..." he rumbled, pulling you out of your musings.

"I try," you admitted, sipping the tea the boys had refilled for you.

You were glad you had a phone now. When Sans passed the device back to you, you smiled warmly at seeing 'paps' in your contacts. You quickly changed it to 'THE GREAT PAPYRUS', because it just wasn't the same otherwise. You left 'sans' as it was, thinking it fitting.

Meanwhile, Undyne had been watching your two guard monsters, as though trying to figure something out. Probably the same thing you were trying to figure out yourself: _why were they here?_ You yourself still weren't sure. Being neighborly was an answer, although considering they had been vigilant for four days now, apparently sleeping _at your fucking dinner table_ (you could understand Sans being able to sleep there, but Doggo? when you woke up in the middle of the night last night and saw it, in the dim light of your half-died fireplace, you had been flabbergasted. Had those two really been doing that for half a week?!), you greatly doubted that was the only reason.

And so did Undyne, apparently.

She, however, unlike you, put the pieces together, her cheeks tinting the softest shade of pink as a bemused grin took over her face. "I'll leave you to get better, now, human. Sans, Doggo, don't shirk your sentry duties. Watching humans is your job, after all," she said, with a lilt to her voice that you didn't quite understand, grinning at the expressions ~~of shock and embarrassment~~ on the other two monsters' faces that you couldn't see from your vantage point.

You bit your lip thoughtfully. _That actually made sense. Since you were human, it kind of WAS their job to watch you. They were probably taking care of you in case you being sick compromised your soul somehow. Didn't want you being an unviable donor for the Barrier._ You recalled the words they had spoken yesterday, about you belonging, and the two viewpoints warred with each other in your head, one supported by the embers of your hope, the other by your nihilism.

Guess which one took supremacy? Yup. Nihilism. Your happier emotions were smothered in it, making the aches and pains in your body feel like led weights as you lay back on the pillows and watched the fish monster take her leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are kind of oblivious at this point.  
> I mean really, Y/N? Is your faith so easily shattered??
> 
> Apparently. No wonder you're soul trait isn't DETERMINATON
> 
> Welp at least now you have a phone.


	24. Contacts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We see the way your life in Snowdin changes thanks to the Undyne Event.  
> Also you fill out your contacts in your phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some badly written fluff and the start of some new friendships WHY AM I SO BAD AT THIS~~~~~!!!!!
> 
> i'm sorry this chapter is so bad~~~!!!!
> 
> i made so many fucking puns in this chapter holy shit

That night you began familiarizing yourself with the hud of your new phone. You found out that it did indeed have a JetPack app, as well as an app just called YELLOW MODE, which let you shoot little yellow balls of magic from an antenna at the top (there was a crack in your ceiling now, thanks to that, which you were going to have to find a way to patch up). You found the Undernet app, setting up your account quickly and easily. It reminded you of a cross between twitter, tumblr, and facebook, allowing friends as well as followers. You thought about a good handle to make, and decided to go with "NawtHyoomin" because that was totally not suspicious at all and you weren't secretly a fucking troll.

After that, you did some searches for all the people you wanted to keep in contact with. You tried to remember the handles from the game, and thankfully you found "ALPHYS", "CoolSkeleton95", "StrongFish91", and "NAPSTABLOOK22", all of whom you started following and sent friend requests to.

Then you made your first update:

> * got a new phone, courtesy of @ALPHYS.  
>  * she's tots a tech god. this thing has everything.

You smirked, taking a small amount of joy at the familiar act of casual, mundane social networking. You started binge-liking all the best things in everyone's pages, enjoying the little peak into their lives. Papyrus had pictures of him with sunglasses on his arms, flexing like he had muscles. You found posts about Undyne's piano lessons, and cooking lessons. You found the troll messages a person named "thecomic" left on Papyrus's page in a weird font (which was in fact comic sans), and you immediately liked every one of them on principle.

You quickly got notifications saying everyone accepted your requests, then notifications that a bunch of people liked your post. Papyrus screamed slowly in a comment, and Alphys commented a blushing emoji.

Your headache decided that was enough for one day and you put your new toy on the side table for later.

* * *

It takes another three days before ~~the boy's are satisfied that~~ you are well enough to go back to work (and by extension, well enough to be left alone). By then, the energy that had surged through your body without an outlet had faded to barely anything. You weren't certain what that feeling had been, but you decided to watch out for it again. It could mean something bad.

Although it didn't _feel_ bad, exactly...

Your first day back was also your first day out of the house. You had done some hobbling back and forth at night while the boys had slept (again, what was so important about watching you that they felt it necessary to sleep at the dinner table?! instead of going home?!), but you had also used the wall to help keep your balance, keeping your left leg elevated. Even now, your foot hurt whenever you tried to use it, exploding with pain at the slightest pressure. You were worried that it would never heal enough to be used again, that it might be better to cut it off and get a peg leg. That being said, you had no idea how to go about doing that safely, so it wasn't an option you were keen on exploring.

Which is why when you carefully pulled a pair of fresh socks on and stuffed your foot carefully into the cloth shoes that weren't too heavy for your injured foot, you took a deep breath and began hopping.

You hopped out the front door, keeping firm to your ridiculous flamingo stance, your arms flailing out to help your balance. You almost made it into the trees when you slipped on something in the snow and fell on your face.

You were just glad nobody had been there to see that...

You pushed yourself out of the snow, bracing yourself on your left knee (thankfully, the pain only occurred when you tried to use your foot, so anything above the ankle was still fair game), grinding your teeth. You got yourself back to your feet, already feeling the burn in your (now) dominant leg.

It took you a while to get into town, jumping from tree to tree, leaning against the trunks until you could catch your breath. You decided you needed a cane, or a staff. Yeah, a staff would be cooler. You could pretend you were a wizard or something instead of a cripple.

You made it to the treeline on the other side, panting, watching your hot breath puff white in the chilled air as you braced yourself to make the tree-less trek across the way to Grillby's. During your travels you had accidentally swerved eastward, putting you out in front of the Librarby.

"y/n?"

You looked up.

Sans was just coming out of his house, supposedly making his way to work. He looked surprised to see you, although he tried to hide it with that skeletal grin of his. "taking a break already? its only been an hour since your shift started..." he seemed to eye you carefully, taking you in. "did ya hurt yourself?"

You shook your head. "No, just taking my time. Might have done it a bit too much, thought. Better get to work!" You hurriedly started hopping in the opposite direction of him, keeping close to the treeline while you made your way towards Grillby's, wanting to minimize the open area you had to cross.

Sans kept step next to you, which only made you even more painfully aware of how slow you were moving. "so you're playing hopscotch on your way to work now?" he asked dryly.

"Maybe I like hopscotch," you countered, knowing it sounded lame. You just didn't want to admit how much of a baby you were, that you couldn't even use your left leg right because it hurt too much. You didn't want to admit you couldn't take it, couldn't handle it.

Sans wasn't convinced. By the time you were lined up (roughly) with the bar's front door, you were panting again. You took a deep breath, and went to take your first jump towards to building, when you felt an arm go around your waist from the left side, and something grabbed you left arm. You looked to see Sans, a little discolored ( ~~blushing blue~~ ), grinning at you. "usually i'd ask if you needed a _hand_ , but since ya don't seem to have a _leg to stand on_ , how about i just _shoulder_ a little of your burden?"

You could have sworn he wiggled his bone brows, and you let out an unflattering snort as he slung your left arm over his shoulders. "I guess a little help wouldn't hurt," you finally admitted, leaning a little on the skeleton as he assisted you to the building.

Inside, the instant Grillby saw you, he rushed to help you into a chair, crackling with an energy you weren't familiar with. It took you a few minutes to realize it was worry. You tried to wave it off. "I'm just being a wuss. Nothing to worry about."

Grillby gave you a look, a smoldering noise coming from him. Even though he didn't have facial features you could read, and he didn't enunciate anything audible, you understood his intention clearly: _'I will be the judge of that.'_ You averted your eyes, clutching at the chair under you as Grillby carefully pulled off your left shoe and sock. He and Sans both regarded the cross shaped scar on the top of your foot, standing out obviously against your skin. Grillby gingerly put some mild pressure on the sole of your foot, and you almost bit your tongue it hurt so bad. A strangled noise of pain escaped you, and Grillby yanked his hand away like it had been burned.

It took you a moment to blink the multicolored spots out of your eyes and regain control of your voice. "It, uh, hurts when I use it, so I'm trying not to use it," you say honestly.

"undyne," sans growled, low and deep and resonating, his left eye flashing brilliant cyan and gold. You flinched away, a bone deep terror running through you at that tone in his voice, those colors.

*** ~~should be burning in hell.~~**

You shook your head. You thought you were over it. Guess not.

Grillby handed you your sock and shoe back, which you carefully put back on. You didn't look Sans in the face until he put a gloved hand on your knee.

"you gonna be okay?" the skeleton asked.

You smiled back at him. "Probably."

Sans nodded, although you didn't think he was convinced. He left anyway, taking a bottle of ketchup to go.

You then resumed your regular entertainment duties, although Grillby insisted that you remain stationed at the bar and not walk around like usual.

Word had apparently spread about your injury because when Doggo came in for lunch he was worried and alarmed. He insisted on carrying you around until his break ended, which you thought was an odd request.

Jerry came in, and you two exchanged phone numbers (to everyone's shock?). Jerry actually smiled, taking a picture of you for his contact information. You took a picture of him in turn for it, adding him as 'Ugh, Jerry' (because 'Whats the WiFi Password?' was too long).

That first day was a slow day, only the most regular of regulars coming in. You didn't mind it, since you still got a lot of commission (your tips were even bigger now, for some reason). Papyrus stopped in though, and greeted you with an enthusiastic hug, which you were happy to return. He ordered his usual grease-free milkshake, and you sang him a few songs, all free of charge ( ~~or so you believed, but Papyrus slipped a few gold into your jar while you weren't looking~~ ).

That night you were just finishing off a plate of leftover french fries ( ~~a thought nagging at the back of your mind, trying to remind you that monster food didn't spoil, so how could they be leftover?~~ ), when the second to last patron left, leaving only you, Grillby, and Sans in the bar. You snagged the rag your boss used to wipe the bar and started cleaning up, intent on doing at least this much since he wasn't letting you bus the tables.

Sans watched you, leaning on one arm as he pieced off of his condiment. The skeleton only got up when you did, sliding himself under your left arm and gripping you securely around the waist again. "see ya later, grillbz, gonna walk the songbird home."

You fought down the blood trying to rush to your cheeks. "I am not a songbird, and I don't need walked home. It's right across the street."

Sans snickered. "pretty sure ya do, buddy," he drawled, starting to guide you to the door. "ya already have one foot out of commission. what happens if you twist your good ankle or something?"

"Guess I'll die then," you meme'd at him on reflex, your exhaustion from the long day making you a little more lose tongued than you might have been otherwise. ~~You refused to acknowledge that it might have had more to do with the fact you were getting more comfortable around him.~~

Sans, however, didn't get the joke. "thats a distinct possibility, you know," he muttered as you managed to get the door open, ~~oblivious to Grillby's amused expression, the small crescent of off-colored flames on his face showing the vaguest hint of his thoughtful smile as he watched and listened to the two of you~~.

"I think I know that even better than you do, bonehead," you quipped back.

Sans snickered. "are ya _rib_ bing me now?"

"Even if I did, it wouldn't be _humerus_ ," you replied, a smile tugging at your lips.

"why's that? too _sternum_ for a good joke."

"No, just-" you stopped, because suddenly you were in front of your house. You looked at Sans, who was grinning wider.

"what? something wrong?" he asked, sounding smug.

You shook our head, pulling away from him with a little hop to your door. "no. just disappointed our talk was _cut short_. Good night, Sans."

You went inside without looking back at him, ready for a bath and your bed, ~~unaware of the way his eye lights had sparked at the pun he was sure had, somehow, been intentional.~~

* * *

In the morning, the muscles in your right leg screamed at you. You did your best to ignore the burn, grinding your teeth hard enough to make _them_ ache and give you something else to focus on. You tried to massage your calf and thigh, but that only provided marginal relief. You sighed, wondering if maybe you could put an ad on the Undernet for that staff you wanted as you headed out the door...

...only to collide with a solid, warm mass that had been waiting right in front of it.

"Y/n!!" Doggo greeted excitedly, scooping you up in his arms and nuzzling into the crook of your neck. You laughed, reflexively curling your arms around his neck, one hand resting at the base of one of his pointed ears.

"Uh, good morning, Doggo. Did you get lost again? Need help?" You thought it was a little early for him to be getting lost (he had his troubled moments, but Doggo wasn't THAT bad. He made it to and from work fairly well for the most part.

"Not this time," Doggo assured you, pressing his cold wet nose to the spot just under your ear. "I'm here to be your moving-leg dog!"

"My what?" You asked, a little confused, as he closed your door and started heading back into town, cradling you against his chest.

"Your moving-leg dog!" Doggo repeated, sniffing the air as he rapidly shifted his eyes and bobbed his head, using relative motion to get an idea of what his surroundings looked like. He was focusing harder than usual, moving more carefully, and you wondered if maybe he had run into something again lately and become nervous. "Since you cannot walk, and I can, that makes for a perfect combination."

"Won't you be late for work?" You asked, trying not to think about how goddamn comfortable you are right now, because its just weird to be so comfortable while being carried around like a toy.

"Not really, unless I get lost after I drop you off, or- SQUIRREL!!" Doggo turned sharply, looking up into the branches overhead. You looked up too, but you didn't see anything. "Is it still there?!" He asked. You felt his muscles flex against you, as if he was itching to give chase.

You chuckled. "No, no squirrel... I don't think I've seen one since I got here, actually..."

"I've only heard about them in stories," Doggo admitted, continuing his progress. "If I ever get to the surface, I want to chase a real squirrel. And I want to catch it."

 _If._ Your heart ached a little. All these monsters had such simple wishes. _'See the stars.' 'See the ocean.' 'Chase a squirrel.'_ They were things you could have (and had) done, things you had taken for granted. They were mundane experiences you never even gave any real thought to, even after the option had been wrestled from you. You were hit again with the melancholy thought of how cruel it was to deny these sweet, caring people the simple chance to _look out a window and see sunlight._ Just because you personally weren't a fan of sunlight, didn't mean it was fair to deny them the chance to see it and come to hate it for themselves.

"Have you ever seen a squirrel, Y/n?" Doggo asked, pulling you from you train of thought.

"Uh, yeah." You thought back to what felt like a lifetime ago now. "'Squirrell' is a colloquial term, which covers a bunch of different species and sub species of small, furry rodent. The ones that used to live by my house were grey, their bodies about as long as my hand from nose to the base of their tail, and then another handspan for the tail itself. I loved their tails, big and bushy and soft looking." You smirked. "They're nimble, skittish things, scaling trees faster than you can blink. And smart too. One of them stole my neighbor's smarties."

"Stole what?!" Doggo asked, not understanding.

"Smarties," you repeated, snickering. "They're these little candies. We were walking home from school together, and he'd dropped one. He went to pick it up, going to just dust it off and eat it anyway, when this squirrel raced down a flagpole and snatched it up, only to scurry back up a nearby tree. My neighbor was so pissed! He yanked his shoes off and threw them at the thing!"

"Did he hit it?" Doggo asked, fascinated with the story.

"Nope! Missed both times, then asked me for _my_ shoe when he ran out of ammo! I just laughed at him, shaking my head. I figured by that point, that squirrel had earned the treat."

Doggo snickered right along with you as you guys broke the treeline, neither of you aware of the third party who was grinning along despite himself, hidden in the higher branches.

* * *

That became the regular: Doggo would pick you up in the morning, dropping you off at Grillby's before he made his way to work himself; Grillby made certain you were seated during the entirity of your shift(s), scolding you with an almost paternal stance and annoyed flickering whenever you got up for more than a few moments; and Sans would take you home at the end of your shift.

Papyrus would stop in during one of his few breaks, and you would sing for him special as you enjoyed his cheerful company, trying not to actually say 'awww' out loud whenever that first taste of his drink would make his eye lights sparkle. You chatted about his puzzles and, (at least when Sans wasn't around) you talked about your planned jape. It was decided that you would perform it yourself, during the evening one night, that way Sans wouldn't be tipped off by Papyrus being there, and there would be fewer people for Sans to be embarrassed in front of. You didn't mind, especially since you got Grillby in on the plan, and he was more than willing to record the event with your phone so you and Papyrus could relive the experience together, and maybe rub it in a little when Sans started finding it funny too.

Jerry didn't always come in, opting instead to text you throughout the day. It mostly consisted of complaints that, you had to admit, you sort of agreed with: yes, Aaron was a bit pushy; yes, Icecap could stand to shut up about his stupid fucking hat (that you both refused to admit you wanted to wear just once); yes it is cold as balls outside and neither one of you could believe how no one else seems to fucking notice; yes, the bar was loud, and hot, and growing exceedingly more cramped with each passing day.

That was entirely true, too: the second day onward after you returned to work, the bar was packed with even more monsters than before. Aaron flexed even harder around you, sending sweat flying into the air in (admittedly impressive) arches, winking so hard you swore it was audible. You weren't quite sure what was up with that, but he payed for his songs so you couldn't complain. Woshua started coming in and cleaning up, which you were thankful for since it mean less work for poor Grillby, who you were starting to worry was burning the candle at both ends (HAH!) keeping up with the increased traffic.

Even some monsters from hotland made the trip, including a very friendly Vulkin and Heat Flamesmen himself.

Red Bird made the comment that Grillby might want to start charging just for admission, and maybe expand the building.

You just wanted to know why there were suddenly so many people coming in.

During one of your breaks, where you had crawled into the back by the juke box, you bumped into a familiar but not-so familiar face(?).

".........oh, i'm sorry," came a passive, almost breathy voice. "......i didn't know.... that, you know, you'd want to come over here......"

You looked up to find a... well, it looked like a floating sheet with a sad face drawn on it, only the sheet was translucent and the face was animated. You grinned, pleased as punch to finally be meeting this particular monster in person. "Napstablook, right?" You asked for confirmation.

The ghost flinched, looking from side to side. ".....you know my name?"

You nodded. "I'm a fan too! I mean, I've only heard three of your songs, but Spooktune was pretty good! I've been trying to think of lyrics for it."

Napstablook blushed, their large expressive eyes becoming liquidy. "you......... like it.....?"

You chuckled. "i mean, its not my favorite song ever, but yeah!"

"................i...i like your music too........"

You looked away, taking a sip of water. "I didn't write any of the stuff I've sung, just perform it. And badly. None of this is meant to be sung a capella, but I gotta do something to earn a living, and this gets me a little gold."

"......you write lyrics though..?"

You snickered. "Only to songs that have already been written apparently."

"i'd........ like to see them some time..............."

You grinned. "I'll text them to you if you give me your phone number."

And that was how you got 'Dapperblook' into your contacts list.

Later that night, while you were in bed, you were texting Napstablook the lyrics you wrote for your jape when you got a text message from someone you hadn't expected to hear from.

> **Weebasaur:**  
>  * Do you like anime?

Oh, this was going to be a long night, and you were going to regret it in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can tell how much i believe the internet is good for making friends.
> 
> THE INFAMOUS QUESTIONS:  
> \- "Would you smooch a ghost?"  
> \- "Do you like anime?"  
> \- "What's the wi-fi password?"
> 
> FINALLY WOSHUA APPEARS!! Aaaaaaahh!! I love that weirdo turtle duck washing machine thing!!!!


	25. The Jape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally pull off your jape.  
> Which isn't so much of a jape at all as just trolling fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is literally just a short drabble of self indulgence and showing off a dumb thing i did. feel free to skip it if you aren't a fan of lyrics, because literally nothing else happens.

You and Alphys got along great (like you knew you would). You could tell she was trying to get more comfortable with the idea of you, because it took her exceedingly long spans of time to type short answers (likely her typing and deleting various answers). You let her tell you all about Mew Mew Kissy Cutey, and you returned by telling her about the anime you had seen.

You were somewhat relieved to have someone to share that side of you with, who could appreciate it.

Of course, Alphys had found out you were the entertainment at Grillby's. She asked if you knew any anime songs. Of course you did. You had forgotten more lyrics than some people had ever known, from anime of all kinds. Hell, you even knew some Vocaloid shit (even though a good portion of the songs were intolerable machine noises that grated your sensitive ears, you still liked the songs themselves and listened to the human sung covers. You promised to sing her some when you two met in person.

Meanwhile, you were finally ready for your clever little jape. It was a slow day, maybe two weeks after you had gotten back to work. You had been waiting for a night like this, with only the locals in tonight (apparently Mettaton was having a big concert and most of the Underground was too excited about that to care about venturing all the way to Snowdin, even for Grillby's incredible food).

It was about 10 that night when Sans came in, grinning his usual grin as he took his seat at the bar next to yours. "heya songbird," he greeted, fishing a few gold coins from his coat pocket and dumping them in your jar. "hows about a song for me tonight?"

You grinned devilishly. "A song _for_ you? How about a song _about_ you instead!" You knocked on the bar to get Grillby's attention, and handed him your phone. Grillby sparked excitedly, quickly pulling up the recording option and then giving you a thumbs up.

~~You didn't notice Drunk Bunny getting their phone out too, mimicking Grillby.~~

Sans looked between you and the bartender, mildly confused and somewhat concerned.

You knew this was probably the stupidest jape in the history of stupid japes, but you didn't care. This was the first thing you'd done in what felt like forever that even marginally resembled good old fashioned goofy fun, and as dumb as it was, you intended to enjoy it to the fullest.

In your head, you could hear the introductory organ music that started off [the Weird Al Yankovic song you were parodying](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KThlYHfIVa8). You stood from your seat, jumping a little ways to lean against one of the booths so you could face Sans (and most of the bar), bobbing a little as you started singing the lyrics you had written so carefully, grinning as you kept eye (socket) contact with the skeleton whom it was written for.

I was trudging through the snow towards my sentry station  
with an annoying dog in my inventory  
when suddenly  
someone behind me, i could not see,  
popped right up and put their hands over my eyes

As you sang the names, you pointed to the ones who were in the room, really starting to have fun with the jovial melody and fun lyrics.

i asked, 'is it Greater Dog?  
or maybe Lesser Dog?  
or perhaps Jimmy Hotpants?  
is it Doggo, or Bob?  
or maybe the Drunk Bunny?'  
i probably would have kept on guessing,  
but about that time I fell in a snow poff!

and as i'm scooping snowflakes out of my sockets  
finally i recognize the face  
of my friend's neighbor Aaron  
who flexes both his pecs before he tells me:

You looked Sans dead in the eye as you started the next verse:

SANS! PICK UP YOUR FUCKING SOCK!  
i can smell it from the waterfall dock  
and everybody knows that you don't really like to wear them  
SANS! PICK UP YOUR FUCKING SOCK!  
can't you see it's offending your pet rock  
it's the last thing we'll ask of you  
SANS! PICK UP YOUR FUCKING SOCK~

You took a quick drink, enjoying the way Sans was blushing and shaking with repressed laughter. The howls and giggles from the dog's table, and the way Grillby was shaking with mirth, told you that you were having the desired effect.

i was heading to the kitchen for some ketchup packs  
when i accidentally fell into an alternate dimension  
where i was promptly greeted by some monsters who all looked and acted exactly like Undyne

they suplexed me and fifteen boulders,  
then they gave me nuggies, saying i was okay for a nerd  
and as a way of saying sorry,  
one offered to transport back to any time and universe that i would care to go!

and so i had them send me home to last thursday night so i could have my vacation twice  
just then the floating disembodied head of Papyrus flew at me screaming

SANS! PICK UP YOUR FUCKING SOCK!  
also we need to have a serious talk  
about your lazy habits; they are not healthy and i'm worried  
SANS! PICK UP YOUR FUCKING SOCK!  
can't you see it's offending your pet rock  
it's the last thing we'll ask of you  
SANS! PICK UP YOUR FUCKING SOCK~

You took another drink, pleased that you were already hearing some of the others, including Red Bird and Punk Hamster, singing along to the refrain.

i was laying on my couch, doing my third crossword,  
when i heard the barrier had broke  
and well to make a long story short  
its really pretty, there, outside

so now i'm on the surface with a human trying buy some living space  
and its obvious he doesn't like the narrow jacket that i'm wearing  
he says it makes a bad impression

welp, he gives me the apartment anyway  
but i get the room next to this six foot tall drag queen  
thats a bit too friendly  
and every day my brother nags me:

You did that thing you'd always wanted to do, the thing that only ever seemed to work in movies or hugely popular concerts, where you pointed to the crowd and they sang and/or shouted the refrain for you (or with you):

SANS! PICK UP YOUR FUCKING SOCK!  
it's disturbing the neighbors 'round the block  
and i still don't know how you managed to make a self sustaining trash tornado that can hold my great spaghetti hostage  
SANS! PICK UP YOUR FUCKING SOCK!  
can't you see it's offending your pet rock  
it's the last thing we'll ask of you  
SANS! PICK UP YOUR FUCKING SOCK~

SANS! PICK UP YOUR FUCKING SOCK~

SANS! PICK UP YOUR FUCKING SOCK~

The whole bar was in an uproar, laughing and clapping. You looked at Sans, who was grinning brighter with eyelights you could have sworn were sparkling (not unlike Papyrus', in cyans and yellows that weren't even remotely threatening).

You hopped back to grab your phone from Grillby, feeling like your jape (that wasn't really a jape so much as fun) was a complete success.

It was the perfect way to end the night before your visit to Waterfall tomorrow.

~~You didn't think twice about the way Drunk Bunny was giggling in their booth, fiddling with their phone.~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i enjoyed writing those lyrics too much.  
> now i need to get time to fucking sing them and post the recording on soundcloud like the nerd i am.


	26. Welcome to Undyne's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally go to Undyne's to meet with Alphys in person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God this is so bad. I'm so upset this chapter is lame and boring and I hate it but it kind of has to happen...

You let yourself sleep in the next day, a luxury you hadn't afforded yourself as often as you would have liked. You lay there, bleary eyed, seriously considering blowing off the whole day. Then you flexed your left foot, and the pain reminded you of what could happen if you did. You groaned as much from despair as pain, and slowly pulled yourself out of bed.

You were not looking forward to the trek through Waterfall. It was going to be hell trying to hop there. You still hadn't gotten your hands on a staff, or even a cane, that you could use, and while it hadn't been an issue with Doggo's and Sans' kindness helping you back and forth between home and work, you were going to pay for it now.

You still couldn't get your left foot into anything more rigid than the cloth shoes that Toriel had given you. As comfortable as they were, they weren't the best for going through snow, and you doubted they would be the best for going through what amounted to a marshland either.

Even so, you pulled them on, along with the purple robes, smoothing your hands over the delta rune a few times before heading outside.

You actually managed to get into town without falling (which you were quite thankful for). You leaned against a tree, resting as best you could without sitting down. Then you slowly started to make you way out of town, towards Waterfall. You had just passed the skeleton brother's shed when you heard someone call your name.

You looked behind you to see Doggo coming up the path. You blinked, not sure what it was he wanted, but willing to wait since it meant having a longer rest.

"headed to Undyne's, buddy?" Sans' voice came from in front of you, making you whip your head around.

"Yeah. I said I'd go on my next day off, and, well, this is it. You should always try to keep your promises."

Sans grinned at you. "welp, i'm headed that way. wanna walk together? i know a shortc-" Sans cut himself off when Doggo scooped you up from behind, his eye lights flickering out for a moment.

"Y/n!! I got today off, so how about I walk you to the Captain's house? I know the way!" Doggo offered, cheerfully, nuzzling your neck as he settled you against his chest, holding you like a china doll.

You felt your cheeks warm, still not entirely comfortable with being manhandled like this. It wasn't exactly good for your ego, frail and small as it was. However, the bigger, lazier part of you was apparently more in control, as you found yourself getting comfortable quickly. "You don't have to carry me, Doggo, but I'd appreciate company."

"that extend to me?" Sans asked. Doggo growled. Sans just grinned wider.

"Sure! If you're sure you want to, that is," you answered. "It's a long walk I think, though..."

"Not if we take the Riverperson's boat!" Doggo says, abruptly spinning around and heading back into town, making his way carefully towards where you know the Riverperson's boat to be. "Too bad, though: besides the Riverperson, there is only room for one on the boat, so Sans will have to stay here."

"But won't that mean you have to stay too?" You asked, looking over his shoulder to find Sans already gone.

"Nope! Since I'm carrying you, we count as one person!" The canine said, happily as he made the turn.

You were pretty sure that wasn't how weight distribution worked... but you also knew the boat was magic, so you questioned whether basic physics even applied.

Doggo slowed down as he approached the boat, where the cloaked and hooded figure waited. The canine was extra careful as he approached, using his foot to probe for the edge of the riverbed. You understood his hesitation, as neither the water, the boat, or the Riverperson themselves, seemed to be moving.

It was only when Doggo came to a full stop that the mysterious individual spoke. "Tra la la. I am the riverman. Or am I the riverwoman...? It doesn't really matter. I love to ride in my boat. Would you care to join me?" The Riverperson's voice was in that unusual androgynous range, and there was a bite to it that reminded you of digital voice simulations (but not quite the same thing, more organic), or those old radios (but clearer, without the static or clipping). The sound echoed slightly, or perhaps it was an echo in and of itself, having definition but no substance one moment, and substance but no definition the next. It was... surreal.

Doggo huffed, apparently not thrown off in the slightest by it. "Yeah. To Waterfall?"

The Riverperson merely nodded, and Doggo carefully made his way onto the boat. You could tell he was shaking and nervous, probably not used to riding it, and not confident on getting on without falling into the water. It dawned on you that Doggo probably didn't like the Riverperson or their boat much, and you wondered why he would go out of his way to use their services despite his obvious discomfort.

The Riverperson patiently waited until Doggo was securely on the boat, and then suddenly you were moving, and at great speed at that. You instinctively clung to Doggo, not expecting the sensation of excessive acceleration, like sitting in a car and having it go from zero to eighty in 0.5 seconds.

After the shock of the initial change in velocity wore off, you realized the ride was smooth. You weren't being jostled at all. If it weren't for the slight change in your surroundings, you might never have even known you were moving.

You felt Doggo tense and forcibly relax around you, and when you looked up you could see his ears were laid back flat. He was seriously uncomfortable. You weren't sure how to comfort him, but you felt like, considering he came with you, you should at least try. You found his paw, and wormed your hand until you had a loose grip on it. Then you began to thumb his palm. He didn't have the thick paw pads you would expect to see on a (normal) non-monster dog, but instead a place where his fur was so thin you could almost feel the skin beneath. He had places like that on the tips of his fingers too.

Doggo started to calm down a bit, so either your pathetic attempts at being comforting worked or he managed to sooth himself.

The Riverperson's voice again made you question whether what they were saying was real or not. "Tra la la. Beware of the man who speaks in hands." You smiled softly, amused that at least one monster(?) you had met seemed to be sticking to the script you recalled from the game.

"Tra la la. Beware who came from the other world."

*** ~~Beware of the man who came from the other world.~~**

You went rigid. The Riverperson wasn't supposed to give more than a single cryptic message per ride. They weren't one for talking, from what you understood. So, why were they saying more now? Was it because there were multiple passengers? One message for each of them?

Or were both messages meant for the same person?

 _You_ had come from another world. Were they warning Doggo to be wary of you? You didn't question that the Riverperson knew who (and what) you were. They were the Riverperson, it went without saying that they would know things.

Then the ride was over, and you felt Doggo carefully get off the boat, visibly relaxing when he once more had solid ground under his feet. He then took off towards Undyne's house, without another word to the monster(?) that had given them passage.

You looked over Doggo's shoulder, a shiver going down your spine when you saw the blackness of the empty hood of the Riverperson's cloak facing you, and felt that somehow, from somewhere in that inscrutable ~~void~~ darkness, something was looking back.

Then Doggo made the turn around the corner, and the mysterious ferryperson was out of sight.

* * *

You weren't sure if you were surprised to see Sans waiting in front of Undyne's house or not, wearing his usual grin as he leaned against the wall of Undyne's house.

But Doggo was, or at least, he was when Sans waved at the two of you when Doggo was three feet away, making the poor canine jump. Doggo growled, and opened his mouth to say something, but must have thought better of it because he snapped his maw shut and approached the house.

Undyne's house was distinctive in that it resembled the head of a colossal aquatic predator, the two front windows curled a bit to resemble eyes, and the door acting as the mouth. Two quick knocks. A pause. Then the door opened, the two pale halves parting like the teeth they were made to resemble. Inside stood Undyne, her own mouth already open to speak. Whatever she was going to say died on her tongue, however, when she saw the three of you.

"heya, 'dyne," Sans greeted, sliding into the house ahead of you and Doggo and making himself comfortable at the table. "we aren't late are we?"

"YOU weren't invited," Undyne reminded him, in a voice that sounded more amused than angry, letting Doggo bring you in. "Just had to bring these two along, huh?"

You laughed nervously. "I'm sorry. Doggo wanted to help since I can't walk very well, and Sans- uh..." you looked at Sans, who had produced a ketchup bottle from somewhere and begun piecing off of it. "...well, I can't blame him for wanting to keep an eye on me."

Undyne smirked, crossing her arms, going back to sit down on... beanbags? The piano, apparently safely returned to Undyne's home, was now pushed up against the lefthand wall, right under the window. All over the floor on the left side of the house were bean bag chairs of various sizes, making a kind of nest. Already nestled in that nest was Alphys, clutching her phone and trying not to stare at you.

Undyne apparently had anticipated a number of guests, as there were plenty of sitting places now, compared to the barely furnished room you had been expecting.

Doggo set you down, letting you hobble over and pick out a seat for yourself. You settled into a plush one that was exactly opposite Alphys, with your back to the piano. A moment later, Doggo took the bean bag to your right, and Sans was suddenly sleeping in the bean bag to your left.

You decided not to question it, already used to Doggo being the type to stay close, and not surprised Sans would opt for a more comfortable option than the stool at the table. You did see Alphys and Undyne exchange looks you couldn't quite interpret, but ultimately didn't think it mattered.

You then turned you attention to Alphys herself. She was about your hight, the flexible yet stiff protrusions that fanned out from her neck and the top of her head adding another inch or so. You thought she looked like a cross between a leptoceratops and a velociraptor, only with Simpson hair, with smooth lizard scales the color of fresh honey. A pair of large round glasses balanced perfectly on her snout, making her expressive eyes look larger than they really were. Her hands were surprisingly human, if a bit on the meaty side, clutching her phone carefully in what you thought was an attempt to not wring her hands nervously.

An awkward silence pervaded the room.

You tried to wait it out, but the longer it went on, the more nervous you got.

"It's nice to finally meet you in person, Alphys," you opened.

The lizard monster looked back at you. "Oh! Y-yes! It is very nice to meet you in p-person too..."

You felt your phone vibrate in your pocket, and pulled it out.

> **Weebasaur**  
>  * Is it okay to talk about your superpower in front of them?

You blinked, then started laughing. "I don't have a superpower!!"

Undyne and Alphys bristled, looking at each other, and then at Doggo and Sans.

Alphys laughed nervously. "N-no! Of course not!"

"Nobody said you did!" Undyne agreed.

You calmed down your laughter. "No, no, I mean, I literally don't have a superpower. You're talking about my being a 'Time Traveler' right?" You looked at them. "Thats not me having a superpower. That power isn't _mine_ , it just _affects_ me."

Alphys leaned forward a bit. "So you're s-saying that s-someone or s-something else has the time-traveling powers, and they use it on you?"

"Thats close enough to be the truth," you reply, sinking back in your seat. "I don't think its quite what you're thinking though. It's not that I'm getting sent back in time, it's that time itself, for everything and everyone, is getting reversed, rewritten, _Reset_ , and I just remember what the time before that _reset_ happened was like."

"Thats f-f-fascinating!! How far b-back can it go? Do you know?" Alphys looked like a kid in a candy store, eyes sparkling and quivering slightly. You grinned. She really was adorable, and passionate. You could totally see what Undyne saw in her.

 *** ENTRY NUMBER 18**  
*** the flower's gone.**

You shook yourself to get back to Alphys' question. "Whoever or whatever is the Anomaly, the thing with the power to Reset, can, at most, only go as far back as the moment in which they obtained that power. The current Anomaly, as far as I know, can go back... pretty far."

"You mean this Anomaly thing can hand over its power?" Undyne asked.

You shook your head. "No, uh, the power of the Anomaly... it belongs to the single most determined creature in the underground. You take that power by sheer force of will, at least in theory..."

Alphys bit her lip. "So h-how do you remember things that n-never technically happened?"

You thought about it. "Um... well, I'm kind of a special case-"

"Because you're human?" Undyne interrupted.

"...Yes." You said, hoping that you sounded honest enough to get passed this question. You didn't want to drag Sans into this, and you didn't want to get into the whole 'I'm actually from another dimension where you and everyone you know are video game characters' thing.

You saw Sans' grin stretch wider out of the corner of your eye. You silently begged him not to say anything.

"So who, or what, is-" Alphys started, but was interrupted by the sound of glass breaking.

"HELLO DARLINGS~!" Came a voice that echoed and reverberated in a way that was, while smooth and rather pleasant, decidedly not (completely) organic. "I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU!"

You swallowed, praying silently that when you looked behind you, you weren't going to see what you thought you were going to see.

"What are you doing in my house?! And get off my piano!!" Undyne growled.

You took a deep breath, and pivoted in your seat to look behind you, only to have your hopes dashed, because there, as you feared, lying seductively on Undyne's glass covered grand piano, was Mettaton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  
> It's November 30th and I have officially breached 50k!!  
> I JUST MADE NANOWRIMO MY BITCH!!!  
> WOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!!  
> 52,147 WORDS VALIDATED NOVEMBER 30th 2017!!!  
> I WIN!!!
> 
> I feel accomplished.  
> Now... should I just dump this piece of garbage story, or finish it? That is the question.
> 
> Either way I am probably taking a few days off from writing because WOW I FEEL TIRED
> 
> UPDATE: holy shit its been 1 day and i already got a TWENTY calls for this to finish!! 0-0 welp, i must have done something right to make you guys respond like that, so.... fuck it THIS THING IS GETTING AN ENDING
> 
> but don't expect the near-daily updates from before, friends, cuz that shit is draining lol


	27. ...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You try to escape Mettaton.  
> Emphasis on try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead.  
> And I didn't forget about this fic.

You looked at Mettaton.

You looked at the door.

You looked back at Mettaton.

You got to your foot (having only one usable at the time), took a deep breath, and screeched, "LOOK THERES A MIRROR!!" as you pointed out the window excitedly.

Mettaton sat bolt upright, turning around. "Where?!"

You then proceeded to hop towards the front of the house, making for the tiny eye-like windows.

You dove, trying to jump out like some badass in an action movie.

Unfortunately for you, your weak one legged ass was bad, lacking the strength to penetrate the barrier. You smacked headfirst into the glass, bounced off, and landed on your ass with a groan, clutching at your now bleeding forehead.

Mettaton turned back around, drawn by the noise you made.

Then he pulled out his chainsaw, and giggled. "I guess I was mistaken! Sorry darling, but your show has been canceled~!"

The robot lunged. You heard Doggo howl in outrage right before the mechanical appendage shredded through your chest.

For a moment you were too disoriented by your head injury to recognize the pain, but that blissful ignorance didn't last long. You quickly realized you were in agony.

And then... then you weren't anymore.

The last thing you saw was the glow of your not-red soul as Mettaton took it to absorb for his own personal gain, his victorious laughter overshadowing Doggo's howl of outrage as your vision faded to black.

* * *

Outside, Flowey swayed on his stem, enjoying the utter carnage that ensued following you death:

Doggo went mental, snarling and howling the most vile profanities the canine language had at its disposal as he brought every ounce of his magic to bear against a substantially overpowered Mettaton NEO. The robotic entity didn't bother to dodge, taking the brunt of Doggo's attacks with little consequence.

Undyne scooped up Alphys, who had fainted from shock. She pulled her girlfriend away from the two fighting monsters, setting her against the back wall before jumping into the fray herself. She shouted something about treason and how the human SOUL was not Mettaton's to take before joining in Doggo's assault against the celebrity turned demi-god.

Sans knelt by your dissected body, his eyelights so small and dim they would have gone unnoticed by anyone who bothered to look. As he smoothed your hair out, he ignored how your chest was carved open, how your ruined ribcage stuck out of the puréed gore that had once been your organs, how your blood stained his clothes that vile red color. He ignored the unpleasant smell of your punctured stomach, the acrid chemical fumes as your long-unused stomach acid finally had something solid to digest. He ignored how your broken ribs poked him when he picked you up, how he could already feel the haunting absence of your pulse. Cupping your cheek, and looking into your eyes, which had once been so vibrant yet were now glazed over and empty, all the skeleton could think about was how good he was at watching the people he loved die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> April Fools Motherfuckers.  
> Or is it?  
> =)


	28. Welcome (Back) Mettaton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you are angry and take it out on a poor defenseless robot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics ahoy
> 
> Boy this chapter is short. But I wrote it on my phone so...
> 
> I think this fic is gonna be written on my phone from now on (or at least until i get a tablet to use instead)

You were looking over Doggo's shoulder, ~~again,~~ a shiver going down your spine when you saw the blackness of the empty hood of the Riverperson's cloak facing you, and felt that somehow, from somewhere in that inscrutable ~~void~~ darkness, something was looking back.

Then Doggo made the turn around the corner, and the mysterious ferryperson was out of sight.

It took you a moment to realize you were alive. You clutched your chest, trying to remember what it was that had happened, but all you could feel was numb. All you could do was stare blankly into the middle distance as the shock of your unnecessarily violent and painful death consumed you as surely as the void had.

You didn't notice coming up to Sans in front of Undyne's house, or the look of carefully concealed concern he gave you. You didn't notice Undyne's greeting, or her and Alphys' confusion at your lack of response. You didn't notice how Doggo started to panic and hold you tighter, whining and sniffing you to inspect for injury (as well as make sure you were still there because _you weren't moving why weren't you moving you were supposed to be moving_ ), or how Undyne took shaky control and had him set you on a beanbag. You didnt notice how Sans and Doggo sat to each side of you and the girls sat opposite ~~just like before~~.

You finally pulled yourself together with a shaky breath, blinking and forcing your senses to start working again. You cursed inwardly, disgusted at yourself. This hadn't been your first rodeo. Hell, you hadn't even felt most of it since your body had gone into shock from the sheer magnitude of the pain you had been subjected to. You had no excuse for being this shaken up about what amounted to a cheep mimicry of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

...Ok, maybe you had an excuse, but that didn't make you feel any better.

"Are you okay now??" Doggo asked, concern and barely constrained hysteria pitching his voice upward.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Sorry, I spaced out for a minute there..." You clawed at your clothes over your chest, shaking off the last residual spasms of phantom pain.

"gonna tell us what happened?" Sans asked, his tone light.

"Chainsaw to the ribs. It hurt," you deadpan, rolling your shoulders.

"what?" the skeleton perked up.

"What?!?!?!" Undyne screeched.

"What?!" Doggo yelped.

They had all spoken in unison, save for Alphys who had paled considerably.

You looked at them in confusion before it really clicked -- your conversation in this beanbag had never happened.

"Fuck- oops, uh..!" You stumbled, trying to regather your wits. You were clearly not as good at this time-traveling nonsense as you thought you were. "Ok, wrong timeline. Recap- I have no powers, the time traveling happens to me because the anomaly rewinds time and i remember shit, the anomaly can go back as far as the point it got its power which was a while ago, but it can also go back to more recent points in time by marking that moment with its SAVE power but it can only do one of those at a time, and-"

"WOAH slow down!!" Undyne interrupted you. "So what, are you telling me the time traveling just happened?!"

You swallow and nod. "This, uh, it went a lot smoother the first time." 

"No kidding," Undyne huffed, rubbing her face.

"I don't remember anything!" Doggo points out.

"You probably wouldn't," you responded honestly. "The most that most people get is a sense of deja vu. Lucky me gets every brutal detail."

"So, what was that about a chainsaw?" Sans finally asked, the slightest hint of tension in his voice, a foil to his relaxed posture and easy grin.

Before you could answer, there was the sound of glass breaking ~~again~~.

"HELLO DARLINGS~!" ~~Again~~ came a voice that echoed and reverberated in a way that was, while smooth and rather pleasant, decidedly not (completely) organic. "I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU!"

"What are you doing in my house?! And get off my piano!!" Undyne growled ~~again~~.

You took a deep breath, and pivoted in your seat to look behind you. There, lying seductively ~~again~~ on Undyne's glass covered grand piano, was Mettaton.

You ground your teeth, seething even as your heart began to pound in your ears and adrenaline shot electric sparks under your skin. That cheeky, narcissistic robot had killed you, and you had every reason to be afraid. But you weren't afraid: you were angry. You were _pissed_.

It wasn't because he had killed you. Undyne had killed you, after all. The monsters had good reason to want you dead. That was nothing personal (although you were still staunchly opposed for obvious reasons). No, you were outraged because that _selfish, thoughtless, overgrown dildo_ had taken your SOUL for himself. This was the Mettaton that had left Napstablook, his own cousin, alone without a word. This was the Mettaton that only gave Alphys the time of day when he wanted her to be his personal mechanic. This was the Mettaton that planned to take a human SOUL for himself and go to the Surface alone, leaving the rest of the Underground (leaving his adoring fans, people who loved him, respected him, looked up to him, depended on him to keep their hope -- and by association quite literally their very selves -- alive) to rot under a mountain while he tried to live his dream under the sun and stars.

This was the Mettaton that would have (will have had? accurate tense was becoming increasingly difficult) used _your SOUL_ to do just that if Flowey hadn't RESET.

You were more than ok with donating your SOUL to the liberation of monster-kind. You would be happy to sign an organ doner card and check off the box for 'use SOUL to break magical barrier.' But like hell you wanted the culmination of your being used for something so narrow minded and frivolous as _Mettaton's acting career_ , especially to the detriment of the entire Underground!!

You allowed yourself a brief moment to fantasize about slapping Mettaton's smug pixilated face.

Sans, Doggo, and Alphys all seemed to come to the same conclusion at once: Alphys paled even further, her scales looking almost ghostly white; Doggo growled warningly, one of his swords materializing in one of his paws while he put the other on your shoulder, ready to grab you and run if he had to; Sans’ grin tensed even further, and he winked at Mettaton with his right socket, keeping his now empty left one trained steadily on the robot.

Undyne was a bit slower with the uptake, but once she caught on thanks to the others, her spear appeared in her hand and she stood to her feet.

Mettaton held up one gloved hand in surprise. “WHY THE HOSTILITY?? IS IT REALLY SO WRONG TO WANT TO MEET THE NEWEST UNDERNET STAR FOR MYSELF? MAYBE GET AN INTERVIEW??” His voice dripped in exuberance and insincere sincerity: he was mocking you.

You decided you were going to mock him back.

You shimmied on the beanbag, careful of your hurt foot, until you were facing the robot. “How about an exclusive performance? A free song just for you? Dedicated to Mettaton and the ones who know him best?”

Mettaton’s screen lit up, and he sat more upright, facing you carefully. “THAT’S THE SPIRIT!!”

You tapped your foot, getting the tempo as the song you had in mind played in your head. You hummed a note in harmony with the opening guitar, then, turned your head and looked at Alphys behind you as you started singing:

Hey girl you know you drive me crazy  
One look puts the rhythm in my hand  
Still I'll never understand why you hang around  
_I see what's going down_

You turned your eyes back to Mettaton on the last line, giving him the dirtiest glare you could manage. You couldn’t help the flutter of satisfaction seeing him flinch back. You knew the lyrics to this song quite well, but something in your ~~SOUL~~ brain seemed to make the words come out a little bit differently. You didn’t mind.

Cover up intentions ever clearer  
Tell yourself it's never gonna happen again  
You cry alone and then he swears he loves you

Do you feel like a man  
When you push her around?  
Do you feel better now,  
as she falls to the ground?  
Well I'll tell you my friend,  
one day this world's bound to end  
As your lies crumble down,  
a new life she has found

Sans handed you a glass of water out of seemingly nowhere. You took a moment to throw some of it back, eyes still on the robot who, if you didn’t know any better, was starting to look uncomfortable. Good. You hoped maybe he would think twice about his behavior, if not now, then maybe later on. For now, though, you had a song to sing.

A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect  
Every action in this world will bear a consequence  
If you wait around forever you will surely drown  
_I see what's going down_

You began to gesticulate, gesturing violently towards Mettaton to get your point across, as if you were daring him to interrupt you.

I see the way you go to say you're right again  
_Say you're right again  
Heed my lecture!!_

You wished you could mold the words to strike at his tacky pink soul harder... And as if to answer that wish, they came to you. You almost fumbled, but this wasn’t the first time lyrics had come to mind on the spot (although it was certainly the first in front of an audience, and for them to be so clean). Maybe, somewhere in the back of your mind, you had been going over them for a while. Who really knows. But you know it felt damn good to belt them out.

Did you feel like a man  
When you left him behind?  
Do you feel better now  
that your fame's made you blind?  
Well I'll tell you my friend,  
you can't keep playing pretend  
As your pride's broken down,  
a new HOPE he will find

Face down in the dirt  
They said "This doesn't hurt!"  
They said "I finally had enough!"

Face down in the dirt  
They said "This doesn't hurt!"  
They said "I finally had enough!"

Everyone’s eyes were on you. They obviously didn’t understand what you were getting at. Mettaton, however, was looking more and more shocked and bothered. Sans kept looking between the two of you. You wondered if Mettaton could feel his sins on his back. You wondered if Sans could see them there.

One day they will tell you that  
they have had enough  
It's coming round again

Did you feel like a man  
When you left him behind?  
Do you feel better now  
that your fame's made you blind?  
Well I'll tell you my friend,  
you can't keep playing pretend  
As your pride's broken down,  
a new HOPE he will find

Will you feel like a man  
When you leave them to die?  
Will you feel better once  
you alone see the sky?  
Well I'll tell you my friend,  
you can't keep playing pretend  
As your pride's broken down,  
you'll regret that goodbye

Face down in the dirt  
They said "This doesn't hurt!"  
They said "We've finally had enough!"

Mettaton’s screen had gone completely red. You held out the last note, watching a few pixels flicker yellow here and there. When you cut the note off, there was stunned silence. And then you swore you heard that all-too-familiar crunch noise that the game made whenever you had done damage to a monster, right before Mettaton’s screen went dark and his body fell over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song was supposed to be “Face Down” by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. However clearly y/n took it and did some last minute parody adjustments.
> 
> Get Dunked On you overgrown toaster


	29. Not So Welcome Ideas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a number of ideas you don’t like are thrown around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ggaaaaaaaa this plot is so baaaaaaaaaaaaad so bad so bad
> 
> this story suuuuuuuuuuucks

The stunned silence that pervaded the room was broken by Alphys, who screamed out Mettaton’s name right before scrambling to his side, reaching out to his robotic body and opening up a panel in the back. She shook, peering into the depths of his metal shell, before letting out a breath. “J-j-just, uh... shock? A few frayed wires... I th-think I can fix this with...” She rummaged in her pockets for her phone, only to realize she had dropped it in her haste to check on the robot. She waddled a bit more calmly back to retrieve it.

“What happened??” You asked, seriously confused.

“I think you actually did damage,” Undyne muttered, picking up Alphys’ dropped phone and handing it to her. “Like, you were so PASSIONATE your words flew out and hit him RIGHT IN HIS ROBOT FACE!”

“soul,” Sans corrected.

“Like Shyren!!” Undyne continued.

“Oh god,” you groaned, holding your face. “Thats so lame!!”

“How is that lame??” Doggo asked.

“It’s just so cliché, I can’t even..!” You squeezed the bridge of your nose, starting to feel a little dizzy. “I wasn’t even in an encounter with him, my SOUL wasn’t out or anything! _How did this even happen?!_ ”

Sans shrugged. “intent is everything... what were ya thinking about while you were singing all that?”

You swallowed. “That I wanted to bitch slap his smug pixelated face... and really hit him right in his tacky pink soul so he’d get the message...”

“I think you succeeded,” Doggo muttered, squinting at the immobile robot.

Sans snickered.

You were about to tell Sans that _this wasn’t funny, someone could have gotten seriously hurt,_ when your phone let you know you got a message.

> **Ugh, Jerry:**  
>  * y didn’t u say u were going 2 b on mtttv?  
>  * u suck. get mtt’s autograph 4 me.  
>  * ( >*3*)>

You blinked, looking at Mettaton in horror. _He didn’t-!_

You noticed a bunch of notifications on your Undernet social app. You checked it, feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the activity. Inside you had been pinged repeatedly on a video that Mettaton had been... livestreaming... on his TV show and the undernet...

...which had thousands of views.

Your head spun as you mechanically swam through the comments.

> **bob:** who is that??  
>  **MusclesFTW:** the cutie from the bar! ;)  
>  **WhatsTheWiFiPassword:** thats my datemate @NawtHyoomin  
>  **GreatBoof:** bark bark yip borf @Dogtreat bark  
>  **DogamysGirl:** I thought so!! he licked them remember?  
>  **LilBoof:** bark bark yip whine yip  
>  **DogaressasGuy:** Yeah!! they make a cute couple!!  
>  **CoolSkeleton95:** WOWWIE I KNOW THEM!! THEY ARE MY VERY COOL FRIEND Y/N WHO IS CLEVER AND TALENTED AND DEFINITELY NOT A HUMAN!  
>  **CoolSkeleton95:** @NawtHyoomin LOOK ITS YOU AND YOU GET TO MEET METTATON!!! HOW EXCITING!!!  
>  ~~**NAPSTABLOOK22:** they are nice too......~~  
>  [ * this message has been deleted ]  
>  **tem:** SO CUTE HOI!!1!11!1  
>  **NiceGuy:** what a lovely voice!!  
>  **BladesR4Skating:** woah check it out @fuku  
>  **Cattiest:** like omg are you hearing this @Brattiest ?!  
>  **Brattiest:** they are like totally roasting mettaton!!!  
>  **Cattiest:** omg  
>  **Brattiest:** omg  
>  **Fuku:** @FriesBurgers is this the one you were writing about?  
>  **FriesBurgers:** Yes. This is Y/n.  
>  **CoolSkeleton95:** WOWWIE FRIEND YOU ARE VERY GOOD AT ACTING TO BE ABLE TO SOUND SO ANGRY AT METTATON!!  
>  **WhatsTheWiFiPassword:** mtt is so lame. and tacky. u get him babe.  
>  **MistakesWereMade:** not all heros wear capes. i think i’m in love.  
>  **MusclesFTW:** @WhatsTheWiFiPassword why would @NawtHyoomin date you when they could date me? ;)  
>  **WhatsTheWiFiPassword:** cuz im not a loser who ditches people for no reason  
>  **Snowy:** you get ditched cuz snowone likes you  
>  **MyHatIsAwesome:** and you smell  
>  **WhatsTheWiFiPassword:** this is why i never share my snacks with you 

You had to do a double take. Jerry’s jokes about you two dating made you laugh. You shot him a quick text.

> **You:**  
>  * i didn’t know this was gonna happen  
>  * get ur own autograph u nerd  
>  * lol i’ll c wut i can do 

You put your phone in your lap and covered your eyes as your laughter became a groan. _He did._ Mettaton had broadcasted everything _live_ to the entire underground. Everyone got to see and hear you badmouth arguably the most popular, most beloved celebrity this side of the barrier.

You could only pray that Asgore wasn’t watching.

Undyne started carefully cleaning the glass off the floor, grumbling about how at least Papyrus knocked the glass _out_ of her house.

Doggo resumed sniffing and nuzzling your neck and shoulder, letting out a soft huff. You instinctively settled a hand on his head, petting the soft fur between his ears as you sought for a familiar comfort. Doggo’s tail wagged excitedly. ~~You didn’t notice when he gave Sans a victorious leer.~~

Sans’ grin tightened, but he ignored Doggo. The skeleton put a hand on your other shoulder, the firm grounding strength of his phalanges noticeable from within his mittens. “no need to get so _rattled_ , songbird. ya didn’t mean to hurt him. and i bet ya didn’t. he probably fainted from shock.” He squeezed ~~gently~~ lazily. “no harm no _fowl_.”

You snorted, pulling your other hand from your eyes to cover your mouth. “Those were awful..!”

“you’re smiling,” Sans pointed out.

“I am and I hate it- god damn it Sans look what you made me say..!!” You were laughing now. This was utterly ridiculous.

Sans looked like he won the lottery, eyelights sparkling as his grin widened to account for his self-satisfaction. Doggo looked torn between annoyance and relief.

Undyne, standing by Alphys (who was hard at work tuning Mettaton back up), watched the exchange with a wicked grin. She nudged the lizard to get her attention. Alphys looked up and had to cover her snout to stifle a squeal.

Alphys returned to fixing the robot with boosted enthusiasm. Moments later, she closed his back hatch and patted his side as his screen flickered back on.

Mettaton let out a scratchy, glitched noise, then a groan, as he sat up somewhat, supporting himself on one noodle like arm while the other rubbed at his flickering display. “WHAT HIT ME..?”

You waved your hand timidly, willing to take responsibility.

The robot didn’t quite notice you, seemingly disoriented.

Alphys cleared her throat. “M-m-Mettaton? Can you r-run a diagnostic on all s-systems?”

“ALL GREEN, ALPHYS DARLING,” Mettaton responded offhandedly, shifting off the piano to teeter on his unicycle on the floor. “ALTHOUGH I THINK MY ENERGY IS LOWER THAN NORMAL. I MAY NEED TO RECHARGE...”

Alphys nodded. “Y-you were running quite a few programs all at once right before you f-fainted. Er- crashed.”

“You mean he broke my window and then got owned by a scrawny punk!!” Undyne corrected.

Mettaton’s screen showed off a pixelated question mark, then he turned and saw you. The question mark turned to an exclamation mark, then a smily face, as the events prior to his malfunction came back to him. “OH DARLING THAT PERFORMANCE WAS ASTOUNDING!!” He cheered, rolling over and taking both your hands in his.

~~Doggo and Sans both gave the robot dirty looks. Doggo’s low territorial growl rumbled through his chest and into your side. Sans closed his right eye in a lazy wink that would have been a clear warning to anyone able to read him that mistakes had been made. Undyne and Alphys both giggled and squealed excitedly at the sight.~~ Mettaton ignored them, fixated on you.

You shrugged. “Uh, thanks?”

“IT WAS MORE THAN I EVER EXPECTED!!” Mettaton continued, gripping both of your wrists in his one large gloved one so he could gesticulate with the other in flourishing sweeps and arches of his flexible limb. The strength of his grip worried you. “EXQUISITE!! I COULD FEEL THE CONVICTION IN MY SOUL!!”

“Before or after you stopped moving?” Doggo grumbled cheekily.

“DOWN BOY,” Mettaton deadpanned.

You made a throat clearing noise. “Thanks for the compliment. Can you let go now?”

Mettaton returned to paying attention to you ~~to both Sans’ and Doggo’s chagrin.~~ “DARLING I SIMPLY MUST HAVE YOU ON MY SHOW!!”

“What??”

“YES!! JUST PICTURE IT!! YOU, SINGING YOUR SOUL OUT — METAPHORICALLY OF COURSE — WHILE I DANCE!! OR BETTER YET, A DUET!! THE AUDIENCE WOULD GO WILD!!”

Your jaw dropped. “A duet?? With you?!?!” The thought made you queasy. Not because performing with Mettaton would be bad (unless he decided to try killing you again with bombs and lasers and his admittedly amazing legs), but because the logistics of teaching Mettaton a new song sounded like hell. You only really knew one duet, and while it might have been perfect in theory, it certainly wasn’t in practice.

“EXCELLENT IDEA, DARLING!!” Mettaton cooed. You realized you just got played. (Did that count as a pun? Wow you really have been hanging out with Sans a skele _ton_ —god damn it). “OF COURSE IF YOU DO NOT KNOW ANY I CAN TEACH YOU ONE!!”

You didn’t even want to consider the even more awful alternative of learning a song from Mettaton. “No! I know one! But it won’t be any good a capella.”

“A KA WHAT??”

“Sung without musical accompaniment. We would need instrumental background. Since I doubt there is a copy of the song underground, we’d need to get a composer to remake it...”

“DONE. I KNOW JUST THE ONE TO DO IT!” Mettaton declared, finally letting go of you. “COME TO MY HOTEL AND WE WILL START PRACTICE IMMEDIATELY!! OH, MY RATINGS WILL BE THROUGH THE ROOF!!”

You watched as he ran off, breaking through Undyne’s wall and leaving a Mettaton shaped hole behind.

What did you just get roped into?!

“ya don’t have to do it if you don’t wanna, ya know?” Sans murmured. “you can tell him no. he’ll give up eventually.”

“And if he doesn’t I’ll use his wheel as a chew toy,” Doggo offered.

You smiled. “Thanks, but maybe it might be better to just give him what he wants. It isn’t gonna kill me to do one little concert. Knock on wood,” you added the last part hastily.

Undyne made a frustrated noise. “OK YOU NERDS GET OUT!!”

Doggo went to pick you up. Undyne threw a spear that stabbed into the beanbag under you, pinning you in place by your robes between your legs. You bristled, nervous sweat sliding down your neck. “Not THEM!! They STAY.” Undyne clarified. She pointed at Doggo and Sans. “You two go back to snowdin and make arrangements for the human. Tell the fireball nerd they won’t be working, get clothes and stuff.”

“But-“ You tried to protest, suddenly realizing another, more practical reason why Frisk never spoke in the game. Nobody let you get a word in edgewise down here once they made up their minds!

“And YOU,” Undyne shouted, pointing at you. “Stay put!! We’re going to have a TALK!!”

You watched with mounting horror as the fish-monster herded Sans and Doggo out, leaving you alone with two excited girls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no don’t leave us alone with them 0-0;;


	30. Not So Welcome Epiphanies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alphys and Undyne get ideas, and so do you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lyrics ahoy
> 
> a bit of really bad introspection and maybe plot pushing

As soon as Undyne finished escorting (read: carrying bodily) Sans and Doggo out of her house, silencing their protests with deflections like “trust me” and “you worry too much” and “if you drool on me I SWEAR I will punt you into the river,” she slammed the door in their faces and spun around to look at you with a worrisome glint in her eyes.

You swallowed, your throat feeling a bit dry as she stalked over to you. She loomed, yanking out the spear that had pinned you in place and putting her deceptively slender arms on either side of you.

“Now, human, you’re going to tell me what I want to know...” the fish monster said lowly, evenly.

You felt a shiver run down your spine.

“W-when did you start d-dating?!?!” Alphys burst out.

You froze, looking to the side where the lizard was looking at you intently. “What??”

“You heard her!” Undyne shouted. “When did you start dating those two dorks?!”

You were even more confused, but then you relaxed. They were just trying to gossip, not steal your soul. “I’m, uh, not dating them...”

“Th-then Jerry’s been telling the truth?!?!” Alphys looked shocked.

You laughed. “God, no!! Jerry and I are friends. He just likes to joke!” You shuddered at the thought of dating Jerry. Sure, he was relatable as a person, and if you had to vent he was right there venting with you, but he also smelled funny. Not datemate material.

Undyne and Alphys exchanged glances. “You mean you’re not dating ANYONE??”

“I am one hundred and ten percent single,” you confirm.

“WHY?!?!” Undyne demanded.

You rubbed your face. “How about because _no one likes me that way,_ ” you deadpanned, already getting annoyed.

“Th-thats not true!!” Alphys tried to assure you.

“Yeah!! Those two dorks are practically fighting over you! They watched you when you were sick and everything!” Undyne pointed out.

You shrugged. “They only did that because I’m a human and they need my soul. Its their job to watch me.” You looked Undyne square in the eye. “You said so yourself.”

“Wha- bu-“ Undyne growled, throwing her hands up. “I was only teasing!! Teasing!!!”

You rolled your eyes. “Just like you’re teasing now?”

Alphys looked between her frustrated girlfriend and you. “D-do you not like them that way?”

You crossed your arms. “I mean... okay, maybe I might like people who can make me laugh, and Sans does that. And maybe I like people who know when its ok to be goofy and when its time to get serious, and Doggo does that. I’m comfortable with them, and I enjoy their company, and ok, Doggo’s soothing to pet and Sans has smooth bones I just know would feel great to touch-“ You stopped at the strange looks the girls were giving you. “But that’s inappropriate and I would never ever want to make either of them feel uncomfortable. And quite frankly if either of them were interested they would say so. Probably with a pun, in Sans’ case. They aren’t exactly shy.”

Undyne squinted at you. “How come YOU don’t go out and say something??”

“Because there isn’t much point. I’m just going to die anyway and get used to break the barrier, right?” Both monsters flinched. You shrugged. “Seems a little cruel to start a relationship you know is going to end in heartache. And I don’t exactly like the idea of spending my last remaining moments fixating over a rejection I saw coming from a mile off.”

“But those g-guys are r-really, uh...” Alphys trailed off.

“They are wonderful people who deserve every happiness,” you finished for her. “And it is not my business to go nosing into their affairs. Besides, who’s to say they aren’t already involved with someone else?? Or even interested in dating at all?”

The girls both went quiet at that, drooping a bit as their ships seemed to sink before their eyes. Then Undyne picked herself up. “So what WOULD you say if they asked you out???”

You thought about it. “I’d... probably question their sanity at first. If they were serious, I wouldn’t mind going on a date to see how it went, if it would work... but it won’t matter because nobody is going to ask.”

The girls exchanged looks. You decided this absolutely ridiculous discussion was over. ( _Seriously, why in gods name would anyone like you? You had no outstanding virtues, had no applicable skills, and had the personality of a badly written anime sidekick! And even if you didn’t, you were just a glorified battery at this point, destined to die and be used to free monster kind from the underground._ ) You tried to think of some way to change the subject.

“Alphys, I said I’d owe you a song right? An anime song?”

Alphys perked up. “Y-yes!! Uh, w-would it be o-okay if I r-recorded it? M-maybe posted it on u-undernet?” She held up her phone hopefully.

You chuckled. “Sure!! Thanks for actually asking permission first!” You were teasing, but it was true— Alphys was the first one to actually ask before sending your mediocre voice viral. The lizard grinned shyly.

You had to think for a moment, but eventually one came to you. A song that got you pumped up for the future, despite hardships. It was from an anime you hoped Alphys never ever got to see, if only because of one episode that you were certain would hit a bit too close to home, but you thought the song was fitting, especially considering the lyrics translation.

“Are you ready?” You asked Alphys.

Alphys nodded. Undyne stepped back, sitting on the piano bench. ~~She was already thinking about how to meddle in your personal affairs, how to return the favor you had done her and Alphys.~~

The sick guitar rift played in your head, and you mentally skipped over the english refrain before starting at the first stanza.

fukitonde yuku fuukei  
korogaru you ni mae e  
kurushimagire demo  
hyouteki wa mou minogasanai  
ate ni naranai chizu  
yaite shimaeba ii sa  
uzumoreta shinjitsu  
kono tenohira de tsukami torou

muchuu de (hayaku)  
kake nukete kita  
urusai kurai ni  
harisake sou na kodou no takanari  
hibiite (yonde) iru kimi no koe  
koko de tachidomaru you na  
jikan wa nai sa  
READY STEADY GO

You took a moment to breath, tapping your hand on your lap to keep the beat. You could practically see the stars in Alphys’ eyes.

The next stanza was the one that resonated with you at the moment the most. You didn’t speak japanese very well (you studied a little in high school online and then took a few college courses, but you had a seriously small vocabulary to begin with and you had gone rusty from disuse), but you remember the translation of this part you found online, and it never felt more visceral than now.

kazoe kirenai kizu  
kakae konde ite mo  
chotto ya sotto ja  
tamashii made wa ubawasenai  
ano oka no mukou de  
kimi ni deaeta nara  
nani kara hanasou  
sonna koto bakari omou yo

muchuu de (hayaku)  
kake nukete kita  
urusai kurai ni  
harisake sou na kodou no takanari  
hibiite (yonde) iru kimi no koe  
koko de tachidomaru you na  
jikan wa nai sa  
READY STEADY GO

You paused again to take a breather, feeling a strange ~~determination~~ calm in your ~~soul~~ heart. You could see that your audience was really enjoying this private little concert, but you knew what they really wanted. They wanted more, more of surface life, of human culture. Your performances were a poor substitute and you knew it, and a part of you couldn’t help but hurt at how desperately they drank in what you had to give.

You couldn’t help but see a little of yourself in Alphys, a shy recluse dying for a community to connect to, starving for others to share her passions with on a deeper level. Back home ~~(before you fell into the game, before your home with Toriel, and _no you would not let yourself think about that_ )~~, you had had the internet, a whole community of people who loved the games you played and anime you watched just as much as you did. But Alphys? She only had Undyne, and now you.

You wanted to change that.

It wasn’t only Alphys who was hurting in this regard either. You knew Papyrus and Sans were both into cars, and Sans wasn’t the only one into astronomy. You remembered how Doggo wanted to see squirrels.

You wanted more than anything to reassure them all that they would get their Happy Ending. Because you knew they would.

_After you were dead._

It was in that moment, as you sang the last few lines, that you realized you had a wish of your own: to be there to see the monsters you had come to care for see the sun.

You wanted to help Papyrus pick out his shiny red sports-car, and sit in the front seat as he drove down the freeway.

You wanted to go stargazing with Sans.

You wanted to walk through a park with Doggo.

You wanted to go to an anime convention with Alphys and Undyne.

And it hurt, because you knew you would not get the chance.

kokoro wa (hashiru)  
ano sora no shita  
kara mawari suru kimochi ga  
sakebidasu no wo tomerarenai  
kimi made (todoke)  
kitto ato sukoshi  
atsuku hizashi ga terasu  
kono michi no mukou  
READY STEADY GO

OH PLEASE, TRUST ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg is that character development?
> 
> kinda?
> 
> having regrets, y/n? being selfish? wanna have your cake and eat it too?
> 
> it just hits you that you’ll never actually get to see them all post pacifist.
> 
> why does that hurt so much?


	31. More Epiphanies, Welcome and Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some other points of view  
> and some weird brain wanderings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is terribly written and i feel like i fucked it up horribly
> 
> it feels so inconsistent
> 
> its baaaaaaaaaad
> 
> bad development  
> bad story  
> bad characterizations  
> all the bad

Sans was usually too lazy to do much. He didn’t have the kind of drive he used to. That being said, it didn’t take much effort on his part to lean against the wall by the broken window on the side of Undyne’s house and appreciate nature.

He wasn’t eavesdropping. He was trying to nap. By Undyne’s house. Right under a broken window. It was a long way back to Snowdin, after all. He needed his strength.

He decided it wasn’t his business when Doggo joined him, kneeling so he was hidden from view by the piano.

Hearing you deny dating him made a part of him ache.

Hearing you deny dating Jerry made him feel better.

Hearing that you honestly didn’t think you were sought after almost made him laugh, because it shocked Doggo so hard. Considering all the dog monster cultural cues the poor mutt had been sending out, its no wonder he was surprised.

It occurred to Sans that maybe you might not be aware of dog monster culture...

He was fine with that. Doggo however, was clearly not.

Doggo lit up when you said you liked petting him, his tail wagging a mile a minute.

Then Sans heard what you said about his bones, and... he never really thought about it. He never considered that you might want to touch him. How long had you thought about that? Did it start when you met him? Or back when you were in your world, playing the game? ~~And that was something he still had trouble wrapping his head around.~~

You _did_ say that he was a fan favorite...

...

Was he _your_ favorite?!?!

...

Sans could feel his magic surge to his skull, lighting up his eyelights (and likely his whole face).

He almost missed your comment about him and Doggo saying something about their feelings about you. ~~Oh, god, he had _feelings_ for you, when did that happen?!~~ You weren’t entirely wrong... except Sans knew that Doggo _had_ been ‘saying something’ rather clearly in his own dog way. Sans glanced up at his canine coworker, and couldn’t help sympathizing with his frustration. At least Sans hadn’t been explicitly attempting to get your attention and been (hilariously) overlooked.

He wondered if you would even understand the cultural significance of date clothes...

Probably not. That probably wasn’t a human thing.

~~Why is he even thinking about this?? What does it matter?? Time will reset or you will die or you’ll turn him down... so why even bother?~~

...Why had he _been_ bothering?

Sans was pulled out of his self reflection by the sound of your voice. You were singing what he would have thought was utter gibberish... if he hadn’t been subjected to Alphys’ anime obsession.

He thought the moonspeak sounded better coming from you, although he still thought your laughter was better.

He could see that Doggo was enjoying it as much as he was, if not more, given how fast his tail was wagging.

When the performance ended, he heard Undyne mutter about ‘reinforcements.’ He wasn’t sure what to make of that.

Then you and Alphys started talking more about anime, which Sans largely tuned out until he noticed you were headed out of the house with Alphys.

Alphys had invited you to her lab to ‘binge watch’ Mew Mew Kissy Cutie. You two were leaving.

Sans and Doggo both held their breath as you and the lizard passed, headed for Hotland.

They waited until you were out of sight before heading back to Snowdin. Sans could grab some of your things and deliver them to you at the lab.

If he happened to linger in your sock drawer, it would only be because he was trying to pick the best pair to bring you.

...

No other reason.

* * *

Papyrus was in a good mood today. It wasn’t like most days, where he used his great acting skills to _pretend_ he was having a good day (because it would hardly be great of him to bring everyone else’s mood down when he could help it). No, he was genuinely, sincerely happy today. Actually, he had been for over a week! Sans had started actually getting out of bed _all by himself_ lately! And he had actually washed his jacket!! And changed his shirt!! Twice!! Admittedly the sock was still on the livingroom floor, but progress was progress!!

Papyrus had a feeling it was all thanks to his new human friend.

He couldn’t be happier that his brother had found such a wonderful datemate.

~~It also meant Papyrus did not have to worry about breaking his new friend’s heart with the sting of polite rejection. His offering of platonic feelings might not have been enough to soften the blow!~~

Papyrus had even seen Sans eat a few chisps this morning before slipping out of the house! He was so proud! It had been years since he saw his brother this active, this invested, in anything. And while Sans still came home a little tipsy, and napped at his station, and hadn’t recalibrated his puzzles in months, and wore a fake smile sometimes, Papyrus was seeing more and more of his real smiles and hearing more of his real laughs every day.

And that made Papyrus happier than anything.

Papyrus had just finished his early morning puzzle check, and had come home to do a few chores. He used his phone to play that video of you singing the jape song (his favorite part was when his magnificent floating head started screaming about his brother’s well being, he liked singing along to that bit), then fed Sans’ pet rock and started cleaning the kitchen.

Cooking made such a mess!

The song was on its third or fourth repeat when it was cut off by a phone call. Papyrus raced to answer. He picked up on the second ring. “HELLO UNDYNE!! ....WHY IS YOUR WINDOW BROKEN?”

~~He already had a very good idea why the window was broken.~~

“...How the HECK do you do that?!”

Papyrus had to exert considerable restraint to keep from laughing at the look on her face. “DO WHAT?” He asked, as though he didn’t know.

A magician never reveals his secrets. Especially if those secrets are about how he can see through a phonecall.

“...Nevermind. The window is broke because Mettaton crashed our party.”

Papyrus decided the polite thing to do would be to NOT point out his friend’s unintended pun. “PARTY?? WHY WAS I NOT INVITED??”

“Because it was SUPPOSED to be me, Alph, and the human,” Undyne complained. “I mean, ok I should have seen your brother and Doggo showing up too, but that toaster had NO BUSINESS being here.”

Papyrus grinned. “I SAW!! YOU WERE ALL ON MTTTV!!”

“Anyway, we got the robot and the two dorks to leave, and finally got to ask the human the important questions.”

Papyrus grinned wider. “SPLENDID!! SO WHAT DID THEY SAY?? IS SANS BEING A GOOD DATEMATE??”

“Apparently, not only is the human not dating Sans, they aren’t dating ANYONE!!”

Papyrus went still. “WHAT??”

“THATS WHAT I SAID!!”

Papyrus thought quickly. “WHAT WAS THE CAUSE OF THIS UNFORTUNATE CIRCUMSTANCE??”

“The human doesn’t even seem to get that they are being woo’d!”

“DO THEY EVEN CONSIDER SANS AS A POTENTIAL PARTNER??”

“Yeah!! They talked about how great he was!! And Doggo too!! Thats not an issue. They just don’t believe the guys are interested, and THEY won’t go out and try because they are gonna be used to break the barrier.” Undyne sounded frustrated.

“BUT I THOUGHT WE AGREED—“

“Yeah, we did. But they don’t know that. And we can’t tell them because its top secret Royal Guard information.”

“...TRUE. SO THE ONLY SOLUTION IS TO CONVINCE SANS AND THE SHIFTY DOG TO BECOME SERIOUS!” Papyrus grinned wider. “NYEH HEH HEH... AND I KNOW JUST THE THING!!”

Japes were his specialty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow sans  
> hey i’m not going to judge  
> just please don’t be too creepy lol
> 
> we can probably all guess what doggo is thinking
> 
> wow paps  
> you sly boi  
> plz be gentle


	32. Doggone Epiphanies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short installment of yet another point of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably should have tagged this onto the last chapter but it wasn’t written yet and i didn’t know about it until now...
> 
> so here take this tiny tiny addition

Doggo didn’t know where Sans had gone (or how, since the creepy little jerk somehow _moved without moving_ ), so Doggo was left to make the trek back to Snowdin alone. It was a long, somewhat annoying journey for Doggo, since he certainly wasn’t going to use the Riverperson’s boat (another weirdo who was far too still far too often).

Doggo missed you and your gentle, constant moving already.

And knowing Mettaton, you would probably be occupied in Hotland for at least a month. Everyone in the guard knew what Mettaton was like, a demanding perfectionist (they had all been on the receiving end of one of the captain’s half drunk rantings about how much of a jerk he was to Alphys sometimes). He would pick and pick and pick until he decided it was perfect. Doggo couldn’t contain the growl that roiled in him at the mere thought of you being subjected to that.

Damn, did he need a dog treat.

The canine finally made it back to Snowdin, his feet taking him to Grillby’s on instinct alone as he navigated by smell (and trial and error — who put that tree there?! since when was there a tree there?!), however, when he stepped into the warmth of the cozy bar and grill, he realized that it felt empty.

You weren’t here. And you wouldn’t be here for some time.

A whine left Doggo as he fumbled his way to his seat, waving for his usual to the blurry flicker of light that was the bartender.

“Whats wrong??” Dogamy asked, bobbing his head a bit.

Doggo sighed. “Have I been too subtle?”

“The last thing YOU are,” Dogamy started...  
“Is SUBTLE,” Dogaressa finished.

“Then how come Y/n doesn’t know I’m interested??” Doggo whined (literally and figuratively).

Greater Dog let out a startled borf.

“How could they not know?!” Dogamy and Dogaressa exclaimed at the same time.

Lesser Dog, who had been listening from its spot at its table, let out a series of yips, borfs, boofs, and barks, speaking in dog. It’s tone was that of a monster who saw it coming, a silent ‘I told you so’ hanging in the air.

“But thats such an old fashioned tradition! And gross and weird!” Doggo took the mug of his usual drink from Grillby gratefully, nodding a thanks before chugging it in two gulps and asking for another. “Besides, have you SEEN how many trees are in their yard? I don’t think there is enough human food in the underground to get me through them all.”

Greater Dog made a series of dog noises, adding a few pants and nose licks for emphatic effect.

“No, I didn’t try that either. That’s just not dignified. For either of us.” Doggo rubbed his eyes tiredly. “I mean honestly, who does that anymore?? Thats an old fogey move.”

Greater Dog huffed, making a face of mock hurt. Lesser Dog snickered.

Dogaressa hummed thoughtfully. “Well, the songbird IS a- a...” She lowered her voice. “A you-know-what...”

“Just say human,” Doggo huffed, amused. Everyone in Snowdin knew, as did the guard. Heck, it was the Underground’s worst kept secret. If the king didn’t know by now, he’d eat his shirt.

Dogamy nuzzled his wife. “What do humans do to show interest? Maybe if the songbird doesn’t speak dog, you can learn to speak human?”

Doggo went to open his mouth, then snapped it shut. _What DID humans do?_ He... didn’t know. “Well... They pet dogs. I know that much...”

Lesser Dog wheezed, laughing a little too hard for its own good.

“Oh, like you know any better!” Doggo snapped.

Lesser Dog set its cards down, turned away from its poker game, looked Doggo square in the eyes, and borfed a few times.

Doggo bristled, blushing a bit. “They do _not!!_ ”

Lesser Dog snorted, grinning.

“Maybe I will!” Doggo said defensively.

“No you won’t,” Dogaressa wheezed, right before she hid her muzzle in Dogamy’s shoulder.

“You would never ask the songbird THAT!” Dogamy agreed.

Doggo crossed his arms, hiding his face in them on the table. His friends were not being particularly helpful, but it wasn’t like he had any better ideas.

Greater Dog then made a thoughtful string of yips and barks.

“Thats... actually a great idea. Mettaton did that on TV, and he models lots of his shows off of humans, so...” Doggo looked up. “But I’m not that great at it... Would you help me out, big guy?”

Greater Dog puffed out its chest, yipping a proud affirmative, before darting off to get what it would need.

Doggo took his next drink from Grillby, nodding in thanks and relaxing as he began to piece off of it leisurely. He was glad he had his unit to fall back on. He wasn’t going to give up yet.

Y/n was his human. He had to do his best. For them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its so hard writing dialogue for the canine unit because GD and LD don’t speak common/english
> 
> i made LD a sassy little know it all for some reason pffft
> 
> i know what they are saying but can you guys tell?? should i put a translation somewhere?? or is it better like this?


	33. Welcome to Hotland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You run into some perfectly pleasant people who give you an unpleasant experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This needed to happen for reasons.

You weren’t particularly looking forward to today.

You had spent all night last night binge watching Mew Mew Kissy Cutie with Alphys. You had always assumed from the name that the show was like Bishoujo Senchi Sailor Moon or Tokyo Mew Mew, and... Yeah, it was your generic shojo magical girl series. It wasn’t your favorite genre, but it was one that was hard to avoid. And you would watch anything once. ~~Hell, you got so bored one weekend you binged Mermaid Melody and zoned out on the catchy music and cheesy clichés. You did the same thing with Naruto.~~

It was still a B-Grade anime, with bad voice acting and animation even more cringe worthy than the first season of Dragonball Super... but you had seen worse.

And Alphys was right: season 2 was awful fanservice that completely disregarded the plot for some cheep panty shots and love interest drama. It wasn’t even fun like the second season of Kuroshitsuji (at least that had had some drama and world building and violence to ease the pain).

Sometime last night, Sans had popped in and dropped off some of your things. He had brought you everything you needed. It was kind of weird to think about Sans rummaging through your stuff to get it all, but honestly you didn’t mind. You were grateful for the help.

He had even packed for the weather.

Which was hot. _Balls-shriveling face-melting hot._

You and Alphys had gotten a ride from the Riverperson. Alphys had helped you into the boat and had you go first. You waited on the other side for her to come on the second trip.

Walking away from the riverbank had been much like walking out of a cool, damp cave and into a blistering desert... only the desert was inside a volcano and the air burned your lungs and everything smelled like brimestone which if you didn’t know is the _rankest rock fart ever, holy shit_.

Hotland is literally hell. It had been ten seconds and you already hated it. Getting to that sizable space (where the SAVE point should have been) and seeing The Lab, was like finding an oasis.

An oasis with air conditioning and soda.

*** (Seeing such a strange laboratory in a place like this... You're filled with ~~determination.~~ )**

When you woke up this morning, it was to a sticky note from Alphys explaining how she had work to do and to help yourself to her food.

You had the breakfast of champions; ramen, soda, and popato chisps. It was glorious.

Now, as you hopped out of Alphys’ lab and started making your way to Mettaton’s hotel, you fervently thought about how much you wanted to go back ~~home~~ to Snowdin.

~~You didn’t notice the single speck of bright yellow that decorated the harsh orange and black landscape before it disappeared into the ground.~~

You were just praying that the elevators were working, so you didn’t have to go through all those hellish conveyor belt and laser puzzles.

You had just turned the corner for the elevator when you saw two figures in black armor, one shining in the red light of the lava while the other was coated in dirt. You didn’t need flavor text to know it was Royal Guard 01 and Royal Guard 02.

You were going to walk (well, hop) passed them, get in the Willy Wonka elevator, and go to the hotel. You were going to mind your own business, and they would mind theirs. That was the plan.

You were just about to pass between them when RG 01 raised his hand. “Hey, you, stop!”

You froze, which destroyed your balance. You tried to correct yourself, but ended up falling backwards. The hot ground was harsh to your elbows, the impact making you yelp.

The two royal guards looked at each other, then you.

“We, like, recieved an anonymous tip about a human hopping on one leg,” RG 01 said. “They told us they were headed for Mettaton’s hotel right now...”

You gulped. That sounded eerily familiar. You started to sweat from more than just the heat.

“I know. Sounds scary, huh?” The guardsman continued. “Well, just stay chill. We’ll bring you someplace safe, ok?” He reached out one hand, only to stop at the sound of metal on metal.

RG 02 had drawn his sword.

“What is it, bro?” RG 01 asked, confused.

“Weren’t they just... hopping on one foot?” RG 02 asked.

There was a pregnant pause. You held your breath.

“Bro... are you thinkin... what I’m thinkin?” RG 01 asked, looking back at you. You couldn’t see his face under his helmet but you could imagine the gears turning in his head. “Bummer. This is, like... mega embarrassing. We, like, actually totally have to kill you and stuff.”

RG 01 drew his own weapon, and then the not-red light of your SOUL began to reflect off his armor.

*** Royal Guard attacks!**

You tried to scramble away, and narrowly avoided a swing from RG 01. This was just your luck! You honestly should have seen this coming, all things considered, but in fairness to you, _this is not where these two show up in the game!!_

But this was not a game anymore, now was it? You scolded yourself quietly as you rolled away from another attack, barely stopping yourself from falling off the ledge and into the boiling magma below.

The adrenalin of being in an Encounter coupled with the heat from being inside a _fucking volcano_ was making you nauseous and dizzy. You instinctively tried to stand, stupidly putting pressure on your left foot. The pain ran up your leg and made you gag on your own spit, and your vision fuzzed out as you fell prostrate to the scalding ground. You think some pathetic noise might have escaped you, but you were too busy trying not to throw up to notice.

You were clawing at the burnt orange beneath you, vision just starting to come back, when you felt it: a cutting, searing pain lancing through your whole body. Something had struck your SOUL with such force you thought you were splitting apart. You _know_ you screamed this time, your eyes watering and tears dripping to the ground beneath you.

You couldn’t even think about moving. You could barely breath. It was too hot. It hurt too much.

_You were too pathetic._

Your SOUL was struck again, and you coughed up something salty and metallic tasting. ~~Blood. You coughed up blood.~~

You vaguely caught the distant, muffled sound of someone calling your name before the royal guards landed their third blow, and you blacked out.

* * *

Next thing you know, you are mid hop on your way to the elevator.

You lost your footing and fell on your face, but that wasn’t your biggest concern at the moment. Your whole body ached like it had been put through a thorn bush or a net of razor wire. ~~You figured what you were actually feeling was your SOUL, the culmination of your being, and it was translating in your dumb human brain as your body because you weren’t actually built to distinguish SOUL pain from bodily pain. Wasn’t that just wonderful?~~ You bit back a sob, gasping as your stomach lurched and your head spun.

On the bright side, it wasn’t as bad as when Undyne killed you ( _that had hurt significantly worse_ ).

On the downside, it still really, really hurt.

There was no shock to numb you to it this time either.

So you had to just lay there and take it while you processed a bunch of pain and fought to not lose your breakfast.

You thought you heard high pitched giggling for a moment, but when you looked up, nobody was there.

You let yourself wallow in self disgust and the last lingering throes of your death for a few more moments. Then you picked yourself up, brushed yourself off, and considered your options.

Choice number one: head for the elevator and somehow get passed the guards.

...You really didn’t want to do that. That was just asking to get killed. Again.

Choice number two: go back to the lab, then call someone to come get you and escort you to the hotel.

...If you did that, you might still end up in a fight with the guards, only this time one of your friends would be in trouble. Nope, not an option. Next.

Choice number three: head through the lab’s back exit and transverse needlessly complicated puzzles to reach another elevator.

...Considering you almost fell off the edge while on solid ground, you certainly didn’t think you would make it on a conveyor belt with no safety rails. You would rather not find out first hand if humans float in lava.

Choice number four: flip the entirety of Hotland the bird, hop your lame ass back to the Riverperson’s boat while singing, “Fuck this shit, I’m out,” and never come back.

...That was honestly looking really, really good to you right now.

That was definitely the smart thing to do.

You were going to do that.

You reoriented yourself, turning to head for the Riverperson’s boat, and started hopping. The words to the musical expression of just how done you were with the whole dying thing left you with each awkward jump.

You heard RG 01 shout for you to stop. You hopped faster. There was no way in hell you would be able to get those two to let up on you. You didn’t know anything you could use against them!! The only thing you really knew about them at all was that they were gay for each other, and that wasn’t going to save you.

You were almost there when you tripped over something and fell. You groaned, stunned and winded. ~~You didn’t even see the luscious green vine before it again disappeared into the ground.~~

The royal guards caught up with you, and you once again found yourself in an Encounter. You fought hard to keep your panic down, but that wasn’t easy to do when you had swords coming at you and only one leg to stand on.

“Like, give us the soul, brah,” the rabbit monster said between swings. You heard RG 02 laugh softly, glancing at his more extroverted companion briefly before focusing back on you.

You dove under both of their swords, crawling on your knees out of the way as best you could while trying to think. How the hell were you going to survive this? You couldn’t outrun them even if you had both legs, and you couldn’t beat them in a fight even if you wanted to.

Not that you had a chance to do much of anything when it was all you could do to dodge!

RG 01 swung at you again. You pushed off the ground with your right foot, but you stumbled on the landing and fell into RG 02. The dragon grabbed you, holding you with one arm off the ground by pinning you to his chest-plate.

You thrashed and squirmed, trying to break out of his grip, but you were significantly smaller and weaker than him. You saw your SOUL pulse brightly in time with your rapid heartbeat.

 ~~You didn’t know it, but your struggling was starting to dislodge the dirt from RG 02’s armor, polishing it with the back of your clothes. This was further facilitated by the fall of some kind of liquid from somewhere above you, the droplets washing away the dirt your flailing alone could not.~~ The dragon lost his grip on you, dropping you and giving you the chance to roll away. “Getting... warmer...” he panted.

You weren’t about to question your good fortune, instead crawling out of reach as quickly as possible. Your knees and elbows and hands were already raw from repeated unprotected contact with the hot ground, but it was a dull, distant ache you could ignore for the moment. Instead you rolled around on the ground and did your best to keep your body and your SOUL from getting hit.

The guards continued to chase after you, but RG 02 was slowing down.

“Can’t... take it...” the dragon wheezed. He sounded like you felt, sweaty and overcooked and breathless. “... armor... too... HOT!!!” He stopped, clenched his fists, then seemed to flex...

...Which sent his chest-plate flying, soaring over your head to clatter against the far off wall of the Lab.

RG 02 had just flexed his pecks to remove his armor.

Looking at him, you believed it. That dragon was _built_. He had muscles for _days_ , and it wasn’t just the kind of muscles sculpted for looks either. No, these were the thick, beefy, ‘i can use a tree to play baseball’ muscles that lumberjacks and competitive weight lifting athletes had. And as a bonus, all that muscle was covered and protected by layers of shimmering iridescent scales, highlighting his definition even further.

It was beyond any doubt the most impressive build you had ever seen. _What the hell did he even need armor for?!_ The man was _packing_. You couldn’t tell if you were stunned by awe or fear or jealousy or even some kind of physical attraction.

~~It might have been all of the above.~~

“...Much better,” RG 02 sighed, rolling his shoulders and stretching a bit. Sweat slicked down his scales, making him glitter in the light of the magma and your SOUL.

RG 01 froze, his entire attention drawn to his dragon companion. The rabbit quivered a little, and you could see sweat slick between the joints of his own armor.

You sighed, coughing a little in the hot dry air. “It would be better if you were honest, you know. Life is too short to keep secrets.”

RG 01 visibly flinched at your words, and he looked at you. You still couldn’t read his face, but you knew he was thinking.

“I... I...” he looked back at RG 02, who was looking at the two of you with what you could only guess was puzzlement.

“D-dude... I can’t... I can’t take this anymore!” RG 01 turned to face RG 02 fully, his grip on his sword tightening, showing his nervousness. “Not like this!!” He took a deep breath, his nervousness fading as he clutched at his resolve.

The stunned RG 02 was silent as RG 01 spoke.

“Like, 02, I like... I like, LIKE you, bro! The way you fight... The way you talk... I love doing team attacks with you. I love standing here with you, bouncing and waving our weapons in sync... 02... I, like, want to stay like this forever...”

RG 02 just stood there, unable to say anything.

RG 01 began to sweat, and a nervous quiver entered into his voice as he backpedaled. “Uh... I mean, uh... Psyche! Gotcha bro!!!” He laughed nervously, hollowly.

“...01.” RG 02’s voice was soft and even.

“Y-yeah, bro??”

“...do you want to... ...get some icecream... ...after this?”

The tension in the air fell away. You could have sworn you saw the rabbit’s eyes light up even from inside his helmet. “Sure, dude!” His laugh was far more genuine this time.

*** 01 and 02 are looking at each other happily.**

They had largely forgotten about you, which, in this case, you were fine with. You ached and felt light headed. It was hard to appreciate the beautiful romantic moment you had just witnessed when you were still afraid for your life.

Your adrenaline, however, had decided to drop, ~~likely in response to the decrease of ill intent in the air,~~ so now your body was loudly complaining about every scratch, bruise, burn, and strain you had accumulated during the Encounter.

As the two Royal Guards walked away, and your SOUL returned to you, you lost what little strength you had and collapsed to the ground, sinking into unconsciousness.

~~You did not hear the worried voice call your name, or the fretful lamentations that followed after getting no response.~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHIP THESE WONDERFUL GAY BOYS THEIR LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL AND VALID
> 
> Who was that? Who said that? What was that liquid? o.0
> 
> Also: there is an alternate route where Y/N sings “Things I’ll Never Say” by Avril Lavigne (instead of wheezing those cheep words of wisdom). In that alternate ending, RG 01 backpedals by saying, “Whew, bro! That human, put me under, uh, mind control! What was I just saying? It’s all a blur, dude!! Whoops!”
> 
> But that song seemed to put too much of an effeminate tone to Y/N so I scrapped it, even though i like it better.


	34. Considerations and Ruminations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get thought about.  
> There is lots of thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter SUCKS but aaaaaaaaaaat least its finished

You aren’t certain how long you lay there, but when you blink awake you know its been too long. All the exposed skin touching the ground (including your face) feels like its been sunburnt, the skin discolored, raw, and stretched taunt, all moisture and elasticity ripped away by the volcanic environment.

Standing up hurts.  
Grimacing hurts.  
Breathing hurts.

This sucks so hard. You want to go back ~~home~~ to Snowdin. But you can’t. You have to go to that fucking hotel. Because if you don’t then the fucking robot drama queen will have a bitch fit.

You get to hopping. You regret never finding that staff you wanted.

The elevator. You see it. You are almost there..!

You stumbled and had to break your fall on the elevator doors, the metal far too hot for comfort. You yelped, flinging yourself off the doors and landing less than gracefully on your rump. You didn’t even care. You were at the elevator and just a few button presses away from-

...

The button didn’t light up.

The doors didn’t open and you didn’t even hear a ding sound.

...

You tried again.

...

_Fuck. Why?!?!?! Why was the elevator broken?!?!?!_

You were _done._ So done. It was too hot for this. You sank to the ground in a defeated, crumpled heap and held your face in your hands. You immediately regretted it, jerking your hands back with a yelp, fingers twitching as your instincts to touch where you hurt warred with your common sense that touching a burn would just make it hurt more.

You were frustrated and miserable and hearing oOoOoOo noises and-

Wait, oOoOoOo noises?

You looked around. Floating a little ways away was Napstablook. They flinched a bit when you looked at them. “Oooooohhhhh.... Did I bother you.....? I’m sorry.........”

“Hi, Blooky..!” You said, cheering up a little. “What are you doing here?”

“........Mettaton called me....... about making him some music.....? I.....” a brief, tiny flicker of a smile ghosted across their face. “I....... thought I would come........ if that was ok...... I understand if it’s not...........”

You swallowed dryly. _Shit,_ now you _really_ couldn’t say no. It would break the poor ghost’s heart. You wondered briefly if Mettaton had done that on purpose to further ‘persuade’ you.

You wouldn’t put it passed him.

You slowly, carefully, got back on your feet. “Yeah. I’m on my way too. But the elevator is broken so I have to go the long way... can you let Mettaton know I’ll be late?”

“..................Sure I can....... if you want...........” Napstablook shook a little. “I’ll........ Just...... you know....... be going then........” they started to fade away.

You waved until he was out of sight.

You returned to the lab, sighing with relief as you were embraced by the cold air of the AC. You found a spot on the ground and lay down, spread out to make as much of you touch the cold floor as possible.

What were you going to do now? You bet the reason Alphys was gone was that she was trying to fix the elevators. You had no idea how much progress she had made or what the issue even was, so you couldn’t say for certain how long it would be before they were running again. In the meantime you still had to try and get to the hotel, likely by going to another elevator after somehow transversing a bunch of crazy laser and conveyor belt puzzles over a boiling lake of lava.

The Royal Guards were dealt with, so maybe it would be ok to call for help? You pulled out your phone, flipping it open and scrolling through the contacts. You could call Jerry... Nah. He’d be less than helpful and probably be just as miserable as you. You could try to get in touch with Doggo (Grillby might be able to get ahold of him), but that was a long trip for the poor canine. And even if he could call off work to come all this way, he would probably have just as much trouble as you.

You could call Sans...

But Sans had his own problems and he had already helped you out last night. You couldn’t really justify bothering him over this, especially when you knew he had low stamina. And he had work too.

But he had shifts here in Hotland...

But he might not have any today.

But he also worked at the hotel...

But he might not want to go when he didn’t have a show scheduled. It was pretty far for him too...

_But Sans had shortcuts!_

But he might not want to use his shortcuts on you...

_But didn’t he already offer to?_

You hovered over his contact information, thumb shaking as you vacillated over the decision you were about to make. You focused on his name, simple and unassuming with its four lower case letters. Your finger alighted on the call button, and you were just about to press down-!

Then your phone rang, startlingly loud, breaking both your train of thought and the comforting silence like a hammer to spun glass. You shot upright, yelping as the sudden movement made your burns flare in protest. You fumbled with your phone ineffectually until you managed to answer it, wincing when you accidentally let the overly warm metal and glass touch your burnt face. Wincing also hurt. “Hello..?”

“DARLING ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!?!” Mettaton’s voice came too loudly through the phone. “BLOOKIE TOLD ME EVERYTHING!! THOSE RUFFIANS WILL BE GETTING A STERN TALKING TO!!”

You bristled. _Napstablook saw everything??_ You groaned as you sank back to the ground. “They didn’t actually hit me... The worst of it is f-“ You coughed, throat dry. “-from the heat... I think I got a little burnt... And the elevator-“

“SAY NO MORE, DARLING!! I HAVE A SOLUTION!! YOU STAY RIGHT THERE AND REST UNTIL ONE OF MY EMPLOYEES COMES TO GET YOU!!”

You tried to protest, sitting up again (more slowly this time) as though that would make Mettaton pay better attention to you, but the robot hung up before you could get a word in edgewise. You sighed, flipping your phone shut angrily. You had to admit, it was significantly more satisfying then angrily pressing a ‘call end’ button. However, that satisfaction was brief and ineffectual compared to your overall levels of discomfort and inconvenience.

And pain.

Burns hurt.

You settled back on the floor, groaning softly and wishing you hadn’t eaten all of Alphys’ readily available food. You would be surprised if there wasn’t more squirreled away somewhere, but you certainly couldn’t find it.

You resigned yourself to your suffering on the linoleum floor, waiting for the poor shmuck Mettaton was sending to babysit your useless ass.

At least now you didn’t have to bother anyone else.

You don’t know long you lay there, regretting every life choice you ever made, before you heard the sound of the rear exit doors opening and closing with that iconic whoosh. You sat up stiffly, wondering who it was.

You looked into the bright, nervous eyes of a handsome, expressive orange tabby, dressed in a pink and gold uniform that somewhat resembled a cross between a flight attendant and a circus ringmaster. The little pink and gold hat that sat between his pointy ears was slightly askew, twisted so you could only partially read the big bubbly M emblazoned on it. His orange fur had a few strands of something shiny and white stuck in it, the same substance clinging defiantly to his shoes and the bottoms of his pant-legs. His pink nose twitched a bit, and he seemed to squirm under your scrutiny, frozen midstep halfway between you and the door from whence he came.

A cup of something colorful was clutched in both his paws protectively.

You waved. “Hi?”

The cat came a little closer, putting on a fake smile. “Hello! Mettaton sent me to escort a Y/n to his hotel. Would that be you?”

“Yeah...” You started trying to stand up, groaning softly from the pain.

The cat stepped closer still. “Mettaton sent this as a token of his apology and hoped you would use it to feel better.” He held up the cup in his paws. You could see that it was filled with mushy lumps of white, pink, and blue, sprinkled with little yellow star-shaped clumps that reminded you of actual sprinkles. “Its a Starfait, a special of the MTT-Brand Burger Emporium, Home of the Glamburger, Sparkle Up Your Day.” He said it in such a way that it sounded like a reflex.

You took the offering gratefully, taking the complimentary spoon to shovel the sugary treat down as quickly as you could. It reminded you of vanilla and cotton candy, but had the consistency of icecream (that in this case had begun to melt). It was sticky, a little bit trickling down your chin.

Your aches and pains eased away with every bite. You finished the bulk of the icecream, then closed your eyes and knocked back the rest of the mushy mess. When you were certain you had drunk it all, you righted your head again and wiped your mouth of the sticky residue with your arm.

 _Monster food was the best in so many ways, holy shit._ You felt _so much better!_ You were still a little dehydrated, but your burns were pretty much gone. You tried to stand up, wobbling like usual thanks to only using one leg. The cat monster hesitated before reaching to help you.

The two of you got you balanced. You grinned at him. “Thanks, uh...” You realized you didn’t know his name.

The cat hesitated.

You looked at him again.

_Oh my god it was Burgerpants._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just like the idea that real life burgerpants is so much cuter in person that it doesn’t click at first who he is.
> 
> Like, thats what happens when your GIF set is an MS Paint shitpost. XD
> 
> (i actually like the Burgerpants images but Toby said somewhere he didn’t lol)
> 
>  
> 
> ~~also did sans get cockblocked by mtt kinda?? ???~~


	35. More About Why Hotland is Awful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Burgerpants begins his escort mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VIDEO GAME TROPES INSIDE FANFICTION TROPES INSIDE VIDEO GAME TROPES
> 
> TROPE-CEPTION

Burgerpants just looked at you, the edges of his forced smile twitching nervously. You realized you were still making that inarticulate noise and shut your mouth with a snap. What were you supposed to say here? _‘Hi, I know we have never met, but I know your embarrassing nickname that you hate, and what do you want to be called instead?’_ How is that going to sound? Like you listen to gossip and possibly judge him for having bad luck. Or is it the other way around? You don’t even know anymore.

Burgerpants started wringing his hands — _paws, soft furry cat paws with only the stubbiest of thumbs, no wonder he needed to use both hands to carry the starfait!_ — shaking even more as nervous sweat slicked down his fur and beaded on the tips. “Well, buddy, we might get to the hotel faster if we, uh, started leaving?” He looked very uncomfortable.

You shook yourself a bit. “Right! So, uh...” You started hopping towards the rear exit. You hopped passed the cat monster, very aware of his large, expressive eyes on you. You ended up hopping right into the doors, falling backwards again like the clumsy oaf you were.

You squeezed your eyes shut, bracing for the impact of landing on your abused rear... but it never came. Instead you felt arms at your back. You peaked up to see Burgerpants looking nervous and uncertain.

“I’m sorry!” You apologized. You hadn’t meant to land on him. You didn’t even realize he was that close.

Burgerpants helped you stand up, and you both went through the door that had opened without your notice.

You flinched reflexively upon exiting the Lab, the hot dry air of Hotland already getting to you. It took more of your ~~determination~~ self-control than you cared to admit just to keep yourself from scrambling back into the safety of the air conditioning. You made your slow, stuttered way to the first conveyor belt, then stopped.

You knew if you hopped onto that thing you would fall. If you didn’t break your neck you would go careening off the edge and into the lava below.

You sighed, got down on your hands and knees, and tried crawling onto the conveyor belt, sitting on it awkwardly to avoid touching your bare skin to the hot black rubber as much as possible.

You knew you looked ridiculous.

You knew Burgerpants was trying not to laugh at you.

The conveyor belt began carrying you across the lava pit (which you pointedly didn’t look down at).

The cat monster casually stepped onto the conveyor belt behind you, hands clasped behind his back as a far more natural grin played at his face.

The ride was slow. That made it easier to keep your balance, but you almost wish it would go faster, if only so it would end. You saw a Vulkin you swore you had seen before passing the other way on the other conveyor belt. The Vulkin grinned brightly and expelled copious amounts of lava. You waved back, glad you were far enough away to not get hit.

At the end of the belt you crawled off on your hands and knees, sighing with relief. The ride wasn’t truly over, since you knew there was another conveyor belt just a little ways away. You decided awkwardly hopping on one foot like some deranged flamingo wasn’t any more dignified then crawling on all fours like a newborn fawn, so you didn’t bother standing back up. Instead you started crawling.

“What are you doing, there, little weirdo?” Burgerpants asked.

You froze, feeling your sins crawling on your back just from hearing that turn of phrase, a phrase you only ever heard from the cat monster after you had... emptied out the underground.

You didn’t need flavor text to know what he was thinking.

**~~* (Why do I always get the freaks?)~~ **

You avoided looking at him as you resumed crawling. “Just easier to crawl, you know? I’ll just have to do it again anyway, so...”

Burgerpants was quiet for the rest of the brief trip to the next conveyor belt, and throughout the ride on it.

When you reached the other side, you stood up and started hopping. You were already tired and sweaty and miserable, and your right leg was starting to ache.

“Aren’t you going to-“ Burgerpants started. You stopped, looking back at him over your shoulder. The cat backpedaled. “I mean, how can I help you??” He looked decidedly uncomfortable, his fake grin stretched wide across his face, showing off his blunt teeth.

You raised an eyebrow. “Uh... Lemme guess, Mettaton jumped down your throat about making sure I got to the hotel in good condition, right?”

The cat nodded.

You sighed. “All I’m going to ask of you is that you try and grab me if it looks like I’m going to fall off the edge.” You shrugged. “I mean, what else CAN you do?? What, does Metts expect you to carry me or something?? I’m probably twice your weight! Thats just not fair. Plus, then we both might fall off and die.” You started hopping again. “I’m just sorry you have to waste your time out here when I’m sure you have better things to d-”

You came to an abrupt halt.

_How could you forgot about Vent-chan?!_

Before you was the first of who-knows-how-many huge, powerful ventilation shafts, pulsing great columns of hot air at incredible pressures upwards. You were reminded how they were used in the game to hurdle great chasms and open space.

_Nope._ Absolutely _not._ You would _literally die._ That is not how physics worked in real life and you very much depended on physicality to live.

“Fuck this shit, I’m out~” you sang, turning around. You started hopping back to the conveyor belts. At least _those_ wouldn’t have you _suspended in thin air over fucking lava!_

Burgerpants tensed. “Where are you going?”

“Back to the Lab,” you said. “I’ll just wait patiently for the elevators to start working again.”

Burgerpants grabbed your arm, grin more like a grimace now. “Look I’m just trying to survive here. I need this job. And if I don’t get you to that hotel...”

“I get that,” you said, “I really, truly do, but I think you’ll lose your job if I die on your watch, too, right?” You weren’t going to point out how bringing back a human SOUL might make him a hero. That was besides the point.

“I just used these vents to get here, they are completely safe,” Burgerpants reasoned back at you.

“Not for one-legged klutzes who can’t stick a landing!” You retorted back. You eyed the vent dubiously. “I will seriously die, dude. No thanks!”

Burgerpants eyed you thoughtfully, his expression unfamiliar and unreadable. Then he grit his teeth, took a deep breath, grabbed you around the waist, slung one of your arms over his shoulder, and half-walked half-dragged you back towards the vent.

You squeezed your eyes shut, unable to watch. You were pretty sure you were shaking.

~~You didn’t know it, but Burgerpants was looking down at you with surprise and amusement.~~

You got on the vent.

You felt yourself moved quickly upwards, spinning and making your stomach twist a bit... but you still felt something solid under your feet?

You looked down to see-

...

You closed your eyes again. You did not just see that. You did not just see your foot standing on nothing with a boiling lake of lava below.

_Magic is great but sonuvabitch invisible floors do not belong in a lava level!!_

The two of you landed on the other side. Burgerpants let you pull away so you could sink to the ground and feel more secure. You were still shaking and dizzy and nauseous from the ride.

“O-ok... I stand corrected...” you mumbled, wondering vaguely if you looked as bad as you felt.

Burgerpants lit himself a cigarette and took a long drag. “Not really doing a lot of any kind of standing, there, buddy,” he teased, smug victory on his face.

You laughed despite yourself.

Damn it, you were a cat person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate title: “Vent-Chan Yamete”
> 
> If you get the reference *highfive* long live LordMoonStone
> 
> Burgerpants is so goddamn relatable I love him he is so underrated
> 
> ...
> 
> fuck thats a pun! _under_ rated!!


	36. Meltdowns; All your milks are belong to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally lose your shit. Words get said that you regret... and so do some that you don’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really hesitant to go this route but fuck it.

You were a little wuss (to Burgerpants’ obviously amusement). You two struck up a silent agreement: he would let you give your stomach a break between vent jumps, and you wouldn’t say a word when he used that time for a smoke break.

The stipulation being that if he came near you with a lit cigarette you had free reign to snatch it and throw it off the edge into the lava pit. Which you did. Twice. Before he got the message.

Fuck cigarettes.

You both laughed about it.

It was a long, long process. Neither of you seemed to mind, although as time passed you thought Burgerpants got a bit more jumpy.

...No pun intended.

After the first area of vents was transversed, you sighed in relief and couldn’t help slumping into Burgerpants. You apologized and went to rest on the ground, giving him his space.

~~Burgerpants’ face flickered with disappointment before he lit his new cigarette.~~

The laser trap was thankfully off, and the puzzle door was open. It was just a matter of hopping your crippled butt through them. The huge gap with the consecutive vent jumps took a lot out of you, so you were immensely thankful to find the set of Mettaton’s cooking show on the other side.

You crumped against the fridge, pulling it open in hopes of finding something to drink. You yanked the milk out, popping it open to drink straight from the carton. Usually, you would have been a bit more reserved, but... This was Mettaton’s stuff. _Fuck that guy._ He killed you, and then, even worse, made you suffer through Hotland. He‘ll survive you drinking some of his fucking milk.

~~You might be a little grumpy from the heat.~~

It was only after you had drained a fourth of the carton that you remembered Burgerpants. You looked at him from the corner of your eyes, still chugging the milk. The cat was frozen halfway in the act of lighting his cigarette, eyes wide like saucers.

You lowered the milk from your lips, painfully aware of the sticky sensation telling you that you had a milk mustache. “Uh... want some?” You held the carton out sheepishly.

The cigarette fell out of the cat’s mouth, and you could have sworn you saw a color shift in his face.

He might have found words to answer you if the loud, obnoxious sound of some kind of death metal song hadn’t broken the awkward silence.

_AAAAAAA~~~~~!!!_  
_YOU SUCK~~~~~!!!_  
_TRY HARDER~~~~~!!!_  
_GOOD LUCK~~~~~!!!_

Burgerpants jumped a good foot in the air, dropping his lighter in his haste to answer his now screaming phone.

You didn’t have to strain in the least to hear the voice on the other line.

“BURGERPANTS, KITTEN, DARLING, LOVE OF MY LIFE, WHERE IS MY CO-STAR??” Mettaton’s saccharine voice called far too sweetly.

“Right here, boss,” Burgerpants answered far too ~~fake~~ cheerfully.

“IF THEY WERE ‘HERE,’ PRECIOUS, THEN I ASSURE YOU I WOULD NOT BE A FRACTION AS MIFFED AS I AM RIGHT NOW. IT HAS BEEN OVER AN HOUR. WHERE. IS. MY. CO-STAR??”

Burgerpants tensed. “Well, sir, it seems they have trouble traveling through Hotland on one leg, and the vents make them feel a little sick so-“

“I AM NOT PAYING YOU TO MAKE EXCUSES, DARLING, SO YOU HAD BE-“

You couldn’t take it anymore. You snatched the phone from the poor stressed feline’s paw. “Mettaton, _darling_ , light of my life, sparkle of my day, what the ever loving fuck do you think you’re doing?” You hissed, mimicking his intonation.

“Y/N DARLING I AM SO SORRY!! I WAS CERTAIN THAT BURGERPANTS THERE WAS MORE COMPETENT THAN-“

“Shut your speaker system and listen up,” you snapped. You were beyond done. You were hot, sticky, miserable, your leg hurt, and you wanted to go home. You were not dealing with drama-bot-5000’s bullshit. “I’m going to take my sweet mother fucking time getting to your goddamn hotel, do you hear me? I am moving at _my_ pace, on _my_ schedule, and I will get there when I damn well _feel like it_. You don’t even _know_ the kind of day I’ve had. Hotland is the worst and I am utterly miserable here. If it weren’t for Napstablook and Bur- and _this upstanding feline_ , I would be back in Snowdin right now. So either I send the cute orange kitty ahead without me, or you keep your shiny metal ass out of my business and let me try to enjoy the rest of my shitty tour through Literal Hell.”

There was stunned silence from both the robot and the cat.

“Oh, and for the record, I’m going to drink ALL OF YOUR MILK because FUCK YOU!!”

You snapped the phone shut.

Then the adrenaline and rage drained away and the enormity of what you had done sunk in.

You looked at Burgerpants. Somehow it looked like his eyes had gotten even bigger. “Uh...” You held his phone out for him. “Sorry... That was rude. I shouldn’t have snatched it without asking...”

Just one of many things you probably shouldn’t have done in the last few minutes.

Burgerpants was silent as he took his phone back. “...You just cussed out Mettaton.”

“Yeah...” You admitted, looking away. The milk carton you had left on the counter was very interesting right now.

“You just... defended me?” The cat sounded confused.

“Yeah...”

“What do you get out of that?” He asked, disbelief and skepticism dripping from him.

You shrugged. “Hopefully what I want??”

“And what would that be? My gratitude? Some kind of favor?” Burgerpants crossed his arms.

“No!” You waved your hands in front of you. “Nothing from you! I just want the toaster to stop being such a jerk! I mean-“ You caught yourself, pausing to consider your next words. Mettaton was seriously unfair to Burgerpants. He called him Burgerpants, for starters, and he gave him unreasonable standards, he had Burgerpants work long hours, he played songs telling Burgerpants how much he sucked at his job, and he used the poor cat to play dress-up like some creepy stalker guy. You weren’t even making that up, that was all stuff you had been able to find _in the game_ through dialogue with Burgerpants!

You couldn’t tell if Mettaton had some kind of big-gay-crush, and was failing miserably in his attempts to flirt, or if he was being petty and vindictive because Burgerpants wanted to be an actor too, and the robot wanted to keep his monopoly on monster entertainment.

You picked your words for Burgerpants carefully (you had let your mouth run unrestrained enough today). “...I know Mettaton can be a good person, because he has proven it. He _can_ be a good boss, he _can_ be a good friend... but he isn’t all the time. He isn’t a particularly good boss to you, and if he won’t realize that for himself then he needs someone to tell him to his big square face to cut it out.”

Burgerpants looked at you. “...You didn’t call me Burgerpants.”

You looked back at him. “It’s not your name, is it?”

Burgerpants was stonefaced for a moment (quite the feat for such an expressive guy), then he chuckled. He knelt down, picking up his unlit cigarette and lighter. “No, it’s not. My name’s Birgir.”

You had to say it a few times. _Birgir. Burr-yehr. Bihr-yher._ Sounded kinda germanic. Nordic? Icelandic? Hell if you knew.

It also kinda sounded like the word ‘burger’.

_No fucking wonder the name Burgerpants stuck._

“You also compared Hotland to ‘literal Hell’,” The cat pointed out with a wry grin.

You barked out a laugh at that. “Yeah, because it _is!_ Hotland is _awful_.” You smirked back. “Good thing I have such good company to balance it out, huh?”

It was the cat’s turn to blush.

You snatched the milk back up. “So, I did promise to drink all his milk, wanna help me out?”

Burgerpants — no, _Birgir_ — pulled a plastic cup from the storage on his phone, holding it out. You poured him some milk.

“To spiting Mettaton?” You suggested.

“To spiting Mettaton!” Birgir agreed.

The milk didn’t last long.

~~Neither one of you noticed the glowing white eyelights watching from the around the corner.~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate title: Fuck Hotland, Fuck Mettaton, and Fuck you!
> 
> Other alternate title: His name isn’t Burgerpants you Uncultured Swine
> 
> For the record, ‘Birgir’ is the scandinavian variant of a nordic name meaning “to help, to save, to protect”
> 
> It also sounds like Burger and I wanted BP’s real name to sound like Burger so the fact that the nicecream guy canonically calls him Burgy was less offensive. Now it can just be a diminutive of his real name! Which means the nicecream guy is still nice and my universal truths have not been shaken.
> 
> huh lookie there someone is spying on you~
> 
> also that ringtone is a reference to a comic/dub that i saw/heard once. i don’t know the original creators since i found it in a vine without proper credit. so if anyone knows how i can credit that reference [please message me on tumblr.](https://kamari333.tumblr.com)


	37. Welcome Agreement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You make a deal and a realization.  
> Someone else starts thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this got a bit longer than i expected  
> for once
> 
> its kinda crap but here have it

You and Burgerpants — Birgir, his name is Birgir, you had to remember that — loitered around on the cooking show set for a while, letting you both cool off. You decided the milk wasn’t enough and dug around for something else to mooch. ~~You could be seriously vindictive when you were so inclined.~~ You found some eggs and flour, but you weren’t much of a cook and didn’t know what to do with those.

Then you found a whole cake!!

_Score!!_

You pulled it out and cut two generous slices with the cake-slice-scoop-thing you didn’t know the name of, offering one to Birgir. He took it with a grateful, if surprised, look on his face.

You dug into your own slice with a fork you scrounged up from the drawer ~~which had absolutely no knives in it, funny~~. The cake tasted a bit like vanilla-chocolate swirl, with creamy icing. But it wasn’t purely vanilla and chocolate. There was something else, something tingly, almost like a lemon-lime carbonated drink, but not quite.

It was honestly pretty good. You scarfed that whole slice down faster than you had any other cake ever. “I think this is the best cake I’ve ever eaten!! What flavor is this??”

“MTT-Brand Always-Convenient Human-Soul Substitute,” Birgir said between mouthfuls. “GREEN Flavored, I think, so KINDNESS??”

You went still. “H-human flavored??”

“Or what Mettaton _thinks_ human SOULs taste like, anyway,” the cat scoffed. “Really I think its just a marketing ploy to sell flavored powder. How would he even know what a real human SOUL tastes like?? The only ones down here are with the King, and I doubt Fluffybuns let him sample them for flavoring!”

That... actually made sense. And made you feel less like some kind of vegen soul-cannibal. You have no reason to feel sick. It’s totally just flavored powder. It’s probably coolaid powder.

_Oh god did you just drink the coolaid??_

You might have dissociated for a few minutes.

After which you decided you were ready to go.

You both reached the elevator and thankfully, blessedly, it was working. The downside was that the R3 button, which would have taken you straight to the hotel, was busted. So you used the L3 button.

This of course meant even more vent hopping. Which didn’t help your stomach at all. You were at least grateful that it was cooler up here than it was on the first level.

The puzzle door here was open already too!

You figured you were on the home stretch!

...Until you saw Flowey.

Flowey had his back (stem?) to you at first, focused on the empty space between him and the ledge.

You looked to your right, where an unfamiliar scent was coming, and saw a dark tunnel that was... covered in spider webs...

You looked back at the out-of-place flower and realized what he was doing.

*** (The smell of cobwebs fills the air... You're filled with ~~determination~~.)**

_How did your arachnophobic ass forget about Muffet?!?!_

Then Flowey turned to you, grinned (creepily), and disappeared into the ground.

“What the heck was that?!” Birgir asked, fur standing on end, ears flat from alarm.

“That was my cue to turn around and go home,” you answered, wiggling to turn around and start hopping back.

~~You didn’t notice the flash of blue and white ducking behind the opened puzzle door.~~

“But we’re almost there!! Just have to cut through Muffet’s parlor,” Birgir said again.

You tried to think of an excuse. Any excuse. “There will be webs all over the floor in there. I can’t hop through that,” you tried.

“Then..” Birgir turned his back to you. “I’ll just, uh, carry you on my back?” He didn’t sound thrilled about the idea but it was technically an option.

“I am deathly afraid of spiders,” you admitted.

“Why??”

“I don’t know I just am!” You said defensively. Birgir had the gall to laugh at you. You felt your face heat up. “It’s not funny, this is serious!!”

“What is scary about spiders??” He asked, wiping a fake tear from the corner of his eye.

“They are creepy and sneaky and watch you in the shower like tiny little home-invading stalkers and I just don’t want to touch them ok?!”

The cat laughed harder. You crossed your arms, fighting a smile of your own. Even you had to admit that your phobia sounded ridiculous when you reasoned it out loud. Especially when you applied it in this context, with Muffet. It didnt changed anything, your skin still crawled at the thought of going in there, and you were certain you wouldn’t be able to navigate through the tunnel anyway... but you could see why it was funny.

“It’s not that funny,” You complained, still fighting the grin on your own face.

Birgir finally contained his snickers. “Hop on my back, I’ll protect you from the big scary spider,” he said mockingly, kneeling down a little with his back to you.

You hesitated. Being carried like that was just not dignified. You looked around, looked at the tunnel of spiders, looked back at Birgir. You couldn’t see any other option.

You silently cursed having never called Sans-the-teleporting-Skeleton as you grudgingly, oh so grudgingly, hopped to Birgir and wrapped your limbs around him like a koala. Birgir gripped you under your knees, making sure you were secure before standing up and walking into Muffet’s territory.

“We are never speaking of this again,” you hissed irritably. You felt Birgir’s laugh more than you heard it as the darkness of the spider cave engulfed you.

At first it wasn’t so bad. Birgir’s gentle footfalls echoed on the damp walls, and you couldn’t really see anything (having your eyes closed and face hidden in the cat’s shoulder really helped with that). It was fine. You were fine. You could even pretend you weren’t a full grown adult clinging to an anthropomorphic feline for dear life because you didn’t want to face the obligatory giant spider boss that every goddamn video game had.

At least... not without a flamethrower. Or a bazooka. Or the BFG.

No, that wasn’t fair. Muffet was just a hard-working entrepreneur trying to raise money to transport her huge-ass family across the underground. She didn’t deserve to be exploded.

She also had a giant pet cupcake-spider thing that had eaten you a good thirty times before you figured out The Donut trick...

But why would she attack you? It was Mettaton who payed her to go after the human in the game, and now Mettaton wanted you alive. You had nothing to worry about.

Right?

The sound of Birgir’s footsteps changed. You flinched at the sticky, stretching, squishing noises. You peaked your eyes open, looking around. The walls were _teaming_ with spiders, skittering silently along the many threads of silk that made their home. The floor was carpeted in discarded strands and aborted webs, sticking to the cat’s shoes and pants. You shuddered, muscles clenching and skin crawling.

You swore you heard your name whispered in tiny, high pitched, excited voices.

“I heard that that is Y/n,” a stronger voice said from right above your head.

You had the good sense not to look.

“I heard Y/n was really a human,” another voice said.

You felt Birgir stiffen a bit under you, but he kept trudging along.

“I heard humans don’t like spiders,” another voice accused.

You swallowed. _That didn’t sound good._

“ _I_ heard,” a much stronger, more effeminate voice started from uncomfortably close, “That the human was trying to run us spiders out of business by stealing our customers~”

Birgir came to a jolting halt, his feet stuck in the webs below. You felt him lurch awkwardly and struggle to make even one more step, before he gave up on moving and just tried to keep his balance.

You peaked again.

They were swarming, covering the cave walls and chittering excitedly, eyes gleaming in the dark. And looming from an elegant web, high above, was none other than Muffet. You knew it had to be her: she was actually rather pretty (for a spider), with long elegant arms and delicate fingers. Her periwinkle skin was smooth and made her look exotic even without her six arms and five lavender eyes, which perfectly matched her pigtails. She wore her goth lolita romper and ribbons, all in shades of sophisticated maroon, exceedingly well.

You just really wished she wouldn’t look at you like that.

Like prey.

“Now what do you say to that, deary~?” Muffet asked, almost pleasantly, as she poured two cups of tea. The drink was a familiar shade of purple.

_Oh, sweet merciful god, this is it, this is how you die._

For good, you mean.

Perma-death by spider.

You couldn’t say a single word. You weren’t sure if it was because your voice was stolen by irrational fear, or if the last bastion of you sanity was holding it away to keep you from making the wimpiest, girliest high pitch keen of dread any human could make (Ron Weasley style).

_'Cut through the cave of spiders.' Why couldn’t it be 'cut through the cave of butterflies'???_

Birgir at least wasn’t petrified. “I don’t know... Why would you think Y/n was a human?”

“Why, a friendly little Flower just came into my parlor, ahuhuhu~” Muffet admitted. “And they told me all~ about it! I even got confirmation from my spiders in the ruins that a human passed through, and they didn’t even visit our bake-sale, never-mind buy anything!”

Memories of trying your first Spider Donut with Toriel flitted to the forefront of your mind. You recall admitting to your arachnophobia to her briefly that day.

Something cold inside you snapped.

_Flowey you sick son of a bitch!_

~~No offense to Toriel or Alphys.~~

You looked around, beating down your fear with your newfound wellspring of anger until you saw him: there in the back, the single spot of bright color, beady eyes gleaming.

You looked back to Muffet, a plan forming in your head. She was all about money and her spiders. So you had to play to that. You also absolutely _had_ to do this right the first time. If you let Birgir get hurt because of this you would never forgive yourself.

“It was never my intention to take away your customers. To prove it, how about we make a deal?” You forced yourself to say as pleasantly as possible.

You thought you saw a gleam in all five of Muffet’s eyes. “I’m listening...”

“Firstly, to apologize for any inconvenience to you, I’ll give you and your spiders a free performance,” you swallowed thickly. Oh, you had the _perfect_ song in mind.

“Firstly? So what else~?” Muffet asked.

“Secondly, once I get to Mettaton’s hotel, I’ll hold a fundraising concert... and all proceeds will go to you and your spiders.”

Muffet considered this, eyeing you. “And why should I trust you at your word?”

“I’ll give you my left leg as collateral,” you deadpanned. You couldn’t use it anyway. That peg-leg idea was looking pretty good lately.

“WHAT?!?!” Birgir exclaimed.

You heard Flowey start laughing hysterically. If he wasn’t a soulless asshole flower, you might have been worried about him suffocating.

Muffet actually did a double take, then giggled. “Ahuhuhu~ oh, my~ Well, I don’t think we need to go _that_ far~” She leaned back, her posture relaxing. “Alright, deary, we have ourselves a deal.”

You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. Then you looked around. “Uh, is there somewhere I could sit down? So Birgir doesn’t half to hold me the whole ti-“ An undignified yelp escaped you as, before you even finished speaking, a thick thread of spider silk wrapped around your waist and yanked you up into the air, away from Birgir.

You had to take a moment to breath (and rub away the goosebumps on your arms). Then you saw Flowey from your new vantage point, still giggling.

You forced out a laugh, pointing at him. “This is about you,” you said, the baseline playing in your head for the song that expressed how you felt about the nasty little weed.

Words you think he needed to hear.

Beware, beware, be skeptical  
Of the smile, the smile so plated gold  
Deceit so natural  
But a wolf in sheep's clothing  
is more than a warning!

You saw how Flowey’s expression changed from gleeful to thoughtful to neutral to something of surprise (and maybe anger). You probably should have been scared (or at least a little worried) but all you could feel was anger. Once again Flowey had taken a memory you had with a good friend and tainted it.

You had to say something.

Bah-bah-black sheep,  
have you any soul?  
No sir, by the way,  
what the hell are morals?

Jack, be nimble, Jack, be quick  
Jill's a little whore  
and her alibis are dirty tricks

So could you

Tell me how you're sleeping easy  
How you're only thinking of yourself  
Show me how you justify  
Telling all your lies like second nature  
Listen, mark my words: one day  
You will pay, you will pay  
Karma's gonna come collect your debt

You couldn’t help hoping, vindictively, that Karma really would come for Flowey, either literally in the form of Sans, or figuratively in the form of a very angry Human. You probably shouldn’t think that, since you knew that if the former occurred, Flowey would not be the only one struck down... But you were upset, so weren’t you allowed an indulgent fantasy without consequences??

Flowey was looking decidedly uncomfortable. Good.

Aware, aware, you stalk your prey  
With criminal mentality  
You sink your teeth into the people you depend on  
Infecting everyone,  
you're quite the problem

Fee-fi-fo-fum, better run and hide!  
I smell the blood of a _petty little coward_  
Jack, be lethal, Jack, be slick  
Jill will leave you lonely  
dying in a filthy ditch

So could you

Tell me how you're sleeping easy  
How you're only thinking of yourself  
Show me how you justify  
Telling all your lies like second nature  
Listen, mark my words: one day  
You will pay, you will pay  
Karma's gonna come collect your debt

A terrible thought occurred to you as you sang the intermission: What if this, all of this, was karma for what _you_ had done? What if being here, dying here, was just the natural consequence of all your choices? What if this was punishment for killing everyone you had the balls to call a friend?

Maybe you'll change  
Abandon all your wicked ways  
Make amends and start anew again  
Maybe you'll see  
All the wrongs you did to me  
And start all over, start all over again

You know, you were fine with that. You made your bed, you’ll lay in it. You don’t like it, but if this really is just karmic retribution, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

 _Your_ suffering and hardship? That was on you.

But Flowey had made Toriel suffer too. And Papyrus. And Sans. And Doggo, and Jerry, and Alphys, and Undyne, and Birgir, and everyone else at some point or another. And that was unacceptable.

“Who am I kidding?” you chuckled. “Now, let's not get overzealous here! You've always been a huge piece of shit! If I could kill you? I still don’t know if I would. Since everyone can be a good person if they try. Having said that...”

You took a deep breath.

BURN! IN! HELL~!

Oh, Oh, Oh, So,

Tell me how you're sleeping easy  
How you're only thinking of yourself  
Show me how you justify  
Telling all your lies like second nature  
Listen, mark my words: one day  
You will pay, you will pay  
Karma's gonna come collect your debt

Karma's gonna come collect your debt  
Karma's gonna come collect your debt

“Azzy,” you sneered under your breath, quietly, so low you didn’t think anyone could hear over the squeaky cheers and clapping of the very enthusiastic spiders.

You felt a little better, finally calling that nasty little flower out. But if you were honest, you just felt hollow. And hypocritical. Because you were the same. You had done it because you were curious, because you had to know these characters more, had to know what would happen.

Your sins crawled on your back like so many spiders.

But that didn’t excuse Flowey.

It just meant you would burn together.

As Muffet deposited you right beside the exit, and you waited for Birgir to catch up, you hoped that maybe you were trying hard enough to be a good person.

And that Flowey might start trying too.

~~You didn’t notice how Flowey disappeared, face blank and eyes dull. You didn’t notice the flash of blue and white from the tunnel entrance that vanished without a trace.~~

~~You didn’t notice the concerned frown on the cat’s face before he replaced it with a smile.~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing” by Set It Off fits flowey so well~ on so many levels~
> 
> You are getting better at manipulating others into not killing you by playing on their emotions 
> 
> Also: [This is a beautiful headcanon for how human soul substitute came about](https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.reddit.com/r/Undertale/comments/4zl1xj/mttbrand_alwaysconvenient_human_soul_substitute/). Maybe its canon for this story. maybe its not. the world may never know.


	38. Through the Cats Eye (and the Skeleton’s)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some PoVs from Birgir... and also Sans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was harder to do than expected  
> Birgir is hard to write for  
> So i gave myself a break and jumped back to sans towards the end
> 
> cuz imma wuss

It was another day at the MTT-Brand Burger Emporiom, _Home of the Glamburger, Sparkle Up Your Day! (™)_

Birgir hated it.

But he needed the money. Apartments in New Home were anything but cheap, even the egalitarian ones. Birgir knew he should probably just throw in the towel, put in his two weeks notice, and move somewhere less expensive (like Snowdin), but he couldn’t bring himself to. He had already wasted his life so far (nearly twenty years, with his birthday coming up soon), what was the point changing course now? _This was his dream_ , he thought bitterly as he flipped another glamburger patty.

Some dream.

At least one nice thing happened recently. You.

There was a new celebrity in town. It wasn’t _all_ about fucking Mettaton anymore. Now when he was forced to listen to his customers ramble and gush about the latest and greatest, it wasn’t all _‘Mettaton this, Mettaton that, Mettaton is so great oh my god that steak looks just like Mettaton! *SQUEE*’_ (ugh, it made him nauseous just thinking about it.) No, now they were mostly talking about you.

The weird new monster in Snowdin who sang at Grillby’s.

He didn’t have any vacation days, so he couldn’t go see you himself, but thankfully his paycheck could afford him a decent phone. And his phone had undernet.

And the undernet had you on it.

The funny thing was that _you_ weren’t the one posting videos of yourself. It was always someone else. Nothing big yet, just thirty second clips while your back was turned, as if they were trying to hide it from you.

You weren’t tagged in any of them.

But those quick glimpses were more than enough. You had passion, and all your intent was on making your listeners enjoy themselves. _If it was that obvious just from a cheep phone recording, how good must it be in person?_

He figured he would never know. Not while he was stuck working in Hotel Sparkle-Torture.

Birgir had noticed the way the crowds had thinned around here lately. They came back in floods a few weeks ago, during which clips about you had stopped popping up. Then a new one came on (and wasn’t it strange that you were sitting down now, instead of dancing around like you used to?) and all the crowds left again.

Another thing he liked about you, you lessened his workload.

You posted your first video recently. It was... surprisingly wholesome considering the language and theme. He liked that about you too, your humor.

You were certainly aesthetically pleasant to look at too. Birgir had your video marked in his favorites, and would sneak out for a smoke break whenever he thought he could get away with it and watch it.

He figured anyone as attractive as you were was probably a raging prick. But he could pretend he hadn’t been devastatingly disillusioned about the entertainment business when he listened to you sing.

Birgir had just slunk back to his post behind the register after another smoke break when one of the patrons in the lobby let out a high pitched squeal.

“Y/N IS ON METTATON’S SHOW!!”

Birgir felt a strange shudder of dread, a strangled devastating terror hitting him so hard and so fast from absolutely nowhere that he almost fell over. He scrambled to pull his phone out himself and pull up the live feed, fur bristling under his suit uncomfortably as every particle of dust in his body screamed that _something terrible was going to happen and-_

-And there you were, glaring angrily from your seat on a beanbag, flanked by a canine monster (Birgir couldn’t remember his name) and the comedian who worked in the restaurant (Sans, was it?), both looking irate, their shoulders tense and postures defensive. Birgir hadn’t know that lazy skeleton could even look mildly irritated, never-mind that scary.

But it was nothing compared to you. You looked ready to ruin someone irreparably.

“How about an exclusive performance? A free song just for you? Dedicated to Mettaton and the ones who know him best?” You said, voice full of fake pleasantries.

Birgir felt his tension ebb away, and disappointment take its place. You were probably just going to sing something about how great the robot was. Everyone loved Mettaton.

So when he heard you, really heard you, your intent so potent and condemning, clearly denouncing Mettaton _live_ in front of the _entire underground_..!

Birgir could not help the way his SOUL danced.

You _knew_. Somehow, you knew. And somehow he felt as though you knew about him too. You knew, and you _did not approve,_ of Mettaton’s bullshit.

~~Birgir ignored the strange echo of horror, anger, and loss that flashed through him when you sang the end of the song, about dying and the sky. He didn’t know where it came from and honestly he had enough handling emotions he at least had an origin for.~~

Your performance was breathtaking.

Looks, talant, morals and ethical values?

Could anyone really blame him for falling for you?

It wouldn’t matter. It was a celebrity crush. He would never meet you in person.

So just this once he would let himself feel how he liked.

* * *

The next day, Birgir came into work expecting the same old same old. And for a while it was. Then Mettaton appeared out of nowhere, slamming his gloved hands on the counter. “BURGERPANTS DARLING HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A RAISE??”

Birgir swallowed. He wasn’t stupid: this was a trick question. “I’m happy enough with my current wages, sir.”

“MARVELOUS!!” Mettaton exclaimed, sliding into the back and rummaging in the fridge. “THEN FORGET I MENTIONED IT!! AND CLOSE UP THE BURGER EMPORIUM BECAUSE I AM SENDING YOU OUT ON ANOTHER ERREND!!”

Birgir bit his tongue to keep from screaming. _He hated this guy so, so much._ “An errand, sir?”

“A VERY IMPORTANT ERRAND!! WELL ABOVE YOUR PAYGRADE, BUT I GUESS YOU WILL JUST HAVE TO DO!” Mettaton pulled out a Starfeit that Birgir had had pre-made earlier, turning and stuffing it into his hands. “TAKE THIS TO ALPHYS’ LAB AND GIVE IT TO MY NEW CO-STAR, Y/N!! TELL THEM ITS...” he paused, “...A TOKEN OF MY APOLOGY! YES!! AND TO USE IT TO FEEL BETTER!!”

Birgir paled. “Y/n??!”

“YES DARLING!! ISNT IT EXCITING?? MY RATING ARE GOING TO SKYROCKET!! NOT AS LITERALLY AS I HAD HOPED, BUT STILL.” Mettaton gesticulated animatedly, ending in a shrug. “NOW GET DOWN THERE AND ESCORT MY V.I.P. UP HERE PROPERLY!”

Birgir decided not to point out that he was a _frycook_ and not an escort, instead trudging dutifully out of the hotel, clutching the starfeit protectively.

He was actually going to meet you! He couldn’t help but dread it. The last time he met one of his heroes it had been Mettaton himself, and... well, look how that turned out. Crap job, with crap hours, and a boss who had an entire album made just to tell him how bad he was at it.

And weird outfits.

...And the elevators were acting up again. _Fabu-fucking-tacular._

He had to go through Muffet’s cave. At least he was largely ignored.

When he got down to the Lab, he was almost expecting to get yelled at. When you didn’t yell at him, he expected that passive aggressive abuse his boss used. When you didn’t do that either... he wasn’t sure what to think.

You just took the treat gratefully, then tried to stand up. You weren’t using one of your legs (were you hurt?? shouldn’t the starfeit have taken care of that??) and almost fell over. Birgir instinctively reached out to catch you.

You had thanked him.

He knew you were prompting for his name, but what would be the point? You were just going to call him Burgerpants like everyone else, right??

Might as well tell you that was his name.

Then he saw a spark of recognition. You already _knew_ his stupid nickname. His reputation (such as it was) preceded him, even all the way in Snowdin.

_Fabu-fucking-tastic._

He figured pretending he didn’t know you knew would make this awkward moment end faster. So thats what he did.

You were thankfully willing to play along, and started hopping out the back exit... only to smack into the closed doors and fall backward.

Birgir again found himself moving to catch you.

He noticed you were heavier than he expected.

...Ok maybe that came out wrong.

It was just odd. You didn’t have any fur and yet you were still so heavy!

...Ok that definitely came out wrong.

He was glad you couldn’t hear his thoughts.

Birgir figured the rest of this would be you hopping slowly back along with him, which would end in the two of you never speaking again. He was... ok with that. He was. You hadn’t been a jerk and he still had a hero to look up to. He couldn’t really ask for more.

...Ok, watching you crawl onto the conveyor belt was hilarious. You were _cute_ how was it possible for someone so noble to also be cute???

Weird, but cute.

It was, admittedly, rather annoying how easily you seemed to give up when presented with a task. You tried to bail at the very sight of the vents, which Birgir didn’t quite understand. They might have been annoying but they were perfectly safe!

He was glad you didn’t fight him when he offered his help.

...Wow you smelled nice. And for having no fur, you were really soft. Squishy in some places. It was interesting...

He needed to stop thinking about it.

But it was so goddamn cute how tense and nervous you were for no reason!!

He didn’t really want to upset you though, so he let you take a break after each vent.

~~And give himself a break from thinking weird things.~~

Birgir lit a cigarette to help take his mind off everything. When you were ready he reached out to help you and-

you plucked the stick from his teeth and tossed it over the edge into the lava.

Just. Plucked it right out. And tossed it.

~~That was so hot what the hell people were not supposed to do that with strangers you don’t just do that it isn’t fair.~~

...Would you do it again?

... _You did, holy shit._

He was going to run out of cigs at this rate. He better not let you near them anymore.

By the time the two of you had transversed the first room, he had really started to like you. His SOUL told him you were a good person. He could feel it. That probably wasn’t a good thing. He had never had the best sixth sense. It got him into a lot of trouble before ( _fucking Mettaton, it all came back to Mettaton, didn’t it?_ ) so every passing moment made him more nervous, waiting for that other shoe to drop.

What he didn’t expect (but should have) was Mettaton being that other shoe.

What he also didn’t expect was you defending him, and _correcting yourself_ before calling him Burgerpants.

You called him upstanding.

You... respected him as a person..?!

...Maybe it would be ok to tell you his name after all.

Maybe you would use it...

And maybe he could use yours.

* * *

Sans had been waiting at the hotel for over an hour. He wasn’t waiting for you. He wasn’t. He was waiting for his shift at the restaurant. Sure, he was technically four hours early, and maybe him being early to work was a decidedly new thing, but it had nothing to do with you.

Maybe he was just trying to be a bit more punctual, like Papyrus wanted. There was nothing wrong with a little self improvement.

~~Maybe he was so deep in denial he was drowning.~~

Sans was also not pacing. He was just trying to admire the tacky water fountain from every possible angle. He wasn’t anxious in the least. That nervous prickling in his SOUL was all in his head.

Wait, didn’t that guy already go into the restaurant? Sans could have sworn he _just saw_ that guy go in. And he knows he didn’t see him come back out...

Maybe he was getting sick. Maybe that was it. That made sense: he’d been napping less lately...

He pulled his phone out, looking at your contact information. He would feel better if he just... texted you or something. Maybe. Ok, no, he’d feel better if you texted back.

But what was he supposed to say?

A joke? Yeah, a joke... but _which_ joke? There were so many to choose from and it had to be the perfect one to make you laugh.

Maybe even snort. Stars, he liked when you did that.

He was just starting to type out the setup for the joke when he saw the hotel proprietor, the robot himself, roll into the lobby. Mettaton kept turning and circling, filled with the same kind of nervous energy Sans felt thrumming through himself. The robot stopped to lend a word to his employees and fans, then circled out back towards the rear exit.

Sans, curious and desperate ~~and suspicious~~ , went out the front exit, making a shortcut and stepping into the front hall of the CORE, where Mettaton’s voice echoed clearly.

Sans wasn’t eavesdropping, he was taking a break. Which happened to be within earshot of a certain robot.

“BURGERPANTS, KITTEN, DARLING, LOVE OF MY LIFE, WHERE IS MY CO-STAR??” Mettaton’s saccharine voice called far too sweetly.

Sans’ tensed. _Was something wrong? Did something happen to you??_ Sans felt all his worry rise to the surface of his mind, scenario after scenario of everything that could have gone wrong, way after sickening way that you might lose your SOUL ~~again~~.

You could be hurt or fighting for your life and Mettaton sent _Burgerpants_?!?!

“IF THEY WERE ‘HERE,’ PRECIOUS, THEN I ASSURE YOU I WOULD NOT BE A FRACTION AS MIFFED AS I AM RIGHT NOW. IT HAS BEEN OVER AN HOUR. WHERE. IS. MY. CO-STAR??”

Sans may not think much of the cat, but it wasn’t BP’s fault. This was way out of his paygrade. Sans left, walking out of the CORE and into Alphys’ lab. Sure enough, her monitors were still automatically tracking you (maybe under different circumstances he’d be a bit irritated about that, but right now he was grateful).

You were at Mettaton’s cooking show set.

You looked ok.

You looked... oh, _oh,_ you were mad. Someone was going to get it. He had to see that in person.

Sans shortcut to the cooking show set, hanging back by the door. He arrived just as you snatched the phone from Burgerpants. “Mettaton, darling, light of my life, sparkle of my day, what the ever loving fuck do you think you’re doing?” You hissed.

Sans knew his eyelights had gone out. You were more than angry. You were _pissed._ That was righteous fury, the wrath of an avenging angel, dripping from every syllable that fell from your lips.

~~It was hot.~~

Sans listened as you told off the underground’s most beloved celebrity with such conviction and passion it made him shiver.

He absently noted that you shared his brother’s opinion about Hotland.

“Oh, and for the record, I’m going to drink ALL OF YOUR MILK because FUCK YOU!!”

Sans had to shortcut home just to breakdown and laugh.

~~You were so cute when you were angry, it was precious.~~

Once Sans was composed, he shortcut back to the cooking show set. You and Burgerpants were in fact drinking Mettaton’s milk.

It was perfectly innocent. There was nothing inherently wrong with it. There was absolutely no rational reason for the _SOUL-deep mind-numbing fury_ that hit him like a truck. Why should he care who you drink milk with? You drink milkshakes with Papyrus all the time, and that never bothered him.

But Papyrus didn’t look at you the way Burgerpants was looking at you, either.

Sans watched as you found the cake. He watched as you enjoyed it, then asked what it was. Sans didn’t quite understand what made you look so horrified, but had to fight down a strange instinctual urge to run to you and try making it better.

Sans followed as you left.

He had to hang back a bit when you took the elevator.

When he got to the third level, he saw you _clinging to Burgerpants for dear life_ while transversing the vents.

You looked nauseous and a little scared, eyes squeezed shut and body stiff.

Burgerpants looked like he was enjoying himself a little too much.

Sans felt the same resentment build inside him that he felt when he saw you with Doggo.

This was seriously unhealthy and confusing. Why did he care? He shouldn’t care. You were just getting help through the vents. It wasn’t that big of a deal.

He still didn’t like it.

He could have had you at the hotel in moments, saving you so much grief.

He should have offered. He should have said something. He-

He had to duck back around the puzzle door because you were turning around??

...You were afraid of spiders??

He didn’t know that.

...

He _did not_ like seeing you clinging to _that furball_ like _that._

He _did not_ like how content Burgerpants looked as he carried you into the spider’s den.

Where it was dark.

...

Sans peaked in. He nearly lunged when he heard Muffet talk like that about you. It certainly wasn’t your fault you were afraid of spiders!!

...

WHY WOULD YOU MAKE A DEAL LIKE THAT?!?!

...Who was laughing?

Sans searched the darkness with his rather exceptional night vision. He spotted the giggling weed, scowling. That nasty thing had been tormenting you (and everyone else) for far too long.

...

Damn, you had some seriously scary intent when you wanted to. But... Your songs tended to have a message. What did that song mean?

...

Does that flower really not have a soul?!?!

...

...Was it a coincidence about the karma?

...

Why did you sound so guilty? What were you so ashamed of? What did you do that was so bad?

...

Was he hearing things, or did you just say Azzy?

Questions upon questions. The more he learned about you, the less he felt he understood. Sans ducked back out the entrance of the cave, stepping back into the hotel to await you arrival with his best smile.

He would figure you out yet.

Then, maybe, he would stop obsessing.

_God, he hoped so. Caring this much was exhausting._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> huh the kitty didn’t know y/n was human...  
> bet he knows now
> 
> sans omg you jelly skelly


	39. Welcome to the MTT Resort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mettaton Everything. And ideas. Also everyone is keeping secrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad  
> xD i’m grinning but its bad

You made it to Mettaton’s Hotel.

Sans was outside, grinning pleasantly. “Heya, songbird. Enjoy the tour?” You stuck your tongue out at him, showing him that you were not at all happy and you knew he knew it. “Careful, kid, or I might just keep that.”

“What?” You asked, not certain you heard him right.

“What?” he parroted, like he didn’t know what you were talking about.

You raised an eyebrow. Sans didn’t indicate at all what he was thinking. You decided to cut your losses, and drop the conversation.

You went inside, hopping to the water fountain and collapsing gratefully onto the rim with a tired groan.

*** (The relaxing atmosphere of this hotel...  
it fills you with ~~determination~~.)**

Today had been literal hell: dying, heat, travel, spiders, and Flowey, all smashed together in one awful marathon of absolute _suck_. You wanted to throw yourself at Sans and beg him to take you back ~~home~~ to Snowdin.

Sans was _right there_ , having followed you in along with Birgir. You looked at him, longingly, a part of you praying that your expression didn’t convey even a fraction of your true wishes.

~~It did, at least to Sans. He ground his teeth, fighting the compulsion to grab you and shortcut away. He once again wished you would just ask him, say something.~~

Birgir cleared his throat, about to say something, when he caught sight of something behind you. From the way his expression shriveled away, you had a pretty good idea what it was.

“Y/N, DARLING!!” Mettaton cooed, zipping over to your side. “THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING!!”

“You are welcome,” you responded tiredly.

“YES, I CAN SEE YOUR LONG TRIP HAS WORN YOU OUT!!” The robot continued. “AND I ALSO SEE YOU ARE HAVING DIFFICULTY MOVING AROUND!! SO I HAVE TWO WONDERFUL IDEAS!!”

You looked up at him, your interest piqued.

Mettaton’s screen displayed a gold smily face in a sea of red. “I HAVE MY BEST ROOM BOOKED FOR YOU, SO YOU CAN STAY IN LUXURY WHILE WE PREPARE FOR OUR PERFORMANCE!! AND!! WHILE YOU ARE HERE, YOU CAN USE BURGERPANTS TO HELP YOU MOVE ABOUT!!”

“What?!” You asked, confused.

“What?!” Birgir asked, also confused ~~and hopeful~~.

Mettaton spun happily. “YES!! HE WILL BE YOUR PERSONAL BELLHOP FOR THE DURATION OF YOUR STAY!! I HAVE ALREADY ARRANGED FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO RUN THE BURGER EMPORIUM WHILE HE IS BUSY WITH YOU!”

You rubbed your head. “I don’t think Birgir signed up for-“

“No! No, it’s totally fine!! Whatever the boss says!!” Birgir cut in hastily, waving his paws.

~~Sans eyed the cat critically, knowing he was accepting the job for reasons beyond Mettaton’s request.~~

Mettaton waved. “SEE!! PERFECT!! NOW, BURGERPANTS DARLING, SEE TO IT THAT Y/N GETS TO THEIR ROOM AND FRESHENS UP. I ALREADY LEFT A CHANGE OF CLOTHES OUT. OUR FIRST REHEARSAL IS IN THREE HOURS!! WE’LL BE USING ONE OF THE SPARE ROOMS IN THE CORE!! YOU KNOW THE ONE!!”

“Yes, sir,” Birgir said, reaching for you to help you up. You took the help, hoping the room Mettaton had for you included a bathroom. You needed a shower.

Birgir led you down the hall to the big room with the unnecessarily large bed. You flopped onto it gratefully, gracelessly, facedown. “Unless this place has a luxurious bathroom I’m unaware of, I’m not moving,” you said into the fluffy bedding.

Birgir cleared his throat.

You rolled onto your back, looking at him pathetically.

Birgir pointed to one side. You followed with your eyes.

 _There was a door._ It would have been out of bounds in the game. You struggled to get off the bed and threw yourself at it, almost falling over in your haste to indulge in a relaxing bath.

The bathtub was shaped like Mettaton’s face. His big, square face.

You didn’t care. You started stripping, throwing your shirt off and tugging carefully at your shoes and socks before starting to shimmy out of your shorts.

~~You thought you had kicked the door closed, but it had swung partly open on the rebound, giving Birgir a solid visual of your back. He snagged the doornob and carefully closed it in full, but it was too late: he had seen your scars... and your bare butt.~~

You situated yourself in the tub and settled in for what you declared a well deserved rest. The water came out... already soapy? _How?? Why?? Oh god, there was glitter in it. The pipes were running with fucking bathbomb water, in pinks and yellows and reds, like mettaton’s stupid face!!!!_

...You didn’t give a damn. It was warm water that soothed your aching muscles. You were going to sparkle in weird places but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

It felt great.

You heard the door creak open loudly, and a black dress-bag was shoved inside before it was slammed shut again. You had forgotten Mettaton mentioned laying clothes out for you. You sank back into the gaudy bathwater, already dreading getting out and opening that pandora’s box. Mettaton had a kind of exaggerated cartoony view of human culture, with huge chunks of seemingly practical, obvious information missing or warped beyond recognition (that or he was a troll).

Sooner or later, though, you would have to bite the bullet.

You put it off until you started to prune and the glitter congealed to the bottom of the tub.

When you hailed yourself out, sighing as your muscles reminded you that they ached, you lingered on the tub rim, air drying. You argued that the towels were too big to use. Really you were just staving off the inevitable.

You pushed off the tub, crawling over the wet floor (so you didn’t slip and break your neck) to the mystery bag.

You opened it.

Your jaw dropped. “Oh my god..!”

_It was amazing._

You pulled the outfit out to try on. It fit _amazing_ , like a damn spandex and leather glove. Not a lot of crotch room but you could deal if it meant dressing like this! It even came with matching boots. Which you also tried on. It hurt a little getting the left one on, but the material was light and clung more to your calf anyway, keeping the pressure off your sole. You looked at yourself in the mirror, striking an appropriate pose, and couldn’t stop the ridiculous noise of delight that escaped you.

~~You did not just squeal. There was no squealing. Don’t be absurd.~~

You quickly pulled the outfit off, folding it neatly back into the dress bag and zipping it back up. You couldn’t wear it out yet. It needed to be a surprise. And you would have to thank Mettaton. Positive reinforcement. Praise him for a good job. Because _hot damn_ was this just one of your nerdy Undertale fanatic’s dreams come true!

You picked up the dress bag and hung it on one of the slightly-too-high-for-the-average-human towel racks. You would just wear your own clothes. You sighed, kicking yourself inwardly for forgetting to bring your overnight bag like a dumb-

Your overnight bag was there too, stuffed in the corner under where the dress bag had just been.

...

You needed to thank Sans properly at some point. He was being way too nice to you. That, or Papyrus was sending him on errands. ~~Or Birgir got sent running. Mettaton would certainly be that mean.~~

You pulled out fresh clothes and got dressed.

* * *

Birgir let you lean on his side to help alleviate stress as you hopped your way through the core. You could see other monsters (what had to be Final Froggits and Whimsalots, Madjicks and Astigmatisms, and one huge hulking suit of armor you would bet your other leg was Knight Knight) eyeing you from a polite distance. You could hear them mutter as you passed, feel their eyes on you. Maybe it was simply the impersonal atmosphere of the CORE, but you didn’t feel welcome. It was just like back in the Ruins: you were relying on your chaperone to hide from the others.

You ignored it. You didn’t plan to stay. You would do the show and then you would leave.

Birgir got you safely to the stage room, where Mettaton and Napstablook were waiting. Mettaton’s screen lit up with a red exclamation point. “DARLING WHY AREN’T YOU DRESSED?!?!”

You grinned. “I thought I would save it for the performance. As a surprise.” You beamed. “It’s absolutely perfect. And fits. You did great!”

Mettaton’s scream flashed red, then a pixelated smily face appeared. “I AM SO GLAD TO HEAR IT!!”

You sat down on the big square block that had been placed, seemingly, as a seat for you. “So, before we get started... I want to ask a favor.”

“A FAVOR?? DARLING IF YOU WANTED A DATE, YOU NEED ONLY ASK!!” Mettaton cooed.

You sputtered. ~~Behind you, Birgir was shaking and sweating, his grin looking less friendly and more unhinged.~~ “No! God, no, Mets, I mean an actual favor! I promised Muffet a benefit concert and I was hoping to use your hotel to host it?”

Mettaton scratched at the metal under his screen like he had a chin. “A BENEFIT CONCERT?? FOR SPIDERS??? WHY...” His screen turned bright yellow. “THATS A FABULOUS IDEA DARLING!!! WHY NOT JUST HOST ONE BIG CONCERT!! YOU CAN BE THE OPENING ACT, AND THEN I CAN HIT THE STAGE WITH MY DEBUT, AND THEN- THEN-“ He spun around. “OH YES~!! AND ALL AS A BENEFIT CONCERT?!?! MY RATINGS WILL GO OFF THE CHARTS!!! EVERYONE FROM THE RUINS TO NEW HOME AND BACK WILL TUNE IN!!!”

“Ooooooooooohhh... oh geeze....” Napstablook quivered, fading out a bit. “Thats...... a lot of pressure...”

Mettaton darted over and wrapped an arm around the ghost. “NOT FOR YOU BLOOKIE DARLING!! YOU JUST PRETEND ITS ONLY US HERE, OK?? I’M THE ONLY ONE YOU NEED TO WORRY ABOUT IMPRESSING, AND YOU HAVE GOT ME VERY IMPRESSED!!”

The anxious ghost was quiet for a moment, before fading more back in, and nodded. “O-okay....”

You smiled softly, watching the scene... and then, looking at Napstablook, an idea formed in your head. You shot Alphys a text, acting on your crazy idea before you lost your nerve. It would at least give you closure. Maybe. Possibly. If you could get more help. If Blookie would go for it. If Alphys could rig it up.

If-

You shoved the thought away before it even finished, focusing back on Mettaton. “So lets get started.”

* * *

Alphys stared at the text from you for a long moment. _Why would you want this?_ Sure, it would be easy enough to make, assuming she had the parts lying around. Or maybe she could find them in the dump. She had to go scavange for a part she wanted for her other project anyway...

But why would you ask for this?

...

Alphys decided that maybe asking would be too personal. It was a simple request. She could do this. She _would_ do this.

Along with her other plan.

“S-sorry, M-mettaton...” Alphys muttered as she got back to work on her latest project. Hopefully the next beta test wouldn’t take out the elevator system. Or anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sans you arent even trying to be subtle anymore. you are ~~un~~ lucky y/n is unobservant
> 
> alphys wtf are you building?
> 
> y/n what made you geak out?
> 
> birgir how did you like that view?
> 
> half of me is confused af and then theres the other half that knows whats up and they are giggling and doing me a concern


	40. The Concert (Pt 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Concert Starts  
> There are lots of feelings
> 
> Bonus: a PoV change at the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE ARE GOING TO BE LOTS OF SONGS IN THIS PART OK SO DEAL WITH IT
> 
> feels are coming to a head
> 
> this is seriously self-indulgent and cringy i’m mad at myself.

You were tired, but you had to admit that practice wasn’t nearly as hard as you were expecting. Mettaton payed close attention to your example and he learned quickly. Napstablook picked up on the tune fast (you provided what you could remember and they did an amazing job extrapolating from there; it didn’t sound quite the same but you thought it was even better).

After learning the tune and the lyrics, Mettaton started working on his choreography as well. You, of course, would be sitting the whole time. That suited Mettaton just fine, because it meant he would be the visual focus.

Mettaton was actually so much better in this setting than you expected!! He was seriously focused on being the best he could be, and while that didn’t absolve him from his mistakes, you could admire his dedication.

You conspired with Napstablook to bring another song to life for the performance, one you would teach Mettaton for his debut. ~~You weren’t doing it to satisfy any secret nerdy desire to see Mettaton sing live, oh no. You were just trying to reward good behavior. It was positive reinforcement.~~

Sans snuck in to watch you two practice on the second day. Mettaton tried to shoo him out at first, but after your offhand comment about practicing with an audience he changed his mind. Sans seemed to sleep through most of it (you say ‘seemed’ because it was still Sans and you could never be sure about anything with him), not that you minded one way or another. Just having a more familiar face around was reassuring to you.

He came back every day after that.

Birgir was incredibly helpful and attentive, making sure you had water and didn’t fall over like an idiot when you goofed off dancing with Mettaton. 

You all practiced for two weeks. Two long, long weeks where you ate steaks shaped like Mettaton’s face and tried to ignore that you were being watched.

Watched by Mettaton.  
Watched by Birgir.  
Watched by Sans.  
Watched by everyone.

Alphys sent you the thing you asked for. It was perfect: a phone almost as big as your head, with large buttons and a large screen, perfectly optimized for a monster with large hands. _Asgore-sized,_ you had told her. Alphys had _delivered_.

It would be perfect for Toriel.

You hugged the wonderful nerdy lizard, then grabbed the letter (that you had spent three days trying to get just right) and ran off to Napstablook.

You aren’t too proud to admit you _begged_. You begged and you pleaded. They were hesitant at first, and you understood; they weren't the best at talking to people. But... they were the only one you knew who could get into and out of the Ruins as he pleased.

They could deliver your ~~apology~~ gift to Toriel.

~~Assuming she was alive. Assuming she even wanted to talk to you again.~~

You told Blookie all they had to do was take the letter and the phone to the Ruins. They knew where she lived (everyone on that side of the door knew). If they weren’t comfortable handing them to her in person they could just leave them on her doorstep and knock. ~~You wouldn’t ask them to go inside, not when you knew there was a chance he would find dust.~~

They agreed. You smooched a ghost. Kinda. You planted one on their head, but also through them? You felt something, but it was like water or compressed air. Blookie blushed brightly, stammered something wordless and garbled, then vanished.

~~You didn’t notice the looks of shock on Birgir’s and Sans’ faces, or the way Mettaton’s screen lit up excitedly.~~

Blookie came back later to tell you what happened, but... you didn’t want to know. You didn’t think you could handle knowing one way or the other. There were too many ways it could hurt, and you were a wimp. Blookie thankfully didn’t press. They were too cool.

You needed to visit him some time, so you could lay on the floor and feel like garbage together. And try snail racing.

~~Tori loves snails.~~

You shook your head, focusing on the upcoming performance. Mettaton said they had sold out, including VIP tickets. You had promised all VIPs a personalized song, requested or otherwise.

You wondered who had shelled out the extra G for that; knowing Mettaton, it _had_ to be expensive.

You were pounding with nerves as you settled on your pedestal with Birgir’s help. The curtain was down, but you could hear the crowd on the other side. There were _so many_. You had to admit, with all his flaws, Mettaton knew how to draw and keep a fanbase. You couldn’t believe how many monsters crammed themselves in just to see him. This had to be a fire hazard. Or a cave-in hazard. Or something. Right?

Did monsters even have safety regulations?

Maybe they were different?

You were spacing out. Nerves did that.

 _The crowd wasn’t the big issue, though,_ you thought as you touched your phone in your pocket. You had left Toriel specific instructions... watch the show on the new phone, and if she wanted, to text you at your number.

The camera was what had you quivering. Because you didn’t know who was on the other side.

Mettaton, the bastard, was more excited than ever. This was going to be an important night for him, after all.

And for you.

 _Oh god_ , this was going to go _so badly_ , you just _knew_ it.

You smoothed out the freshly laundered material on your legs; Mettaton had had the outfit Toriel gave you washed and mended, made presentable for the first half of the show. You would be going through a costume change for the second half, but that would be after Mettaton’s entrance.

You needed to stop being nervous.

You needed to stop touching that goddamn cellphone.

You groaned softly, rubbing your face. What you wouldn’t give to say ‘screw it,’ and run away! But you promised. You needed to keep your promises.

You took a deep breath, and gave Birgir the signal. The cat gave you a thumbs up from offstage, and raised the curtain.

_Oh god there are so many fucking monsters how the fuck did they get in here?!?!_

...

This was too cool, there were monster types you didn’t even realize existed, big and small, some holding others on their shoulders. There were stripes here and there as well. You tried picking out faces, and you could see many of the Snowdin monsters had come. Even Grillby had shown up!!

You didn’t realize Grillby was a Mettaton fan.

You spotted a rather large fellow in a thick cloak towards the back, hiding his face. Undyne and Alphys stood beside them, dressed in their date clothes. Doggo huddled nervously among the rest of the canine unit, clutching something protectively in both paws, his eyes darting between you and everything else with barely concealed anxiety. Papyrus jumped up and down, waving energetically at you with one hand. Sans bounced like a rag doll on his shoulder, seemingly unperturbed by the excitement as he dozed. Jerry was up front in the mosh pit area, although nobody came close to touching him. Woshua was to one side, bobbing up and down, making the floor sparkling clean. Aaron was flexing aggressively, making himself glaringly obvious. You also saw temmies scattered all through the crowd, jittering like toddlers on a sugar rush.

Muffet and her spiders hung from the ceiling.

You tried not to think about the spider-geddon above your head, smiling and waving. “Hello! Thank you all for coming to Mettaton’s show! I’m Y/n, and I’ll be the opening act! I hope thats ok?”

Some of the crowd cheered, others laughed. You got a few wolf whistles (from actual wolves, and other canine types, if you heard right).

You snickered, some of your unease draining. “I also want to point out that all proceeds from tonight will be donated to the Spider clan, to assist in their efforts to relocate the spiders trapped in the Ruins!”

There were more cheers, and you heard the distinct excited chitter of ~~too fucking many~~ happy spiders. Muffet herself grinned brightly, making the ‘ok’ sign at you with one hand, and a thumbs up with the other, and the peace sign with a third.

You took a deep breath. “Without further ado, lets start the show!!”

The words had barely left your mouth before a startlingly familiar guitar rift broke over the din. You jumped a bit, startled. _That sounded WAY TOO MUCH like the opening rift to ‘Dirty Little Secret’._ Your head snapped to the side, looking at where Napstablook was hidden with the sound system. They grinned shyly at you. Mettaton waved excitedly behind them, giving you a thumbs up.

Those sneaky little ghosts, _how the hell did they get that instrumental?!_

You laughed, bobbing to the music a moment before breaking out into the first verse. If they wanted to play karaoke, you couple play.

It turns out that somehow, somehow, Blookie and Mettaton had recreated damn near every song on your setlist. You could tell it wasn’t the exact same instrumentals, that they had recreated them somehow. Some were really close, while others sounded like remixes.

You finished your set list, then took a drink as Mettaton wheeled out, carrying a small box.

“AND NOW THE SPECIAL V.I.P. PERFORMANCES!! THESE WILL BE ALL NEW SONGS, SO EVEN I DO NOT KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT!!” Mettaton sounded almost genuinely excited.

You reached into the box and pulled out the first request.

> * something AWESOME and PASSIONATE!!!

You looked up, your eyes locking onto an obviously excited Undyne. ~~You didn’t know it, but Mettaton had a screen behind you display the request for the audience to read.~~ You smirked, knowing damn well who would ask for that.

There was only one appropriate answer: the lyrical adaptation of “Battle Against a True Hero” (originally by Radix, if you remembered right, although you were never confident about knowing that sort of thing). You had heard a couple fans sing it, and really... It was perfect. It was awesome and passionate and bespoke of the serious side of Undyne.

You started out slow, pitching your voice carefully. The crowd went silent, as if they were all holding their breath.

You couldn’t keep the slow pace up for more than a few lines, however, before you jumped to the full speed and vibrant energy the song truly deserved. The crowd cheered. You saw Undyne’s jaw drop, eye shining bright. You had to suck in desperate gulps of air, staggering between stanzas as you tried to keep up with the emotion of the song in real time. You gesticulated wildly, which probably looked silly, but you were nerding out. You were singing what might as well be Undyne’s soul song, right to her. And it was cool as hell.

~~Undyne clutched at her chest, feeling every word, every note, resonate with her soul. It made her feel powerful, and desperate, and angry, and sad, and hopeful all at once. All she could do was stand there and struggle under the weight of something important, and awe inspiring, and achingly familiar.~~

You held out the last note, trying to wring some final, bittersweet emotion out of it, before you cut it off and let it hang in the air.

You gave yourself a moment to wind down, before pulling out the next request.

> * something of note

This made you pause. “Something of note. Something of note. Something of-” _Oh my god. ‘Something of NOTE!’ God damn it Sans!!_ You snorted, covering your face with one hand, trying to muffle your snickering from the microphone on your head (and failing).

~~In the crowd, a very smug skeleton finally opened one eye, grin stretching wider.~~

You pulled yourself together. Then you sang “All Star”. Blookie must have known this song already, because after you started, they threw down a beat to go along with it, mixing harmonies in.

You winked at the punny little troll, especially when you made the L on your forehead. You could see his eyelights sparkle with mirth even from up there on stage.

When the song ended, you couldn’t help the laugh that escaped you before pulling out the next request.

> * Something about really liking someone, who is special, and maybe about how its hard to say stuff

You bit your lip. This was a harder one. You had no idea who would ask for this. You also had to think a bit about what to answer the request with.

Finally, hesitantly, you started on one you thought might match.

* * *

What day is it  
And in what month  
This clock never seemed so alive  
I can't keep up  
And I can't back down  
I've been losing so much time

Cause there's you and me  
And all of the people  
With nothing to do  
Nothing to lose  
And there's you and me  
And all of the people  
And I don't know why  
I can't keep my eyes off of you

Listening to your voice, clear and crisp and real, Doggo was glad he came. He had been anxious about the large crowd and strangers and Hotland in general, but it had been worth it. You were doing phenomenal! And you sounded so good with music!!

It made Doggo’s resolve to try harder, to make you notice and understand his feelings, stronger still. His grip tightened on the envelope in his hands, but he was careful not to crease or bend it. It had taken a week to get the words just right. He would not squander Greater Dog’s generous assistance.

He would try again to say it.

Why are the things  
That I want to say  
Just not coming out right  
I'm tripping on words  
You got my head spinning  
I don't know where to go from here

Cause there's you and me  
And all of the people  
With nothing to do  
Nothing to prove  
And there's you and me  
And all of the people  
And I don't know why  
I can't keep my eyes off of you

Sans really didnt know how you did it. He didn’t know how you stole away his wit and made everything seem so unknowable. You weren’t even particularly special. So what if your laugh made his day every time he heard it? So what if you were smart and funny? So what if you were a mystery inside of a drama inside of a mystery inside of a comedy? He should not care. Not even a little.

But he does.

And that just makes it harder for him keep pulling away.

Maybe... Maybe he should just... give up?

Maybe, just maybe, the laziest thing he can do now is to just be honest, and say it.

Something about you now  
I can't quite figure out  
Everything they do is beautiful  
Everything they do is right

Birgir clutched absently at the bit of curtain he was pressed against, hiding from the view of the crowd. He had been transfixed by your performance. It was so genuine, so honest and open and real, he could feel every emotion in his soul.

He didn’t care if it was true or not, whether you were human or not. It didn’t change a damn thing about how he felt.

Birgir had been holding onto the hope that the last human would fall, and the barrier would break, and it would change his life. He hoped up there on the surface, somehow, he would get a second chance. Or at least a new job.

But you had shown up, and his life had changed in little, wonderful ways.

But he was running out of time. When the show was over, you would go back to Snowdin.

~~Or worse.~~

He had to say it before it was too late.

Cause there's you and me  
And all of the people  
With nothing to do  
Nothing to lose  
And there's you and me  
And all of the people  
And I don't know why  
I can't keep my eyes off of-

You and me  
And all of the people  
With nothing to do  
Nothing to prove  
And there's you and me  
And all of the people  
And I don't know why  
I can't keep my eyes off of you

* He had to say it: _Say that he likes you._

What day is it  
And in what month  
This clock never seemed so alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last song is “You and Me” by Lifehouse
> 
> Sorry friends, I know you all got hyped for some Napstation cameos but thats not what I was going for at all. Sorry to disappoint.


	41. The Concert (Pt 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You recognize the VIP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more song lyrics  
> enjoy this tiny ass mini chapter that crams a bunch of feels around a song and sweeps over some characterization and opinions that should really have more focus
> 
> but i am lazy

You gulped down another drink of water, shaking off the strange, melancholy ache you got from that last song. Singing about love so abstractly made your feelings turn inward. It was easier when you had a direction to go in.

Mettaton wiggled the box of VIP requests excitedly. You reached in, expecting to pull out something from Alphys next.

What you got was wholly unexpected:

> * Something for a lonely soul with too many regrets

You stared at it, trying to figure out why it made you pause.

You looked back out at the croud, hoping you wouldn’t see Alphys looking anxious and sad. She had been so hopeful and happy before! Surely this wasn’t hers??

What caught your attention was the hooded figure in the back. They put a hand on Undyne’s shoulder. The hand was huge, white, and furry. You caught the glint of large, gentle eyes in the darkness of the hood. You realized there were horns under that hood. Big ones.

Your heart stopped.

_A s g o r e ._

...That explained things, actually. It explained why Mettaton was so excited, why Undyne was actually looking away from Alphys to talk to the big guy, why this request made you think twice.

It also made you very, very nervous.

Asgore might be content to let you run around the underground, but him knowing you were here, that a human was here, made you worry if and when he would make you cash that proverbial check. He had a kingdom to look after, people who needed to keep their HOPEs up. You were one insignificant human SOUL, which he would sacrifice in a heartbeat if it meant sustaining or liberating his people, no matter how much he may dislike doing so.

At least before today he had plausible deniability. Now, now he knew you were human. Now he really had no excuse.

_God damn it._

This probably cut your lifespan by years. You should probably be even more upset than you are, but really you’re so tired of being scared, its hard to dredge it up without an immediate threat. You are nervous because you see the potential for that threat, sure, but right now your emotions were turned more towards pity: pity for the monster who lost everything; pity for the lonely king in an empty castle that had once been full of life and laughter.

You thought maybe you should pay some kind of tribute to that.

You glanced at the camera, wondering again if Toriel was really watching, and what she was going to think about your next song. Knowing how upset she probably still was at Asgore, you doubted she would sympathize.

But just this once, it would be for him.

You looked back at the hooded figure, taking a deep breath. You tried to think about how that day must have been for him, seeing his children taken by a faceless humanity that had already taken so much. You tried to think of the grief and anger that would have brought forth, the staggering emotions that would spur who you knew to be a patient, gentle, loving man to declare war.

I was blown away  
What could I say?  
It all seemed to make sense  
They’ve taken away everything  
And I can't do without

I try to see the good in life  
But good things in life are hard to find  
Blow it away, blow it away  
Can we make this something good?

You tried to imagine what it must have been like, after his declaration of war, when Toriel opposed him. You could picture it: Toriel berating him with that face, tears in her eyes as she fought down her own pain while trying to manage his as well. Words might have been said that no one meant. From both of them.

While I try to do it right this time around

Let's start over  
I‘ll try to do it right this time around  
It's not over  
There’s a part of me that's dead and in the ground  
This love is killing me  
But you're the only one  
It's not over

You tried to imagine how much regret and grief Asgore must have fallen under when his wife left because of his choices. How painful must it have been to so suddenly, so violently, be left alone? And on top of it all, he would have been forced to go against his own kind, merciful nature to keep his promises to his people, over and over.

Taken all I could take  
And I can not wait  
We're wasting too much time  
Being strong, holding on  
Can't let it bring us down

My life with you means everything  
But I won't give up that easily  
Blow it away, blow it away  
Can we make this something good?

'Cause it's all misunderstood

Blooky picked up on the song quickly, mixing a steady beat and bass under your voice. The crowd had fallen silent, some of them holding their breath, others (like Papyrus) outright crying. For some reason they were all pretty moved, although you couldn’t fathom why.

While I try to do it right this time around

Let's start over  
I‘ll to do it right this time around  
It's not over  
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground  
This love is killing me  
But you're the only one  
It's not over

~~In the crowd, the cloaked figure shook, great tears mussing the fur under his eyes and clinging to his golden beard. He did not think that anyone would be able to truly sympathize with him, to see his mistakes and forgive. He had given up hope of even Toriel returning, knowing the kind of creature he had become. But here, he could hear the feelings in every note, as if the human somehow knew _everything_ , and forgave him regardless. Your intent was so potent, so moving, and entirely focused on empathizing with him. You _saw_ him, you _knew_ him, you _understood_ him, better in some ways than he himself did. It was terrifying, and impossible, and wonderful. He finally understood why Undyne had wanted him to meet you.~~

We can't let this get away!

Let it out, let it out  
Don't get caught up in yourself  
Let it out~!

You were Toriel’s friend. You cared about her and you knew just how angry, how resentful, she was towards her ex. Even so, you were of the opinion that they needed to get back together (as much as you had cooed over the cute soriel fanfiction and art, you were a sucker for mending broken relationships, especially good ones full of love). You thought they both deserved that, deserved to have their family back, if only a little. You were also of the opinion that Asgore wasn’t the only one at fault. There had been two parents who lost something precious. And there had been two parents who couldn’t see the forest through the trees. Asgore forgot the intent of his children, and Toriel abandoned her people. They were two halfs of a whole that should have never been broken.

And despite how angry you knew Toriel was, holding on to a grudge against Asgore would only hurt them both in the end.

And you wanted a second chance at a family for both of them. Maybe with Frisk. Maybe not...

Even if achieving that meant dying, to break the barrier and free the monsters.

You looked right at the camera.

You hoped is wasn’t too late.  
You hoped it really wasn’t over.

Let's start over  
Let’s try to do it right this time around  
It's not over  
'Cause a part of us is dead and in the ground  
This love is killing me  
But you're the only one  
It's not over

Let's start over~  
It's not over~  
Oh, Yeah, Yeah!

This love is killing me  
But you're the only one  
It's not over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its Not Over by Daughtry  
> is  
> an asgore song  
> fite me
> 
> god i have an idea for a great animatic for this but its never gonna happen lol cuz imma lazy shit artist :p
> 
> ooh looks like undyne invited him? told him about the human?? good things i hope


	42. The Concert (Pt 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More singing, and some flirting might be involved.  
> Indirect accidental flirting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am stressed cuz my work shift changed and i didnt get a break so here have this shitty drabble to tide you over and let you know neither me nor the fic is dead

You drained the last of your water, that last song taking a bit more out of you than you expected. Mettaton returned, again shaking the box of VIP requests. You reached in, pulling out a paper that felt a bit sticky for some reason.

> * The song you sang for the Spiders, please

You glanced up at Muffet. She had lovely handwriting. You smiled. “This is about you,” you said, pointing backstage at where Mettaton had retreated. You figured making another jab at him wouldn’t hurt as you sang _Wolf in Sheeps Clothing_ again, cackling because, message aside, the song was great and you loved jamming to it.

The spiders chittered and cheered even more when Blooky managed to catch the tune from you before the end of the opening stanza. You had _no goddamn clue_ how they did it, but _hot damn_ that ghost could DJ. It sounded great.

After that, Mettaton rolled out once again, shaking the VIP request box. You pulled out the next request, and froze.

> * Something about wanting to be loved

You shot a look at Alphys. She was grinning and quivering excitedly. Undyne looked equally amused, and you could have sworn you could hear them both giggling even over the din of the crowd.

You thought a moment, vacillating between _”Somebody to Love”_ and _”Kimi ga Inai Mirai”_.

You decided to do both. Alphys deserved a bit of spoiling. And honestly both songs were awesome.

You started with _Somebody to Love_ , sweetly pealing out the first questioning line. Immediately, Blooky started up the music, and the crowd cheered. You managed to joke about your foot during the first stanza, ~~which got a few snickers from the guard and made Undyne blush. Grillby didn’t think it was funny, crossing his arms and shooting you a look from his spot in the crowd. Doggo and Sans both shot looks to Undyne, both of them still sore about it. Jerry took a picture of you with your leg up in a very Mettaton-themed pose, posting it on undernet. He tagged it #MyDatemateGotLegsForDays.~~ As you kept singing, you heard the crowd actually sing along with backup. Apparently, some records with works by Queen had made it underground, so they knew some of their songs already. It was interesting to note this universe even had Queen in it. Certainly not a bad constant to keep, all things considered.

Unfortunately, you got really, really into it, and some weird feelings hit you from out of nowhere. Your ~~SOUL~~ heart hurt a little, your fists clenching in your lap. Was this one of those ‘repressed emotion’ things you thought you might have read about one time while browsing wikipedia at two in the morning? If so, it was silly and needed to go back to being repressed.

You didn’t need anyone to love. _You didn’t._ You were going to die, sooner or later, and then your stupid not-red soul was gonna sit in a test tube, and then it was going to get eaten by Flowey, and then you were going to be used to break the barrier, and then you were going to disappear forever. Thats what happened. That was the way the script worked. You knew that. There was no avoiding it, just like there was no point getting upset about it. It was just the way it was.

And chances were, it was your own fault somehow. So you really had nobody to blame but yourself.

And you had absolutely _no right_ to go around starting relationships. You didn’t need to do that to them. Not when you already had a hot date with death.

...Why did an image of Reapertale Sans pop into you head? Damn, it had been literal months since you fell down here and _you are still Undertale fandom trash._

...Sans would totally rock a cloak though. Probably make some dumb joke about air circulation. And walk around going ‘i’m not touching you’ and have a stick with a rubber chicken tied to one end. A rubber chicken scythe. A scythken? Papyrus would probably have an aneurysm.

Thinking about it helped you push that ridiculous mushy longing back down in the depths of your ~~SOUL~~ mind where it belonged.

~~Too bad, though, it was too late. However briefly it may have been, your SOUL had clearly expressed its desire for companionship. More than one set of eyes would have snapped to you if they hadn’t already been glued on you. More than one monster was emboldened in their decision.~~

The first song ended with enthusiastic cheering. You let the crowd enjoy the hype for a moment, then you started humming the opening rift for the second song, which Blooky picked up on quickly. As soon as you started on the first stanza, you heard Alphys let out a high pitched squeal of delight. That was reward enough for you.

You could tell some of the crowd was put off by the foreign language, but plenty of them got into it anyway.

You would admit that you couldn’t understand all the words yourself, but you understood enough, and you memorized a translation you did of the chorus. For the last repetition, you sang it in english for the monsters to understand.

Any future I have without you  
Is a future that has no meaning  
Never again will I let you go  
No I won’t let go  
This world I face side by side with you  
Is a world I have not seen before  
Transcending both space and time  
You and I go on this distant journey

Although the words rang strong and meaningful through more than one soul, it struck three harder. And of those three, only one could truly appreciate the deeper meaning. Even so, the sentiment resonated with them all, ~~and though you couldn’t perceive it, their SOULs responded in kind.~~

Transcending both space and time  
You and I go on this distant journey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how come the human cant be honest except through their singing?  
> this is laaaaaaaaame


	43. The Concert (Pt 4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans get ruined.  
> But there is always hope.  
> And glamour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally the scene I’ve been aiming for since the concert was announced!!
> 
> It looks so much better in my head  
> it reads like shit here but i swear it was a lot more awesome in my head
> 
> lyrics ahoy motherfucker

You looked over at Mettaton. He was vibrating excitedly, no VIP box in sight.

It was time.

You smiled at the crowd. “Thank you all for indulging me that opening act! Now it’s time for the main event, the debut of a brand new Mettaton!! Everyone ready??”

The crowd went wild.

Mettaton rolled back on stage, standing directly in front of you, his back to you. “DARLING, WOULD YOU DO THE HONORS?”

You snickered, reaching out and, with the flick of your wrist, starting the second half of the show.

**~~* DID YOU. JUST FLIP. MY SWITCH?~~ **

Mettaton let out a huge amount of smoke, which was compounded by the smoke machines Birgir set off backstage. The cat then ran out under the cover of the smoke and scooped you up, ducking backstage with you in moments. You and he settled in a corner hidden by the curtains, but that gave you a great view of the stage.

[Music](https://soundcloud.com/bluebeam-674070869/they-need-a-monster-mandopony) began to play, the spotlights flashing different colors on and off in time with the bass.

You still had to do your costume change, but... fuck it. Mettaton could ham it up to buy you time, and you really wanted to see him perform this.

You taught him this song for a reason.

_Because it was fucking awesome._

You heard the iconic, “Oh, yes~” in that crisper, cleaner voice. The music picked up in intensity, then the drop beat hit.

Then, with a dramatic flourish, the smoke was cleared away, and Mettaton EX was revealed in all his glory, just as he started to sing, “They need a Monster.” The crowd went apeshit, screaming with excitement.

It was an amazing performance. Mettaton showed off his fabulous new legs, singing and dancing like he had never done anything else in his life. You clutched excitedly at Birgir’s arm, grounding yourself and keeping your balance in the tiny hideaway you were sharing. ~~Birgir tugged nervously at the collar of his outfit, fighting down the fluttering feeling in his soul that came from being so close to you.~~

Mettaton sent you a wink during a particularly flirtatious twirl. You snickered. ~~Birgir had to fight down a growl, but couldn’t stop how his tail lashed back and forth irritably. Mettaton smirked knowingly, even as he continued.~~

You had to admit, the way Mettaton could layer his own voice made this live performance amazing and beautiful. You supposed it was a narcissist’s dream to be able to sing harmony with himself. And Mettaton was living it.

The song ended with an improvised, sudden pose, and the crowd roared. You joined in the cheers for a moment, before remembering you had something to do, and rushed to do it.

You scrambled backstage to change costumes, pulling your current outfit off and then carefully wiggling into Mettaton’s gift for you. Birgir was a perfect gentleman, facing away completely and giving you as much privacy as possible in the dark of the backstage area. ~~Not that it stopped his mind from wandering to that day he saw so much of your bare skin, and how your scars made you look so strong and exotic. Not that you didn’t look exotic to him already, having so little fur...~~

You could hear Mettaton addressing the crowd. “Thank you, THANK YOU! You are all wonderful!! Almost as wonderful as myself!!” You rolled your eyes at that, but you heard happy screaming fans, so you supposed it was ok.

~~In the crowd, Alphys pulled out a small remote looking device. She looked down at it, then up at Mettaton... Then at Sans, her friend, who had been there for her without question or complaint, and without ever asking for anything in return. She swallowed. “S-sorry, Mettaton,” she whispered, right before pressing the big red button.~~

Mettaton had been talking in the meantime. “Now, darlings, we know that I’m the main event, but our last performance is going to be twice as fabul-“ there was a grating buzz, then the whine of an uncalibrated microphone. Then, silence. Mettaton’s lips kept moving for a moment, before he realized he wasn’t making any noise.

You, now dressed and ready in your costume change, peaked out to see Mettaton frozen in shock, clutching his throat, his soul pulsing in horror and agitation.

You turned to Birgir. “Pull the curtain! Pull the curtain down! Intermission!! Commercial break!! MAYDAY!!!”

Thankfully the cat got the message, and the red fabric fell into place between the monster celebrity and the crowd. You turned you mic on, saying. “Sorry, folks! Technical difficulties! Please enjoy these rockin’ tunes while we prepare the next performance!”

Blooky, the fucking trooper, immediately started remixing. You made a mental note to thank them big time as you switched you mic back off and guided Mettaton backstage.

Alphys and Sans both made their way to join you backstage, but you were too focused on the distressed robot to notice them come in. Alphys didn’t seem surprised about you costume, but Sans almost tripped over his own feet when he saw you, stumbling as his brain and body seemed to briefly lose continuity.

“Metts, Metts, calm down!” You pleaded, rubbing his shoulder. Mettaton shuddered and hiccuped silently, tapping his throat and looking at you with a face that said, _’how do you expect me to calm down?!’_ You sighed. “Dude, I get you’re upset, but you killed it out there. Maybe you performed too fabulously?? I mean, there are worse things than death by glamour. Or, uh, voice-loss by glamour.”

You knew you weren’t being particularly helpful, but the robot seemed to take some kind of comfort from your words, calming down with an emotional shudder. His eyes were leaking pale pink liquid, trailing down his cheeks and making them glimmer.

Alphys approached cautiously. “D-does anything hurt? C-can you r-run a diagnostic?”

Mettaton pointed to his throat and then made a pleading hand gesture.

Alphys came closer, gently tilting the robot’s head so she could check his neck, then she opened his chest panal and looked around. “I-I... I don’t see any- o-oh! It- it looks like a circuit blew out?!” She smiled nervously up at him. “I-I could r-replace it i-if we got you b-back to my l-lab... maybe t-take a... an h-hour?”

“But we don’t _have_ an hour!” You pointed out, gesturing to the curtain that still hid you all from the crowd.

Alphys looked at the curtain too. Then she snapped her head back to you, her eyes shining excitedly. “This is just like in Mew Mew Kissy Cutie!! The episode with the school play!! The lead twisted his ankle and couldn’t perform but Mew Mew had been attending all the practices and had memorized the lines so she took his place and the show was great and-“

“Oh my god, Alphys, you’re a _genius!_ ” You exclaimed.

~~Alphys looked at Sans and winked.~~

You looked behind you. “Birgir!! Lets do this!!”

“Huh?!” The cat asked, startled.

“Huuuh?!” Alphys shrieked, ~~her plan coming apart in record time.~~

You grinned. “You wanted your break into showbiz, right?? Work with Mettaton?” You held out your hand. “You were going to be in the show anyway! And I know you know the words!”

“But I...” Birgir looked at his employer, ears twitching uncertainly.

Mettaton waved him closer. Birgir stepped forward. Mettaton gripped his hand and shook it, squeezing firmly.

You slung an arm around both their shoulders, beaming. “This will work! This will totally work. Birgir will be the voice and Mettaton will be the visual with his fabulous legs. And with Napstablook as our awesome DJ, it’ll be the best show yet!”

The three of you took heart, feeling hopeful. Mettaton, smirking, pulled out a notepad (where the hell he kept it was beyond you) and wrote down instruction he then gave to Birgir. You saw the cat’s face scrunch up in that way you had come to learn meant he was fighting down disgust. You looked at the paper. You grinned at him hopefully. “I know you don’t like it but... just this once? For the show?”

The cat’s features relaxed, and he darted off to grab his own costume change.

You supposed, just this once, Mettaton’s weird obsession with dressing up the cat would come in handy.

~~Alphys’s heart sank. Sans ground his teeth to keep his jealousy at bay, forcing his smile to stay in place.~~

Alphys ~~grudgingly~~ went back into the crowd, hugging Undyne’s leg. Sans returned to Papyrus’ side. Papyrus put him back on his shoulders, bouncing excitedly, knowing this meant the intermission was nearly over.

Birgir returned, dressed (rather handsomely, all things considered) in his outfit. He then helped you return to your seat on stage. Mettaton cleaned his face, then gave you and Blooky the signal.

You switched your mic on, and began your improve, hamming it up _Mettaton-style_.

“Oh no~! Can it be?! Mettaton’s fabulous voice has been broken?! The horror, the travesty!”

You heard the crowd gasping in horror.

“But! The show must go on!! And if we cannot hear his beautiful voice, then we’ll just have to make up for it by looking at him more!!” You giggled.

The curtain rose up. Mettaton struck a dramatic pose.

And so did you, showing off your beautiful Mettaton cosplay. You threw one leg in the air, grinning delightedly at how the texture of the boots shimmered in the light.

Pink was probably your least favorite color, but fuck it, _this Mettaton Cosplay rocked and you made it look good!_

And you were wearing it with Mettaton!!

Your inner rabid Undertale fan was _screaming_.

And so was the crowd.

You gave them a moment to calm down, then continued your dramatic monologue. “But oh!! We had such a wonderful duet planned!! Surely now the show cannot continue!! Unless... Unless there is someone who could help me?” You looked to the side. “Ah!! How fortunate!! A newly rising star takes the stage!! Mettaton’s secret protégé!! Making his debut to assist his tragically struck teacher!!”

Birgir, his expression showing only the most heartfelt resolve and pride, stepped onto the stage, only wobbling a little in his own Mettaton-pink high heeled boots, looking sharp in his own matching outfit.

Mettaton immediately lunged forward, hugging the cat as though they were student and teacher resolutely facing hardship. Birgir only hesitated for a moment before seamlessly falling into character. “I can only pray I do you proud!”

Mettaton pulled back to squeeze the cat’s shoulders in a reassuring manner, then danced away, to the other side of the stage, and struck a pose.

You struck a pose.

Birgir ~~reluctantly~~ struck a pose.

The crowd, half of which had been moved to tears by the drama you had unfolded before them, roared their excitement.

The music began to play.

Mettaton began to dance, showing off his legs and keeping the crowd’s attention.

Birgir carefully made his way to you, masking his wobbly footsteps by kinda-dancing to the beat.

You started to sing, gesturing in tandem with your words. Birgir’s voice, strong but sweet, answered you, and he made a gesture as if tipping his hat to you. You made a gesture at his boots, teasing him gently, startling a grin out of him.

That got the cat to loosen up.

Yours and his performance would be mostly vocal, but your actions would be subtle, ~~intimate~~ , a foil to Mettaton’s more eye catching exuberance.

_Umbrella at your side,_  
_it’s raining but you close it tight_  
“And how are you?”  
purred a cat just passing through  
_Those heels that you like are soaking,_  
_but is that alright?_

_Let out a sigh for another day,_  
_the same as the last_  
_Come on let’s try, dye it blue,_  
_and change it up from the past_  
_Reflecting up from a puddle,_  
_but then gone in a flash_  
_Is that the most that you can dream_  
_or wanted to see?_

~~Birgir practically forgot there even was a crowd, or a Mettaton. It was like he was living his dream, exchanging music and intent and art with someone as genuine as you. His eyes stayed locked on you as he circled around you. This didn’t have to be just another stupid obligation set by his boss. You _made_ it more. You _let it be_ more.~~

_But look around_  
Dance up and down  
_The world is now_  
Still going ‘round  
_Just feel it pound_  
We’re skyward bound  
_Move at the TOP SPEED OF SOUND!_

_Running to another day,_  
_I wanna break away and take the leap_  
_As you’re stuck on yesterday,_  
_no sun to rise would be okay with me_

_ Every day, every day is okay _

_Taking it step by step,_  
_We’ll always move ahead_  
_Our love is growing red,_  
_Need me more, Need you more_  
_You fall down seven more times,_  
_I’ll be there seven, eight, nine_  
_As we keep trying, we’ll find_  
_We’re always singing the same tune_

Your voice and Birgir’s melded together, harmonized, and reverberated exquisitely. It sounded even better than it did with Mettaton, even if the cat did sometimes miss a note or two. He adapted fast and fixed his mistakes quickly. You shot him an encouraging wink, hoping to remind him that he would need to start this next part.

~~Birgir almost missed his cue, that wink you shot him sending heat through his soul. It should be illegal to be that cute in public.~~

~~Mettaton noticed the exchange, grinning fiendishly. He supposed at least one good thing would come out of this debacle.~~

Birgir started singing this time, putting his back to you, miming like he was catching and dropping raindrops. He peaked behind him at you when you answered, then turning back quickly. You were impressed how well he nailed the ‘shy guy that just caught his crush looking at him’ face.

~~Birgir hoped he didn’t look as embarrassed as he felt. Then he realized he had no reason to be. He could do it. The worst that would happen is you would reject him, right? And that would leave him exactly where he was now.~~

Now falling to their side,  
the drops of rain that mix with light  
_Stealing a glance,_  
_hid a cat who turns his back_  
Their heads starting to sink,  
this boredom is too hard to fight

Just spinning lies,  
with the only thread of kindness we saved  
Or if we’re blind,  
and the truth is just a painting in grey  
Drowning us out,  
all the noisy drops the fall in the rain  
But fingertips traced every line  
and opened my eyes

~~No. No, the worst thing that could happen was if you left. If you were sacrificed to break the barrier. Birgir suddenly liked the idea of that less and less.~~

I’ll paint it blue  
_I’ll play a tune_  
I’m wishing too  
_For something new_  
It will come true  
_With me and you_  
And then we’ll _FINALLY BREAK THROUGH!_

Swimming through the Milky Way,  
I wanna break away and take the leap  
Since we’re falling anyway,  
No moon to rise would be okay with me

_ Every night, every night is alright _

Taking it step by step,  
We’ll always move ahead  
Our love is growing red,  
_Need me more, Need you more_  
Cry to me, know that I care  
Lean on me and I’ll be there  
As we keep trying, we’ll find  
_You’re always gonna be there too_

~~In the crowd, both Doggo and Sans were seething. They could see, hear, _feel_ your open, honest intent from all the way in the back, and while Birgir was carefully keeping his own in check, they didn’t need it to know what he was thinking.~~

~~Doggo was convinced anyone who got that close to you when you sang would fall head over heels. He hated how close that cat was getting, especially when he was certain his smell had worn off of you by now. Doggo wanted to bark and scare off the feline, a growl rumbling in his chest. But he stayed put, focusing instead on the words. Perhaps he was a romantic, but Doggo thought they were fitting. He would be perfectly okay if he never saw the sun or the moon, so long as he was not-seeing them with you.~~

~~Sans, meanwhile, had already seen evidence of Birgir’s interest, and was trying not to do something stupid (and immoral, and probably illegal) by being as lazy as possible. He just had to keep being lazy a little longer. He would ask you the question he should have asked you a long time ago, and then everything would fall into place. Or they wouldn’t, and he would go on with his life knowing he at least tried.~~

Shining down on me, you’re my blue moon  
_Dreaming forever to find to now I’m awake_  
I need to find tomorrow  
Can you take me away  
And go the _TOP SPEED OF SOUND?_

You thought the lyrics were pretty fitting. After all, you were ok never seeing the sky again if it meant the monsters would. ~~No, you wanted to see it with them, and see them see it.~~ Anything if it helped get their happy ending.

You know, the Happy Ending that would never include you.

...You pushed the thought away. It wasn’t like you could change it. You just weren’t ~~determined~~ enough. You would have to be satisfied with your lot in life.

And hope that maybe, just maybe, you would at least be remembered.

No matter how much you wanted more.

_Running to another day,_  
_I wanna break away and take the leap_  
_As you’re stuck on yesterday,_  
_No sun to rise would be okay with me_

_ Every day, every day is okay _

_Taking it step by step,_  
_We’ll always move ahead_  
_Our love is growing red,_  
_Need me more, Need you more_  
_You fall down seven more times,_  
_I’ll be there seven, eight, nine_  
_As we keep trying, we’ll find_  
_You’re always gonna be there too_

_ We’re always singing the same tune _

_ Every day from now on _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flurt with music  
> lots of flirting  
> its not even that subtle anymore
> 
> if you havent heard [“They Need a Monster”](https://youtu.be/Ru-x3CFQ97E) (by Mandopony on youtube, thx fam for letting me know!) go listen to it!! its great!!
> 
> [“Drop Pop Candy”](https://soundcloud.com/shutupadachi/papyrus-and-sans-drop-pop-candy) is the second song and i chose it for so many fucking reasons guys. this is the theme song for the whole fic i swear to god!! and that rendition by Shut Up Adachi and djsmell is my fucking favorite.
> 
> i even made the parts visually different so you could see who sings what and when ok guys the song is important~


	44. Welcome (-ish?) Brotherly Assistance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short change in perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh look another micro chapter  
> tiny tiny tiny ass chapter
> 
> here have this

Papyrus picked up his brother, settling him on his shoulders and bouncing excitedly. This had to mean the first plan had backfired somehow. He could feel the dejection and irritation practically oozing from his brother’s artificially relaxed body. Alphys had done her part magnificently, so the error must have occurred during the follow through backstage.

It was okay, though.

This is why you always make traps in threes; because sometimes one just isn’t enough.

It is fortunate for Sans that Papyrus is such a loving and clever brother.

The performance was divine. You sang beautifully (as per usual) and Papyrus saw immediately where the miscalculation had been: he hadn’t realized there was a second person also attending your practices. When Papyrus had probed his brother for information, after sending him to boondoggle at your practices, he had left out that little detail. And judging from the body language on stage, it was for the same reason Sans always avoided topics.

Because Sans wouldn’t talk about anything remotely unpleasant or confrontational unless he thought it was absolutely necessary.

Papyrus really needed to talk to him about expressing himself and talking about what makes him upset.

Regardless, Papyrus came prepared. And even though the first plan hadn’t worked as expected, it had still set the stage ~~pun not intended PUN NOT INTENDED _SANS MUST NEVER KNOW_~~ for the next phase.

After the performance (and a few moments of cheering), Papyrus darted off to an empty room, Sans in tow.

“bro, whats got you so rattled?” Sans asked, teasingly. Papyrus could hear the barely concealed tension.

“NOTHING AT ALL, SANS!!” Papyrus replied, locking the door and setting Sans down. “BUT I THINK A CHANGE IS IN ORDER!” He dug into his phone and pulled out a plastic bag and a shirt, handing them both to his brother. “YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TONIGHT, AND YOU NEED TO BE PREPARED.”

Sans looked at the contents of the bag first. “raisins? and...” He looked at the shirt, seeing the carefully drawn image meticulously painted on it. “oh my god, papyrus..!” He grinned, wide and genuine. “this is amazing!”

“EVEN IF I STILL THINK THIS IS ABSOLUTELY AWFUL, IT IS VERY MUCH YOU, AND YOU SHOULD GO INTO THIS TRYING TO IMPRESS THEM WITH WHO YOU ARE. AWFUL JOKES ASIDE, YOU ARE STILL MY VERY-GREAT-BUT-STILL-NOT-AS-GREAT-AS-ME BROTHER, AND SO YOUR DATE CLOTHES SHOULD REFLECT THAT.”

“d-date clothes?!” Sans looked up at his brother sharply, empty sockets wider than usual, grin nervous as he started to sweat.

Papyrus just grinned wider. “DRESS FOR THE JOB YOU WANT!! NOW CHANGE YOUR SHIRT AND GO GET THEM!!”

Sans blushed like a neon street sign. Papyrus left the room, his boisterous laugh echoing in his wake.

Sans was truly lucky to have such a thoughtful, perceptive, patient, artistically talented brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> papyrus is an evil mastermind with good intentions and loves his brother very much and also is very great
> 
> it was all his idea.


	45. Unwelcome Encounters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Concert is over. But the Game isn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene went through a bajillion different versions but i think this is the best one. so here. have my garbage.

The crowd was going crazy. They loved it. They loved it and you could tell Mettaton was loving it too. Birgir looked a bit dazed, but the cat-smile he flashed you was enough to let you know he was happy with this outcome.

The three of you bowed. You addressed the crowd. “Thank you all for coming tonight! Before we go, lets also give a warm, encouraging round of applause for tonight’s DJ and sound mixer, Napstablook!!” You gestured for the ghost to join you all on stage. He peaked around the curtain, blushing faintly with wide, watery eyes. The crowd screamed and clapped. You heard a distinctive, loud “Hell yeah!!” come from somewhere, aggressive and harsh, and you thought you saw a bunch of thrashing yellow something, but you couldn’t tell for certain. Mettaton and Blooky shared knowing looks, before the more introverted of the two reached his limit and ducked backstage again.

The show was supposed to include an encore of Mettaton, but as it was, you all had the lights dim and curtain drop. “Thank you again for coming! And have a wonderful rest of your night!”

The crowd cheered.

You sank back in your seat, groaning. This had been stressful. So stressful. And now all your energy was bleeding away and the nerves you had repressed sprung forth. You hugged yourself, turning the mic off for the last time. “Never. Again.”

Mettaton waved his hand dismissively, as if to say you didn’t really mean it or you would get over it. He was probably right, long term. But right now, ever fiber of your being screamed _never ever again._

Birgir reached towards you, then hesitated. “Uh, Y/n?”

“Yeah?” You answered, looking up at him with a raised brow.

Birgir fidgeted. His eyes flicking between you and Mettaton nervously. Mettaton crossed his arms and sat down, grinning broadly.

Birgir squirmed, wringing his paws. “I- uh... Did you... maybe... Are you busy?”

“Busy?” You asked. “Not now, no. Well, I wanna change out of this,” you gestured at your Mettaton cosplay, which still looked awesome. “But unless someone was going to give me a lift back to Snowdin, tonight, no, I’m not busy. Why?”

Birgir took a deep breath. “Would you like to, uh- theres nicecream?”

You blinked. Then you had to repress a scream. _Did Birgir like the nicecream guy?!_ You thought he liked Catty! Not that you minded! And if your new feline friend needed a wingman, you would gladly scarf an entire nicecream for that cause! “Yeah! Totally! I’m there for you, man! After we change, we can go get nicecream.”

Birgir’s eyes lit up, like you had told him his dreams had just all came true. He looked like he was going to say something, but was cut off by a loud, happy bark, making him jump and his fur bristle.

“Y/n!!” Doggo yipped, running passed Birgir at full speed, skidding to a hasty halt just in time to sink to his knees in front of you and wrap you in a hug, his tail wagging. He licked your cheek, making you laugh, before nuzzling into your neck. “It has been too long! Too long!”

You returned his hug, some of your stress melting away. “Doggo!” You curled your fingers weakly into the fur at the nape of his neck. “Careful, or I might think you actually missed me!”

~~You couldn’t see it, but Birgir had lit a cigarette and was taking a violent drag, tail swishing irritably as he watched that dog interact with you. It set every particle of dust in his body on edge, watching some uncultured canine act so brazenly familiar with someone like you, who was clearly an artist.~~

“I DID miss you,” Doggo assured you, pulling away just enough to press his cold nose to your forehead. “And I thought about you a lot!! And I kept the squirrels away from your house!!”

You grinned. “You didn’t have to-“

You were cut off when Doggo shoved an envelope in your face. “And I made you this!!” You took it gingerly, thumbing the crisp edges as you read your name written in a beautiful, flowery script. Doggo stood back a bit, scratching at his cheek to hide the habitual motion of messing with a dog treat that was not in his mouth. “Well, uh, its my words, but my handwriting is bad so I had the big guy help me write it out.”

You started to get a bad feeling, something fragile fluttering in your stomach as you opened the envelope and carefully pulled out the letter.

> Dear Y/n,
> 
> I have been trying for a long time to express my intentions to you, in all the ways dogs do. But I don’t thing you quite understood. So now I am trying to do it the way humans do.
> 
> Roses smell. Magic is Blue. I like dog treats and I like you.
> 
> Would you put a collar on me and take me for walks? Every day? For the rest of our lives? (I think humans call it dating?)
> 
> Sincerely, Doggo

You felt your face burn. You were sure you were going to pop a blood vessel you were blushing so hard.

Even you weren’t this dense. This was a love letter, complete with a parody on that cliché verse used by every teenager who doesn’t know how to wax poetic. The only thing it was missing were a bunch of cheesy curly heart shape doodles dotting the ‘i’s and shaping the ‘o’s.

You never would have guessed. It never occurred to you that monsters might have different language for dating.

You snapped your head up and looked at Birgir. _He asked you out for nicecream._ Didnt RG 02 ask 01 for nicecream?? Was that a monster dating thing?!?! _Did Birgir just fucking ask you out?!?!?!_

You took in his nervous posture and clear irritability with being interrupted. You glancing at Mettaton, only to see him shaking in silent laughter, hugging himself. _Oh god, he did, he fucking did._

“what i miss?” Came Sans’ voice from the doorway.

You looked up and... He was just the same as always, except his shirt was different. It now displayed a meticulously painted image of a skeletal hand holding a number of nuts. There was an arrow drawn in sharpy pointing to the nuts, connecting it with the words ‘ITS A DATE’.

_He isn’t. Those aren’t. You must be overthinking things._

“Are those your date clothes, Sans?? Are you... going out tonight?”

Sans shrugged, reaching into the plastic bag. He pulled something out of the bag and floated it over to you with BLUE magic, a display you had never seen him do before. “guess that depends. you like raisins?”

You dumbly took the raisin out of the air. You looked at it. Then at Sans.

“cuz, ya know, if not, how about a date?” The skeleton gripped the open ends of his jacket and pulled it open wider, showing off the exquisitely painted image even more.

Even you weren’t _that_ dense.

_He was asking you out, holy shit._

You couldn’t tell if your brain had gone entirely blank, or if your thoughts were going so fast they were unrecognizable. Either way you had no idea what to do.

You knew what you _wanted_ to do, though, and that was _run the hell away and pretend this never, ever happened._ And you probably would have done just that if your foot wasn’t broken to hell.

“Are you all certifiably insane?!” You finally blurted.

The room went deathly quiet. Mettaton got up and crept to the back exit, slipping through the door to give you four ~~the illusion of~~ privacy ~~(since he, Alphys, Undyne, and Papyrus were eavesdropping)~~.

You hid your face in your hands for a moment. “What are you guys thinking?! Its not like you don’t _know_. I know you know that I’m a- a-“

“Human,” Birgir whispered.

“I don’t know about them, but I don’t care,” Doggo declared. “It just means you would be _my_ human!”

You took a deep breath. “Thats... really nice. Its great. I appreciate it. But I don’t think you’re looking at the big picture here. I kinda have to die. You know. To free all monsters??”

~~Undyne and Papyrus winced behind the door. Alphys bit her lip, wringing her hands. Mettaton frowned.~~

Sans shrugged. “kinda figured ya planned to stay.”

“Well, I’m not,” you snapped. “I have a strict schedule to keep. I gotta die, I gotta get eaten by a soulless houseplant, then i gotta get used to break the barrier. Its very important.”

~~Alphys flinched.~~

“and why, pray tell, does it have to happen that way?” Sans demanded quietly.

“I told you why,” you answered.

“Well you didn’t tell me!” Doggo reminded you.

You gripped the edge of your seat. “Maybe I dont wanna tell you! Maybe I don’t wanna talk about it! Maybe I just wanna be friends and smile and pretend I don’t deserve everything coming to me!!”

“But you don’t have to die!” Birgir blurted. He flinched when you turned to him. “You can just, just, stay here?? We don’t need the surface right now, right?? Whats a few more years??”

“That isn’t how it works..! Even if I wanted to I cant prevent whats going to happen! Thats just how it is! Its how it has to be!” You rubbed your eyes, starting to get a headache.

“What, you can see the future or something?” Birgir snarked back under his breath, blowing a smoke ring.

“Might as well!” You retorted.

Sans picked up on what you said. “ya think ya deserve to die.” It wasn’t a question.

Birgir and Doggo looked between you and Sans.

“Yes,” you finally admitted. “I do. Probably. Most likely. Okay, maybe, kinda-sorta definitely.”

“nobody _deserves_ that,” the skeleton whispered with such finality it felt like a physical presence in the air. “least of all someone who makes so many other people happy.”

“You’re only saying that because you don’t know what I did,” you argued. “I know what you would say if you knew...”

~~**well, if you came back anyway...** ~~  
~~**i guess that means we never really WERE friends, huh?** ~~  
~~**heh. don't tell that to the other sans-es, okay?** ~~

“and what don’t i know??” Sans asked, or perhaps demanded.

You crossed your arms. “It doesn’t matter now. Just... lets pretend this all never happened, ok?”

“I do not want to pretend!” Doggo whined.

“If you dont like us that way, just say so,” Birgir muttered, tail swishing. “Making excuses isn’t fair. What happened to being honest?”

“Thats not- look I like you guys a lot, I do. If I thought for even a second this had a chance to work I would be throwing myself at this kind of oppertunity-!” you rambled.

“Really?!?!” Doggo perked up, tail wagging. “So you’ll say yes?!?!”

“I-“ You looked around at them. “I want to, but I can’t.” You got to your remaining foot, ignoring the chorus of your name. “I just can’t! It wouldn’t be fair! To any of you!”

You grabbed your bag and started hopping like mad. Not wanting to pass the guys, you cut to the stage and slid down into the now empty restaurant, then headed into the hotel. You made for your room and slammed the door behind you, collapsing against it just as your tears began to flow down your cheek. You dropped your bag, clutching the letter and the raisin to your chest.

You refused to make a sound.

~~The skeleton, cat, and dog monsters stood frozen in place, tense and hurt by the blatant rejection, as well as the pain and regret that had radiated off of you in waves. Sans was further confused by the guilt, the face you had worn. It was the face of someone who was saying something they didn’t want to say.~~

~~Sans was done doing nothing. He was going to get to the bottom of this. He couldn’t afford not to care anymore. And wasn’t that his best joke yet; that he cared?~~

You gave yourself just long enough to reign in your stupid feelings, before changing back into the robes _she_ had given you. You couldn’t delay it anymore.

You had to go forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnn


	46. Welcome Judgement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sans finally Judges you, and you Judge yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been ages since the last update omg
> 
> sorry folks  
> also sorry that this crap is all you get after all that waiting
> 
> iz garbage~~~~

You tried sneaking to the elevator three times before deciding you’d have better luck going unnoticed after nightfall, so you hunkered down in your hotel room, with the door locked and bolted, waiting for your opportunity.

You heard more than one person knock on the door, trying to get your attention. You ignored them, pretending to be asleep until they went away. The scary part was when Undyne threatened to beat your door in. She thankfully had enough respect for public property _not_ to do that, but you could feel it was a near thing. Your phone kept going off too, especially after Alphys finished tending to Mettaton and blew up your poor social media with notifications filled with sad emojis and excerpts from what must have been a scientific paper about emotional health, which largely translated to ‘dating is good for you so do it’.

You ignored them. They didn’t understand. They didn’t get it. These monsters are made of love hope and compassion. They need those things to survive! What would happen to them if you allowed them to get emotionally invested in you?? You _were_ going to die. That wasn’t just pessimism. That was cold hard fact. The only human able to survive the underground is Frisk and you are not Frisk.

You weren’t going to risk making those sweet monsters Fall Down over you, just for a few cheep thrills. They deserved better.

Also, they deserved better than you. They deserved better than a _freak._

~~You refused to acknowledge that maybe you were also scared for yourself. You didn’t think about how much harder it would be for you to accept your inevitable end if you were leaving someone you cared about behind.~~

You waited until midnight. Then you turned your phone off completely and snuck out of your room. It was dark. Even the hotel staff had retired for the night.

~~Except for one, who secretly took a bit of overtime, willingly for once, just as an excuse.~~

You hobbled to the elevator, thanking your lucky stars it was working so you didn’t have to crawl through the Core. The ride down (or was it up? you honestly couldn’t tell) to New Home was thankfully quiet and uneventful.

Entering those colorless grey halls was somewhat eerie. Your stuttered footstep echoed ominously, your breathing seemed louder than it ought to be, and the air seemed so much colder (although that could have more to do with just coming out of Hotland).

You were probably halfway to the judgement hall when you had to stop. You leaned against the wall, sinking to the floor and panting. Having only one leg to stand on seriously sucked and you wish you’d found that staff you wanted.

~~You didn’t notice the worried, shifty eyes trying to watch you from around the corner.~~

After letting yourself rest, you pushed yourself back up onto your foot and began hopping again. This time you didn’t stop until your foot clacked onto the golden tiles that still gave you nightmares-

-except you didn’t stop. Your foot slipped and skid on the tiles and you lost your balance, falling backwards and-

_**\- P A I N -** _

-your vision blacked out, although you could still dimly hear a watery, whooshing noise, like you were underwater, but nothing was wet except the back of your skull and there was so much burning pain there you barely noticed the dampness. You thought you might have seen a pair of white lights above you. You might have reached out for them-

-only to find yourself again resting in the lonely grey hallways of New Home.

You clutched at your aching skull, groaning as the phantom agony throbbed like your lifeblood spilling out of you. It took you a hot minute to convince your body it did NOT have a cracked skull and it was NOT bleeding out. You wondered briefly how it was you died so fast just from a cracked skull (or if that was normal).

Then you pushed yourself up off the floor and tried again. This time you stopped outside the Judgement Hall, where you got down on your hands and knees and started crawling across the slippery tile. You made steady progress towards the other side, eyes focused on the floor in front of you to avoid another _slip up (god damn it Sans),_ before you froze at the sound of a deep chuckle.

“need a hand there, songbird? or a leg?” Sans asked.

You tensed, your body going rigid and heavy, and just like that you couldn’t move. You tried, you _tried_ , planning on just crawling around him, without looking. But. You could not move.

_What game mechanics magic bullshit was this?!_

“heh. you’re really determined-“

“I’m _not_ determ-” You snapped, looking up at him. Your voice froze in your throat. He looked so resigned, so... tired. “...I’m not determined,” you whispered. “Thats the problem.”

“seem pretty determined to me,” Sans said, casually, blandly. It still felt like a jab, a dig at you, like you were only proving his point.

“i’m not,” you growled, before looking away. “just... just please, get it over with.”

Sans was silent.

**~~So you finally made it. The end of your journey is at hand. In a few moments, you will meet the king. Together... You will determine the future of this world. That's then. Now. You will be judged. You will be judged for your every action.~~ **

“...that face...” Sans observed, sending a shiver through you. “thats the face of someone who is burdened by guilt. that face is for someone who believes themselves to be irredeemable. so i guess...”

You held your breath. You waited for it. It was coming. He was going to call you out. He was going to _see_ -

“...you sure like hypocrisy, don’t ya?” Sans finished. You looked up, hesitantly. Sans was winking at you, his left eye shut playfully as his right eyelight shone steady down on you. “ya say that anyone can be a good person, but then act like you are some sort of special exception, undeserving of a second chance.” He paused for a moment. “no matter the struggles or hardships you faced... you strived to do the right thing. even when you had to fight, you did it with with reservation and an open mind. you never gained LOVE, but you gained love.”

You felt yourself clawing at the tile floor, shaking. “Thats...” You didn’t know how you were feeling. Angry. Frustrated. Ashamed. Some messy combination of all three.

“thats what i see, pal,” Sans hummed. “lv one, zero exp. you spared everyone. good job.”

“Thats bullshit!” you hissed. If you hadn’t been so upset, you might have felt bad for how that made Sans flinch. “Don’t praise me for not killing anyone! Don’t tell me I did a good job! Don’t you get it?! I’m not sparing you all because I _choose to_! I spared you all because I _can’t fight back_!”

You sat up on your knees, looking back at Sans’ lightless sockets. “Remember what I said about this being a game?? Think about it. What usually happens in a video game, Sans?” You waited, giving him a moment to think about it. “You kill things, Sans. You kill them to gain experience and level up. And thats what I did. I killed _everyone_.”

A part of you screamed to shut up, _shut up, shut up!!_ But you had held this in for so long, you couldn’t anymore. You started to gesture wildly as you continued. “I killed Toriel, and Undyne, and Muffet. I killed the Dogi. I killed GD, and LD, and RG 01 and RG 02. I killed Jerry, Woshua, Shyren, Froggit, Vulkin, Snowdrake, Giftrot, Vegetoid, Astigmatism, Knight Knight, Icecap, Aaron, Tsundereplane, Temmie, Mettaton, _Doggo_ , _Papyrus_.”

You took a deep breath, feeling a bit light headed (maybe because you hadn’t bothered to breath through all that. “And guess what? _I enjoyed it,_ Sans. I laughed when Papyrus quoted Shakespeare as nothing but a disembodied head, telling me I could do better. I cheered when Undyne melted, vowing someone else would rise up stronger to beat me. I sang a fucking song after cutting down Mettaton in one hit, and skipped into New Home, giggling, on a fucking power trip, with the dust of hundreds of monsters on my hands. I would have danced into that throne room and killed Asgore and Flowey and then started all over again if it hadn’t been for _you_!”

Sans looked at you, his smile no longer reaching his eyes.

“I fought you over and over, and you flung that pixelated soul sprite around like a fucking rag doll every fucking time, until I gave up,” you hissed, before deflating. “And now I’m here. I’m here in a world where anyone could kill me in a number of painful ways, but they don’t, because they are _good people_ , and they’re nice to me, not knowing the kind of things I’ve done. And I took advantage of that just to prolong my miserable life. Which is doomed, by the way. Theres no getting around that the seventh human soul is the only one who survives the underground.” You wrung your hands, eyes fixed on them as you ignored how your legs were starting to go numb from the way you were sitting. “I’m too weak and pathetic to hurt anyone now, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that I’d done it just to see what would happen — hell, that makes it worse, because I _already knew_ what would happen! I’d seen the fucking Lets Plays of someone else doing it! I just wanted to fight _you_ and hear your theme song!”

Sans was quiet. You didn’t look up at him, certain you already knew what face he was making, what he was thinking.

**~~* you're really kind of a freak, huh?~~ **

The sound of birdsong echoed from the holes in the mountainside, distant and haunting.

The silence persisted.

You looked up to find yourself alone.

As it should be.

You began crawling again, ready to put an end to this. You had a responsibility to take the next step to the long awaited Happy Ending. And by god, you were going to do it.

It was the least you could do.


	47. Welcome from King Asgore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet the king.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lyrics ahoy
> 
> also warning for a short chapter that sucks ass ok just letting you know

Crossing the Judgement Hall, you made it to the other side, where the grey stone floor again returned. You rose to your foot, swallowing down the nervous lump in your throat.

It was almost over.

You hopped into the throneroom.

Asgore, in all his majesty and splendor, stood among the fragile flowers, a watering can in one hand as the other ran reverently along the arm of the single chair displayed prominently as the centerpiece. He didn’t acknowledge you at first, the glimpses of his expression telling you he was lost in thought, likely in memories too bittersweet to swallow.

He turned, sighing softly as he brought the watering can up to continue the gardening, when he finally noticed you. “Oh! Well, howdy! I... was not expecting you so soon, human.”

You looked down at the golden flowers, grinding your teeth. “I think I’ve made you all wait long enough, don’t you?”

A tense silence ran between the two of you. Asgore slowly set the canister down. “I so badly want to say, 'would you like a cup of tea?' But... you know how it is.”

You nod. “Yeah..”

The monster king sighed, his soulful _(god damn it, Sans)_ eyes shining like pools of liquid amber, flecks of oranges and blues peaking through the solid autumn hue. He turned away, headed for the back exit.

You followed without a word.

**~~* How tense...~~ **  
**~~* Just think of it like...~~ **  
**~~* A visit to the dentist.~~ **

You weren’t tense. You were tired. You were tired and you were sad, and all you wanted were things you couldn’t have.

Maybe in the end, you were putting yourself out of your misery.

On the bright side, giving up like this probably means Flowey will get bored and disgusted with you. Maybe he’ll let sleeping dogs lie.

You could hope.

Asgore led you into the cavernous abyss of the barrier room. The air felt heavier here. If you squinted, you could see the shimmer of the Barrier in the back, pulsing with white energy.

Asgore didn’t turn around. “Human... Would it be too much to ask for a song? To remember you by, I suppose.” He clutched at his arm, his thick paw wrinkling the royal purple of his cloak. “You’ve done so much good for my people. Hope has not been so high since- since...” He sighed again. “I think... a memory is the least of what you deserve.”

You sat down on the ground, arranging your legs carefully. You disagreed with a whole hell of a lot of what he was saying, but you didn’t see the harm in one last song.

You took a deep breath.

How the hell'd we wind up like this?  
Why weren't we able  
To see the signs that we missed  
Try and turn the tables?

I wish you'd unclench your fists  
And unpack your suitcase  
Lately there's been too much of this  
But don't think it's too late

You had no idea why Nickleback kept coming to mind in regards to Asgore, but somehow the song seemed fitting. It was a hopeful song, a ~~determined~~ song.

Seems like something he needed.

Nothing's wrong  
Just as long  
As you know that _someday I will_ -

Someday, somehow  
I'm gonna make it alright,  
but not right now  
I know you're wondering when  
_(-who knows that)_  
Someday, somehow  
I'm gonna make it alright,  
but not right now  
I know you're wondering when  
_(-who knows that)_

You weren’t completely oblivious, though. This particular song had meaning for you too. It was an apology of sorts, that your part had to end before the Happy Ending.

I'd hope that since we're here anyway  
We could end up saying  
Things we always needed to say  
So we could end up staying

Now the story's played out like this  
Just like a paperback novel  
Let's rewrite an ending that fits  
Instead of a Hollywood horror

Asgore didn’t look at you as you sang, but his body shrunk in on itself, as if he suddenly felt a great weight on his shoulders. You suppose he did. He was a pacifist at heart, no matter what anger and pain might have driven him to say or do.

You felt bad about it, really; not having a better solution. If there were a way to save him having to add another regret to his SOUL, you’d jump for it in a heartbeat.

It amazed you how he (how all the monsters, now that you thought about it) kept on smiling despite the injustices they suffered.

In a sick way, it was a horror show: they were creatures of love, hope, and compassion. They would _literally die_ if they couldn’t keep smiling.

And you were in the way between them and a real reason to smile.

Nothing's wrong  
Just as long  
As you know that _someday I will_ -

Someday, somehow  
I'm gonna make it alright,  
but not right now  
I know you're wondering when  
_(-who knows that)_  
Someday, somehow  
I'm gonna make it alright,  
but not right now  
I know you're wondering when  
_(-who knows that)_

Your voice echoed back at you mockingly. You had no illusions about there being a ‘someday’ for you. Not really.

You couldn’t help regretting you never got to say a proper goodbye.

You couldn’t help regretting it had to end _like this_.

How the hell'd we wind up like this?  
Why weren't we able  
To see the signs that we missed  
Try and turn the tables?

Now the story's played out like this  
Just like a paperback novel  
Let's rewrite an ending that fits  
Instead of a Hollywood horror

Nothing's wrong  
Just as long  
As you know that _someday I will_ -

Someday, somehow  
I'm gonna make it alright,  
but not right now  
I know you're wondering when  
_(-who knows that)_  
Someday, somehow  
I'm gonna make it alright,  
but not right now  
I know you're wondering when  
_(-who knows that)_

I know you're wondering when  
_(but you’re the only one who knows that!)_  
I know you're wondering when

The last note petered out, leaving a solemn ringing silence.

Finally, Asgore turned to face you, but even now he could not meet your eyes. To either side of him, six square panels opened, and six glass displays rose from their hiding place in the floor.

“Human...” Asgore said, his voice genuine and sorrowful. He stretched out his hand, and in it formed his crimson trident, fire made tangible. He held it poised, at an angle, ready to strike.

Ready to make it quick, as painless as possible for both of you.

But you weren’t looking at the trident.

“It was nice to meet you.”

No. You were looking at the **six human souls** gleaming _mockingly_ in the twilight.

**~~* Goodbye.~~ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> —__—  
> This is so unoriginal i’m mad i shoulda just ended it here with a noble greek tragedy ending but nooooooooooooooooo


	48. Welcome Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Plot returns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey look an update its only been months heh

One, two, three, four, five, six.

Orange, Yellow, Green, Cyan, Azure, Violet.

_One, two, three, four, five, **six-**_

There were six little hearts sitting there, in a nearly perfect rainbow. Your ~~SOUL~~ stuttered in your chest, nervous, terrified butterflies filling you from somewhere inside and devouring you alive as the implications set in:

You were soul number seven.

You weren’t determined.

Flowey was going to steal the souls and fuck with you forever.

Flowey was going to steal the souls and fuck with _everyone forever and you couldn’t do shit-!_

 ~~You didn’t notice it, but Asgore’s eyes widened in disbelief, his gaze fixed to something behind you.~~ A source of heat flew over your head, drawing your attention just in time to see a large fireball careen with pinpoint accuracy to hit the monster king right in the face, knocking him backwards, head over heels to land in a disgraceful heep six feet back.

“What a miserable creature you’ve become,” an achingly familiar voice nearly growled, the warmth you had always known it to have startlingly absent. You felt your eyes start to water, your heart pounding faster as your eyesight unfocused, so attuned to the presence at your back you were too scared to face. A soft, warm paw alighted gently on your shoulder. “Are you alright, my friend?” And just like that, the warmed was back in place, as though it had never left, layered with concern.

You put your hand on top of the soft creamy fur, hesitant at first, before clutching at it. “Tori..?”

“I got your present,” her voice murmured. “I had to come thank you in person.”

You turned your head, shaking, to see Toriel standing over you, as imposing and regal and welcoming as ever. “Oh my god, Tori!” You threw yourself to your feet, only to crumple with a hiss as your left foot spasmed in sparkling agony and sent you back to your knees. Toriel gripped you around your torso, holding you up effortlessly, giving you a chance to get your balance.

“Whatever happened to your foot?!” Tori asked in alarm. “Did HE-?!” The speed at which the ice returned, bitter resentment and pure righteous fury condensed into an unforgiving storm booming out that single word, was startling.

“No! No, Asgore hasn’t even touched me, I just- uh...” You wracked your brain for an answer that wouldn’t throw Undyne under the bus. “Stepped on something pointy?”

Toriel leveled you with a flat look, and you had the good sense not to open your mouth again. “I see...” She carefully settled you on your good foot, holding her arm out for you to hold for balance as she leveled Asgore with a merciless glare.

Asgore’s eyes watered, his muzzle turning up in a bittersweet smile. “Tori-“

“Don’t you ‘Tori’ me, Dreemurr, you pathetic welp,” Toriel hissed.

“But I-“ Asgore cut off as his ex held up her hand, a final command for silence.

“Don’t be so hard on him,” You tried to push.

“He is a murderer,” Toriel denounced.

“Well, thats kinda in his name,” you admitted.

“What?” Tori asked, confused.

You coughed. “I mean, ‘dreemurr’ is an anagram for ‘murderer’, right?”

Toriel blinked down at you, eyes somewhat crossed as she puzzled it out in her head, before breaking out into giggles. “Why, so it is!!” She smiled, rubbing your shoulder. “I should have come for you sooner. I should have known you did not leave because you wanted to... that it was a misunderstanding... And even if you had,” She continued, face growing solemn. “...you could not have known the road before you, that you would be forced to take a life in order to return home...”

You grit your teeth, not certain it was a good idea to say that you knew damn well what conventional methods were available to you.

“But... Even Asgore deserves mercy. After all,” Toriel grinned. “Is that not what you have been fighting for all this time?”

You smirked. “Well, thats one way to look at it.”

Asgore pulled himself to his feet. “Tori-“

“No, you don’t get to call me that,” Toriel growled, coldly. “You could have freed us at anytime, by taking one of the SOULs and going through the barrier to get the rest, freeing everyone peacefully. But instead, you made everyone live in despair...” her voice only became more icy, more biting, as she condemned her ex. “Because you would rather wait here, meekly hoping another human never comes.”

Asgore looked down at himself, at his hands, clenching shaking fists. “...You’re right. I am a miserable creature. ...But...” He looked up at her, a twinkle of hope in his heterochromatic eyes. “Do you think we could at least be friends?”

Toriel sighed. “No, Asgore.”

The utter shock, the way her words, heavy with finality, crushed the last little embers of hope in his eyes and drove him to tears, was heartbreaking to watch. You braced yourself, intending to hobble your way over to console him (or try to). Before you could even pull away from Toriel, however, a familiar shout broke the silence.

“Ngahhhhhhh!! Human!! Asgore!! Nobody kill each other!!” Undyne howled, breaking into the room with all the subtlety of a wrecking ball. “Everyone’s gonna be friends and make up, or else I’ll..!” She trailed off, seeing Toriel and you and the broken shell of her king. “I’ll..!”

“Hello! I am Toriel. Are you Y/n’s friend?” Toriel’s smile softened. “It is a pleasure.”

“Yeah?” Undyne gathered herself, smiling back reflexively. “Nice to meet you!” She moved over to the silently weeping king. “Hey, Asgore, is that your ex?”

Asgore whimpered, nodding softly.

Undyne looked between the two of them. “Jeez, thats rough, buddy.”

You were starting to feel like you had seen this before.

Alphys stumbled into the room. “H-hey! D-don’t do it! Y-you have so much to live for!!” She said as quickly as she could, before she took in the situation. Blushing at the conviction of her outburst (which you thought was utterly touching, it was something you realized you needed to hear, from someone who wasn’t delusional in thinking you were better than you actually were, clutching the fabric on your chest and fighting not to cry, knowing it was pointless but appreciating it regardless), the lizard wrung her hands nervously.

Toriel cleared her throat. “I take it you are also Y/n’s friend? I am Toriel.”

“H-h-h-h-hi..!” Alphys stuttered. You could see it on her face as she went to stand next to her girlfriend, looking between Asgore and Toriel: _’There’s two of them?!’_

Then the second wrecking ball burst into the room. “HEY!! NOBODY LOOSE THEIR SOUL!! THE HUMAN’S IS SPOKEN FOR BY A VERY GREAT SKELETON...’S BROTHER. AND COWORKER. AND APPARENTLY A CAT, WHICH IS ALSO FINE.” You covered your face with your hand, praying your face hadn’t gone as red as it felt.

“SO!!!” Papyrus continued, “IF YOU WANT TO TAKE THAT SOUL!!” He put on his serious face. “YOU!!! WILL BE FORCED!!! TO GO THROUGH ME!!!!!! WHICH MEANS GETTING THROUGH UNDYNE FIRST!!!! SO THERE!!!!”

Undyne cackled at the impromptu speech. “You tell ‘m Papyrus!”

Papyrus grinned at Undyne, then at you, then seemed to realize you were standing by (read: leaning against) someone. “OH!! HELLO YOUR MAJESTY!!” He sidled up closer to you, stage whispering. “PSST!! HUMAN! DID ASGORE SHAVE?? AND CLONE HIMSELF???”

You smiled, trying not to show your ever growing panic because, bastardized dialogue aside, this was the penultimate scene of the True Pacifist Ending!! If things kept playing out like this, _everyone would be playing into Flowey’s hands!!_ You tried to look around, to check on the SOULs, but they were blocked from view by Asgore, Undyne, Alphys, and now Papyrus. You attempted to squirm away from Toriel, but she held you fast, worried about you falling. You opened your mouth to protest, to scream a warning, but-

Then there was the steady shuffle of slippered feet that you had come to recognize, and your voice died in your throat.

“hey. whazzup?”


	49. Sans an Argument

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans’ PoV of Chapter 46

“thats what i see, pal,” Sans hummed. “lv one, zero exp. you spared everyone. good job.” He was so proud, so happy, to finally put your fears and self doubt to rest, to dispel whatever lingering guilt you had.

“Thats **_bullshit!_** ” you hissed. He flinched back, the words sounding louder, more vicious, as they echoed across the marble and hit him like a slap. “Don’t praise me for not killing anyone! Don’t tell me I did a good job! Don’t you get it?! I’m not sparing you all because I _choose to_! I spared you all because I _can’t fight back_!”

Sans clenched his fists in his jacket pockets, refusing to look away from you. He didn’t understand. You _had_ chosen to be a good person! He saw it every day! You were even nice to Jerry, and _nobody_ liked Jerry!!

You sat up on your knees, looking back at him with an expression of self-righteous self-loathing that would have almost been funny if it weren’t utterly soul crushing. “Remember what I said about this being a game?? Think about it. What usually happens in a video game, Sans?” You waited, giving him a moment to think about it.

Sans hadn’t had a particularly strong relationship with video games. Most electronics and such were damaged beyond repair by the time they reached the underground, and what little that was not was usually repurposed for more practical things. Alphys had managed to salvage a few things over the years (most of which held little interest to Sans), but there was this one game that he remembered checking out with her. It had been called _Final Fantasy 7_.

The story had been interesting in its own way, but the mechanics behind the game had made him... uncomfortable. ‘Kill or Be Killed’, encouraged and rewarded for gaining EXP, no real option for a pacifistic solution..!

“You kill things, Sans,” You finished the thought for him. “You kill them to gain experience and level up. And thats what I did. I killed _everyone_.”

Sans could do nothing but watch as you started to gesture wildly, voice pitching and curling and quivering, growing more ragged and breathless and desperate as you listed off name after name. Your voice broke on Doggo’s and Papyrus’s both, making you repeat yourself (not that he thought you noticed). Your eyes were moist, shimmering and swelling with that physical manifestation of grief that fleshier creatures had. The tears never actually fell, but he could see them, hear them.

You finally took a breath, and the near manic desperation in your voice as you professed about enjoying the carnage, going into grotesque detail of your celebration, told him it wasn’t something you were actually proud of.

Then you said that it had been _him_ that stopped you. And like that has been the final key, memories seemed to scatter across his mind: This very hall, splattered in crimson and black, blood both dried and fresh, the tiles torn apart by bone attacks, scorch marks littering the walls, the floor, the ceiling. And in the middle of it all, it wasn’t you, it was a _child_ , a _human child_ in a purple and blue striped sweater, a child whose face was shrouded by their hair, grin stretched painfully wide, forced, not at all the gentle smile of his friend. In the middle of it all was a child, who had once given him hope, who had made him believe again, who was now (then?) warped by the worst their species had to offer beyond all recognition.

And they had done everything just as you had described it.

_Had you made them do it?! Was it you behind that smile, behind that knife, behind those glowing red eyes and those unnatural jerks of Frisk’s body- oh, fuck, Frisk, their name was Frisk, how could he have forgotten Frisk?! What had happened to Frisk?!?!?!_

You finally lost momentum, and he couldn’t stand it. He didn’t know what to think, how to feel.

“And now I’m here. I’m here in a world where anyone could kill me in a number of painful ways, but they don’t, because they are _good people_ , and they’re nice to me, not knowing the kind of things I’ve done. And I took advantage of that just to prolong my miserable life. Which is doomed, by the way. Theres no getting around that the seventh human soul is the only one who survives the underground.” You wrung your hands, your eyes downcast.

Sans couldn’t stand it anymore. He took a step back, _back, back,_ shortcutting to his room to crumple onto his unmade bed and hold himself, straining to keep his stupid mask of a smile in place even if it didn’t reach his eyelights. He was feeling too much, loving too much, hating too much. _He loved you,_ but he also hated that he loved you. He hated seeing you like that. He hated that you had done those things- _that you had made his friend do those things._

But... it wasn’t real. You thought it was a video game. People didn’t act the same was in a known simulation that they did in perceived reality. If they thought it wasn’t real, they would do crazy, dangerous, irresponsible things they would never do in real life. People used simulations as outlets. So... _you had thought it was a game_ , and now that you knew it wasn’t, you behaved the way you thought was right, and your stats reflected that.

It didn’t matter if it had been your influence that had made Frisk act that way... It could have been anyone doing those things, you said the game was popular, so any angry, curious little human could have caused it. Or maybe he was just rationalizing genocide and brain washing. Hell if he knew.

It was still so hard to wrap his head around his whole world being some video game in yours, but he hoped to the stars it was true, because it meant you were innocent (right?) and he wasn’t a terrible person for still caring about you.

Sans knew that he should just give up. It was hopeless. You were certain you were going to die...

_Wait._

Didn’t you say the seventh human survives?? (Survived?? Proper tense was a serious nightmare in situations like this).

They already had six souls, so that made you-??

Sans stood up, throwing himself back through a shortcut, back to make sure. Back to make sure you were okay.

That _they_ were okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh look you broke the bone boi for shame


	50. The Aftermath of Attempted Martyrdom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You really should have seen this coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CRAP CHAPTER THAT IS TRITE AND CLICHE AND FULL OF PLOTHOLES WOOOOOOOOOOH enjoy

“hey. whazzup?”

Tori tightened her grip on you. “That voice..!!” Her brows furrowed for a moment, before a soft, fond smile lit her face. “Hello. I think we may... know each other?”

Asgore gapped at his ex in shock. Undyne made a face like she was trying to decide how she felt. Alphys sweat nervously, eyes fixed on her old science friend. Papyrus squinted skeptically at his brother.

Sans just smiled back at Toriel innocently. “oh, hey... i recognize your voice too.”

Asgore teared up, sniffling pathetically. Undyne decided she was uncomfortable with (or maybe just pissed at) the whole situation she had no idea about, grinding her teeth to force an insincere smile. Alphys switched her focus back to Toriel as she spoke up again.

“I am Toriel. So nice to meet you!” Toriel rubbed at your shoulder and back affectionately, absently, her other hand on your side to help steady you. Sans’s eyelights focused on the points of contact, and he could probably read on your face how stressed you were.

You hoped he didn’t jump to conclusions as to why-

“the name’s sans, and, uh, same,” the shorter skeleton said, winking with his right socket, smile tight and jaw clenched tight, although you couldn’t hear anything but lazy nonchalance in his voice.

 _He totally got the wrong idea._ You dont know which ‘wrong idea’ he got, but it was definitely a wrong one. He probably thought you were gonna hurt Toriel or something. Not like you didn’t deserve that, mind. ~~The wave of guilt that swept over you made you forget the real reason you were stressing.~~

“Oh!” Toriel seemed to realize something, her eyes shining with recognition. “Wait, then...” her surprised face shifted to one of delight as she returned her gaze to the taller skeleton in the room. “This must be your brother, Papyrus!”

Papyrus looked absolutely over the proverbial moon to be recognized. Sans was immediately distracted from his suspicions by his brother’s joy, a genuine smile spreading easy across his face.

“Greetings, Papyrus!” Toriel continued, bowing her head slightly. “It is nice to finally meet you! Your brother has told me so much about you!”

Papyrus flushed an adorable vivid pinkish orange, his smile (and his voice) small and awkward compared to his usual boisterous one. “WOWIE... I CAN’T BELIEVE ASGORE’S CLONE KNOWS WHO I AM!!! THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!”

“Hey Papyrus...” Toriel hummed. Papyrus beamed back at the goat monster, clearly pleased to have attention. “What does a skeleton tile his roof with?”

Papyrus’s sockets narrowed, and he scratched his chin in thought, trying to puzzle out the answer. “HMM... SNOW-PROOF ROOF TILES???”

“No, silly!” Toriel practically giggled, sharing a look with you before continuing. “A skeleton tiles his roof with... SHIN-gles!”

Papyrus’ sockets shot open wide, making his eyelights visible even as they constricted to shocked pinpricks. Then they swelled in size, bugging out of his head from shear indignation. “I CHANGE MY MIND!!!” He decried the whole situation, tenor voice going shrill as his fist shook in the air. Sans and Toriel shared knowing, amused smiles despite (or perhaps because of) the taller skeleton’s over-exaggerated outrage. “THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!”

Asgore whimpered softly, the tears really starting to fall in earnest, too numerous for his fur to catch them properly.

Undyne’s jaw slackened, obviously uncomfortable and uncertain of how to support her grieving father figure. “Come on, Asgore! It’s gonna be okay!” She tried, forcing a humorous lilt into her voice, nervous grin turning up enough to crinkle the corner of her good eye. “There are plenty of fish in the sea!”

Asgore sniffled, calming down a bit, his hand coming up to hold onto Undyne’s on his shoulder, seeking support which she was happy to give. His crying slowed, and he started composing himself with deep breaths. Undyne looked down at Alphys, and the two of them couldn’t stop the reflexive smile they brought to each other’s faces if they tried.

“Y-yeah, Asgore!! Undyne’s right about the fish thing!” Alphys piped up, wanting to be helpful. “S-sometimes you’ve just got to, uh... stop going after furry boss monsters and, uh... just get to know a really cute fish..?”

Undyne went slack jawed, an emotionless, deadpan expression taking over her face. You thought maybe she was catching on to the undertone of Alphys’ words, the implications. Alphys began to sweat more, likely realizing she might have inadvertently revealed more than she intended.

The silence was hilarious in its depth.

“Its a metaphor.” Alphys squeaked out.

Undyne smirked fondly down at her nervous, socially awkward girlfriend. “Well...” Her smile only got bigger as she came to terms with the new idea. “I think it’s a good analogy.”

“I think so too. Plenty of other, better matches out there. For everyone. Uh,” You pat Toriel’s paw on your shoulder. “No offense, Tori.”

“None taken,” she replied, thumbing at your shoulder fondly as she looked around the room. “My friend... It seems as if you must stay here for a while. But looking at all the great friends you have made... I think... I think you will be happy here.”

You shook your head. “I-“

“you’ve been nothing but _osteo_ -standing since ya got here, songbird,” Sans cut in. “give yourself some credit. or should i say brownie _points_?”

You blinked at him. “sans..!”

Sans stepped closer, reaching his arm out like he was offering to take your weight off of Toriel. What he was really offering was so much more: forgiveness. And... maybe friendship?

You were compelled to take him up on his offer, throwing your arms around his neck and leaning on his surprisingly sturdy frame to keep your balance.

His grin reached his sockets, eyelights big and bright with that hint of color on his zygomatic arches.

A flash of bright pink drew everyone’s attention from across the room. You saw Mettaton’s leg stick up out of the door, posing dramatically even while mostly obscured by the doorway. He seemed to have been eavesdropping. Asgore and Papyrus both became wide eyed, Asgore seemingly more from shock, Papyrus from delight. Undyne’s smile turned into a thin line that hid all her teeth. Toriel raised an eyebrow, confusion evident.

Sans flushed an even deeper hue (like he had forgotten anyone else could have been in the room).

No one could look away from the pretty pink stiletto boot waving impressively high in the air.

“OH MY GOD! WILL YOU TWO JUST _SMOOCH_ ALREADY!? THE AUDIENCE IS DYING FOR SOME ROMANTIC ACTION!!!”

You looked to Alphys and Undyne, hoping against hope that maybe you would actually get to see that awkward, interrupted kiss happen live. They, however, were looking at you. You and Sans.

“... Yes.” Alphys whispered, sparkles in her determined gaze. “He’s right. DO IT!!” Her nervous grin trembled with barely repressed excitement.

“Don’t hold anything back!!” Undyne encouraged, apparently on the same wavelength as her girlfriend.

You felt your fave heat up. “You guys can’t mean-“ you looked down at Sans, who was bright pink in the face (you thought his blush was blue??? did he change colors?! that was cute as hell, what the fuck?!?!)

“heh. uh. putting us on the spot here, guys.”

“Big spot. Biiiiiiig spot. Big vulnerable spot-“ you agreed.

“SMOOCH THE HUMAN!!! EVEN IF YOU DONT HAVE LIPS!!!” Papyrus cheered, his sly grin telling you just how much he was enjoying seeing his usually cool, collected brother squirm for once.

You prayed you weren’t blushing as hard as you felt you were. Part of you wanted the floor to open and swallow you whole because _how the hell did this end up happening, is this how they were trying to kill you, by sheer force of embarrassment?! Because it’s fucking working!!!_

Mettaton’s leg disappeared from the doorway, which you only noticed because of the hushed scuffle that came from the other side. Moments later, Doggo and Birgir fell through in a heap, wrapped in the shiny coils of Mettaton’s extendable arms. 

“NO DARLINGS, IT IS NOT YET TIME FOR YOUR DRAMATIC ENTRANCE!!!”

“Leggo of me, you overgrown chewtoy!!” Doggo barked.

Birgir’s fur bristled, his ears flat as his bushy tail swished violently.

Doggo then turned to look at you, his expression changing from aggressive to mild mannered and content in an instant, his tail wagging enthusiastically. He shouted your name, grinning.

“Don’t leave me alone with them,” Birgir pleaded in a frantic stage whisper.

“Metts, loosen up?” You asked.

Mettaton heaved a dramatic sigh, before letting the two polar opposites go. Doggo rushed to your side, almost bowling Toriel over in his haste to scoop you up and nuzzle, licking a line from your shoulder to the tip of your earlobe.

You instinctively leaned your face away, ~~baring your throat,~~ a smile on your face despite yourself. ~~Sans glared daggers and Birgir’s irises narrowed to predatory slits, but Doggo didn’t pay them any mind.~~

“I licked them. They’re mine,” Doggo declared solumnly. “Their SOUL has to stay on the inside. Because I said so.”

“Thats disgusting,” Birgir grumbled, pulling a handkerchief from his pants and offering it to you. You took it gratefully, wiping the dog slobber off with it. Birgir’s tail, the fur smoothed and unruffled now that he wasn’t crushed against a barking dog, brushed lightly against your dangling legs.

“What are you two doing here?!” You demanded.

“Tall, loud, and happy called me up and said you were going to try and donate your SOUL to the barrier,” Birgir said, gesturing to Papyrus.

“Yes!! And if you hadn’t moved away so fast before I could have told you already that I very much- uh...” His shifty eyes glanced around the room. “I mean, _we_ very much prefer you moving.”

“I waited this long for the surface, whats a few more years? How long do humans live, anyway?” Birgir muttered, fumbling for a cigarette in his pocket.

“Thats dumb. I’m literally all thats standing between you guys and freedom and you just wanna- wanna- Asgore _tell them_ -“

But Asgore was smiling fondly, nostalgia making his warm heterochromatic eyes shimmer.

You whipped your head around to look at Toriel. She was covering her maw with one paw, face flushed and smiling slyly. “My friend, I didn’t realize just how close you had become..! And with so many nice boys!”

“Oh my god, not you too.”

She giggled. “I look forward to the long story of how you met over tea!”

“H-hey. That... Before I f-forget, hey, Papyrus...” Alphys frowned, brows furrowed in concentration. “YOU called everyone here. Right? Well, besides, uh, her. Uh, anyway... How did you know to call everybody?”

Papyrus smirked. “LETS JUST SAY A TINY FLOWER HELPED ME.”

Alphys began to sweat even more, her voice shaky. “ _A tiny... flower?_ ”

And suddenly you remembered where you were. Why you were there.

_What was about to happen because you let yourself get distracted like a fucking **idiot**._

You opened your mouth to scream a warning, but it was too late. The room erupted in vines, thick and strong and fast. In the blink of an eye, everyone was ensnared.

You were ripped forcibly from Doggo’s grip, pulled away from your friends to be displayed center stage along with the giggling houseplant that was your captor.

**~~* You really are an IDIOT.~~ **

**Author's Note:**

> [FIND ME ON TUMBLR](https://kamari333.tumblr.com) if you wanna

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Anatomically Correct Soul](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14531655) by [Sagoberattare](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sagoberattare/pseuds/Sagoberattare)
  * [Ones True nature](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15272304) by [Agoodname](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agoodname/pseuds/Agoodname)




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